I was given some advice on another writing forum aswell and re drafeted it here i the re drafted version:
The Meeting
It was a Friday night and the sun was slowly disappearing in the distance. Tonight was the night Brian was supposed to be meeting a man he knew as Dave. He had recently met him while looking for Spurs supporters which lived in or around Manchester on the internet.
Brian had just moved to Manchester with his wife and two kids and everyone was just starting to settle in to their new life. Brian worked as a black cabby in London and had been on the job for the
last 6 years and new London like the back of his hand, but this was different, this was new to him, he didn’t have a clue where he was going. All he had was a name ‘The Robert Peel’; it was the name of the local pub.
He had an hour before he was due to meet Dave. What could he do? He decided it would be best to get there early to try and spot whoever he was meeting as they came in.
He started on his way up to ‘The Robert Peel’ walking past a row of houses that all looked identical, all plain white, all with black doors and expensive cars out side, it looked like it was one house, that had been put in front of a number of mirrors and what you was seeing was the reflections. He felt out of place, he was a cockney this was way too posh for him, he was used to dirty, smelly streets with homeless people on every street.
His heart was racing what the fuck was he doing? Going to meet a guy he’s never met before in a pub he’s never been too what person in there right mind would do that? Brian was just hoping that Dave wasn’t some kind of mad stalker. He tried to block the thoughts out and not think about what COULD happen.
He kept walking until he came to a row of shops, one stood out more than the others, red in colour with a glowing sign that you could see for miles. Brian decided to go in as he had loads of time on his hands. He stepped in and browsed over the selection of drinks and reached out and grabbed the cheapest on there. He walked towards the counter and start sifting through the change in his pocket which was mostly coppers; finally he found what he was looking for the fifty pence piece which he knew he had in his pocket somewhere. He placed the drink on the counter top, which the light was shinning off and catching Brian right I the eye. He exited the shop and looked up at the sky, the sun had completely gone and there was a light glow from the moon just getting through a small crack in between two clouds. He flicked his sleeve up revealing what looked like a expensive Rolex watch but little do everyone else know it was knock off from Brian’s local market, he looked at his watch and the clock face showed it was coming up to 8pm. He had just over half an hour before he was scheduled to meet Dave.
He could see the large dark pub from where he was standing and started over to it. He approached the front of the pub when a large hand protruded out in front of him and stopped him in his tracks. Brian turned to find a white man, who was 6ft tall and about 16 stone, majority of which was muscle. The man looked scruffy, wearing only a plain black t-shirt that had the words ‘SECURITY’ on the front in big white bold letters. The man opened his mouth to speak and the stench of his breath and his black eroded teeth hit Brian straight in his face and Brian nearly threw up all over the man.
The man began to speak
‘What do you..’ when a small but stocky man exited the pub and stopped him mid sentence.
‘Steve get in here, Morgan’s trying to kick off again’
The man’s expression told Brian everything it showed him that Steve was starting to get really fed up with this Morgan guy. While Brian had been day dreaming 5 minutes had passed and a man was being thrown out as he came round from his little day dream.
Brian finally entered the pub; the door creaked as he pushed it open. It was heavier than he had anticipated and had to quickly put all his weight on to the door to stop it closing on him. The door was a security door, that had been in place less than 6months ago after several doors being broken by people barging into them and then bouncing off the metal re enforced walls and causing a crack right down the centre of the door.
He was shocked to see how empty the pub was considering it was gone 8pm and a Friday night. Brian headed towards the bar and waited for the bar men to serve him.
The man behind the bar looked ill with huge purple bags under his eyes; it looked as if he had two black eyes. He had jet black hair and a long beard that gave Brian the shivers; he was considerably thin and looked as if he was going to snap in half at any time. The bloke had a look about him that just showed trouble.
The man asked Brian what he wanted but Brian hadn’t heard, as he was in his own little world. The man spoke again but this time a little louder bring Brian out of his day dream ‘What you having?’
‘Pint of stellar’ Brian shouted back as the background noise got progressively louder. Brian paid for the pint and started to sip from his glass when he looked up at the small TV on the stand which was showing sky sports and running through the scores of the matches that had been played through out the day. He looked about and spotted a corner booth where he could see both entrances of the pub.
