An idea for a story (apocolypse stuff) - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

the_poison125 · 03-20-2008, 10:25 AM

Well ive had an idea thats been going through my head for like... a year... anyways its set after a war has basicly destoroyed humanity and very few people are left and there are even fewer machines

part one will involve the hero Micheal trying to get to the train (one of the last working machines) so he can meet his brother in perth. His brother was drafted into the war when micheal was 15.

The main groups are the rebels (which are constantly fighting in the desert with (whats left of) the military. And the freedom fighters (something of an army)

i have a few plot twists and stuff in mind but i want to see what you all think of the general idea before posting anything like that.

sorry for the spelling mistakes its late where i am and im tired as hell.

mi is happy · 03-20-2008, 12:19 PM

Change the fighting in the desert. Every rebel organization fights the military there.

Necromortis · 03-20-2008, 12:27 PM

^Agreed. Plus, jungle warfare is so much more interesting, and has so many more opportunities. No one writes about it (to my knowledge), but it's much more realistic (think Vietnam, etc.).

~Christian

EDIT: I also think you should develop it a little bit more. Why doesn't his brother just get on the train and come back, instead of having to be met? Why are the rebels and the military fighting. If there's rebels, what the hell are the Freedom Fighters doing (and for the love of God, get a different name for them *smiles*)? Also, you gave us part one, but not part two or any subsequent parts.

In all honesty, I'm not sure how interesting a story about someone trying to get to a train will be - obviously he's going to have to avoid all this fighting and whatnot, but then what? It's almost a done deal that he's going to eventually get to the train, find his brother, and then? Expand a bit more methinks.

the_poison125 · 03-20-2008, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Necromortis

^Agreed. Plus, jungle warfare is so much more interesting, and has so many more opportunities. No one writes about it (to my knowledge), but it's much more realistic (think Vietnam, etc.).

~Christian

EDIT: I also think you should develop it a little bit more. Why doesn't his brother just get on the train and come back, instead of having to be met? Why are the rebels and the military fighting. If there's rebels, what the hell are the Freedom Fighters doing (and for the love of God, get a different name for them *smiles*)? Also, you gave us part one, but not part two or any subsequent parts.

In all honesty, I'm not sure how interesting a story about someone trying to get to a train will be - obviously he's going to have to avoid all this fighting and whatnot, but then what? It's almost a done deal that he's going to eventually get to the train, find his brother, and then? Expand a bit more methinks.

its very late and im tired as hell dont expect much

the first post was just to see what you guys think.

im not actualy going to call them rebels/ freedom fighters there just the best way i can describe them

the reson there fighting in the dessert is because its in australia. West australia = desert.

lin · 03-20-2008, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Every rebel organization fights the military there.

My overwhelming impression was that they more often to it in jungles. But maybe that's just real life.

Amphib fighting in an archipelago would be a nice one.

Ender's Games · 03-23-2008, 04:17 PM

I like the idea, but you might want to have a bigger twist, because Wars That Destroy Humanity have been going on for a while. Although keep the loss of machines. I like it.

Hobo · 03-23-2008, 07:16 PM

Hey I'm a post apocalypse lovin fella so you can't go wrong with that in my opinion. However I'm gonna buck the system here. If there is little left and fewer machines wouldn't it be more urban based warfare in the attempts to control cities and the remaining technology? I could be wrong but that would seem like the obvious tactical choice. Who needs sand?

Ender's Games · 03-23-2008, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hobo

Hey I'm a post apocalypse lovin fella so you can't go wrong with that in my opinion. However I'm gonna buck the system here. If there is little left and fewer machines wouldn't it be more urban based warfare in the attempts to control cities and the remaining technology? I could be wrong but that would seem like the obvious tactical choice. Who needs sand?

Unless the deserts had oil which in turn would fuel the last machines, making oil rare and wanted. Urban based conbat sounds cool too...

Hobo · 03-23-2008, 08:17 PM

Yes but if you control the cities and the machines that will make the attaining of said oil easier. Game set match.

IntellectualEquinox · 03-25-2008, 12:25 PM

Why does fighting have to be contained to a single landmass?
Maybe you could go for a global turmoil feel, give the sense that the world is slogged down in a massive quagmire.

Most rebellions occur in areas where the rebels have a distinct advantage in either numbers, weapons, or knowledge of the surroundings.

I like the idea of the story, though, I've had an experience similiar to the situation if the protagonist, so I'd definatley pick this up if I saw it.