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Old 02-21-2008, 11:13 PM   #1
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A Place Of Peace- Working Title

Okay, this is a story that one day kinda popped into my head and then I decided to go with it. Anyways, tell me what you think. Also, this is only the beginning of this story.

Everything is basically the same. Nothing ever changes. Sure, time and people come and go but the song remains the same for me. Everywhere I go and everyone I meet are the same. No one is different as people rather follow the same corrupt hierarchy than dare to be different.

I hate this all. I would rather wonder around from place to place all my life than to conform to the greedy and corrupt world that I am surrounded by. Walking and running are the only physicial activities that make me happy. Every other activity reminds me of the world that I hate so much. Nature makes me happy as well as it is one of the pure items that exist in a land of despair.

I was walking along a heavily wooded forest admiring the trees and the creatures that lived in them. It was a very beautiful day as it was just the perfect temperature for me. It was not too cold yet it was not hot, the day's temperature just seemed right for me. I had grown up in a region of the world where the weather was always in a perfect state. Back then, those were happier times before.....

Just then, I heard a noise but this was not a noise of nature. This was the sound of a man made object. It seemed to be distant through yet I started to walk around in order to search for the source. As I wondered about the forest, I spotted an open field. Open fields were to mean one thing to me....man was destroying nature for his own selfish desires.

I got on all fours and started to quietly crawl to the sound. Crawling was not bad for me as I was a slightly short fellow who could get through most narrow spaces. I got close enough to spot the treecutters. There was three of them, they all looked like a bunch of hairless bears to me. I was deeply angered by their action as I looked on hiding in a massive bush that could of hid at least two of the behemoth woodcutters.

I could not believe what they were doing! Destroying beautiful works of nature in order to build useless items for a society full of waste. I wanted to act but I did not know how to. A fight with those three was not my best option as they would tear me into shreds. I needed to be smart about this as one carefully planned tactic by me could spell death for these three.
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Old 02-21-2008, 11:24 PM   #2
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I had an old swiss army knife in the pockets of my brown shorts. An attack with my knife might kill one but the killing of all three with my aging yet sharp knife would be a two million to one shot. Observing these men in action, I noticed that they were taking their sweet time. Their slow call to action might become an advantage for me. All of sudden, one of the men started to walk towards my bush.

A plan was needed or else I would be discovered. The brute was drawing ever closer to me. The man was about six and half feet tall with dark hair and a burly build to him. He had dark brown eyes that appeared uncaring and brutal to me. He suddenly stipped when he noticed a rabbit near him. The rabbit was just there minding its own business when all of sudden.......it was struck down.

The dark haired man had quickly taken out a knife and struck the rabbit in its heart. The poor creature never had a shot, this action really angered me. I watched as the man in a very uneducated sounding voice said, "little rabbit is goin in mah belly". His sheer stupidity made my blood boil to a point that I did not understand how the fire inside of me did not take me whole. I knew that I needed to act.

All logic had escaped me. I clutched my knife tightly and sprang from my hiding spot like a lion goinging after his lowly prey. I sprinted towards the dark haired man and struck him in the side of the head with my eight inched knife. I was so fast that he never saw me. Quickly, I grabbed the dead rabbit and retreated to my hiding spot as my victim lied on the ground bleeding from his head.

The blow looked to fatal as blood came rapidly from the side of the head. This action greatly confused me as it was not in my nature to kill a man for just killing a rabbit. I had killed animals before but there was something about this man's killing that drove me into a barbarian. This killer streak somewhat disturbed me but it also brought me some pleasure. My mind stood at a standstill that was divided with itself.
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Old 02-22-2008, 03:19 PM   #3
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Any responses?
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Old 02-25-2008, 10:44 PM   #4
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Old 02-26-2008, 12:34 AM   #5
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I like the idea, but I think it needs to be a little extended. Describe a little more, and maybe move just a speck more slowly.

It sort of reminds me of the Gary Paulson Novel Canyons, if that means anything to you.
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