A-L

Don't let anyone on here discourage you from writing. I think that you should look at the prologue again and try to make it simpler, you see clear and direct messages often help to convey the writer's or characters thoughts and emotions far better than complex and overwritten messages. If a particular part calls for complexity than utilize it, but if it doesn't don't. Otherwise you risk losing the reader immediately. Also, I felt that the scene following the prologue did very little to hold my attention, there was nothing there that really caught my interest. BUT I do think that you have talent as a writer, however, like myself, you have bit of work to do.

Ungood

I am not trying to discourage him from writing. I am trying to discourage him from copying other peoples style and ideas.

If he had come out and said this was a Fantasy Story based on D&D done in the style of R.A. Salvatore it would have been far better received.

Ungood.

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A-L

Ah, I see, I've never read any of those books before so...I am at a loss. Then besides the overwritten prologue, you are saying that it is...uh...unoriginal?

potatoBell

Ungood,
I'm very disheartened because you just made everyone believe
I 'stole' and 'copied' someone else's work,
labeling not only my work as a copycat but me as a thief.
This idea of yours would have never been born
if the first reply to my work didn't insiuate the fact that
the prologue was a 'copy' from the known published work.
so I blame him for injecting a lie into everyone's mind,
but I hold you responsible for spreading such a disease.

If you had ever felt the pain, in solitude, to bring forth life
what could be seen as 'origniality',
you would certainly know that writing - among other arts - is
very similar to loving someone.
because the way you love,
the things you do for the love,
has been all done thousand times before you were even born - or are you here to oh-so blindly show your stupidity that
the way you love is so special and unique that the world has never seen before?
such a person would never find a true love, not in this life, not in the existence of time ever.

I may be a bad writer, wrote a bad piece, and was inspried by other love,
but never hid anything, let alone insulting people on this forum.

The thing that makes sad is that I have say all this
as if I am ashamed by the way I love, to write.
I would have expected this type of response from the people at Microsoft,
but not here, not from the people who are driven by the same desire.

--
added the last line and,
trying to delete this double post...

potatoBell

Ungood,
I'm very disheartened because you just made everyone believe
I 'stole' and 'copied' someone else's work,
labeling not only my work as a copycat but me as a thief.
This idea of yours would have never been born
if the first reply to my work didn't insiuate the fact that
the prologue was a 'copy' from the known published work.
so I blame him for injecting a lie into everyone's mind,
but I hold you responsible for spreading such a disease.

If you had ever felt the pain, in solitude, to bring forth life
what could be seen as 'origniality',
you would certainly know that writing - among other arts - is
very similar to loving someone.
because the way you love,
the things you do for the love,
has been all done thousand times before you were even born - or are you here to oh-so blindly show your stupidity that
the way you love is so special and unique that the world has never seen before?
such a persone would never find a true life, not in this life, not in the existence of time ever.

I may be a bad writer, wrote a bad piece, and was inspried by other love,
but never hid anything, let alone insulting people on this forum.

The thing that makes sad is that I have say all this
as if I am ashamed by the way I love, to write.

potatoBell

Please, be more specific and tell me the title of the book and where you saw it.
I'd really like to see it.

Ungood

Are you really this fucking thin skinned?

Good fucking Grief... You expect ANYONE to take you serious after you post crap like this?

I can't believe I wasted good time our of my life responding to you.

The only good part was...

" so I blame him for injecting a lie into everyone's mind,
but I hold you responsible for spreading such a disease."

I told the truth, and you know it.

Hence this whole "I was inspired by another love" vomit you are spewing forth.

R.A. Salvatore, so that others can enjoy his Books.

Look if you can't handle the truth and reality of things that is your own weakness, and if you really are this childish and wimpy then I have to say... Writing is NOT for you...

You need to be able to endure truth of your work and what people say, even if you don't like it.

Anyone can improve their writing skills, take a class, or what have you, but until you grow a set and learn how to take it, your going to suck to no end.

Spare me your crybaby childish Emo responses and shit.

Ungood.

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DeVorn

This isn't ripped off of R. A. Salvatore. Not any piece I'm aware of, anyway. The only similarities I see is that it has orcs and takes place in a largely D&D-inspired world. Also, Ungood, I think you might want to step back and take a breather or something--relax, have a coke. Don't be a douche.

Anyway, potatoBell--the piece certainly doesn't seem to be a copy of anyone else's (although it might be derivative of ye olde fantasy genre), but it's still pretty weak on its own. There's a few serious problems with the work--why are the orcs talking with an "I R DUMB" style when it's clear they're talking in their native tongue? Is there some point to having them talk like this? Also, your prose, while competent in the sense of vocabulary and structure, is very indecisive; the very first paragraph is so flim-flammy that I want to shove it into a locker and beat it up for its lunch money. And I'm a nerd.

As I mentioned before, you've got the building blocks, but you're arranging them into very weak structures. Think of writing in terms of selling something to your readers; you need to convince me to buy into your brand of crazy--your world, your narrative, your characters. You need to put a strong front right from the beginning--make it clear why it's worth a reader's time to read your stuff. You start out with an orc having the mental equivalent of a brain-fart--which tells me that you're going to waste my time.

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www.thegreathippo.com/devorn

potatoBell

Hello there,

I thought about this many times too.
So, please, hear me out.

I noticed one thing about all the fantasy novels I have read.
In their worlds, there exists some type of language which is understood by all.
This bothered me a lot because if a common language exists,
Then the world must be civilized, at least far more than our reality.
Or the races that exist must have shared their cultures through thousands of years in order to establish ‘One’ language spoken by all.
But these books do not show this.

How is it so that a race of dwarves who doesn’t like outsider can spoke a common language?
How is it so that a nature loving race of elves segregate themselves from the rest of the world and yet know the language of the outside world?
How is it possible that the world torn by the conflicts and hate can show this much unity and order?
What we are left with is to believe that all this is possible because it’s ‘fantasy’,
A sacrifice that we blindly accept without asking why.

This is what I’ve been thinking when I wrote this piece.

DeVorn

Huh?

What I meant is that the characters would clearly be speaking their native tongue, and there's no reason why their native tongue should be 'translated' to the reader as "I R DUMB" speech. It's like writing about french people speaking in french (but doing it in english so the reader understands) and including a french accent.

Just have your characters talk in complete sentences. The whole "GROKNAR ANGRY" thing is a tired cliche; in this case it's one that makes no sense.

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www.thegreathippo.com/devorn

Ungood

Fair enough. You think I am a douche. You would not be the first person to say I can be a bit of an asshole. I tend to be very blunt.

If I like something, I say it, if I don't, I say it.

In the end, just so I know, which would you rather I do?

Be nice and give mindless praise in some effort not to hurt your feeling or be as honest as I can with you?

Ungood.

FYI: Yah, if you read the NWN Series, Dritz puts in these flowery "diary/journal" entries I guess you could call them at the end/start of major chapters.

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Ungood

It's not plagiarized if that is what your are asking.

It is just "fan fiction" slapped all over it.

This is what I am looking at: "Oh the hero is a 'Evil Race' that is now a 'good guy' because he is a ranger, but see, I have an Orc as opposed to a Drow so it is original!"

As I said, if he had been open and upfront about what this was, I would have taken it much... much... better... I have defended people who wrote D&D fiction, you can see what I said to other authors that did this.

Just tell me it's a D&D Fan Fiction based off Dritz (call it "inspired" if it makes you feel better)

But... after fighting though the opening and then reading "the Orc Ranger" I near to blew a vein.

Ungood.

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Nillani

hmmm... must agree with what maetrix66 said above. where exactly are you taking this?? because I am not seeing direction, and in order to hold the attention of the reader, you must draw them into the story, give them a reason to keep reading.

It certainly has potential - you can write, I believe. But you have a long way to go with this one.

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-No Turning Back...