Helix Spire - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

salmon the creative · 02-13-2008, 01:23 PM

Now, i have had this book planned for a few months now and only recently have i decided to start making preparations. I have written down some ideas, character backgrounds etc. and i am going to start writing it soon - probably next week or this weekend. I would like to know what you think of thi idea behind the story:

The Helix spire foundation is a global phenomenon. The worlds leading medical and pharmaceutical company. Helix spire is responsible for helping to cure the third world countries of their ever increasing disease problems. The U.S. government has given them funding year upon year to continue their world wide projects of studying DNA and developing new cures for previously in-curable illnesses. But is the organization as legitimate as everyone likes to think?...

The Helix spire foundation was first introduced to the world on 10th December 2001 - a day that many people like to remember as the day "God's saviour" arrived on earth. The president of Helix spire, Phillip Valaski, fooled the U.S. government into believing that the companies main objective was to "break medical records around the world". They were funded for a multi-national research project and things have grown since then. Thousands upon thousands, possibly millions, of people are contacted each year about donating their DNA samples to aid the Helix spire projects. But Helix spire are only out to locate one thing and one thing only...

Essentially, Helix spire is a terrorist organization - except without the artillery and the man-power. In the year 1706, a family of seemingly normal people called The Addison family were each hanged and tortured after people believed them to be known devil worshippers. However, it was discovered that they were each living descendants of Jesus Christ and the theories of the other people were entirely incorrect. In the year 1825, a woman named Alexus Thomson discovered that she herself was also a living descendant of Jesus Christ, and of the Addison family. It was at this point that Helix spire was first set up. Helix spire's main objective is to locate modern day descendants of the Addison family and extract their vital DNA to construct their weapon. In a sense, this book is a mix of sci-fi and fantasy...

Back to the present day. A group of five students who are close friends and operate in the same neighbourhood are contacted by Helix spire about donating their DNA for research purposes. At first they each hesitate but after consoltation, they all agree. Upon studying their DNA samples, Helix spire has now discovered what they have been looking for over a hundred years each of the students have a family connection they didnt know about and are ALL living descendants of the Addison family. But before the organization can carry out their plan of abducting them and carrying out their illegal testing, a group of covert spies, who have been monitoring Helix Spire's actions for a year, warn the group that if they dont run and hide, they will die. And from here is where the chase begins...

Now, i have listed a VERY brief background of the Helix spire foundation although i have written pages of information about the company, why it was started, the faces behind the fear etc. and i have also written backgrounds of the students. I am going to write notes and keep information on what is going to happen throughout the course of the story in a notebook which im using for just this story. The story is essentially a mis between sci-fi and fantasy with bits of thriller and mystery chucked in as well. I will explain Helix spire in more detail throughout the book as well as the students relationships and how they may change as they run from Helix spires clutches and how their families are involved - Helix spire is going to want to interrogate their families to find out where they have gone after all...

So, i would just ask that you read through what ive written here, give some constructive critism and maybe add in a few ideas of your own. You can ask me anything you are confused about and i will answer it. But overall, just tell me what you think...

And writing of this book starts sometime next week!!! I cant wait!!!

salmon the creative · 02-13-2008, 01:30 PM

Oh and i forgot to mention something. The title "Helix spire", which is also the title of the book, relates to what the company actually does. The word "Helix" relates to a strand of DNA and so thats where the name partially came from. The word "spire" is also related although im not going to tell you why... =]=]=]

A-L · 02-13-2008, 03:53 PM

hmm i like this, you seem to have everything set up for the story and insofar i like it, i didn't really notice anything out of place or that really needs fixing. I like the plot and i like where you are going, if were writing this i don't think i'd change anything, but wait a second i am going to read it again and post some more.

A-L · 02-13-2008, 03:57 PM

naw i wouldn't change anything

.

salmon the creative · 02-13-2008, 04:53 PM

why thank you! while i was waiting for a reply i managed to write LOADS of information about Valaski's background and how he got involved with helix spire...

salmon the creative · 02-15-2008, 04:22 AM

please give me feedback it would be greatly appreciated

salmon the creative · 02-20-2008, 05:42 AM

UPDATE:

I am currently writing chapter one which is called "10th december 2001..." as the chapter focuses on the meeting that took place between the Helix spire president, Phillip Valaski, and the president of the United States, Lawrence Goldburn. Any feedback on the original idea would still be welcomed as no-one has actually posted anything unfortunately except one person, whom i thank

A-L · 02-20-2008, 06:02 PM

Hope you get it done soon, it sounds like it'll be a good read

.

salmon the creative · 03-04-2008, 02:20 PM

UPDATE:

I finished chapter 1 last night and introduced my first mystery of the book...

If you want to read it, theres a rule: You gotta add my MSN contact to your contacts list and i will send you the file.

Chow

XX

HippoHead · 03-04-2008, 02:45 PM

there a reason why u can't post it up here?
but hell send it to me mannn

u sound enthusiastic about it

salmon the creative · 03-04-2008, 04:33 PM

nah no theres no reason why i cant post it up here i just wanted to make it exclusive lmao

salmon the creative · 03-04-2008, 04:46 PM

UPDATE number 2:

I have recently(as in last night) decided to include the use of flashbacks in this story. The reason being is because:

A) I feel that the characters have a hell of a lot of depth and background that simply would be an utter disgrace not to explore.
B) The first chapter is set in 2001. However, thw actual storyline is set in 2007 so there is a 6 year gap in-between that needs to be explained in some detail.

As well as including these types of flashbacks, i am also going to include individual character flashbacks for the reasons i stated above in A). It took me a while deciding whether or not to do this but in the end, i decided that i would.

But let me clear up any confusion people may have already. The inclusion of flashbacks DOES NOT mean time travel will be part of the storyline. I am 10000% sure of that.

king601 · 03-04-2008, 10:47 PM

You've got a storyline much like mine... But that's fine. I wasn't going to finish my book... Anyway, I like the way you have your plot set up. I would contact you on MSN but I don't have one... Oh well... Anyway, good luck with this. It seems like a very good read

salmon the creative · 03-05-2008, 04:58 AM

well, ive had one guy say that chapter one was good, needed a bit of work but was still good, and i agree that some things definitley need changing. So, here is the PRE-EDITED version of chapter one and i will post the edited version very soon. Please comment and leave feedback and i will include your feedback when i am making editorial changes to the work.

Thanks
xx

salmon the creative · 03-05-2008, 05:00 AM

Helix Spire

Chapter 1 – 10th December 2001…

It was the 10th December 2001. The small and crowded office of the president of the U.S., Lawrence Goldburn, was full of officials suited in black and carrying dossiers of their essential information. For they were awaiting the arrival of the president, although there was already one in the room with them. Phillip Valaski, the president of Helix spire. This man was the focus of the meeting. This man was there to convince a room full of representatives that he and his organization would break world records. This man was there to persuade the president that he wanted to build an empire so big the world itself would struggle to hold it. Phillip Valaski was only there for one thing – to bring Helix Spire into the world…

The door that allowed the representatives to enter suddenly flung open. The heavily tailored and well dressed president strode into the room and lay down a mass of papers at his desk. Everyone in the room, including Valaski, stood up to greet their superior and as Goldburn sat down, the others followed his lead. There was a long meeting ahead and no-body knew what the outcome would be.

Goldburn casually lifted sheet after sheet of the paper he had brought with him. Phillip couldn’t help but wonder that he had already read the information and was just deliberately wasting time. Everyone in the room was hesitant to breathe in fear of disturbing the president’s concentration. They did not have to wait long, however. Goldburn lifted the final piece of paper and laid it out in front of him. He raised his eyes and surveyed Valaski as though trying to work him out as a person. Then, the first sentence of the conversation began.

“Valaski isn’t it? Phillip Valaski?” Goldburn asked. He removed his glasses and placed them on the table top.

“Yes sir. That is indeed my name” Phillip replied. He wanted to show the same gratitude as Goldburn by placing his information on the desk.

“Well, Mr. Valaski. I must say you present a very good outline of your organization. If I’m honest, I would say this presentation is flawless” Goldburn said as he indicated the information he was regarding to. “Helix spire certainly looks like a well dedicated company. But as you know, there are always questions that need answering…”

“Well I believe that is what this meeting is for Mr. President. You have questions that you need an answer to and I am the one who will provide you with those answers.” Said Valaski. He knew that showing weakness wouldn’t get him anywhere in this meeting.

“Very well. I shall get straight to the point. You say you want government funding to allow this project to become worldwide? What exactly is in it for us?” questioned Goldburn.

“Helix spire strive to deliver the best possible medical outcomes it can achieve. If we continue to achieve these miraculous results, not only will our products be available to a wide audience, they will also strive to bring in the highest profit we can get. Of course, you wouldn’t go without your slice of the money.” Smiled Valaski. He had done his research about the man in front of him. He knew that he couldn’t turn down an offer of money.

“How much exactly are we talking here? When we talk about government funding we don’t mean petty amounts. We mean millions, possibly billions, of cash. We expect much more than a few thousand dollars in return Mr. Valaski…” Goldburn smiled. It was becoming clear that the two men were desperate to prove the other wrong.

“Oh I think you underestimate me Mr. President. Helix spire is capable of developing cures for the incurable diseases. It is capable of delivering an antidote to solve the third world crisis. This isn’t millions. This is billions and billions of dollars. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to see that go to waste now would you?!” replied Valaski. He himself was beginning to sense that the meeting was going in his favour.

The president couldn’t help but crack a smile upon Valaski’s latest sentence. He liked a man that knew what he was doing before he entered for something so serious. However, he didn’t like those men using it against him. Goldburn looked at one of the representatives to his left and even without speech, the middle aged woman handed him a folder that he clearly was looking for.

“We have a history of this organization you own Mr. Valaski. I must say these are some pretty impressive figures. The fact that you reached over $5 million dollars in the first year of operation is quite astonishing. Now I have a question. If you are capable of reaching these figures without government help, why are we having this meeting?” Goldburn asked as he surveyed the papers inside the folder.

“As you said earlier Mr. President. Profit to people like you and me involves billions of money – not millions. Government funding not only increases our spenditure but also reaps the rewards in billions of dollars each year” Valaski answered cleverly, “Now, this is a question I have got to put to you Mr. President. If I leave this building today without what I came for, and years down the line we have solved the biggest of medical mysteries, what would you be thinking?”

Goldburn was surprised by Valaski’s sudden outburst but was determined to put an answer to the question.

“I would be thinking I was a fool to not give Helix spire the funding it requires. But I would be also thinking. What would’ve happened if I had given that company my money and they used it for means other than those they stated it was for?” replied Goldburn as he watched Valaski like a hawk stalking its prey.

“In all fairness Mr. President, we are here today for one thing and one thing alone. Helix spire cannot continue with the methods it is using now without a proper government support program. You know fair well from reading those papers that we are capable of doing a damn lot more than what we have been doing. But you don’t seem to be grasping that fact…” Valaski stated. He knew the meaningless talk and chatter was beginning to get boring and the two men needed to get back to what they did best – being salesmen.

But before Goldburn could reply to Valaski’s statement, a man sitting to the right of Valaski spoke suddenly. The man was tall, with medium length , jet black hair, and a pair of glasses that mirrored the shine of the sunlight. Valaski didn’t recognise the man and from the expression on Goldburn’s face, he didn’t recognise him either.
“Sorry to interrupt this cosy little gathering we have here but there’s one fundamental thing Mr. Valaski here has failed to mention” the man said in a gruff, stern voice. “Your company isn’t all what it says it is, is it Mr. Valaski?”

“With all respect Mr. President, what has this man got to do with…?”

“Never mind what im here for. What exactly is your ulterior motive Valaski?! You don’t want government funding do you?” laughed the man obnoxiously. “I know all about your dirty little secrets”

“What is the purpose of this man? Who is he?!” shouted Goldburn and he tried to get an answer from the other representatives in the room. It was clear they too didn’t know who this mystery figure was.

“I am part of a top secret covert monitoring company Mr. President. For the past 12 months we have been carefully monitoring the actions of Helix spire and I can tell you now the results we got weren’t good.” Replied the man, who till that moment remained un-named.

“What do you mean monitoring? What on earth for?” questioned Goldburn as the situation slowly began to get more and more intense.

“Last July, we were contacted by a Mrs. Juliet Atkins. Her daughter, Claudia, went missing for seven weeks. It was only when she found a contract between her and Helix spire did she begin to believe something was wrong.” revealed the man. Phillip was no longer feeling quite smug. “We have been monitoring them ever since and guess what? THEY abducted Claudia Atkins and did illegal testing on her – resulting in her death. Her body turned up in Texas last September with multiple incision wounds – presumed cause of death was asphyxiation…”

“This is all complete nonsense! Helix spire doesn’t murder people!!” yelled Phillip as he desperately tried to clear his company’s name. “I don’t see how this relates to what we are discussing here!”

Without any warning or indication, the man stood up quickly and pulled a gun from his back pocket. Everyone sat near him gasped and dared not move in their chairs. Goldburn saw what was happening and knew that they were all in danger.

“Im not here to make you admit to what you’ve done. Im here to make you pay for what you’ve done! You see, Claudia Atkins was my sister and you murdering bastards killed her!” bellowed the man, the gun twitching unsteadily in his hands. He was clearly upset and in the intensity of the situation, was capable of doing anything.

Valaski stood up slowly and raised his hand. He didn’t want it all to end in a bloodbath. Goldburn gazed at him as he rose up in his chair, as though jealous that he wasn’t the one resolving the situation.

“I want you to admit to me right now what you did. In front of all these people. Right now or else ill kill them all one by one!” demanded the man. He aimed his gun at the other people in the room, including Goldburn, to show Valaski that he wasn’t bluffing.

Goldburn knew that if he didn’t act quickly, the only outcome would be Valaski dead and a room full of gun wounded corpses. It amazed him that the man had made it past security in the first place. Without raising suspicion, he lowered his hand beneath the desk and felt around for the alarm button that would alert the security. Never before had he used it so the exact location of it was unknown to him. He suddenly found the big button and without hesitation, pressed it right in. There weren’t any blaring sirens – it was a silent alarm. The guards would be rushing up to the office in their dozens. Goldburn only wished they wouldn’t be too late.

Suddenly, the doors smashed open and ten armed security guards burst in – armed with AK-47’s and Kevlar vests. Without any warning, one of the guards aimed his rifle at the man and shot him at point blank range in the head. Blood slowly trickled down his face. The gun dropped to the ground with a slight thud and the armed hostage taker dropped down to the ground – dead.

“Are you alright Mr. President? No injuries or anything?” asked one of the guards as the others helped the rest of the representatives to their feet.

“No no im fine. If you wouldn’t mind though, I would like to speak with Mr. Valaski alone for a minute” asked Goldburn. He knew he had yet to give Valaski an answer as to whether his request for government funding would be accepted.

The guards assisted the officials out of the room and closed the broken doors behind them. Goldburn walked back to his desk and casually sat down, before placing his hands on his desk as well.

“I think you have a lot of explaining to do Valaski” he said as he lifted the papers off the desk. In an unexpected action, he cast them all to the wall at the side of him and stood up again. “I want an honest straightforward answer right now! What do you really want our money for?!”

“Don’t you think ive already told you?! I want Helix spire to become worldwide and if you’re too foolish to see its potential, then we will find our funding elsewhere!” shouted Valaski and he made for the doors. But secretly, he knew that Goldburn wouldn’t refuse…

“WAIT!” said Goldburn as Valaski put his hand on the doorknob. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t give you the funding. You have my permission for government funding but, if you haven’t managed to make a profit of over $5 billion dollars by the end of 2003, I will withdraw all funding from your company and I swear to god I will come down on you like a twister from hell! Now get out of here! My lawyers will arrange the contract in the next few months”

Valaski smiled as he exited the room. He knew from the beginning that the meeting would go in his favour. But one thing that was unexpected was the outburst by the man. Whoever he was, he had been spying on Helix spire for longer than what he should’ve been…