Renos Babe

Title: Midas Hierarchy.
This is my main work, as the actuall thing is 14pages long, I decided to only post the intro. Crit away.

Prologue

I remember the pain the most, how it flooded through my body dragging me from the comforting darkness. My body was stiff, I tried and failed to move my fingers, it seem as if I was frozen into this position. Metallic sounds reached my ears, I concentrated on it, and some form of relief ran threw me, I was on my way home, we’d made it, and Tsaeb was going to fix every thing, I was sure of it…until the sobs reached my ears, the were so hard, and full of sorrow, my heart sank, and one name ran through my head…Kiki. I clenched my eye’s shut tighter, my mind desperately trying to remember what had happened, what would reduce her to tears. The images began then, images of blood and bodies scattered across a rocky landscape, I could see my swords lying shattered around me, and my brothers’ voice was in my ear pleading with me to stay awake, trying to ensure me that everything would be okay. I forced my eyes open as a sharp pain ran up my right arm, I forced it out of my mind, not allowing myself to call out, knowing it would just show me as weak. Footsteps headed towards the weeping, and every inch of me wished I could be the one to try and comfort her. Tsaebs voice filled the room,
“I’m sorry. He’s gone, Kiki.” His voice was full of sorrow. Questions ran though my head, who was gone? What had happened? Confusion took me; unsure of what was happening I lay there, listening to the sounds around me. An unbearable pain ran through my body, a scream managed to escape my paralysed lips.
“Damn it, she’s awake” Tsaebs hands appeared on my shoulders, stoping me from thrashing around, over the pain I felt the needle go in, and then the instant bliss that is morphine.
“Relax Wolfkin you’ll be fine,” I stared at the ceiling nausea taking over me, the morphine messing with my senses. For the next couple of hours I slipped in and out of the consciousness, blissfully unaware of everything that was happening around me.

“Wolfkin…Wolfkin! Come on wake up girl” Tsaebs voice filled my mind dragging me back into the world of the living. The pain returned, although it was not as bad as it was the first time. My eyes eased open, and a small groan of pain escaped me as the all too familiar darkness of the Hierarchy's med lab surrounded me. As far as I could tell my right arm was numb, even so I pulled myself into a sitting position with my left and looked around,
“Where am I?” I asked as I brought my head up to hold my throbbing head, I heard a sigh from somewhere behind me, followed by a tinging sound, reassuring me I wasn’t alone. I turned my head slightly and stared into the darkness, the imposing figure of Tsaeb barely visible. I sighed in relief and looked around. My eyes falling on the table next to me, as my eyes adjusted I was able to make out the figure on the table next to mine. Tears welled in my eyes; I forced myself up, only to collapse almost immediately to the ground, slower this time I got into a standing position grabbing the figures hand. It was cold I let it go and fell to my knees, turning my head away sharply, refusing to believe what I’d seen and felt. Tsaeb moved to me and helped me back onto the table, with tears in my eye’s I began to beg.

“Tsaeb…my brother, he’s not, he can’t be, please tell me I was mistaken.” I pleaded, praying for it not to be true. Before Tsaeb got the chance to reply, every thing came flooding back. The look of pure horror on his face, the feel of his warm blood running, dripping onto my cheek, the thin steaks of crimson running down the sharpened edge of the blade stopped only millimetres away from my eye. I could feel Tsaeb picking me up and trying in vain to call me to my senses. I could hear the dull roar of the ship engines, the cool metal slab under my back, sending slight pain through me and the seemingly never-ending blackness that engulfed me. Tsaebs soft footsteps brought me back to reality.


“Wolfkin…I’m sorry, your arm was worse then I first thought.” I instinctively reached towards my right arm and felt the empty space where it should have been. I could feel the rough bandaging around it meeting the base of my neck, as well as a sticky substance that I assumed to be my blood. I let my hand drop back down onto the table.

I sat there quietly listening to Tsaebs footfalls, and the metallic slide of the storage room door. I could feel tears running down my cheeks, as the realization hit me… It was my fault, it was entirely my fault.

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Leamadzw

Ok, I think you have a very nice way of writing. There was an over use of commas for alot of it, but i havent got time to go through them all at the moment.

I skipped some parts in the middle (I have a bad habit of skimming) but the end, where she described the realisation of missing her arm, was amazing! You did it so well.

I don't like the name "Tsaeb".. I'll tell you why (and its more than likely just me), but i found everytime i got to it, i'd keep re-reading the word trying to find a way to pronounce it. It distracted me alot from the story.

But as i said, you write fabulously. Grammar issues can be fixed. You have good potential.

A-L

Nice way to end it. But yeah, I kind of tripped over that name as well Tsaeb , not saying you should change it, but...Anyway I liked it. Few grammatical errors along the way, but I think you can figure them out.

Renos Babe

This is the next part if your interested. Thanks for the Crits and Tsaeb is pronounced Zabe.

Chap 1

Sighing heavily, I began to slowly shift though the last pile of rubble, its gray mass taunting me. I could feel my pack rubbing against my back, but I could not feel its wait. Pausing for a moment I rubbed my right arm, I could feel the cold metal through my leather glove, cringing I went back to finding the alloys. As I pulled an unusually shiny piece out I caught a glimpse of myself. My long black hair, was styled so that it would constantly cover my gold eye, leaving my crimson one for the world to see. I brought my hand up gingerly touching the mask that covered most my face. I traced the edge of it starting just below my left temple, cutting close under my eye, entirely coving my left cheek, it then cuts across the edge of my mouth and down to the right edge of my bottom jaw, from there my entire neck is covered. I quickly shoved the alloy in my bag, growling in annoyance
“I can’t believe Tsaeb is making me do this” I muttered to myself, looking around... Crumbling skyscrapers surrounded me, making the streets like a labyrinth for those who did not know them. I’ve been told that it’s the ruins of the city Brisbane, once apparently a thriving sitting, in the Australian state of Queensland. I grinned as I looked around, how easily the humans had destroyed themselves. I glanced up as footsteps approached me from behind. I shrugged it off, but kept alert I couldn’t afford much conflict, not today, so I continued to search.
“What are you doing here ma’am?” A youngish voice said from behind me, I spun around coming face to face with two, by the looks of it, junior soldiers, I smiled sweetly at the one that had spoken, he seemed to soften, maybe I could just talk my way out of this one,
“Nothing, just looking around” I muttered kicking the alloys away from my feet. The second soldier glared at me sceptically, I saw his eyes drop down to the gun holster at my side, an evil grin spreading across his face.
“Ma’am you do know that carrying a weapon of that sort is illegal, I’m going to have to take you in” I gulped my options running thin, without thinking I grabbed the top of my mask and pulled to down to reveal the black and crimson heart shaped tattoo on my left cheek. Both soldiers were momentarily taken back, I smiled. Good they know the old ranking system.
“Not for us” I countered, my voice was calm and full of authority; my gaze however never dropped from the second soldier, who was eyeing the tattoo, The first however seemed to shrug it off,
“Sorry ma'am, what is someone of your rank doing down here anyway?" The first soldier inquired, bowing slightly placing his gun in its holster, I swallowed hard unsure of what to say next then I remembered something, something that he was always going on about,
"Tyen-shi was worried about his...grunts not doing their jobs properly," I began to laugh "Which they clearly are not; shouldn’t you all be looking for the traitor, not worrying about someone searching through the rubble?"
“Um, I suppose we should ma'am.” The first soldier muttered quietly as if ashamed of being caught out. I laughed to myself if only you knew. I could hardly believe that I was getting away with it this far.
”Wait a second!” the second soldier exclaimed suddenly raising his gun “that logo that was made obsolete a year before the current female came in... I know you.”
“Your, Tyen-shi’s old bitch” I cringed at the name drawing my gun,
“You shoulda just kept your mouth shut boy” I muttered and nailed the second soldier quickly before he had the chance to shoot. I swung my gun around to the other before he could get his out, pulling the trigger I watched him fall; I felt no remorse and all. I turned running; I knew the streets of this ‘town’ like the back of my hand. Gun fire sounded from behind me. I turned my head slightly to look behind,
“Oh shit!” I growled, shooting back taking out one or two of the soldiers that had appeared, and wounding another couple, I shook my head,
I should have known they’d have back up I thought as I glanced behind me and darted down the narrow side allies, trying desperately to avoid the rain of bullets assaulting me from all sides. As I rounded a corner I stopped coming to a dead end. As I looked down, MH was engraved into the cement in front of my foot; a small smile reached my lips,
“I owe you one Tsaeb” I muttered quietly and spun around coming face to face with at least a dozen armed soldiers. I took a step forward my left foot resting lightly on the symbol. Grinning I raised my arms in a false surrender,
“Okay boys you got me” the soldier in front of me smiled, and then laughed. I fought down the annoyance at his ignorance, any real soldier would have figured that I wouldn’t be this easy to catch, and then I recognized who it was.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my good old buddy Marcus, You should know better than to laugh at me” The soldier stopped laughing and smiled evilly,
“Tyen-shi has spent the past three years telling us how hard you would be to catch, but we chased you for five mins and have you surrounded” I returned the smile and muttered
“Typical Tyen-shi, still hiring incompetent morons.” He glared at me and raised his gun. Putting my weight down on the symbol I grinned. A trap door opening behind me, stepping back I jumped down into the sewers.

Water sprayed up around my ankles as I landed. Glancing around I recognised where I was, I had used this tunnel often when I was younger, which is why Tsaeb had built the entrance in the first place. I began to run, knowing it was only a matter of time before Marcus figured out how to open the trap door. Don’t worry so much Wolfkin, you said it yourself, there incompetent morons
“Maybe, but they are soldiers and the do have guns” I answered, running through the maze of tunnels that made up this part of the underground.
You have a gun too Zandra and you were a soldier
“You don’t have to remind me” I spat back, diving around a corner as a bullet hit the tunnel just above my head. Knowing I had to loose them I took a turn leading them straight into the most confusing part of the tunnels.

I made my way out of the maze leaving Marcus and his troops far behind, as I emerged back into the main tunnel system not really paying much attention, letting my feet take me to where I needed to be. Until “This way Ziadia, come on I want to show you something” I faltered at the voice, it was male shaking my head I looked around. I could here the splashing of a pair of feet, “Wait up Leo, your faster than me” this time the voice was female, I grabbed my gun and held it steady spinning around slowly checking all the tunnels. The splashing footsteps got closer, as if the people making them were right in front of me, then suddenly they stopped. Everything was silent again, sceptically I put my gun back in its holster and continued running, faster this time filled suddenly with the urgency to get back home.

Eventually I emerged in a large circular room; I began to walk towards the middle. You member when Wolfgang first showed you these tunnels, you used to like Tsaeb back then,
“Shut up, I never liked Tsaeb, I just tolerated him because Wolfgang got along with him” Sure you did I didn’t respond, the water that surrounded my feet was warm and steadily grew deeper the closer to the centre I moved. I could hear Marcus barking orders at his soldiers as they started to search the tunnels for me, laughing I pulled a small mouth peace out of my artillery belt and dived down, propelling myself thought the warm murky waters.

After a few moments of swimming, an old car came into view; it had rusted mostly on the outside, although the hot red colour it would have been was still evident. I swam up to the door which still came free easily, as if someone had been oiling it constantly. I swam into the drivers side of the old car and reach across and pulled the passenger seat free, reviling a well lit tunnel pausing for a just moment I swam inside.

I swam upwards until I eventually emerged in a large room, the white walls temporarily blinding me. I floated in the water for a moment longer, my muscles relaxing, knowing that the threat was far behind me. Slowly I made my way to the edge and quickly pulled myself out of the water, drying myself quickly. Glancing around I smiled Tsaeb had re-vamped this place pretty well, the walls used to be a dark gray and there was no lift, just stairs leading up to the med lab. As I entered the lift, I fell back onto the seat, dropping my back which amazingly I hadn’t lost on the way here. I let my head drop into my hands. Fighting back the tears, that were threatening to engulf me, this one had been far to close, if they had caught me… I shuddered, forcing myself to stand, just as the elevator doors opened to reveal a very calm looking Tsaeb; I nodded a greeting and walked past him.
"I'll take it from the extra week's work I'll have to do on you that you ran into some trouble." I stoped and nodded, trying not to get annoyed at the lack of emotion in his voice.
“Bite me Tsaeb” I said quietly, using my usual greeting, I lifted my head slightly to look at him and sighed inwardly.

Tsaeb is the current rather imposing owner of the Hierarchy after the death of my brother. He is also one of the two active assassins, the medic and the engineer; the two roles go hand in hand most of the time because of my arm. He has navy blue hair and eyes, which rarely show any form of emotion. He has no memory of his past, in which he lost both of his eyes, which have been replaced with their cybotic counter parts. Standing at 7ft, or 2.13m, Tsaeb is fairly well built. Strangely enough, I have only ever seen him wear one set of clothing, which consists solely of a dark teal shirt, navy blue coat and Prussian blue pants. I swear he dose his best to annoy me.
“Did you bring anything useful back?” I nodded and dropped my bag at his feet,
“Any of this good?” I said coldly, turning away from him. He picked up the bag and headed towards the med lab. I walked behind him staying quiet, glancing around the halls, waiting til we walked past a certain room. We were on MHBL 4 (Midas Hierarchy Basement Level 4)
The hierarchy is divided into 6 Levels. MHBL 1 was the meeting hall, training rooms, gym and Garage. MHBL 2 contains the mess hall, Bathrooms and more Training rooms. MHBL 3 is the weaponry (yes a whole floor devoted to weaponry) MHBL 4 the level we’re on contains the med lab, and sleeping quarters. MHBL 5 and 6 are our… detainment facilities.
I stoped outside one of the metal doors, Tsaeb continued on in front. The room belonged to Kiki. I knocked loudly only to get the answer,
“You can come in so long as your not Tsaeb” I almost laughed but stoped myself, bringing my hand up to eye level, as I swept it across in front of the door, it slid open, at the same pace as my hand. Kiki was sitting on her bed dismally staring at a hologram of my brother, I went and sat next to her, she smiled slightly but her eyes didn’t leave the hologram.
Kiki, what can I say about her. She was my brothers fiancée before he died, she’s a human has long blond hair and is nearly as bad as me when it comes to black clothing. She is our hacker, bright but not brilliant and a great friend.
“Still staring at that?” I asked quietly then added “How bout you come and spar me, its been awhile?” She looked over at me and sighed, her smile not disappearing. I wonder if she knows how fake that looks I thought as she sat up
“Maybe later Wolf, but what brings you to my humble room so soon after a mission?” I sighed; Kiki was a great friend, she could read me like a book,
“Tsaeb” I said finally nudging her a little. She just laughed, and grabbed something out of her draw throwing it at me. As I caught it her face became serious,
“Your brother asked me to give you that, when I thought you were ready, but he made me promise you wouldn’t watch it until your 21st, can you promise me that you won’t?” I nodded and placed the chip in my pocket and standing up. As I turned for the door the P.A system went off,
“Wolfkin, med lab, now” Kiki and I just gave each other a look, and I turned and left. As I walked into the med lab, I paused allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Tsaeb didn’t need light to work due to his eyes so the med lab was constantly in darkness. I slowly walked forwards, the path lined with heat senses, so that I didn’t stray off the path. Walking forward I sat down on the table, waiting quietly while he rummaged through the bag I had given him earlier.
“Well, looks like there could be some useful stuff” he stoped rummaging and walked over to me, examining my arm,
”Now let's get started in fixing you up. How the heck did you manage to damage your arm?” I looked down thousands of excuses running though my mind, each one I dismissed because it made me sound idiotic, sadistic or insane. Finally I chose the easiest as much as I hated to say it…the truth
“I got shot” I muttered quietly, I heard Tsaeb sigh,
“Tyen-shi’s minions” his voice grated on my nerves, I could never understand how he kept it so calm. I nodded and remained quiet as he began working on my arm.

When my brother died, I lost my original arm. Tsaeb says I was lucky not to bleed to death…lucky in whose opinion I wounder. Tsaeb made it his duty for the several weeks to fashion me a new arm, and he did so. Even I must admit its better then the old one. It’s not the best it could be, as he’s constantly upgrading, fixing or completely replacing it. But it allows me to get my job done affectively.

I’m a Midas Sinen, I was born and raised on the sun, on Sol Base 16 (they are huge colony sized building built on the surface of the sun) as a Midas Sinen radiation dose not effect me, this is because my body has the unique ability to heal perfectly, but it takes a while. Also due to this ability I cannot get Cancer under any circumstances. Tsaeb and Tyen-shi are the only two beings that have found a way to surpass this and permanently mark my body. Another trait of the Midas Sinen is our unique ability to stand extreme heats, but I cannot stand anything below 15 degrees Celsius, basically a normal winter’s day. Unless I’m on a mission, I wear a crimson long sleeved shirt, I tore the right arm off to allow for the black leather glove that covers my cybotic arm. On top of that I wear my edited version of the hierarchy uniform, which consist of a black shirt with a strip of blue on the right hand side, for the girls its three quarter length sleeves, and lastly over that I wear a black leather shirt which is tied together with bits of red leather.

The pain shot through me, as if to signal that he had started. I cringed slightly but fought back down the pain,
“Wolfkin, why did you provoke them?” Anger surged through me, but I fought it back down.
“Shut up Tsaeb, I didn’t provoke anyone” I said harshly ending the conversation for now, but I could tell by his sudden silence that this was to be picked back up later.

Tyen-shi is the current ruler of the solar system, and an egocentric bastard at that. Just under 3 years ago I was his second in command; not exactly the most glamorous job, but a job none the less. He has an unwavering hand and he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants, as most egocentric bastards do.

As the pain seeped away I looked up at Tsaeb, who just turned away,
“Your staying in here for tonight, I’m going to upgrade your arm again, I’m working on a new model when it’s made it won’t need so many upgrades” I nodded and lay down, closing my eyes I allowed myself to enter my nightmare.

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