WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Hello Unregistered,
It looks you have never posted to our site before! Why not make your first post today by saying hello to our community in our Introduce Yourself forum. Why not start with your first post today and become an active part of our growing community of writers!
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writing Forums > Creativity > Fiction
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Fiction Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Thrillers etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-25-2008, 02:38 PM   #1
Member
 
J.C. Odysseus's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2
J.C. Odysseus is on a distinguished road
Project 24

Prologue

Dev leaned forward, his hands flat against the beautifully made oak desk. His eyes – so unnaturally numb – glared back into Thaed’s. His left hand reached for an object below the table, and in a moment he pulled out a beige dossier, slapping it onto the table. Thaed merely shot a glimpse at the file, his blank look returning to his Dev.

“Your appointment to Kura has been set; you are due to leave in a matter of days … the Mayor insists.” Dev announced quietly, opening the file to reveal pictures of an annihilated city; black smoke belched from the ruins that were once skyscrapers; the has-been pristine sky was shrouded in a thick veil of grey clouds; glass shards and blood alike stained the concrete, and buildings lit alive, victimized by arsonists.

Thaed seemed to notice none of these horrifying details. His face remained blank, as Dev expected.

“He has been infected, I’m guessing?” Thaed murmured his gaze still locked on the portraits above him.

This question was rewarded with a bark of raspy laughter.

“Oh yes, of course. When I hinted that we could put him on the precedence list for the vaccine, he was so willing it was pathetic to watch.”
Thaed’s lips twitched at this comment. He relaxed his posture, letting the leather chair recline his figure.

“So I assume you are satisfied with my department’s efficiency?”
“Oh, of course,” Dev said boldly, flashing a rare grin in the direction of his comrade. “The Orpheus has worked in our favor well enough for me to be impressed by your leadership. You should be proud – crack a smile once in a while.”

Thaed’s face hardened. “I wouldn’t be happy just yet.” And then he pulled out a file of his own, which was slightly thicker than Dev’s. “I’ve received word on armed attacks on military shipments, and the rioting in Kura has intensified to such an extent where it may become uncontrollable.” And then he pushed the file coolly, sending the dossier sliding to the other side.

Dev stopped the sliding file but did not open it.
“Of course it has become almost uncontrollable; the fools can sense their death and the blood that spills onto those streets will serve as a warning to the rest of Verzatta.” He murmured quietly, his eyes suddenly cold. Thaed was surprised at the sudden change in his attitude.

“Mm. I hope your not just underestimating the situation; we have more things at hand than Kura. I’m more worried about Sumati; he’s been questioned countless times and still has not cracked, which makes you wonder who he’s covering for.”

“Sumati is being held within Kukama fortress on the Vhaos isles, he is no threat.” Dev shook away Thaed’s qualm with a careless hand motion, “You are missing the bigger picture here, friend; progression has been made. Operation Ghost Echo is now ready to be properly executed. The Kura project has been more success than we’ve had in over a few months now, am I right?”

Thaed considered. “I suppose so. Speaking of projects, Xerxes operative 425-994 is currently in installation.”

“Like father like son, I suppose. His Lochan has been chosen?”

“Yes. Echo 96 has promised him activated within a matter of hours.”

“Good work,” Dev said, pushing both files toward the middle of the desk. “Now come on, we have other things to discuss, and I’m hungry.”

Without another word, the two figures stood up and exited the office.
J.C. Odysseus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2008, 03:18 PM   #2
Scribe
 
TevenB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Washington
Gender: Male
Posts: 99
TevenB is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to TevenB
It is written rather well, but I would suggest posting a bit more so readers here can get a gist as to whats going on.
TevenB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2008, 02:40 PM   #3
Member
 
J.C. Odysseus's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 2
J.C. Odysseus is on a distinguished road
Bump
J.C. Odysseus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2008, 03:57 PM   #4
Member
 
Avairus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Hull, England
Gender: Male
Posts: 17
Avairus is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to Avairus
I quite liked it, but I thought there were a few too many things unexplained ie 'Operation Ghost Echo' and 'Xerxes operative 425-994'

Maybe I'm just being thick but I imagine it'd be quite easy to get lost amongst unknowns if you carry on that way.
__________________
~ Do rabbits even lay eggs? - Just a friend of mine haha ~

My latest work - Would appreciate any comments at all :>
Avairus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2008, 02:06 PM   #5
Best Seller
 
Candrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 584
Candrah is on a distinguished road
It is well written - but I got lost too.

Maybe give a pre prologue or something - just for dumbo's like me...

Not bad though.
__________________
Dragons are my first love: www.candragonart.com

I leave feedback as a reader - feel free to take anything I say with a bucketful of salt.
Candrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2008, 10:13 PM   #6
Scribe
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Way Down South
Posts: 73
OzzyShiraz is on a distinguished road
I agree with everyone´s comments. I can dig a little mysterious mentionings of things unexplained, but I found there was just too much of that going on here to hold interest in the well-written dialogue. I definitely like the conversational tone and pace, though.
OzzyShiraz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:02 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password




Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers