TevenB

This is a story I just finished=D>. I had it posted before, but I did a lot of editing: Took some parts out, added some in. I hope anyone who reads this cleaner version will like it.

It does start out slow, so bear with me please.



Once upon a time, in a land of great turmoil. There was a warrior named Zilis who fought off the armies of the evil goblins. Zilis had amazing strength and determination. While he was fighting them, it sounded as if there was thunder and lightning: "Crack, Pow, Bam!"

The armies of goblins fell at his feet and he was proclaimed champion of the kingdom of Trill. The king gave him an audience and he knighted him. "Oh brave and powerful warrior, you have saved us from the clutches of the Sigil." he continued while holding a sword "We thank you".


"Aiden...Aiden!"

"What!?" I responded as I looked up from my notebook

"Quit writing for a few minutes and come help me with cleaning up." My mom commanded as she was messing with the vacuum

"Oh mom, i was really close in having Zilis run into an ogre!" I said with grief as I threw my pencil down on my desk

"Well, you will have to continue some other time, right now we have to get ready to move!" She yelled as she turned on the vacuum cleaner

Me and my family were getting ready to move away from my home in Sacramento, California. We are going to Ireland to visit my grandmother and take care of her because she's ill. And with my grandfather already passed there's no one to do it for us. In part I was really excited, I have never been to Ireland, but at the same time I was sad to leave my best friends behind.


"Aiden, you have a call from Ian" my mother said with a sigh

"Awesome, cool!"

"Just remember, you don't get off the hook that easy, you still have to help!" My mother demanded as she pointed her finger at me

"Hey Ian, what's up?" I said as i picked up the phone

"Nothing much really, life is pretty boring right now." He replied

"Aiden, We are really going to miss you when you go to Ireland." He said in a sad tone

"So will I, I still cant believe I'm going to a different country" I said

"Aiden, where in Ireland are you going to?" He asked

"Hmm, i don't know, I think my mom said some place called Killarney. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, guess I was just curious." He answered

"Well Ian, I will be able to see you tomorrow before we leave," I continued "So i will have to go,"

"Okay, I'll be seeing you dude." He said as he hung up the phone


After I was done talking with Ian on the phone I helped my mother clean the house and pack. As I was doing it, I was getting more sad by the moment. We weren't moving away forever though, I will be able to see them again someday. But to be away from my best friends in the whole wide world was like torture.

At dinner we don't usually sit together. I end up eating in my room most of the time, but my mom insisted we do this time. I was an only child, so it was just me, my dad, and my mom.


"So Aiden, how is your story coming?" My dad asked as he was eating. He knew I loved writing, I will usually write over watching TV most of the time.

"Oh, its doing great," I continued while I acted out everything with my hands "I just had Zilis beat the Sigil and he was knighted by the king!"

"Oh, that sounds great son!" my dad added.

"I'm going to have him fight an ogre next!" I finished.

"I'm sure that's going to be exciting!" My dad responded while obviously starting to ignore me.

"Mmmm, Cathleen, this meatloaf is really good," my dad complimented.

"Thanks Brian, I used a special recipe this time" my mom said with a smile.

"Mom, Dad, can i be excused?" I asked as i started to get up,

"Why do you want to be excused Aiden?" My mom asked.

"Because I really want to get back to my story," I said as I appeared anxious

"Ooh fine," She continued "But you have to be in bed by eleven!"


While the warrior Zilis was being knighted a soldier for the king told them that a huge ogre had come up to the castle.

"King Thabias, I will vanquish that nasty ogre for you!" Zilis said with a loud cry

"Hurry Zilis, go!" The king commanded.

Zilis started marching up to the ogre with his chest puffed out and head held high. When he came to the ogre he told him:

"Listen you beast, you better leave this place before you get a taste of something you'll regret!" Zilis shouted.

"Hahaha, you puny little human, your no match for me!!" the ogre shouted back.

"Very well then" Zilis started, "I guess your going to regret it then!": Crack, Pow, Bam!

The ogre fell to his defeat as he yelled in anguish: "NOOOOO, you beat me!"

"That will teach you not to pick fights with us ever again" Zilis said in triumph.

Zilis had saved the land and the kingdom on it, and he was forever hailed as hero and legend of the kingdom of Trill.


"The End!" I said as I collapsed on my bed. Damn, I am so glad I am done with that story. As I was laying on the bed I started thinking on how Ireland would be. I was so excited, because I have never been anywhere outside of California, besides maybe Nevada. I then started thinking about another story I should write. I was getting tired of writing about heroes and kingdoms. I want to write about something scary this time. But I have no idea of what to write about to make my story scary.

"Hmmm, I better clean up my room a little bit." I said to myself. Looking around i noticed my dragon posters weren't taken down yet. I still had a lot of my books in my room too. Most of my books were about mythical creatures, like the jersey devil or the abominable snowman. As I was picking up my things I stopped at my mirror. It may seem as if I don't need these things, but they give me inspiration for my stories.

"I don't really like my dirty blond hair" I said out loud as I moved my hand through my soft locks.

I was about 5'11" in height, with a fairly rounded face, and sky blue eyes.

As a 16 year old boy I looked 12 years. I didn't look old at all. "Well, anyway, its time for me to go to sleep."




"Get up Aiden, its time to pack a bit more before we leave," my mom said.


At this point, I'm more scared to leave my friends behind than I am excited about Killarney. From what my mom told me, it sounds like a cool place, but, I mean, who would want to leave their friends behind?

After packing for a few more hours, we were finally done. We are just taking the essentials really. Were coming back so we obviously didn't take any furniture.

"Finally...were done Aiden," my mom said.

"Yeah, its about time too, I have to go get in touch with my friends!"

Ian Finley and Brayan Benniton are my two best friends. We have known each other since the fourth grade. This will be the first time i will not see them for a long period of time.


"Hello?" Ian said

"Hey Ian, meet me outside, and get Brayan!" I demanded

"Ok, cool. Although, he can be pretty lazy, I'll try to drag him out of bed,"

"Well I'm leaving soon, so he should find the energy to do it haha." I replied.

"Well, ok Aiden. Meet us in about ten minutes."

"Ok, I'll see you then." I said back.


As i was walking outside to meet with them, I kept thinking of the story I wanted to write. I want it to be so terrifying that I don't even want to read it haha.


"Hey Aiden!"......"Oh hey Brayan!" I yelled back.

"I am so glad to see you" He said as he was getting teary eyed.
"Brayan, don't do that, your going to make me cry."

"I'm just going to miss you so much Aiden, and you might be gone for up to a year!" Brayan said with grief

"Yeah, that does suck." I responded.

"Are you girls done crying?" Ian commented as he started walking up to us


"Hey Ian" Brayan said.

"Hey Aiden, how is your story about Zilis coming?" Ian asked.

"Eh, its doing good, I'm done with it though." I continue "Zilis already beat the Sigil, and to tell you the truth, I'm tired of writing about heroes." I finished

"What do you want to write then?" Brayan asked.

"I want a scary story, something good."

"Well, your going to Ireland, don't they believe in leprechaun's?" Ian asked

"Yeah, they do!" I said.

"But, don't they already have a movie of that?" Brayan asked

"Yeah, now that you mention it, they do. And its not too good." Ian added.

"You will find out soon enough" Ian said.
"Hmm, it looks like my parents are coming."

At this point i hugged my friends, it felt like long hugs for each. I guess I was still sad to leave them behind. I love them both and to go maybe a year without them seems unbearable.

"Bye Aiden!" Brayan cried

"I will see you again, dont cry." I said.

"See you dude," Ian added.

"I will see you guys later, I promise" I said to them as I got into the car

"Hurry Aiden, we have to make it to the plane on time!" my mom yelled.

"Be good while were gone boys," my mom said to my friends "We'll be back"

So we were on our way to the Sacramento International Airport. Now that i think about it, i didn't live in Sacramento all my life. My parents said i was born in Ireland, because thats where they lived. My mom and dad both met in Ireland, so we are all of Irish descent.

When we got to the airport we had to go through huge crowds of people. Then again, you probably do with most airports. We got our tickets ready and boarded the plane. Now we were off to Killarney, Ireland.

Wilem

Well TevenB it's certainly original, a very good idea and an interesting read. I think, in a way, you could make it even more interesting by trying to indulge in the stories Aiden is writting, rather then giving them a brief moment.

I do feel you claim the characters parents a bit too much, its always "my mom" and "my dad" I think unless someone else's parents are in the conversation you don't really need to always say "my". Sorry but I didn't like the 16 year old guys crying.
Also you do have some speech set out wrong here and there, sure it's just stuff you've missed.

Apart from that I enjoyed it. Like I said it was an original and interesting idea.

__________________
The cake, it is a lie!
Questioning everything but learning nothing since 1991.

TevenB

Lol thanks for the comment. They weren't crying, although I did make it seem like they were. The character Ian is somewhat tough, so he wasn't showing much emotion really.

Brayan is the sensitive one; He was just really sad, and when I said cried I meant kind of a...well I don't know how to explain it, but they weren't supposed to be literally crying.

I will look into fixing the parent thing you mentioned as well. Oh and I appreciate your comment about the originality of the story. That's what I try to strive for.

A-L

Aside from what Wilem said I really enjoyed it so far, it has been improved.

TevenB

"We finally made it to Ireland!" My mom said as she looked out upon the land.

"Yeah, it looks great, doesn't it Aiden?" my dad asked as he hit me on the back.
"Yeah, beyond anything I thought it would."

Ireland looked beautiful, green as far as the eye can see. Really sunny, and the plant life was lush as well. Very picture perfect. The grass was so green, it was a very deep green. And bright at the same time, as if light from heaven itself shown off of the grass and made it glow a radiant glow. It looked like a paradise, it looked fantastic.

"Come on Aiden, we have to meet grandma," my mom said breaking me off from the splendor around me.

"Doesn't Killarney look like heaven?"

My mom and dad laughed "I don't know, its really beautiful though." my mom responded.

We took a rental car and drove to my grandmothers house. On the way I took the opportunity to drink in all of the sights. We went by several lakes, the water looked so clear and unpolluted. Its as if I could drink from it, so crystal clear. We also went by a few buildings that looked like mansions and castles. It looked so awesome. We arrived at my grandmothers house, it looked nice, but it looked like a hut compared to the other buildings.

"Hey, Mom, Dad...weren't you living here before?" I continued while looking up at them "Why are you guys acting like everything's new to you?" I finished.

"Aiden, we haven't been here in over ten years, being here reminded us how beautiful it looks,"

We made way to the door of my grandmothers house and knocked. The house looked neat but it had these weird vines a long the sides. Not too much, just a little bit. As if it was slowly being pulled into the ground by nature itself, and the vines are its fingers.

"Oh hello everyone!" my grandmother said.

My grandmothers name is Phiala, it means "Irish Saint". Kind of weird since shes the one person i cant imagine doing any wrong at all, and she's Irish haha.

"Oooh look at this little lad, you have grown." she said as she sized me up with her hand on my head
I laughed "Yeah, I hope so." I added

My grandmother has a very noticeable Irish accent. My parents supposedly used to have one, but they have lived in America so long they apparently lost it.

"Aiden, why don't you play outside a little and look at some of the sites around here," she continued "I have noticed how you keep looking out the window,"

I ran outside to look at every little detail of this place. I couldn't get over how beautiful it was. I wanted to stay here forever. Then i remembered my friends. I didn't really feel like being outside.

"Oh whats wrong Aiden?" my grandmother asked,

"He probably misses his friends" my dad chimed

"Is that right Aiden?" She asked

"Yeah, it is" I answered as I started to sit down on the couch

"Oh don't worry, you will surely see them again." she continued "In the meantime, why don't you make some friends here, it might help you cope."

"Really, there are other kids my age right around here!?" I asked with my eyes lighting up.

"Why sure young lad, there are some right up the street." she continued while walking to the phone "Here, I will contact a boy i know around here."

"Great, awesome!" I said.

"Aiden, I don't want you getting into any trouble around here, okay?" My mom said

"Mom, of course im not." I answered.

"I'm just making sure Aiden, laws around here are different than in California."

I started to wait while sitting down. I started to think on who she was going to introduce me to. I didn't know if it would be a girl, maybe a boy my age. And even on what that person would be like. After sitting here for sometime I heard a knock on the door.


"Aiden, this is Carlow, he is sixteen years old too." my grandmother introduced.

"Hello" He said

"Hello" I said back.

"You two can go get acquainted now," my grandmother continued "Its such a nice day, you should go outside and chat."

While we were outside I studied him a bit. He definitely didn't seem like a bad person. He has a serene look to him. He has red hair, hes about the same height as me: 5'10", hes also a slender guy. He had green, hazel eyes.

"Lady Phiala told me you are from America," He continued "What's it like there?"

"Well, its not anywhere as nice looking as where you live, not a chance." I answered.

"Wow, really?" He asked in astonishment

"Yup, Ireland is a lot better looking than anywhere in America I have seen." I added.

"By the way, why did you call my grandmother 'Lady'?" I asked

"I say it out of respect, Lady Phiala is a very nice person." He said
"Yeah, she is"

"How do you know her anyway?" I asked

"Me and my family are somewhat poor, she helps us out sometimes" he continued "Even if we refuse, she helps us anyway."

"Wow, I didn't know she did that." I commented.


"Aiden, its almost time for dinner!" My mom yelled

"Okay, I'll be right there!" I yelled back

"Carlow, do you want to join us!?" She asked.

Carlow went trotting over to my mother and said "Yes, if that's alright with you and your family"

"Of course its alright lad" my grandmother chimed

"Thank you, I appreciate your generosity Lady Phiala and her family" He said.

My grandmother laughed "He is always so modest, he is a sweet boy." she said.

During dinner we were all sitting around a...well, round table. It was very nice, it looked as if it was crafted by hand very meticulously. My mother cooked traditional Irish food for the occasion.

"Mom, what is this?" I asked

"Its some recipes grandma showed me," She continued while pointing to them "We have 'Poundies', 'Bangers', and 'Soda Bread'," She finished

"This looks really good Mom!" I said as I started eating

"Cathleen, how is life in California?" my grandmother asked

"Its going good, but it is glad to be back to visit you." she answered.

"Grandmother, aren't you sick?" I asked

"Yes, in a way" she continued as she stopped eating "I'm not going to lie, the sickness I have is very serious, but I should be fine" she finished

"Good, you better be." I demanded

"Aiden, aren't you into making stories now?" my grandmother asked

"Yes, and now that you mention it - I need help in finding what I'm going to write about next, i want something scary." I finished.
"Ooh, something scary, we have a few legends around here you can use." she continued

"Such as gnomes, banshees...things like that."

"What exactly is a Banshee?" I asked

"Its a female ghost who screams all the time." she said

"Aah, that sounds interesting, I may use it."

"Well, thank you all for the lovely dinner." Carlow started as he put his plate away in the kitchen "I must really be getting home now though." He finished.

"Ok, be safe on your way home Carlow." my grandmother said

"I will see you tomorrow Aiden?" He asked.

"Definitely, I cant wait." I replied with a smile.




As I woke up I couldn't wait to see what the day would bring me. I already made a new friend who shows a lot of respect to pretty much everybody so far. I still do miss my friends back home, but as long as I have good friends here, I shouldn't get too lonely. It was about ten in the morning and I was starving.

"Mmmm, look at all of this food!" I said

"Good morning Aiden, I made this for you and your parents." She continued "Its Colcannon, Boxty, and leftover Bangers."
"Mother, you know you shouldn't be doing things like this, your sick!" my mom scolded

"Aaah, Cathy, don't get so upset dear, just eat." she said with a grin

"Mmmm, what smells so good!?" my dad chimed as he came in

"My mother cooked everyone breakfast" my mom said

"Hmm, aren't you sick Phiala?" my dad asked
"Ooh, just eat." she commanded

It was the best breakfast ever; Colcannon looked like mashed potatoes with cabbage and onion. Boxty were pancakes made out of potatoes and sweet milk. Bangers were like sausages, it was very good.

"Aiden, slow down, quit scarfing." my mom scolded

"Yeah, and quit chewing with your mouth open." my dad added

"Sorry, I'm just so hungry." I said

"Well, at least we know the young lad eats" my grandma said

"I'm done, I am going outside." I said

"Okay, but come back home before dusk." my mom said

As I was walking outside I saw Carlow coming towards me. He looked like he was quite happy and not as nervous as he looked yesterday.

"Hello Aiden"

"Hey Carlow" I answered back

"Aiden, do you want to meet some of the guys?" he asked
"Guys?" I pondered

"Yeah, the other guys" he said

"Okay, it definitely wouldn't hurt to have more friends" I said
"Where are they anyway?" I asked

"They are on their way" he answered

In the distance I saw three people walking up to us.

"Hey Carlow, this is the new kid?" one of the guys said

"Yeah, his name is Aiden" Carlow told him

"Hey, my name is Brogan...Brogan Connely" he said

Brogan looked somewhat chubby, but not by much. he had somewhat of a sort of mahogany hair color, and hazel eyes. He was also a bit taller than me. He seemed like a commanding type of person. A leader in a way.

"Hey Aiden, I'm Liam Neil"

Liam looked pretty lanky, but i could tell he wasn't the lazy type. He was wearing a t-shirt and i could see the muscle definition in his arms. I don't see that too much with someone around my age. He had brown hair and green eyes, a bit different from Carlow and Brogan. He also seemed to have this fire about him i couldn't figure out. Definitely unique.

"Hello, I am Galvin Grady"

Galvin seemed average in size, wasn't skinny and wasn't fat. He had blond hair and blue eyes. Galvin seemed like a very nice person.


"Hello everyone" I said back.

"Well, since your staying here for a while, how about we do an initiation?" Brogan said

"What, no, you shouldn't do that, he is Lady Phiala's grandson," Carlow said

"No one is exempt from the initiation Carlow!" Brogan snapped back

"Don't worry Aiden, its not that bad," Galvin said

"Okay fine, what do I have to do?" I asked

"You have to wrestle one of us into submission" Brogan answered

"Uuuh, really?" I asked in an unsure tone

"Uuuh, yeah, I think it will be Liam." Brogan said

Liam started walking towards me with a slight grin on his face.

"Don't worry, it wont be that bad" he said.

"Okay, ready, go!" Brogan yelled

With that Liam wrapped his arm around my neck and got me into a headlock, he was really strong.

"Go Liam!" Galvin shouted

I managed to wiggle free and pushed him down. While he was laying on his stomach i grabbed his arms and put them behind his back.

"Yeah, go Aiden!" Carlow yelled

As if to put handcuffs on him, I held my knee there, He started wiggling though. He managed to knock me off onto my back. He moved into a position to hold me down. I then moved my hands to grab onto his shoulders, then I moved him over onto his back. Where I held him there and then Brogan started counting.

"One...Two...Three, You beat Liam!" Brogan cheered

"Aaah, I'm not good at wrestling anyway." Liam commented
"You're pretty good Aiden, good job." Liam said

"Thanks Liam, you are too" I said back

"I guess you are one of us now Aiden" Brogan said

"I heard you are full Irish too?" Brogan asked

"Yeah, i am" I answered
"That makes it even better," he said

"Hey, lets do one last thing," Brogan suggested

"What would that be?" Liam asked with a stern look

"We are going to the nearby Dome of Trees" Brogan answered

"Are you crazy Brogan!?" Galvin said

"No, theres nothing going on in that stupid old piece of crap." Brogan snapped. He continued "Everyone says its haunted, lets check it out." he finished.

"Its haunted!?" i asked cheerfully. "Yeah, why do you look so happy Aiden?" Carlow asked. "Because, if I can go to a haunted place, maybe i can get ideas for my new story!" I answered

"Well, what about the legend of the Changelings?" Liam asked

"What are Changelings?" I asked puzzled

"Changelings are the babies of faeries," he continued "They steal human children, especially blond, and replace them with their own baby, which is a Changeling." Liam finished

"I heard they can talk," Galvin added

"Maybe, those are just legends though, stupid legends." Brogan said

We started walking over to the "Dome of Trees". As we got closer it seemed to get creepier and creepier by the second. It also seemed to get darker. The "Dome" looked like what it sounds like. It is a formation of trees forming a dome. When we got inside it was scarier than any place I have ever been to.

"Wow, look at that!" Galvin shouted as he pointed

In the middle was some kind of platform with what looked like a well in the middle of it. It looked very old, and oh so very inviting when you looked at it. You wanted to open it, anyone would if they looked at it. It just seemed so mysterious.

"As long as this has been here, we have never wanted to come inside." Liam said

"That's because our parents indoctrinated us, and forbid us from coming here." Brogan said

"Yeah, they said that this is the home of a legendary deadly faery that preys on your dreams." Galvin said

"What, really?" I asked

"Yeah" he answered back.

"Now that we don't listen to that trash anymore, lets open it." Brogan said.

"Yeah right!" Liam yelled.

"I agree with Liam," Carlow chimed as he continued "Even though what our parents told us sounds farfetched, I still somewhat believe it to be true." he said.

As Carlow was talking he walked over to one of the walls and put his hand on it to hold himself up. When he did that the well started making noises.

"Shit, Carlow, what did you do!?" Brogan scolded

"What, I didn't do anything!" Carlow snapped back

"Yeah, you did, you pressed something!" Brogan argued

"Guys, shhh....It's opening" I said

The well seemed to have some kind of stone slab on it, but it opened in kind of a star pattern. Like it was mechanical. After it opened we all peered inside to see if we could see anything.

"Do you see anything?" Galvin asked

"No, do you Liam?" Brogan asked

"Hmm, no, its too dark." he answered.

We all started looking down through the well-like object to see if we could see anything. It seemed to go down forever, like some bottomless pit. As we were looking in, we heard a scream that pierced our ears, it nearly petrified us.

"Shit, what the hell was that!? Brogan said startled

"It's coming from the well!" Carlow answered while starting to run

"Lets get the hell out of here!" Liam yelled

At that point we ran out of the "Dome" so fast. It was like we were being chased by a thousand demons. As we were running out of the "Dome of Trees" we heard what sounded like maniacal laughing coming from it. We stopped running to catch our breath in the middle of the field.

"What was that!?" Brogan asked while looking back at the dome

"I don't think anyone here knows Brogan!" Galvin said

"It was all Carlow's damn fault!!" Brogan shouted

"Leave him alone Brogan!!" I demanded while holding him back "Carlow didn't do anything wrong!"
"Fine, but none of us can tell anybody what happened!" Brogan commanded

"Fine, we wont tell anyone...right!?" I suggested while looking at everyone

"Yeah, we agree." Liam complied

"Well, I'm going home, I will see you guys later." Brogan said

"Okay, we better go too." Liam and Galvin said

After they left i decided to talk to Carlow one on one. I didn't like how Brogan appeared to treat others. And as far as I have seen, Carlow is a very nice person and shouldn't be yelled at like that.

"Hey Carlow, you know it wasn't your fault right?" I asked

"I don't know, Brogan could be right." he suggested
"No, its not like you knew that was there anyway," I continued while putting my hand on his back "Its not like you knew it was there, anyone could have made that mistake."

"Besides, Brogan wanted to open it, remember?" I added laughing

He laughed "Yeah, i guess your right, thanks Aiden." he said

"No problem, you want to come for dinner tonight?" I asked

"Haha, sure, thanks Aiden!" he said

While we were walking back I could have sworn I saw something next to me other than Carlow. I thought it must have been my imagination though. We finally made it back to my grandma's house.

"Aiden, I thought I told you not to be out until dusk!" my mom scolded

"I'm sorry mom, I was hanging out with the others."

"Oh, Carlow introduced you to his friends?" my grandma asked

"Yeah, I like them all, they are really nice." I answered

"Could Carlow stay for dinner and maybe the night?" I asked

"Ooh its alright for dinner, but he will have to call his mom about staying for the night." my grandma said

"Oh its alright, she already said I could if you invited me to, since she knew your family was coming." Carlow said

"You sure?" she asked

"Yeah, I'm sure Lady Phiala" he answered

"Oh, you can just call me Phiala Carlow, you don't have to be so modest."

Well, I moved from California, leaving my friends behind. I saw the splendor that is Killarney, met Carlow, who is by the way an awesome person. And I also met Brogan, Liam and Galvin. I have no idea what to expect next. I don't know what may come of us from opening that well either. That laugh was fuckin' freaky, I'm not going to lie, and I hardly ever curse. Maybe, hopefully, it will all pass. And besides, the place is haunted, it might be a ghost...