Hiku

Synopsis: A couple get into a car crash. He soon finds out that his wife dies. However after hearing her voice he starts to question it. Is his wife still alive? Or is he going crazy? A twist will reveal all.

I will not write down the whole story. I will more or less write down a quarter of it.

The amber colored moon loomed over giving light to the nearly pitch black road. Only a few feet could be seen clearly from the 1995 red Camry. The alcohol still lingered on the mans breath and clothes. He was out with his wife at the bar for St. Patrick's Day. "Tonight was fun!" The girl yelled from the passengers side. "Yes it was and maybe we could continue that fun when we get home?" The man responded jokingly. A dim light could be seen peering in and out of the tree line. The trickery of the night fueled by the alcohol mixed into a deadly equation. Taking his mind off the road for a moment proved as such. A light as bright as the sun engulfed the interior of the car. This was the last thing he remembered.

"God damn it, my head is killing me." He proclaimed rubbing his temples with his fingers. The gum of the machines could be heard in the plain white hospital room. A young beautiful nurse was by his bed side recording notes. "Excuse me miss, where is my wife?" He asked confused. "Ah, I see you are up John." She said half hearted. "Thank you but where is my wife." He asked in a more stern and concerned voice. "I am sorry, she is dead." She answered morbidly with her head looking down at the ground. This crushed John's heart. After recovering from his injuries he returned home with half a heart.

The quiet vacant home seemed to scream out depression and loneliness. The suns rays poked into the kitchen window refracting off of the blue curtain hung atop the windows. This created a light blue light that covered the items on the table. Entering the room revealed a pure white mantle hung over a fireplace. A white couch situated in front of the fireplace and a wooden coffee table adjacent to the couch. A polished wood picture frame contained his wife. The picture seemed to act as a portal to old memories. "John, I wish you were here." His wifes voice rang throughout the room. "Jessica!?" He yelled confused as he turned around. A cold sweat flooded his face. Turning around proved fruitless. The only response was that of cardinals chirping outside. "I could have sworn I heard her." He said puzzled and confused.

This is a small part and not even a quarter so I lied. This is for a flash fiction assignment for my Creative Writing class. I would really appreciate suggestion towards improvement.

A-L

Well regarding your dialogue you have to remember to start a new line every time another character begins to speak. Also, some more details would provide for a much more in depth story. Other than that it was interesting.

Please read and comment Metropolis (science fiction, fantasy) anything would be appreciated.

penguinsfly03

whenever a new person starts talking a new paragraph must be started, uhhmmm personally i think how you introduce the characters names is a little weird, you just sort of throw them in there, not very introductory, transition is off, the story jumps from one thing to the next without easing into it...EDIT:sorry i just repeated A-L, i didn't see his post until after my post

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You gotta suit up for them all-J. Askenburg