Haha, sorry, it appears my story is too long. I had over 30,000 characters so i had to take two chapters out of it and make another topic for the rest. Anyway, like i said, any criticism would be helpful.
Faerytale (Continued)
Chapter 4: New Friends
As i woke up i couldnt wait to see what the day would bring me. I already made a new friend who shows a lot of respect to pretty much everybody so far. I still do miss Ian and Brayan, but as long as i have good friends here, i shouldnt get too lonely. It was about ten in the morning and i was starving.
"Mmmm, look at all of this food!" i said, "Hello Aiden, i made this for you and your parents." my grandma said. "Mother, you know you shouldnt be doing things like this, your sick!" my mom scolded. "Aaah, Cathy, dont get so upset dear, just eat." she said with a grin. "Mmmm, what smells so good!?" my dad chimed as he came in. "My mother cooked everyone breakfast" my mom said. "Hmm, arent you sick Phiala?" my dad asked. "Ooh, just eat." she commanded.
It was the best breakfast ever, i didnt even know what i was eating half the time, but it was good.
"Aiden, slow down, quit scarfing." my mom scolded. "Yeah, and quit chewing with your mouth open." my dad added. "Sorry, im just so hungry." i said. "Well, atleast we know the young lad eats" my grandma said. "Im done, i am going outside." i said, "Okay, but dont stay out until dusk." my dad said.
As i was going outside i saw Carlow coming towards me. He looked like he was quite happy and not as nervous as he looked yesterday.
"Hello Aiden", "Hey Carlow" i answered back. "Aiden, do you want to meet some of the guys?" he asked. "Guys?", "Yeah, the other guys" he said. "Okay, it definitely wouldnt hurt to have more friends" i said. "Where are they anyway?" i asked, "They are on their way" he said.
In the distance i saw three people walking up to us.
"Hey Carlow, this is the new kid?" one of the guys said, "Yeah, his name is Aiden" Carlow said. "Hey, my name is Brogan...Brogan Connely" he said
Brogan looked somewhat chubby, but not by much. he had somewhat of a brown-reddish hair color, and hazel eyes. He was also a bit taller than me. He seemed like a commanding type of person. A leader in a way.
"Hey Aiden, im Liam Neil".
Liam looked pretty lanky, but i could tell he wasnt the lazy type. He was wearing a t-shirt and i could see the muscle definition in his arms. I dont see that too much with someone around my age. He had brown hair, a bit different from Carlow and Brogan. He has green eyes too, a total rarity. He also seemed to have this fire about him i couldnt figure out. Definitely unique.
"Hello, I am Galvin Grady."
Galvin seemed average in size, wasnt skinny and wasnt fat. He had blond hair and blue eyes. Also a rarity, not as much as green though. Galvin seemed like a very nice person.
"Hello everyone" i said. "Well, since your staying here for a while, how about we do an initiation?" Brogan said. "What, no, you shouldnt do that, he is Lady Phiala's grandson," Carlow said. "No one is exempt from the initiation Carlow!" Brogan snapped back. "Dont worry Aiden, its not that bad," Galvin said. "Okay, i guess, what do i have to do?" i asked. "You have to wrestle one of us into submission" Brogan answered. "Uuuh, really?" i asked in an unsure tone. "Uuuh, yeah, i think it will be Liam." Brogan said.
Liam started walking towards me with a slight grin on his face.
"Dont worry, it wont be that bad" he said. "Okay, ready, go!" Brogan yelled
With that Liam wrapped his arm around my neck and got me into a headlock, he was really strong.
"Go Liam!" Galvin shouted
I managed to wiggle free and pushed him down. While he was laying on his stomache i grabbed his arms and put them behind his back. "Yeah, go Aiden!" Carlow yelled. As if to put handcuffs on him, I held my knee there, He started wiggling though. He managed to knock me off onto my back. He moved into a position to hold me down. I then moved my hands to grab onto his shoulders, then i moved him over onto his back. Where i held him there and then Brogan started counting.
"One...Two...Three, You beat Liam!" Brogan cheered. "Aaah, im not good at wrestling anyway." Liam said. "Your pretty good Aiden, good job." Liam said. "Thanks Liam, you are too" i said back. "I guess you are one of us now Aiden" Brogan said. "I heard you are full Irish too?" Brogan asked, "Yeah, i am" i answered. "That makes it even better," he said. "Hey, lets do one last thing," Brogan suggested. "What would that be?" Liam asked with a stern look. "We are going to the nearby Dome of Trees" Brogan answered. "Are you crazy Brogan!?" Galvin said. "No, theres nothing going on in that stupid old piece of crap." Brogan snapped. He coninued "Everyone says its haunted, lets check it out." he finished. "Its haunted!?" i asked cheerfully. "Yeah, why do you look so happy Aiden?" Carlow asked. "Because, if i can go to a haunted place, maybe i can get ideas for my new story!" i answered. "Well, what about the legend of the Changelings?" Liam asked. "What are Changelings?". "Changelings are the babies of faeries," he continued "They steal human children, especially blond, and replace them with their own baby, which is a Changeling." Liam siad. "I heard they can talk," Galvin added. "Maybe, those are just legends though, stupid legends." Brogan said.
We started walking over to the "Dome of Trees". As we got closer it seemed to get creepier and creepier by the second. It also seemed to get darker. The "Dome" looked like what it sounds like. It is a formation of trees forming a dome. When we got inside it was scarier than any place i have ever been to.
"Wow, look at that!" Galvin said.
In the middle was some kind of platform with what looked like a well in the middle of it. It looked very old, and oh so very inviting when you looked at it. You wanted to open it, anyone would if they looked at it. It just seemed so mysterious.
"As long as this has been here, we have never wanted to come inside." Liam said. "Thats because our parents indoctrinated us, and forbid us from going here." Brogan said. "Yeah, they said that this is the home of a legendary deadly faery that preys on your dreams." Galvin said. "What, really?" i asked. "Yeah" he answered back. "Now that we dont listen to that trash anymore, lets open it." Brogan said. "Yeah right!" Liam yelled. "I agree with Liam," Carlow chimed, he continued "Even though what our parents told us sounds farfetched, i still somewhat believe it to be true." he said.
As Carlow was talking he walked over to one of the walls and put his hand on it to hold himself up. When he did that the well was making noises.
"Shit, Carlow, what did you do!?" Brogan scolded. "What, i didnt do anything!" Carlow snapped back. "Yeah, you did, you pressed something!" Brogan argued. "Guys, shhh....The well is opening" I said.
The well seemed to have some kind of stone slab on it, but it opened in kind of a star pattern. Like it was mechanical. After it opened we all peered inside to see if we could see anything.
"Do you see anything?" Galvin asked. "No, do you Liam?" Brogan asked, "Hmmmm, no, its too dark." he answered.
"AAaaaaaAAaaahhhh!!"
"Shit, what the hell was that!? Brogan said startled, "It's coming from the well!" Carlow said. "Lets get the hell out of here!" Liam yelled.
At that point we ran out of the "Dome" so fast. It was like we were being chased by a thousand demons. As we were running out of the "Dome of Trees" we heard what sounded like maniacal laughing coming from it. We stopped running to catch our breath in the middle of the field.
"What was that!?" Brogan said, "I dont think anyone here knows Brogan!" Galvin said. "It was all Carlow's damn fault!!" Brogan shouted. "Leave him alone Brogan!!" i said. "Carlow didnt do anything wrong!" i added. "Fine, but none of us can tell anybody what happened!" Brogan demanded. "Fine, we wont tell anyone...right!?" i said. "Yeah, we agree." Liam said. "Well, im going home, i will see you guys later." Brogan said. "Okay, we better go too." Liam and Galvin said.
After they left i decided to talk to Carlow one on one.
"Hey Carlow, you know it wasnt your fault right?" i asked, "I dont know, Brogan could be right." he said. "No, its not like you knew that was there anyway," i continued "Its not like you knew it was there, anyone could have made that mistake." i finished. "Yeah, i guess your right, thanks Aiden." he said. "No problem, you want to come for dinner tonight?" i asked. "Haha, sure, thanks Aiden!" he said.
While we were walking back i could have sworn i saw something next to me other than Carlow. I thought it must have been my imagination though. We finally made it back to my grandma's house.
"Aiden, i thought i told you not to be out until dusk." my mom said, "Im sorry mom, i was hanging out with the others." , "Oh, Carlow introduced you to the others?" my grandma asked. "Yeah, i like them all." i said. "Could Carlow stay for dinner and maybe the night?" i asked, "Ooh its alright for dinner, but he will have to call his mom about staying for the night." my grandma said. "Oh its alright, she already said i could if you invited me to, since she knew your family was coming." Carlow said. "You sure?" she asked. "Yeah, im sure Lady Phiala" he answered. "Oh, you can just call me Phiala Carlow, you dont have to be so modest." she said.
Well, i moved from California, leaving my friends behind. I saw the splendor that is Killarney, met Carlow, who is by the way an awesome person. And i also met Brogan, Liam and Galvin. I have no idea what to expect next. I dont know what may come of us from opening that well either. That laugh was fuckin freaky, im not going to lie, and i hardly ever curse. Maybe, hopefully, it will all pass. And besides, the place is haunted, it might be a ghost...
Chapter 5: It Begins
That night...
"....What do you think?" i asked, "About what, the well looking object?" Carlow replied. "Yeah...i cant stop thinking about it," "We should get to sleep Aiden and just stop thinking about it," "Yeah, i guess you're right."
The next morning...
"Good morning lads, how was you sleep?" my grandmother asked, "Oh, it was very good" Carlow replied. "Yeah, well...it was ok" i said, "Whats the matter Aiden?" my grandmother asked, "Its nothing, me and Carlow are going outside," "Okay, i will see you when you get back then." she said.
Outside we met back with one of the other guys
"Hey Aiden, hey Carlow!" "Hey Liam, what are you doing here?" i asked. "No reason really, just wanted to hang out with you guys," he replied.
Liam had a somewhat worried look on his face. I know he didnt come out here because he wanted to.
"Liam, whats wrong?" i asked, "What do you mean? There isnt anything wrong," he replied. "You look worried" i said, "....Okay, you have to promise you wont tell anyone what im about to tell you, ok?" "Okay". "Well, ever since yesterday night i have been hearing voices in my room," he continued "I dont know what to do really, i just want to be around people." he finished. "Wow, are you serious? Are you sure?" i said in disbelief. "Yes, of course i am!" "Liam, do you think it had anything to do with the well?" Carlow asked. "I dont know, but however it started doesnt matter, i just want it gone.", "What did the voice say Liam?" i asked. ".....Die, die, die, die, die." he responded. "That sounds really scary!" i said. "Thats not all it said," Liam started "It also said: 'Liam, you will die soon'". "It actually said your name!?" i said. "Yeah, i have been out here for the past 4-5 hours waiting for you guys to come out."
Obviously Liam is scared of what has been happening to him. Talking with him i was reminded of the shadow i saw next to me on my way home with Carlow yesterday. I wonder if any of the other guys have experienced anything.
"Well Liam, you can stay with us for as long as you want," i suggested, "Really, thanks!".
"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!"
"What was that!!?" Liam said scared. "Look, over there!" Carlow pointed.
In the distance we saw what looked like a kid running out of the Dome of Trees. We went running towards him to see if he was ok.
"Hey are you alright!?" i asked, "What were you doing in there!?" Liam added. "I saw you guys go into that round area of trees and was interested what you guys saw," he continued "I didnt want to go at night though, it seemed too scary." he finished. "What did you see?" i asked, "I didnt SEE anything, thank goodness for that too." he replied. "What were you running from then?" Liam asked. "I heard a really evil laugh coming from inside that stone thing." he responded. "Well, you're alright now, whats your name?" Carlow asked. "The names Puck," the kid said. "Puck...thats a weird name" i commented "Very peculiar" Carlow added. "How come i never seen you around here before Puck?" Liam asked. "Probably because i never leave the house, i was also home schooled," he replied. "How old are you Puck?" i asked, "I am but thirteen years."
This Puck kid is pretty young looking. He has brown hair like Liam, a somewhat petite build. He has these dark brown eyes. Theres something about him that just doesnt seem right though, i cant put my finger on it.
"Hey, guys, who are you with!?" "Hey Brogan, Galvin." Liam said. "Guys, this is Puck, he just came out of the Dome of Trees." i said. "Oh really?" Brogan asked. "You wouldnt happen to have been in my house yesterday night would you!?" Brogan asked. "No, why would i be in your dumb house!?" Puck yelled. "Oh i dont know, i did see a kid about your height though!" Brogan said. "Calm down Brogan, im sure it wasnt him" i suggested. "Yeah, calm down BROOOGAAN, get that stick out your ass!" Puck added. "What, I'm going to KILL this little jerk." "Hey, Brogan, stop!" Liam said. "Fine, i will ignore what this little twerp said." he continued "But we have to do another initiation, one for this twerp." Brogan said. "Again Brogan?" Galvin whined. "Yeah, against me." he said.
Brogan started moving towards Puck. Everyone could tell that he didnt like Puck and Puck didnt like Brogan.
"Lets start now you little pun-"
"Brogan!" Carlow shouted.
Brogan just collapsed on the ground holding his stomach.
"I cant believe...you...would do a cheap trick like that," Brogan muttered trying to catch his breath. "I WON, i won, i won, i won!" Puck yelled. "I know what you were going to do" Puck said, "I saw your last initiation against Aiden," he finished. "Wait, i never told you my name yet, how did you know my name!?" i demanded. "I have no time for this, im going to go home now, see you guys later." Puck said as he left. "What was that all about?" Galvin asked. "I...dont like that kid," Brogan said as he was still catching his breath. "He is pretty mysterious," Carlow stated. "By the way, Brogan, what were you talking about earlier?" Carlow asked. "What do you mean?", "Earlier you said you saw someone in your house," he stated. "Oh that, i was watching television, football." he continued "Then all of a sudden someone said my name", "It was like a: 'Hey, Brogan'" "I saw some kid peeking from around my doorway, i ran after him but the little snot wasnt anywhere to be seen." he finished. "Damn Brogan, you had something happen to you too!?" Liam said. "Damn, i was hearing voices yesterday" he finished. "What about you Galvin?" i asked. "Well, this morning i woke up to someone yelling at me," he started "I heard and felt someone in my ear yelling like this," "GET UUUP!!" he finished. "You sure that wasnt your parents?" Carlow suggested. "Carlow, i felt someones breath on my ear, unless they can teleport or be invisible i doubt it," he continued "They werent home anyway." "Anyway, thanks guys, i think i can brave it home." Liam said, "Yeah, no dumb ass ghost is gonna scare me out my house!" Brogan said. "Thanks for letting me stay yesterday Aiden" Carlow said. "Yeah, i am going home as well." i said.
As i was walking home i couldnt stop thinking about the occurences today. They were freaky to say the least. I wish i could tell Ian and Brayan what i experienced since i have been here. Anyway, i think i have experienced and learned enough to write my story now.
"Aaah, welcome home Aiden" my grandmother said. "Hey grandma, whats for dinner tonight?" i asked. "Oh its a surprise," she said with a grin. "Oh, Aiden, i have to give you something!" she started. "Here," "What is it?" i asked. "Its a trinket that used to belong to your grandfather before he died," "I want you to have it," she finished. "Woow, its heavy, whats it made of?", "Its made of iron" she responded. "Thanks grandma!" i said, "Oh your welcome Aiden."
Chapter 6: Murders, coming soon!