a quick freewrite - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

crowe1120 · 03-08-2008, 05:45 AM

Returning home is always a tuff thing for someone to do, especially when you base your entire existence on the goal of leaving that very place. Many people return home everyday for many reasons. Maybe a failing career at the age of twenty-eight, a debilitating disease or injury; or a failed relationship ending in heartache. For me, the reason would be the latter, and for me this was big. To most a failed relationship would be no biggie, but for me it meant everything. Giving my heart to someone was no small gesture in my book, but not only did I give my heart out to this person but giving her my commitment of changing residencies. I will be the first to admit she suckered me in with her passionate kiss, and seductive stares. Maybe to her all of this was a game but to see her walking my direction at night with nothing more than a t-shirt on meant love.
Looking back now, my vision of love seems a tad skewed, and maybe it had only been lust. Whatever the case those roads leading me to her; ultimately lead to my road home. Back to this dry high desert country, where winters can last only a few months, but summer is never ending. This land has a beauty about it amidst the sand and sagebrush. Summer nights are filled with the sounds of coyote calls and wefts of blooming baby’s breath. Driving down this highway with my window rolled down I can already hear the sounds of my mom shouting in delight at the sight of me being home. Life back home was much simpler, and usually predictable. With the monotony of life in a small town, there is also a dangerous comfort level that can follow. Each day becomes easier than the one before to fall in line and follow the lemmings off a cliff of goalless lives. Despite all of this a small town can also be a great place to regroup for a while. Seems like somewhat of an oxymoron, but a small town is an oxymoron in itself.
This dark highway leaves me with questions of where my life is headed, and where I am supposed to end up

Sam Winchester · 03-08-2008, 07:00 AM

That first sentence? Notice anything? 'Tough' is the word you want. I didn't read much further. Sorry.

Sam.

Foxee · 03-08-2008, 08:12 AM

"Tuff" didn't bother me, though if you were doing a piece of writing for publication (which you aren't here as it's a freewrite) you might want to use a correct spelling. As it is it came across as a colloquial spelling and I have sense for how you might speak.

I read the whole thing and appreciated the fact that, though sad, it also has a hopeful note of returning home. I also like your wistful tone and the descriptions of the country. A pretty readable freewrite I'd say.

The main thing I do with freewrites is look for ideas I can work into a story or another more constructed piece. I think you've found a good theme with the 'returning home' idea. Positive and negative both, it might lend itself to further writing.

Thanks for sharing this. Keep writing!

~Foxee

crowe1120 · 03-08-2008, 02:31 PM

Thank you Foxee for the encouragement. I did not even realize I had spelled tough that way. I think you are right about the theme, but the only problem is I cannot find any ideas for a sub plot.

mashowasho · 03-08-2008, 02:54 PM

It's good, in that it's well written - but it sounds a little bit like a sort of ramble to me...

Simply George · 03-09-2008, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Winchester

That first sentence? Notice anything? 'Tough' is the word you want. I didn't read much further. Sorry.

Sam.

I've been a member for about an hour, have looked through about 10 threads and can already see that this guy isn't very nice (to put it nicely).

This does indeed seem like a ramble but there are parts that I really like. I could relate to the whole mistaking lust for love since I've been down that road already. I also like the idea of the dark highway because that's what life seems to be like for a young man who is uncertain about the future. I think that you capture these things so well because you may be relying on experience. The whole thing sounds believable and I'd like to see it developed more.

crowe1120 · 03-09-2008, 12:26 AM

Simply George, Thank you very much for your input. I posted another story called white wall...you might like that one as well.

mashowasho · 03-09-2008, 05:21 AM

white wall? That sounds good.... is it here? Or am I being really stupid?

crowe1120 · 03-09-2008, 05:34 AM

Yeah it is in the forum.

mashowasho · 03-09-2008, 06:07 AM

really? I honestly can't find it. Can you give me a link?

crowe1120 · 03-09-2008, 06:11 AM

Here is the link..... http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...pt-ch-one.html

It has been ripped to shreds by most of the people who have read it but most of it is on the grammar... I would like your opinion on the content especially since it is a rough draft and I need to reread it.