Horror - The Demented - Must Read!!! - Writers Forum

AmazingDaeg · 02-13-2008, 04:02 PM

Okay, I'm only 14 years old, and I have been writing for quite some time now
I am writing a novel entiltled, "The Demented" and Im thinking about getting it publshed.
Tell me what you think, and enjoy the plot aka preface, and the prologue
I am just a beginning on the whole novel writing streak so I need tips!~
Peace

The Demented

Plot
Eleven year old Matthew Sanders has lived a very unlucky life. He has a real problem with bullies because his brother is in a gang that likes the brutally torment Matthew. Ever since Matthew was 6 years old, he has had an imaginary friend named Darkness. Darkness tells Matthew everything he needs to know about getting through the day. But Matthew has been growing angrier and angrier. Darkness showed Matthew how to get rid of his anger by taking small animals and torturing them for pure amusement. But Matthew is ready to move up to bigger and better things. On Halloween, Matthew gets a butcher knife and an axe and kills 9 people. After being committed to a Mental Institution where he is put under the care of Dr. Isaiah Davidson, Matthew seems to be getting worse. Because the more he talks to Darkness, the more violent he becomes. Matthew has changed, over the years, and Davidson is about to give up on him.

You see, Matthew is now 27 years old.
He is also 286 pounds, and 7 feet tall.

And it's only a matter of time before he escapes to find the rest of his family.

Who knows what Darkness will say next?

The Demented

Prologue

When I was just a small child, I had an imaginary friend name Charlie. I’m glad I got to name him because when you really want a friend to keep you company, your imagination gives you that opportunity. I always used to play with Charlie, because when I didn’t have a real friend to play with, I’d play with him. You know, using the imagination. Even though you know that the ball you throw isn’t going to come back to you, you know you had fun doing it while using your imagination.
The idea of having an imaginary friend is very great to have. Especially to parents. Parents think it’s great to have an imaginary friend when all options to having a real one yourself are closed. But sometimes it can get out of hand. Mainly parents worry about the age of their children having one is a problem. But what parents don’t know is that, like real friends, there are dangers. Like what if the imaginary friend was real, and talked to your kids for hours. I might sound out of the box here when I say this, but what if that imaginary friend was something you thought your children would never come into contact with? What if that imaginary friend was a demonic spirit trying to take your child from reality? Well, that may sound very strange to say, and you may think I’m crazy, but just because you think it won’t happen, doesn’t mean it can’t. It can really happen. Never ever think it won’t. There has been on numerous occasions, real life demonic spirits contacting children and using them to wreak havoc. Very few reports and not enough to say they were true. But this is how the story goes.
Now I am going to take you into the life of a young boy that this certain kind of terror had happened to. He was the loveliest little boy you would ever know. But all that was taken away on one treacherous night. On that night, the entire town of Salem, Oregon, and possibly the world, was changed forever. Thus making this the most disturbing and possibly horrid book you will ever get to read in your lifetime.
Let’s go into the real mind of the devil himself.
This is the true mind of the demented.

Damian_Rucci · 02-13-2008, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmazingDaeg

Okay, I'm only 14 years old, and I have been writing for quite some time now
I am writing a novel entiltled, "The Demented" and Im thinking about getting it publshed.
Tell me what you think, and enjoy the plot aka preface, and the prologue
I am just a beginning on the whole novel writing streak so I need tips!~
Peace

The Demented

Plot
Eleven year old Matthew Sanders has lived a very unlucky life. He has a real problem with bullies because his brother is in a gang that likes to brutally torment Matthew. Ever since Matthew was 6 years old, he has had an imaginary friend named Darkness. Darkness tells Matthew everything he needs to know about getting through the day. But Matthew has been growing angrier and angrier. Darkness showed Matthew how to get rid of his anger by taking small animals and torturing them for pure amusement. But Matthew is ready to move up to bigger and better things. On Halloween, Matthew gets a butcher knife and an axe and kills 9 people. After being committed to a Mental Institution where he is put under the care of Dr. Isaiah Davidson, Matthew seems to be getting worse. Because the more he talks to Darkness, the more violent he becomes. Matthew has changed, over the years, and Davidson is about to give up on him.

You see, Matthew is now 27 years old.
He is also 286 pounds, and 7 feet tall.

And it's only a matter of time before he escapes to find the rest of his family.

Who knows what Darkness will say next?

The Demented

Prologue

When I was just a small child, I had an imaginary friend name Charlie. I’m glad I got to name him because when you really want a friend to keep you company, your imagination gives you that opportunity. I always used to play with Charlie, because when I didn’t have a real friend to play with, I’d play with him. You know, using the imagination. Even though you know that the ball you throw isn’t going to come back to you, you know you had fun doing it while using your imagination.
The idea of having an imaginary friend is very great to have. Especially to parents. Parents think it’s great to have an imaginary friend when all options to having a real one yourself are closed. But sometimes it can get out of hand. Mainly parents worry about the age of their children having one is a problem. (try not to start with 'but')But what parents don’t know is that, like real friends, there are dangers. Like what if the imaginary friend was real, and talked to your kids for hours. I might sound out of the box here when I say this, but what if that imaginary friend was something you thought your children would never come into contact with? What if that imaginary friend was a demonic spirit trying to take your child from reality? Well, that may sound very strange to say, and you may think I’m crazy, but just because you think it won’t happen, doesn’t mean it can’t. It can really happen. Never ever think it won’t. There has been on numerous occasions, real life demonic spirits contacting children and using them to wreak havoc. Very few reports and not enough to say they were true. But this is how the story goes.
Now I am going to take you into the life of a young boy that this certain kind of terror had happened to. He was the loveliest little boy you would ever know. But all that was taken away on one treacherous night. On that night, the entire town of Salem, Oregon, and possibly the world, was changed forever. Thus making this the most disturbing and possibly horrid book you will ever get to read in your lifetime.
Let’s go into the real mind of the devil himself.
This is the true mind of the demented.

( I like the idea, reminds me a little bit about the new Halloween movie. But that's not a problem. Only problem I have with the prologue is that it seems to, well revealing. I'd suggest for you to use some metaphors or hidden meanings in this prologue. You know what I mean?)

A-L · 02-13-2008, 09:20 PM

i agree with rucci on that one. But other than that good.