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Fiction Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Thrillers etc.

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Old 04-07-2008, 05:06 AM   #1
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Location: In the dark caverns of my mind.
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Defeat at Dawn

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Last edited by TheLastShadow : 04-09-2008 at 09:04 PM.
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Old 04-09-2008, 12:57 PM   #2
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First- I get really discouraged when I see someone has posted something that they haven't bothered to spell check or edit because I know it'll make it hard for me to read. Please, in the future, do some work first before you ask others to and make sure you go out and do some critiques too.

I got lost in the beginning not knowing what the story was about and why they were fighting. Although action is a good hook to draw in the reader, you need to take him someplace in the story and I have no idea where I am going. Is this a conquest of a nation, world? Is this brother against sister? Is there some overriding evil? Why does this one guy fight so mush better that everyone else except this other guy and what does the woman have to do with the whole story? Is she a queen? Leader?. So the action is fine but the story line needs to be clear sooner. I am soooo bored with fantasy books, they are a dime a dozen anymore.
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