VengefulDistain

I pulled out the drawers, but couldn’t find it anywhere. My Apple Mac had been tipped over and lay on the floor, shattered glass everywhere.
The bed had been tipped over, the covers and pillows sliced open. The room looked arctic with all the feathers covering the floor. Glass hid underneath them, awaiting an unexpected adversary to become injured on this carpet of inexplicable pain.
I wish I new where it was so that I could stop worrying. If it had been broken then the life as I know it might as well end right now. Putting my hand underneath the cupboard I felt a warm, fuzzy object crawl between my fingers and up my arm. Springing back I yelled out as I expected a creature with razor sharp teeth and a case of bad breath to gnaw my arm off, until I realized it was just a caterpillar. It must have gotten out of my science project case which lay strewn on the floor.
“Is it safe to come out?”
“Yea I think so but did you see who took the little red object?”
“Yes”the caterpillar replied, “and they shattered it with this glowing knife and all these dark things spilled out that made the world feel like…like death” and even though it was just a little caterpillar I could feel its tiny body trembling in the palm of my hand.
Now I have to save the world again.

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SEX IN A BUCKET OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!!

The Revelator

It's not bad, though I think you could add a little more and explain a little more about the caterpillar. I'd wait for a second opinion though, I have a bad habit of giving too much information.

There is one sentence that didn't flow that well.
I'd change it to something along the lines of "unexpected victim to tread unsuspecting onto a hidden shard and immense pain"

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"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." - George Shaw

People fear he who brings Revelations, for people fear the truth. I am an agent of truth, hence an agent of fear.

she who sleeps

It's all right. A little wordy, you used "tipped" twice, and the dialogue's slightly stiff. Short.

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There was a curve approaching. She showed no intention of slowing. -"The Approaching Curve," Rise Against

VengefulDistain

thanks. my next chapter is much longer lol

=D

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SEX IN A BUCKET OF KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!!!!

Gate

uhmmmmm

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" Imagine if all you ever did was kill for God. What kind of being would you be? An Angel sword dripping, your wings always dipped in blood.....Imagine."

Shadow Reeves

hmmm, interesting...new, diferent, might turn out good but there isnt a great deal to tell you because there isnt a great deal writen.

what you have is fine. but...
if the caterpillar can explain what happened by "it felt like death" then im sure that it could comprehend what the little red thing is by name.
i would make the caterpillar say it was stolen.

i said that really badly...but oh well, you get the idea

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why use 1 word when 3 will do the same job? - philosophy of novel writing