Rez

Hi guys,

I started this as a fun side project on a whim and its sort of began to take on a life of its own. This is intended to be saturated high fantasy with a lot of elements from our own world thrown in. Many of the characters are based on people in my own life.

I'm kind of on a kick for realism, in terms of "would the character really say that" and so I am trying to create characters here that are very easy to relate to.

I also have a fascination with magic. As a scientist in real life, I have almost substituted our technology with "magic" in this world, so I might have an almost scientific take on magic.

So anyway, here is the beginning, nothing has been edited so I know there are typos and errors. This is a very rough first draft, but I hope you enjoy and please be brutally honest! It's not like this is my life goal and I have no other options I already know what I want to do.

Serenity:

Serenity.

This is the natural state of the world, the state of harmony which all things flow towards. For millennia Venlor had seen no atrocities, no genocide, no mass war. Of course, there had indeed been quarrels, disease, illness, and greed.

Greed.

It is the source of all malice and suffering in the world. Greed leads to jealousy, hatred, and ultimately evil. Yet, the overwhelming forces of love, compassion, and order have easily kept the flood of evil and its dark spring dammed up and repressed. These forces of greed work unnaturally and tirelessly to undo the innate serenity of the world. Barriers were being broken, however. Nothing in the world, even the hardest diamond, is completely impregnable. Fissures of the writhing stream of darkness began to penetrate the radiant lifestream which flows through the world, connecting all natural things. Even in the dark months that were approaching, there was still hope, and, with a flash of light, a new dawn of heroes arose…

“Dive. NOW!”
“Do you not think I am aware of my surroundings? Have some faith!”
“I’m sorry my friend, but these are natural reactions which one has when a hulking beast is flying toward him”
“Yes, well, keep up your guard. It’s coming around.”
“Not to worry,” Rezildur Amaethoralas said as he turned to face the approaching beast. Disgusting things, rekta are, he thought. They were incredibly revolting creatures, and their agility in the air was remarkable considering their great bulk. Because of their size they were still relatively easy targets, and while dangerous in groups, this one was alone.

Rezildur brought his hands up and extended his mind out around him, tapping into the Etherstream which permeates the world, and began to feel his body fill will energy. The surrounding air turned to wind as the temperature around him dropped drastically. While azure light and scintillation whirled around his body, a dangerous amalgamation of chilling frost and ice coalesced between his hands.

“Ingoro Fel-Anoro!” The incantation brought a surge of energy which caused the spell to focus and burst forth from his hands as a formidable flurry of freezing cold air and ice. The beast dodged, but one of its wings was clipped by the blast. It cried out and, while able to fly still, was clearly having difficulty.

“Not taking another chance this time,” thought Rezildur. Instead of focusing the energy completely between his hands he used them as a locus to catapult it almost instantly to the creature.

“Ingoro Fel-Anora!” With a greater surge of mental strength than for the first spell, the air between Rezildur and the beast distorted as a shock of ice erupted around the rekta, both rending and paralyzing it. The creature plummeted from the sky with a screech, and the sound of it shattering below could be heard shortly after.

Shaking his head, Rezildur said, “Enough of that, I’m done with sight seeing for the day. The peaks of Velica are beautiful but I think that we are both ready to return to the citadel, eh, my friend?”
“That was good practice for you, and while you may have found that trivial, Magister Baeroth sees these excursions as necessary. I need rest and food first though; I have been flying all day and am exhausted.”
“Anorath…”
“I know it will be dark soon. Conjure a light- these are the advantages of being an Ethermage.”
“Yes I know, I know… do you see anything appetizing?”
“There should be something around here. My father told me that there are giant rams that are abundant here in the peaks. He spoke of how they are as fat as the queen of Derland.”
Rezildur laughed, “Anoroth always did have a good sense of humor…for a dragon.”
“I'm inclined to leave you up here now.”
“So, I will just teleport or levitate back down”
“Yes, but you still need me”
“True. Go find some food! I can wait on this ledge here.”

Anorath landed gracefully upon the ledge for such a large creature. Rezildur leapt off the dragon’s back, landing with barely a sound.

“I’ll be back soon,” said Anorath as he took off in search for fresh provisions. Rezildur marveled at the sight of his friend. Covered mostly in brilliant blue scales, with silver and gold adornments, Anorath could be described as nothing short of beautiful as he dove into the path of the setting sun. This is not to say that he was not fearsome looking. For Rezildur, Anorath kept his scales softer and smooth. In battle, however, the dragon’s scales became hard as diamonds. He possessed a maturing, yet dangerous, set of horns, a 20 foot wingspan, and a formidable set of teeth that were like rows of short swords packed together. His 15 foot long body was sleek and light, yet incredibly muscular and thus powerful. The magnificent whip-like tail was just as long and was tipped with a shining blue-white bioluminescent bone crystal. Anorath was without a doubt a ferocious killing machine, but he was not mindless. His intelligence was constantly expanding and the only thing that matched his feral rage was his fierce compassion and benevolence for those he loved and was meant to protect. Rezildur felt utterly safe with his friend, and while he would not admit it openly, being left alone on that ledge created a gate in the wall of shelter that led to a vault of insecurity which few knew he possessed.

Rez

While his education and training were both going extremely well, the expectations for what he would become in life were overwhelming. He was the first child of a celebrated union that was only beginning to find acceptance in the world. His mother, Donviera D’Valleon, was one of the three High Maidens of Dawnfire and her powers as a human sorceress were unrivaled in all the adjacent kingdoms. Rezildur’s father was Wyverion Amaethoralas. As the Venerable Guardian, he was the head of the Paladins of Eldyandiral and one of the nine members of the High Elven House of Advisors. The two met in Eldyandiral when Donviera was just 24 years of age, on a search for her master to acquire the dreamleaf herb, which grows only in the glades tended to by the elves. The dreamleaf is a unique plant, as it draws from both the Ether and Lightstreams to sustain itself. Consequently it is highly valued by healers, sorcerers, and enchanters alike for its practical properties. The shimmering turquoise and gold leaves are known for their beauty as well, and so they are found in the common markets where they are sold to the more vain and wealthy members of society.

Unfortunately, the dreamleaf attracts other dark and unwanted guests as well. The Mahgore are essentially manifestations of the Netherstream. They are the leeches of darkness, the most fundamental components of greed, nightmare, and insanity. While unable to cause direct harm to the physical world, they latch onto the portion of Lifestream that flows through each living organism. They feed on this life and its power, and in doing so, they corrupt the host. The Mahgore are of extremely limited intelligence, and have but two goals: to feed themselves, and to do so at the expense of other beings if at all possible. Corruption and insanity follows in the wake of a Mahgore, and with only great difficulty can the effects of their feeding be reversed.

The druids, paladins and priests of Eldyandiral were periodically wandering the dreamleaf glades at the time, as there had been a disturbing increase in Mahgore appearances at the time. Upon her arrival to the glades, Donviera was warned by the druids that were presently attempting to heal the lands of previous nether corruption. The young sorceress listened to them, but soon forgot about the dangers of the glades as she was overwhelmed by their beauty.

Donviera ventured to a quiet area, where she could be alone with her thoughts without the voices of others that were there to gather the herbs. She found a particularly pleasant clearing, where the sun shined down with a gentle warmth, and a cool breeze blew her thick black hair across her face. Kneeling down upon a soft mossy outcrop, Donviera unsheathed her dagger and cut off a stem of dreamleaf. The sweet and divine aroma overwhelmed her, and she laid upon her back, with the leaves pressed to her lips. Though she could not feel it, there was a subtle darkness creeping into her soul, ever so slowly, searching for a secure hold on her life essence in the Lifestream. The Mahgore could generally afford this lengthy process, as they preyed upon their hosts with an ethereal analgesic. This was exactly the reason for the seemingly unnecessary patrols of the glades.

By a stroke of luck, Wyverion was later strolling through the outer edges of the glades, and saw this strikingly beautiful human woman lying down. She was wearing a blue and purple robe, adorned with gold and white hems. Her skin was a pleasing olive tone, and her long, wavy dark hair was spread across the ground while her large oval eyes were closed and a faint smile was spread across her face. She herself seemed divine lying in the faint glow of the dreamleaf.

Wyverion began to walk towards her. He had seen this before, and knew that even some of the most intelligent souls were able to fall victim to the deception of the Mahgore. Trained as a paladin and in the ways of the Lightstream, Wyvern could see a faint, almost transparent, black aura surrounding the leaves the woman held which he could see seeping into her heart and mind. ‘The dark constriction of the soul…she has been lying here for at least two hours,’ he thought.
Approaching the woman, Wyverion spoke, “Excuse me, my beautiful lady, are you alright?”
Donviera looked up at the unknown man, a glowing white angelic figure in the midst of a dark envelope at the edge of her vision. She both felt and looked extremely inebriated. Smiling slightly, she whispered quietly, “Hello.”
Wyverion could tell the woman was beyond the aid of mere words, and could see that the Mahgore had sensed his presence. It began to grip her faster, and her eyes widened as her breath shortened. She began to look like crazed, and as the Mahgore frantically began to search for a more secure grip on her Lifestream, her veins contracted and expanded erratically creating a deep red color in her eyes.

Recognizing a dire situation immediately, Wyverion acted, drawing upon his own harmonic ties to the Lightstream. His mind filled with effervescent light as he drew it into the physical world. A shining star was born in his hands and as he plunged it toward the woman’s chest, he spoke with conviction:
“Silnavra Extaelis!”
Light exploded around both of them. His left hand stabilized the flow of the Lightstream as the runes of the incantation manifested themselves around the woman’s body in a cradle of pure and golden light. She was lifted off the ground as he drew his right hand higher and higher, above is own head, exorcising the vile darkness. Amidst the light the dark slowly rose up toward Wyverion’s hand, refusing to let go of its precious prize. Donviera cried out, neck arched back, and her hair fell below her as she ascended. Upon a surge of mental and spiritual strength, runes of illumination coalesced and cut through the black like daggers and a seemingly far away scream could be heard as the gloom was shattered in a shower of stars.
Donviera’s body slowly returned to the earth as the light faded, and the glade returned to normal. Wyverion knelt beside her, and waited, content with the fact that she was gently breathing, until she opened her eyes. Minutes later, Donviera’s eyes did flutter open, and she now saw much more clearly the man that had penetrated the drunken darkness. He was handsome, which did not surprise her in the least considering he was a high elf. His white, almost blue, hair was cleanly cropped above his long and elegant pointed ears which extended just over the top of his head. Although he possessed strong and stern facial features, his eyes were kind, even when closed. Donviera felt safe. She spoke to him quietly for a second time, yet now with a strength and certainty in her voice, unlike before.
“Thank you.”
Wyverion opened his crystal blue eyes which gently shined and saw the woman’s eyes fully open now for the first time. They were hazel green.

Rez

“You are most welcome, this is my job.”
Blushing, Donviera replied, “Well I thank you, and although I know that I should be more relieved than anything, I am truly embarrassed that I did not heed the words of my master or the druids. Especially considering my education and skill, I should have known better…”
Wyverion dismissed her embarrassment, “No need to be embarrassed. Even when we think we are avoiding the darkness, the Mahgore are creatures of deception.”
Donviera nodded in agreement, “Yes.”
There was an uncomfortable silence, but then she spoke again, “May I ask the name of this man in shining silver and gold armor that has so conveniently saved my life?”
Wyverion laughed, “I’m Wyverion Amaethoralas, Venerable Guardian of Eldyandiral. And your name?”
Donviera gasped in astonishment, “The Venerable Guardian? But you are so young..”
Wyverion furrowed his eyebrows, “Ah come now, I have just turned 200.”
“Now I am truly embarrassed, although you elves never actually age until you are almost on your deathbed. I’m Donviera D’Valleon of Dawnfire.”
“Ah yes, there has been some talk that a sorceress known for her charisma and precocity in magic from Dawnfire would be in the forests.”
“Wonderful, and this is why I am embarrassed. I have so many eyes watching me, which is comforting and yet disturbing at the same time.”
“Donviera, allow me to keep this as our secret, and escort you back to town once you have finished collecting your herbs.”
“Perfect, thank you Guardian.”
“Wyverion.”
“If you say so.”
This was the first of many promises that Wyverion and Donviera kept to each other. Their love has remained completely solid through their thirty years of marriage. No one ever did hear of Donviera’s folly, except for their children, Rezildur and Kesraellia.

Returning his focus to the peaks and sky in front of him, Rezildur noticed that the sun was almost gone, and that he was incredibly cold. Standing, he positioned his right hand in front of his chest and brought it just above his head in a sweeping motion as he spoke ether words of warmth.
“Fiera sil Centaure”
A soft shield of warm air enveloped Rezildur and a faint, shimmering orange glow appeared as the cold molecules passing through were infused with heat and energy. Muscles relaxing, he sat down again with his knees up and forearms resting upon them. Removing his leather gloves, he rubbed his palms together and exhaled deeply as he saw the shape of his friend emerge over a crest against the fading horizon.

Anorath arrived, “mmm fully satiated”
“Eh? Good, what was for dinner?”
“Two giant rams and a large melted ice crystal to drink”
“Bring me anything?”
“You don’t eat raw meat…?”
“No no, what about Icirises, did you not see any?”
Smiling, Anorath produced a bundle of light blue flowers with deep blue edges and many petals, “Of course I did.”
“’Of course you did,’” Rezildur replied with a smile, mocking his friend, “Let me have them.”
Anorath gave Rezildur the flowers, who ate one, “Mmmm it’s been months since I have had these, I forget how sweet they are every time. Do you want any?”
“No, keep them, I’m full.”
Tucking the flowers away in a pouch, Rezildur moved towards the dragon, “Alright lets get back to the citadel then.”

A-L

As you did say, there were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but overall it reads well, your descriptions provided for some beautiful imagery. I am not usually a fan of the whole 'light vs dark' theme, as i find it cliche, but i think with your imaginitive mind you could make it less so. Good job

Rez

Funny that you just responded as I was checking to see if anyone had read it!

I agree. It does seem like typical light vs. dark right now and it essentially will be but the direction I am going to take will be more...indirect.

There won't end up being some big bad guy like Sauron at the end. It's going to essentially be these Mahgore creatures as the main antoginists but the interesting thing with them will be that one's own friends and family will be then seen as the "bad guys." I hope to eventually have such moral decisions as "Do we annihilate this population that is being dominated by the Mahgore, or do we try and save them at the cost of our own lives."

Also one of the human empires is going to turn out to not be what it seems. I'm not sure what I am going to do yet but I will think of something. I have a map of the world drawn out already and the major cities of each race labeled. I'll post that a bit later. I've also drawn up a bit of lore on the concept of these Streams that flow throw the world, and they will be the Lifestream, Lightstream, Etherstream, and Netherstream.


I want these threats to feel real, and legitimately scary, and I will be honest I am somewhat modeling the effects of the Mahgore after the Rage virus of 28 days later...except curable. I love Lord of the Rings, but to be honest I never really found the orcs to be terrifying. They are just kind of gross and unappealing to me.


Also...is it just me or do these forums take forever to load?

A-L

yeah! these forums are taking forever to load. But i see where you are going i guess, but just keep up with the imagery, i think that could draw a reader in as is, and if you add a powerful and i guess realistic plot, it will make your story excellent.

A-L

Hey, you should try mine at Metropolis (science fiction, fantasy) any comments would be helpful.