Maetrix66

I think that I may just need to step away from this peice for a few days, then come back at it with a fresh perspective.

There are plenty of good useable lines, but none of them really jump out to me.
I can't really trust my intuition right now, for some reason.

This is a new undertaking with me, trying to maintain an economy of words yet tell a story. Anyone who has read my other posting in the Writers Workshop can attest to that.

I just feel like these last two lines should leave a lasting impression, but I'm not sure I've achieved that yet.

Greed

I demand more! Good job.

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All the great works of the world, known or unknown; Be they bound in leather and scribed on gold leaf or scribbled on a napkin and stowed in some dusty desk drawer, they all started with an idea.

http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...pter-only.html

Maetrix66

Ha Ha!

The dude's dead, and his soul belongs to the devil. I'm not sure how much more there is to say.

I could portray his trip to hell, but fear that might be beating a dead horse, continuing his abuse past the point that I can keep it interesting.

I will reserve the right to do that, at a later date possibly.

Glad you enjoyed it, I have to admit it was fun to write.