The Thing

Streets were strewn with litter. Bags of shopping were left discarded. Cars were left abandoned. Smashed shop windows gaped at the world with their deadly, jagged jaws. Blood stained the concrete ground. Outside one building a trail of scarlet led under the door.

Sol peered over the edge of the world. Shadows elongated. Birds began to sing. A hungry fox scavenging for food ran across the street carrying a bloody hand in it’s mouth. In the shadows of the upper storey windows figures stirred.

An excited voice rings out over the dawn. It was evangelical in tone and content. An excitement born of absolute faith. Words preach on the world’s current condition. Blame is apportioned to the unbelievers. We are living in the apocalypse, the monologue states, and shall never be free for we are the damned!

Elsewhere, more evangelical muttering stir the converted. This discourse sings to a different hymn sheet. These are not the words of guilt. They are angry and have direction. A man speaks for others. These are not teaching words, but words of hatred born from centuries of oppression. These are words of war.

Religious leaders bicker and fight and kill over whose faith is genuine while across town soldiers prepare for another day of shedding blood. Soldiers that wear a cross. Soldiers that wear a star. Soldiers that wear a crescent. Soldiers that will return in black, zipped-up bags.

In the suburbs fearful citizens cower. Their religion is overlooked. The holy pound. The holy dollar. Going to the mall on a Saturday morning. None of it counts for squat now. It is a dead belief. A past, erased.

As sheep we fell in line. Now we are like lost puppies with new masters fighting for our control. The final result doesn’t really count. The end is near either way.

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This was a five minute exercise. Nothing serious. But any comments that can help me improve my skills are welcome.

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Nero's Mistress

Magic Dust Productions

Grey Dog Software

Mr Sci Fi

I'm a little thrown off by the shifting of tenses, and left confused by the final sentence.

The descriptions were written well, but occassionally unclear, such as:

I'm not certain if this was an error in punctuation or syntax, but it left me perplexed. I think a comma after building might suffice.

Pretty interesting for a short exercise. Hopefully you achieved what you were looking for out of it. I usually find that with my exercises I'm even worse off in my writing than before I wrote them.

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"The writer you envy today will probably have reason to envy you tomorrow." - Orson Scott Card

Forlove

I like it, I think it describes many of the conflicts the world is currently in. It touches on the innocent side of things and goes to a darker area where powerful people fight over us like we are herds of animals. It shows the connection between religion and politics and how religion dictates the wars we fight and the people we associate with.

A-L

I like it, good job.

GunslingersRequiem

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