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The Intergalactic Misadventures of Boyo and Bucko (V)
The following is a transcript of a recent meeting between Rupert Buckminster, Reginald Boysenberre, and their agent, Reckus Eecme. They are referred to as Agent, Bucko, and Boyo respectively. This transcript has been edited for content in accordance with United Planets Law, Section 861A, Subsection 24, all amendments withstanding.
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Agent: Thank you for coming.
Boyo: Any time. Weīre always available for our manager.
Agent: Well, technically, Iīm your agent, not your manager.
Bucko: Youīre an angel.
Agent: Have you been drinking?
Boyo: No.
Bucko: Yes. Weīre positively wasted.
Agent: Well, uh, mister Buckminster--
Bucko: Thatīs Bucko to you, laddie.
Agent: Fine. Bucko...Boyo...this constant state of yours might well be part of the problem.
Boyo: What problem is that?
Agent: Frankly...people arenīt responding well to you two. I mean, actually...they arenīt responding at all.
Bucko: (edited)
Agent: Here are the charts, you can see for yourself.
Bucko: You know what it is? Theyīre speechless.
Agent: That may very well be, mister Buckminster --
Bucko: Bucko!
Agent: Fine. Here at Serious Communications we just donīt accept indifference. Iīm sure you understand.
Boyo: Maybe you could explain it to us?
Agent: Fine. Fine. Adoration sells. Loathing sells even more. You two just arenīt registering. We tried to give you enough chances, but the results just arenīt there.
Bucko: Itīs (edited) Ozzyīs fault.
Boyo: I agree.
Agent: Allright, so how do you figure?
Bucko: Ever since that (edited) stopped drinking his (edited) work has (edited)
-------------MISSING PORTION OF TRANSCRIPT. RESUMES 3:03 LATER--------------------
Bucko: -- and youīre a (edited).
Agent: That may well be true, gentlemen, but the fact is that no one else is interested in working with you.
Boyo: Thatīs just...unbelievable.
Bucko: And it ainīt true neither.
Boyo: Man...tone it down a notch.
Bucko: Iīll tone you down a notch.
Boyo: See? Thatīs what heīs talking about!
Bucko: So itīs my fault, eh?
Boyo: Well, so what do we do next?
Bucko: Thatīs what I thought.
Agent: Well, for now we have no choice but to terminate your contracts.
Bucko: (edited)
Boyo: Are you serious?
Agent: Iīm sorry, gentlemen, but we really have no options here. We tried.
Bucko: Well thatīs just typical. Ask anyone...anyone! Whoīs had greater, wilder adventures than we have? No one! Stars, we travelled in time, we partied with mass-murderers, we saved the Universe for (edited)! We went to Terra!
Boyo: Heīs right. Maybe if we find someone else to do our story?
Agent: Sure. Find someone else who can make it more...exciting. And, you know, maybe leave out some of the wild life, the drinking and drugging. Focus more on the actual adventures and detail more sex.
Bucko: I donīt remember any of the sex.
Boyo: Good. I guess that will make me the star of the show. Should have been that way from the start.
Agent: That sounds good. You and your sidekick.
Bucko: Sidekick? Sidekick?! Thatīs a sidekick!
Boyo: You (edited)! Letīs step outside, (edited).
Agent: Gentlemen, decorum, please. Try to be professional.
Bucko: Sorry. But if Iīm a sidekick, heīs a ridgehand.
Boyo: Whatīs a ridgehand? Aaaaahh!!!! Thatīs it!
Agent: Now stop it! Iīll call security!
Bucko: OK, OK.
Agent: Now listen, all is not lost. Here are your last checks, and we are looking into other venues for your work. Allright?
Bucko: (edited)
Boyo: What other venues?
Agent: Iīm not permitted, legally, to say right now. Just try to keep it together, keep Ozzy busy for now, improve everything like we said, and weīll be in touch.
Bucko: Iīll touch--
Boyo: Thank you. Thank you. Come on, Buckles. Letīs go.
END OF TRANSCRIPT.
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