the most insulting first paragraph ever? - Writers Forum

HippoHead · 05-30-2008, 01:12 PM

1

Murder Me

- SEPTEMBER 12 2009 -

“This book is rubbish. It doesn‘t even have any pictures!” the Prime Minister seethed. “I thought fiction novels were supposed to be exciting!” He chucked the Bible he had been pretending to read out the window.

Do i keep it or change it because of its sheer blasphemy?

geminye · 05-30-2008, 01:36 PM

I don't find this insulting at all. Actually, it seems a bit pastiche and tame. Hooks the reader though. *thumbs up*

TevenB · 05-30-2008, 01:40 PM

I am a Christian, so the way he said it and what he did with it is a bit unnerving. Blasphemy? I dont know, I think that word is reserved for God Himself. The Bible being fiction is a matter of opinion. So it doesn't bother me that much.

geminye · 05-30-2008, 01:56 PM

I'm also a Christian, but personally, a characther in a story behaving in a questionable way has never been instulting to me. Of course, it is another matter if the author is brow beating anti-whatever sentiment in the subtext. That is insulting.

The Alchemist · 05-30-2008, 03:13 PM

I think it's bloody hilarious, simply because I am familiar with all your characters. Blasphemous? Totally.

Which makes it even funnier.

geminye · 05-30-2008, 03:39 PM

Hmmm...perhaps we should turn this into a contest in the games section??

I'm sure lin, or one of our other astute members can manage to create something truly insulting.

Candrah · 05-30-2008, 04:34 PM

Don't change what it says about the character. Change how its writtten. Personally, I wouldnt use the word "chucked". It sounds a bit childish. Threw or tossed would probably work better. In my opinion anyway

Takes a hell of a lot more than this to insult me...

HippoHead · 05-30-2008, 07:29 PM

lol, i like that idea, geminye.

'September 11th, two-thousand fun', much?

Good to get the diff points of view. I believe I shall keep it, as it's the character speaking rather than the writer.

I shall change chucked, as i can see how it's childish. Cheers.

Ungood · 05-30-2008, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HippoHead

1

Murder Me

- SEPTEMBER 12 2009 -

“This book is rubbish. It doesn‘t even have any pictures!” the Prime Minister seethed. “I thought fiction novels were supposed to be exciting!” He chucked the Bible he had been pretending to read out the window.

Do i keep it or change it because of its sheer blasphemy?

To keep this or not depends on your target audience.

With this opening I would expect that Christians are NOT your target audience.

If that is the case, do what you feel is best.

Ungood.

TevenB · 05-30-2008, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HippoHead

lol, i like that idea, geminye.

'September 11th, two-thousand fun', much?

Good to get the diff points of view. I believe I shall keep it, as it's the character speaking rather than the writer.

I shall change chucked, as i can see how it's childish. Cheers.

I actually laughed at your "two-thousand fun" joke. I am not sure if I should have though.

AlienatedAlien · 05-30-2008, 10:31 PM

This thread is under serious threat of being flooded or hit with a lightning bolt or something apocalyptic. I will keep my eyes out for locusts.

Hopefully the 'big guy' has a sense of homour. ;P

geminye · 05-30-2008, 11:59 PM

If God doesn't have a sense of humour, then we're all fu*ked.

GodofLiterature · 05-31-2008, 12:25 AM

I think you can condense it even more, to create more visual impact.

For example:

“It doesn‘t even have any pictures!” the Prime Minister bellowed, chucking the Bible out the window.

RSD · 05-31-2008, 12:33 AM

What's insulting about it is you think Christians would get upset about a rebel doing a rebellious thing. Personally, I think your first paragraph is everyday, everytown, everywhere, world at 5:00. The paragraph isn't saying too much to be honest. So another person calls the Bible "fiction" and chooses not to read it...

*The crowd sits on the edge of their seats, eagerly anticipating the punchline.*

"AND?!" they bellow in unison.

It's not insulting, just typical simplistic monotony. He might as well say "I'm going to do what a large percentage of the world's population already does." Then toss the Bible out of the window. If your goal is to show the character as Mr. Norm Normalson, then by all means keep this paragraph.

HippoHead · 05-31-2008, 05:21 AM

ungood - i dunno what my target audience is, so i shall keep it for now

godofliterature - i could shorten it, but i wanted to have the first line of it to say 'This book is rubbish.'

RSD - a prime minister flicking through a bible, screaming his displeasure at it and throwing it out the window is normal behaviour?