Little help here? - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

assassin · 05-31-2008, 07:36 PM

Wow, it's been ages since I was last here. But things have been awfully hectic this past year. Hello to all the new people I haven't seen before.

Amongst many others things that I won't get into, I finally reached the 22nd chapter of my book. Seeing the end of the story drawing near, I thought it might be a good idea to polish my synopsis.
Having written that, I was faced with another problem, I now have a five page synopsis. Now I personally think five pages is too long, but after years of being close to the story, I cannot see where to shorten it.
I would love for someone to skim through and maybe show where I can snip and tuck this 3500 word long monster.

Now it is too long to post here in one go so here's a link to it: http://www.angelfire.com/oh5/assassi...y/synopsis.htm If anyone wishes for me to post it here. I'll be happy to.

This tale might sound familiar to some, but then I have been writing this for a number of years and the story has someone managed to evolve away from the old outline I once posted on this forum.

HippoHead · 05-31-2008, 08:56 PM

for some reason, the page froze when I was reading, so I only read part of it. I say congrats on getting this far, and I imagine a synopsis to be a bitch to write.
I heard you should have it about 3 pages long, putting in only absolutely necessary details, but this probably varies depending on how many pages you've written (how log is it, out of interest?).

By the way, are you sending it in that format to publishers? Coz you definitely need to double-space it.

assassin · 06-01-2008, 01:59 AM

Hi Hippo, nice to see a new face and thanks

Firstly, no I don't intend to send the synopsis in that format. It was just a quick page I threw together since it was too long for here.
Secondly, I estimate that my story, once complete, would be roughly in the 128000 words mark.

Love the avatar by the way, cute.

HippoHead · 06-01-2008, 08:27 AM

If it's 128000 then you're probably right to send in that much. How long do you have to go until it's complete?

And I like my avator too. I laughed when I first saw the photo. Hard.

Candrah · 06-01-2008, 08:37 AM

Hi assassin, havent read your synopsis yet. Just wanted to say hello, I'm new too and yes, HippoHead's avatar is cute

Will leave feedback on it when I've read it.

lin · 06-01-2008, 10:28 AM

Cut it in half. Get rid of lot of details. Make it MUCH less wordy. (You mention the two nomads a couple of times before giving their names...just saying "he meets Weinan and Grumpy, nomads of the woods." or something saves a lot. IF it's even important to know their names at all. Which I doubt. Not all details are equally import to the story line.

Yeah, it's a bitch. That's why nobody likes doing synopses.

We don't need to know he killed "two men guarding a woman". It sidetracks us, wonding about it. The important thing is he was possessed by a god and committed murder.

Etc.

The first paragraph..and line...is vitally important, and very flawed. My guess you'd lose a lot pro readers at "The story begins..."

Jump right in and keep it tight: "Koral is a dreamy boy curious about where he came from...and why his lizard-like looks are so different fromt he humans around him."

This is obviously a rambling journey kind of thing. More reason to keep a tight control on it.

After you cut it in half, see if you can get it down to two pages. Then to one.
Then a paragraph. Then a single line that tells the story and hooks the reader.

Good luck

Ungood · 06-01-2008, 10:33 AM

Quote:

The story begins with a young boy by the name of Koral ...ouch, ouch... pain... pain....

Get rid of this... try something like this.

A young boy named Koral having discovered stories about a planet known as earth, a plant that is not his own. Unlike the humans that have taken him in Koral is cold blooded, literally.

only 12.99 buys the book.

Ungood.

assassin · 06-01-2008, 04:28 PM

Hey Candrah, looked on your site. Nice dragons. I'm a sucker for a well-drawn flying lizard.

Thank you Lin and Ungood. I know 'The story begins' is a terrible way to start but I really couldn't think of how to put a beginning to the synopsis (another reason I needed it looked at), but now you've given me some ideas I can wipe it and put something a lot better.

Hippo: Got about one and a half chapters left to do.

lin · 06-01-2008, 11:28 PM

Quote:

A young boy named Koral having discovered stories about a planet known as earth, a plant that is not his own.

Hopefully with the dangling participle worked out.

lin · 06-01-2008, 11:31 PM

That is pretty nice art, Candra.

You see a LOT of dragons, but you seemed to have staked out something with those expressionist backgrounds. Some of them look a lot like William Blake.

assassin · 06-02-2008, 07:55 AM

I managed to knock a thousand words off (new link: http://www.angelfire.com/oh5/assassi.../synopsis2.htm). But it still seems pretty long to me. Has anybody got any more ideas I can use to get the word count down?

By the way, I'm still working on the beginning paragraph so it might be a little disjointed.

Candrah · 06-02-2008, 02:25 PM

I had a look at it but since I've never actually written a synopsis, I didnt notice much wrong with it. Go figure...

Seems like Lin covered it pretty well. I've heard about the cutting in half thing. Sounds like a good way of getting right down to the nitty gritty of the story.

Thanks for checking out my Dragons btw

I've been trying to get them right for ages - using the Alien from the first two films as inspiration.

Ungood · 06-02-2008, 02:53 PM

Way... Way too much Info... it reads like a bad fan fiction.

Hit me with the key points.

Think of this more as a quick (Exciting) outline of your story, not too much detail but convey idea.

Ungood.

assassin · 06-03-2008, 03:12 AM

Down to just under 1900 words now. That's around the half mark, isn't it? I don't think I can take much more off right now without suffering a brainfreeze. @_@
Anyway, new link: http://www.angelfire.com/oh5/assassi.../synopsis3.htm

Jtjp · 06-03-2008, 03:42 AM

Congrats on getting it down to 1900 words.
The intro to Earth, you could just use the word earth instead of far away.
The nomads you could just use nomads instead of of the nearby lands.
The synopsis reads great...it is hard because if you slim it down more it is like you are taking an event out and therefor the next event becomes muddled.
The only thing I can think of is to stick to Veng's point of view, it may shorten it.
Attractive story, it definitely draws you in and leaves you wanting to know More.