crowe1120

I started out today just a like anyone would start a day out, breakfast, shower, a quick shave and the other things people do in the morning time. Made a really strong pot of coffee, you know that kind that looks like you mixed hot water and coffee grounds together, and fried up some bacon and eggs. The eggs burnt as usual and it’s not like I have never cooked before or even cooked eggs less than a thousand times, but for some reason I have burned them nine hundred ninety-nine times. Yes, that one morning my eggs came out beautifully exquisite was a marvelous one. However, my perfect egg mornings only come along well once in every nine hundred ninety-nine tries. That is ok with me though because eggs are eggs. All in all my morning was going pretty well. The paper was somewhat depressing as usual. You know the story someone died here and there, and some idiot preformed a brilliant stunt like falling from a tree trying to save a kite. Oh yes, my favorite, the liberal media doing its best to downgrade some politician who disagrees with them. Things were going as expected.
Do you ever wake up in the mornings and think to yourself that something great is going to happen to you? Well, if you don’t, then you certainly should because I believe this is the only way to wake up. Especially on a sunny day; when the birds are chirping a song at your window, or a scent of freshly cut grass wonders into your nose from your neighbors yard. How it is someone could not feel greatness waking up to that?
Well for me this was one of those days, one of those glorious mornings where everything and anything would be possible. At the same time, much to my chagrin, this blessing was also a curse. This day of endless possibilities would fulfill that promise. How I to know my life was would change, at no conscious will of my own mind you? We all have situations thrown upon us that sometimes are completely out of our hands, and sometimes these situations can be taken in two fashions. In my case any way that I was to handle my particular predicament, I was surly going to end up with the short end of the stick.
My decision making career came to me in an unusual way just around the time I was finishing up my third cup of mud. The sun was shinning through my window in just the right spot, so that it would not be blinding. I had just the right amount of caffeine and nicotine running through my system, and to tell you the truth I was half ready to climb back into bed. Those half warm sheets and cozy pillow were calling out to me, but my life had different plans for me. Where as just about the time I was ready for bed again, just after waking, a violent knock at the door disrupted my vices. Not only did this irritate me to no end, which it did to the point I felt like answering the door just to knock the guys lights out, but it baffled me at anyone knocking on my door at seven in the morning.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! At first I just sat there thinking to myself maybe he will just leave if I act like I am not here.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
“Alright, hold on a second, my door isn’t made of steel!”
I stood up from my table, where I had been quite comfortable; to walk over and see what was so dire this person had to knock my door down. I dressed in some Grey sweat pants that were almost to the point of being a wash rag, and my cut off t-shirt was in no condition to criticize. I had on a pair of moccasin style slippers that were probably way past over due for a trade in, but I was comfortable and who was really going to see me right. My little beach bungalow house didn’t have many visitors except for the occasional lady friend, but other than that I pretty much kept to myself. Well and now this person of interest had wanted to visit for some reason, and too early for my taste. I reached my door grabbing the knob firmly. Opening this damn thing is a struggle ever time, you have to giggle it lose from the hinges almost being rusted shut from the salty air. It comes with the territory I know but this rusting metal is getting to be a bit ridiculous around here. It seems like nothing keeps and the same goes for the local natives here. I am pretty sure all this salt air and water has rusted their brains shut.

The Cloaked Stranger

"salt air and water has rusted their brains shut" is a great line.

First: I learned early on with posting, that it looks cleaner to copy/paste and then go through it hitting "enter" on every paragraph, to create a break between lines. The site doesn't see paragraph indentations, so if you don't break the text up yourself it becomes one long column of text that is painful to read.

Second: there are sometimes great lines, but I would recommend working on your sentence structure, grammar and spelling. You said "giggles" when you meant "jiggles," that's one example. Sentence structure is harder to explain, but more important. One example is forgetting your comma, when it's appropriate to use one. Read text out loud to yourself first: if you hear a pause in your sentence, it usually means that you can put a period or a comma, because you've finished a clause.

Stylistically, your narrator is rambling. It's very "stream of consciousness" but I would not recommend that kind of rambling writing to a new writer. It takes practice to pull it off. James Joyce takes it really far, but J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye has good, rambling narrative if you want to read a great example.

As a new writer, you should strive for clear, controlled sentences first. Once you know you're saying what you want to (from feedback, it's always good to get people to read it) then you can experiment with different styles.

There's a fair amount of humour and clever phrases here, so I say your writing is worth polishing. Good luck!

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