A-L

Sorry about my last post, it was my first, and it was a little messy. This is the same one, but has been revised, so its no longer an eyesore. Hope you enjoy!

Prologue

Bane looked down at the tub full of blood. The dark liquid was still, giving it an ominous appeal. The room was shrouded in darkness except for a few candles that gave off scant light around the tub. He shivered almost imperceptibly, sending goose pimples running down his skin. Looking away from the tub he noticed a woman standing in the corner of the room. She was barely visible but the words she spoke carried across the room.

The woman was chanting, her hands clasped together as if in prayer. Her voice broke from its steady rhythm and began to rise higher in pitch until it sounded as if she was shrieking. The flames from the candles rose as one in a whoosh of flame, illuminating the woman. Her hair stood on end as she chanted, rising from her head and shoulders as if to touch the ceiling.

She began to convulse violently, her head snapped back and her arms jerked about in awkward angles, as if she had become a plaything. Her legs buckled and she fell to her knees, gasping for air. Her chest heaved and her back arched, ribcage pressing against her ragged attire. One hand gripped the floor, as the other held her throat. Spittle ran from her mouth mixing with the sweat and grime that plastered her features. Blood spilled from her nose, and flowed into her mouth and down her chin. She was drowning in her own fluids. Her now gurgled words had become incoherent rasps of pain.

The shadows condensed around her as she chanted, growing closer to her body, as if to take a form other than her own. Then suddenly the shadows pulled themselves from the walls. They walked clustered together, tearing their shadowy limbs from the surrounding darkness. Their motions were stiff and slow, as if they were wading through frozen water, yet as they tugged their forms from their shadowy confinement, they moved swifter, but no less stiff, edging and shifting closer and closer to Bane in the process. Soon the figures of shade surrounded him and the huge tub, circling him. The candlelight flickered and the shadows began to dance around Bane and the tub. Shapes became visible as the shadows continued to reel around him.

He heard laughter, followed by cries of pain and anger. The cries grew higher and higher, as the woman in the corner continued to convulse and chant, her blood now covering the floor beneath her. The shadows reached out and grasped Bane, running their hands down the silvery -white tattoos that covered his body. He cried out in pain. He felt as if hooks were being sunk into his flesh. Some began to whisper in his ears, and horrifyingly vivid images filled his mind.
Dozens of bloodless bodies lay atop one another desecrated and debased, wrinkled shriveled and grey. All of their heads were turned to face him, and with bone chilling certainty Bane recognized all of them, even in their semi-decayed state, he would never forget them.

Through rotted teeth and ruined flesh they smiled at him, their dead eyes pale and lidless. He smelled them as if he were standing next to them. The rot of decrepit flesh, the stench of feces and urine, filled his nostrils. From the dark corner rats crawled, and he began to here the buzzing of flies. They continued to smile up at him as flies and rats began feasting upon their bodies ripping flesh and seemingly glaring with at him with beady black eyes all the while.
Entrails flooded from their bellies as rats and maggots ate their way out. Worms and maggots crawled from their eyes and mouth and their many bodily orifices. Atop this pile of bodies stood a vulture, but it did not feast, as its species was prone to, but its eyes pierced Bane’s own, searing his soul with that terrifying glare.

Yet it was not the eyes of the vulture that shook Bane so. In its savagely curved beak it held a beating heart, and with trepidation Bane placed his hand against his left breast, and withdrew it, covered in gore. The shadows whispers in his ears abruptly turned to violent shrieks of hatred and fear; their screams filled his head with the pain of death, and the fears of loss. He couldn’t take it anymore. The cries had become unbearable, and he jumped. The ominously still and dark blood came up to greet him.


Chapter 1

Bane opened his eyes. He closed them again and then opened them, just for good measure before he acknowledged that he was awake. Sitting up in bed he looked around the room. Light from the early dawn spilled in from the window to his right, a vacant chair sat against that wall alongside a basket full of clothes. His bathroom door had been left open, and the door to his closet had as well. Swinging his legs of the side of the bed he stood, and yawned.
Slipping into some comfort shoes meant for the house, he walked acorss the room and into the bathroom. He switched the light on and stood naked in front of the mirror. Sweat glistened dully over his skin in a thin sheet.

Silvery white tattoos ran across his body, as if he had escaped the wrath of a spider but only to be forever entwined within its web. The tattoo's stood in stark contrast to his ebony complexion, like streaks of moonlight across the night sky. This did not however, denote from his handsome features.
A strong chiseled jaw, peraly white teeth beneath full lips, a high and intelligent looking for-head, and a broad nose, everything seemed to fit him perfectly, yet his eyes were fearsome.

Staring into the mirror Bane could not bare to come to terms with what his gaze reflected back at him. Leaving the mirror in disgust, Bane grabbed a towel from a rack of them against the wall and ran some water for a bath in the tub.
He had an odd feeling about taking a bath after his recurring nightmatre but one sniff of himself, told him that he needed it. Once the tub was full Bane stepped in cautiously, slowly lowering himself into the hot water.
He grabbed a bar of soap from a shelf to his left and scrubbed vigorously. He washed until he felt clean and then scrubbed some more. When he finally left the tub to let the water drain he felt fresh and new. Grabbing a bath robe from the wall he donned it and headed down stairs.


The stairs led down into the kitchen which was connected to a sitting area, where soft cushions and couches were aligned neatly. He took a seat in the kitchen, and grabbed some oranges from a fruit bowl that lay in the center of the table. After peeling them he at slowly, savoring their juices as he if he had not awoken from a nightmare and ate the same hundreds of times. A trash bin lay to his right, which was really no more than a basket, and when he was finished he swept the peels into the trash.

Standing up from his seat he left the kitchen and walked out the door, which had remained ajar the entire night he slept, he had no reason to fear intrusion. A rocking chair greeted him on his porch and he graciously took a seat in it, sinking into its deep cushions.
The sky was just beginning to brighten and reveal the bleak landscape that lay before him. He began to rock slowly in his cushioned rocking chair, as he enjoyed the early dawn and the emptiness that greeted him.
No sounds reached Bane from across the empty expanse of land, not even a bird. To most this would have been utterly disturbing, but not to Bane. He enjoyed his solitude, and the empty mornings. The only thing that obstructed his eye was the orange grove to his left, where he grew his oranges.
He had planted them himself when he had first moved here. The only other thing that could possibly deny him sight beyond was the Black Pillars.

They were hard to ignore, even from such a great distance. They could have easily risen a mile into the air or more. The pillars were extraordinarily breathtaking. Bane had caught himself staring at them for hours at a time, caught up in their staggering beauty. From what he could see they stood in a vast circle. He had counted them once, and gotten all the way up to twenty-one, he thought that there might be few more but he refused to look at them to find out.
He had once thought of venturing out to them, but his senses had gotten the best of him. As alluring as they were Bane was sure to never go to them, he knew what they encircled and only a mad man would dare to go near it.

Bane closed his eyes for a time and laid his head back. He thought back to when he had first come to the house and saw it was in need of repair. It had taken him months to fix and refurbish the house. No electricity had been available at the time, and the water pipes had been busted and in need of fixing. Bane had installed a system of solar mirrors that ran along the roof. He had eventually fixed the water pipes and fitfully refurbished the home. But before then he planted his orange grove as well as the gardens that bloomed behind his home.

This had taken years to completely finish, and he had taken off jobs every now and then to pay for his project. The trips back and forth to the Metropolis for supplies had also been costly, but he was happy that he had gone through with it, his need for solitude was far more important than his need for money.
A subtle breeze blew by him as he rocked gently in his chair. He sighed loudly, life was easy for him. He didn’t need much to survive, not far from his home lay a small lake filled with an abundance of life. Small fish even a few large kinds, crayfish and crabs, turtles and small water dwelling lizards. Bane smiled to himself, his life was nothing more than a vacation.

All of his past problems were long gone and his stress had dissipated with them. The sun finally rose to announce itself in full, letting its light tumble across the land. The land was flat and seemingly lifeless. No trees grew besides those that belonged to Bane and few plants could be seen. Grass grew but not evenly across the landscape. The cool morning air began to disperse as the sun rose higher. It wouldn’t do to be found caught in the early heat, so Bane went back inside, he knew of the perfect place to lie in comfort.

Bane went back upstairs to his closet to get dressed. Soon he was back outside into the quickly overbearing heat. He walked the small path he had built into the heavenly sanctuary that was his trees.
He had lined the trees neatly in rows next to one another maximizing room to grow and to make it easier to pick his oranges. The trees had grown large overtime, casting the grove into eternal shade, providing a blissful hideout from the heat. Bane walked amongst them for a while touching them here and there as if to show them affection. He picked an orange and walked along eating it, he tossed the orange peels aside as he walked.

He stopped before a large orange tree he had named ‘Bessie’ and sat in her shade savoring the sweet juices of the orange. Lying down with his hands beneath his head Bane looked up at the branches of the tree. I
t was a rare moment when his past woes came back to greet him, yet as he sat beneath the tree taking pleasure from the simplicity of a good orange, his mind rewound itself, and hard earned tears came unbidden to his eyes, and for a time he lay wreathed in anguish.

His eyes lost focus and he saw his life for what it was, lonely. Death would be sad and slow. He would fade like the sunset, and be completely forgotten come the morn. His body would become part of the earth, the soil, the water, the wind, and if ever someone were to come looking for him they would find an empty house filled with the sorrow and despair of a long forgotten man, they would walk his groves and bask in the shade of misery and remorse, swathed in his dark memories, and when the wind blew they would know the sad and lonesome weeping of a dead man.
But this feeling soon passed, for he knew that he was far better a recluse than he would have been back in the Metropolis.

Bane laid beneath the tree for a while longer as his profound angst passed and his mind tried to skip to how happy he was in his solitude, alone now, but away from all of his problems. He tapped ‘Bessie’ on the trunk and stood up, stretched and walked back towards the house, suddenly he had a mind for fishing.

When he got back outside the sun had reached its zenith and was beaming down. But he didn’t mind, Bane hefted his fishing rod and headed towards the small lake. The walk was a short one, and he was glad for it, the heat had begun to get him. Taller grass and pussy willows grew around the small lake and a small tree grew on one side.
Bane walked towards it and sat beneath it, he leaned against its semi-thick trunk and tossed his rod into the lake. He sat comfortably shielded from the sun, with a nice breeze rippling off the water. He plucked a blade of grass and stuck in his mouth, moving it about with his tongue every now and then. It gave him something to do while he waited patiently for a fish to bite.

He gazed into the distance, trying with all his might to see the Metropolis, the vast city that lay beyond the simmering waves of heat. But he saw nothing, only more bleak land and the intimidating black pillars. Bane looked away but try as he might he couldn’t help but look back again and again. Finally he forced his eyes closed and relaxed against the trunk forcing the image of a fish into his mind.
He sat like this for a while, soaking in the serenity that enveloped him, before he realized that he was being watched, he could feel eyes on him. He sat still and opened his eyes only slightly to see just who was watching him.

A man stood across the lake, surveying him. Several other men moved about behind and around him. They were silent despite the fact that they moved with great celerity. He could feel them nearing him; Bane decided he would not act first but wait to see what it was they wanted. He sat patiently and quietly while they moved about him. He felt a hand dropped heavily upon his shoulder. Bane looked up and stared into the eyes of a brown skinned man, heavily muscled and grim looking. Bane wasn’t startled and didn’t act as such; he simply stood and dusted himself off.

He let the man hold him while, the man who he had seen first approached him. As the man walked over Bane noticed his gate was slightly broken as if he suffered from an old injury. Bane vaguely recognized him as his face became clearer. The man stood before Bane looking at him with a sort of distaste. His skin was a milky brown color and his hair was long and dark black. His features were sharp, and his eyes were as dark as his hair. A light shadow covered his jaw, and a dirt smear of a mustache ran above his upper lip. Light crow’s feet clawed their way from his eyes. Stress lines ran across his forehead and frost tinged the tips of his scalp beginning at his temples. His lips parted in a sneer as he spoke.

“You look the same after all these years. Damn you’ve aged well,” his eyes squinted, “too well.”
Bane answered calmly.“You know what they say, clean living does the body wonders, you should try it, might slow your aging a bit. But as much as I’m sure you hate you memories of me, I am afraid I have no recollection of you.” The hard looking face broke into a smile, cold as it was humorless.

“Bane it’s me baby, Kaman. Don’t you remember me, the one you left alive?”

Bane thought back in time for a second before answering.“Ah, you were that skinny boy, weren’t you? Yeah I remember you, sorry about your leg though it was an accident. You shouldn’t have gotten in the way like you did.”
The once skinny boy turned man snarled as he replied. “You were trying to kill my uncle Bane, what was I supposed to do, stand there and let you do it?”

Bane didn’t reply at first.“Seemed like you were a good boy at the time, I didn’t want to hurt you. Your uncle didn’t even want you involved in that sort of business, yet you persisted, against both his and my wishes. And did trying to stop me help your uncle anyway? No, and it cost you good leg too. Look, I am sorry for the things I’ve done, believe me, but I won’t apologize for killing your uncle or anyone else that had something to do with it.”

The man glared at him, and his face contorted in rage.“Then you aren’t sorry then are you?”

Bane smirked. “I guess not then huh? To tell you the truth I’m still learning what remorse means.” Lights suddenly exploded into his head as he was struck, he tasted blood in his mouth. He looked directly into Kaman’s eyes. “Boy, do you know what you are doing? This isn’t what you want, go back to where you came from, leave now and don’t look back.” Then his voice dropped. “Forget you even saw me or this place.” Kaman looked him into the face and laughed. A back handed slap landed square across his jaw, blood drizzled from his mouth and onto his chin.
His jaw throbbing Bane opened his mouth to speak, but instead got a mouthful of cold metal. He looked up the barrel of a gun into cold black eyes. Bane tried to shake his head to warn him but Kaman only laughed.

“What are you going to do now Bane, fight me? I dare you to try. Doesn’t matter, either way it’s a mouth full of bullets for you.” Bane tried to shake his head once more but it got only laughs from the men around them. The big man behind him forced Bane to his knees. Kaman’s eyes glistened with a barbaric glow, anger and the thirst for vengeance mingled all in one.

Bane closed his eyes. He reached within himself and found it, it was cold and empty, a dread void that needed to be filled, and with what was close to remorse, he opened himself to it. In what might have appeared a blink, Bane opened his eyes again, and watched as the men around him toppled over like so many lifeless dummies.
Kaman was still alive though, but barely. He was at eye level of Bane on both knees, and the gun, which seemed to have fallen during his ordeal, lay in between them. Kaman made a gurgling sound in his throat, as if gasping for air.

Bane stood, feeling suddenly younger and stronger, knelt and grabbed the gun from the grass. Blood no longer ran from the cut in his mouth, in fact he didn’t feel it at all. Kaman still sounding as if he were gasping for air looked up at Bane who aimed his gun at him. He drew back the hammer.
“That drumming in your ears is your heart slowing down, and you can’t breathe because your lungs are losing their ability to function, just like all of your other muscles and organs.” He scoffed. “You sound so much like your uncle before he died, must run in the family.” He squeezed the trigger.

panicnight26

A-L

The spires and towers of the city were discernible for miles. Bane had seen the Metropolis long before he reached the gate. Passing through the gate was easy. The guards although surprised at someone actually using it didn’t stop him to question him. He passed through the portal and stepped into the street.


An awesome city greeted him. Lights of every color shone down the street on buildings and signs. A multitude of races walked past him as he stood in awe. The buildings around him rose for hundreds of feet, scraping the clouds. The architecture of the buildings was truly beautiful.



Many of the races that had lived within the city had helped change it with their many different cultures. It showed everywhere Bane looked. So much so that many of the statues and buildings and other works of art that stood in the city weren’t human at all. The skies were as crowded as the streets.

Monolithic cargo balloons floated by, carrying both cargo and passengers. Trade ships sped by, sleek and streamlined. Passenger barges carrying passengers floated by at a slower pace. Other floating devices crammed the sky, making the sky above as bright and crowded as the city beneath.

Rain was still falling in a light drizzle, causing everything to have a strange glow when struck by light. The radiance of the Metropolis took Bane by storm, and for a while he stood and let it wash over him. He closed his eyes and felt the vast quantity of life around him. He could feel so much energy. Until recently he had forgotten how it felt to be around people. He shuddered deep down inside of himself for he knew that he craved them unnaturally.


It was but one of many reasons why he had left the amazing city behind and become a recluse. He touched his still smooth skin. The years had passed him and yet still his age had never quite caught up, Bane wondered if it ever would. The world around him seemed to go by so fast, yet he stood still. He sighed. It made him wonder what he would become. So many years had passed and yet he remained unchanged, sometimes he felt younger even. His accursed power kept him so, he knew.



Such life around him, when he really thought about it he could feel even the rats that scurried beneath him in the sewers. He could sense the people lurking in the shadows, the men and women that worked in the air, or underground. He could feel the force of new life, and of life failing all around him. It was like being swept along in a river of life and death. The current would shift sometimes uncontrollably or rather predictably.


So much life surrounded him Bane felt as if he were caught in a storm, as if he were being thrown about by the force of its winds. He felt as if he were on an island surrounded by a sea of life. But the emotions that churned him were greater than joy, or even euphoria, it was rapturous.


He had obtained his power unnaturally, by the means of a witch woman. But at times he felt his power and felt that he had been granted a gift. But the price he had paid for it had been high indeed. Death permeated throughout his life, even his days of boyhood. It had even reached his future. With sure conviction Bane realized that he was nearing the end of his days and that inevitably death awaited him.



As he walked the marvelously lit city around him he felt at peace, almost. He didn’t have much money on his person but he was sure that he could find a place to sleep for a while.

He was unfamiliar with this sector but he was sure that he could find his way.

He walked for a while, fully engaged in the startling beauty that was the Metropolis at night. Neon lights lined the sidewalk, gaseous orbs of light floated in a mass of colors around him, electric lamps buzzed with power, and liquid-flame torches shone brightly in the alleyways along the walls. He noticed how the streets in the sector were scrupulously cleaned, and how no one dared to litter while sentinels floated about them like wraiths looking for any potential trouble.

Little shops and homes lined the streets, even this late at night shops remained open. The Metropolis never slept. Bane passed by many a race of Metropolitans he had never seen before. Some he recognized like the Yer a tall and lean people with an extravagant stride. They were beautiful to behold as they exuded a strange aura from there glowing skin, and their near perfect features made many find them attractive. In spite of the laws against it, many of them were forced into prostitution.



He noticed a short and gruff looking race covered in thick wiry hair, and to his astonishment he even took notice of a Rog, the huge but elegant beings that were often used as bodyguards but in some cases due to their intellect they were rather successful politicians. Bane guessed this one to be of importance as he was dressed in a magnificent suit, very well tailored and from the looks of it expensive. His horns were shaven and curled majestically about his head before lying on his massive chest. He strode past Bane without even noticing him.


Bane travelled for the rest of the night still amazed at the scope of the city. He hadn’t stopped to find a place to rest yet, but he hoped to find one soon. Small homes engulfed him as he entered a small neighborhood devoted to rental houses. He had left the northern downtown area behind, traveling east for hours more before he took a train that led him to the small neighborhood. He had come here by chance, with no real destination in mind he was free to move about as he chose.


But upon seeing the quaint little area he was immediately drawn to it. Two story homes with healthy looking trees surrounded him. It was almost as quiet as his old home. Thinking back he realized just how much he missed his old home. But he knew that he would probably never be going back there again. He yawned. He was in dire need of rest now. The energy that had fueled him for his long journey suddenly fled making him feel drained and tired.


He thought back to the thing that had reached for him when he had touched the Pillar. Whatever it had been, it had been powerful indeed to reach him outside of its confinement. Even now he could feel its pull on him, even from such a great distance. He had barely escaped with his life, and part of whatever had sought his. It was an odd feeling for he felt as if he had been contaminated by simply touching its essence, not even its real or substantial self.



Such power, he wondered if he could have consumed all of it, he would be like a god. Even as that thought passed through his psyche he felt its presence within him, like a distant voice far off but still perceptible. He could feel his will weakening towards that infernal voice. He knew that if he ever were to go back to the plains of the Pit he would never again return.


He walked again for the better part of the day passing beneath the huge monuments of the Metropolis. He studied them as he progressed noting that some were older then the city itself. Many of them were made of a dark material that Metropolis scientist still hadn’t quite discovered from where it came, or how it was made. The old part of the city was made almost entirely of this dark material otherwise known as shade rock though not really considered a rock or mineral for it appeared by all accounts to be living.




The pillars had been argued to have been made of this shade rock but few dared to venture near enough to find out. Bane knew from experience that it was true. The Pillars had a glamour that only something living could possess.

It was often thought the wizards of old had built the city and its monstrous monuments, even the Pillars themselves. No one knew this for fact though, at least Bane didn’t. Wizards of the Black had not been seen in thousands of years, some argued that they had built the pillars and then been imprisoned within the Pit itself.

Few knew how this came about though. But without the Pillars the city would have fallen long before its rise. The Pit contained things that had rained destruction upon the earth like heathen gods. If the wizards of the Black had indeed built the Pillars around the Pit they had been powerful indeed to force whatever had been let loose back in. The wizarding society however, remained silent about it all preferring to covet their knowledge, as they were secretive by nature.


Still searching for a place to stay, Bane ever managed to be amazed by the people of the Metropolis and their startling abilities. He watched men float about without aid of any sort of machine or mechanism. He saw a child plant a seed in a pot of soil and make it grow to a beautiful and exotic plant. He watched elemental artist create one of a kind pieces of art out of raw elements found in nature.


He could only stare in fascination as he stood at an opposite street corner while an elementalist reached his hand into white hot flame and began to shape it to his will. His hands wove around the ember at breathtaking speed shaping it into what appeared to be a swan. The still living flame writhed in his fingers, but he blew on it like one who would blow out a candle. The flames froze crystallized but seemed to retain the energy from the flame.

The gathering crowd clapped in praise, thrilled at the magnificence of the piece, but the elementalist shushed them to silence. The crowd quieted almost immediately enthralled by what else might lie in store. Raising it high for all to see, the elementalist kissed the crystallized swan of flame. As if it had been born to it the swan took flight, leaving behind a dazzling rainbow of colors as the light struck it. The crowd cheered as the swan flew ever higher into the sky shining like a pearl teardrop.

Bane watched it go as well wondering just how it had been done. Although many humans in the Metropolis possessed the ‘Art’ as it was called Bane was not one of them, he had come by his in an unnatural and by all means dishonorable fashion. The power wasn’t passed down through blood though, what might be strong in a cousin might be weak in an uncle. The art varied from person to person, from its uniqueness to its raw power.

Some humans were powerful enough to match that of a sorcerer or wizard, but of course the art was limited to specifically one thing, and even that was hard to master. There were a small number who had however mastered more than their own, but they were few and far between.

Although having obtained his abilities in years past Bane had never considered himself as a part of their society. In truth he wondered what it would be like to be accepted for what he was. He laughed at the notion, but as he walked he began to think. Many artists as they were called lived on properties that were freely given them. Bane began to wonder if he would be allowed the same. He had never quite mastered his own and he didn’t think that he ever would, until now.

Rowan Hart

As promised, here are a few oppinions on your story A-L. I will be as honest as I can as this I believe benefits the writer best.

I liked the subject matter, it has scope which can easily be built upon. By this I mean the story is engageing, enjoyable in fact. HOWEVER, it needs a bit of polish throughout, especially in terms of ironing out some sentence structures and repetition. You use metaphors well and have an easy turn of phrase which draws the reader into a believeable world, it's just that the beauty of these metaphors and the description is offset by areas that seem rushed. Nothing a damn good proofread and re-draft can't sort out though.

The cyberpunk ( shadowrun? ) feel is refreshing, I always enjoy the marriage of science and magic. Your pillars intrigue me...they are well concieved and have a mystery about them. Your main character is almost sinister enough to be an anti-hero and a bit of well placed description ( which I know you are capable of ) will flesh him out into a truely awesome creation. Bane is always going to be a good name for a character and summons a whole raft of imagery ( though I was trying hard not to picture mcbane from the Simpsons! ).

In summary, and forgive the meander of my reply ( looong day at work ), This has serious potential.Serious. It does really need you to sit down and read it out load though. Hear the errors, fix them and this will be a far better story.

A-L

Thank you very much for your comment on my work, its really just what i needed, and i will do some drafting, and fix what you have described, some of which i have already noticed but just hadn't gotten about to fixing. Thanks!

writer_87

hi, i think rowan heart made some good points there. Its not the kind of genre i usually read but i enjoyed it and thought it was good idea keep writing!

A-L

Thank you for your comments i am going to post some more. This section i beleive is the bumpiest, hope that you enjoy!





The silver and glass transport stopped with an abrupt jerk. Bane stood amongst the throng of people rushing to get off of the train. It seemed that as soon as he stepped off of the train it sped away. The other passengers filed down the stairs to his right headed towards the street. Bane followed behind them. He followed the street to the right of him.

He didn’t know exactly where to find the Grounds of the Artist as it was called but he was sure that one of the many maps on the street would lead him to it. Sure enough, he found a street map and it pointed him east a few blocks away. After memorizing the directions as best as he could Bane headed east, his head full of wonders.


Bane stepped through a porthole and there it stood, the Grounds of the Artist. A huge expanse of land devoted to teaching people with the art how to master their abilities. The other buildings of the Metropolis seemed to have stopped at a certain point allowing this vast stretch of land to flourish entirely for students. Bane stood astounded at not just how far the grounds stretched, but also how beautiful they were.

Gardens extended for as far as he could see to his left, huge trees stood tall and serene in the park to his right. But it was not just how gargantuan it all was that amazed him, but its utter uniqueness. Even from this distance he could see that all of plants that grew were completely unique, he had never seen anything of the sort. Even the grass seemed to have a certain vibrancy to it that was unnatural.

Brick laid paths ran through the parks and gardens, and Bane could see students walking along them. They all wore beige robes that draped, lightly touching the ground as they strode. Bane watched them for a time before he approached. The ground went from concrete to brick as he entered the strange park. Although he strode as quietly as possible everyone seemed to take notice of him.

He stopped a young man nearby and asked him where he could find the headmaster. The young man was clearly shocked to see a newcomer but quickly recovered and told Bane that he would lead him there. As they walked he began to ask questions.

“So what’s your name? Where are you from? You don’t look as if you’re from around these parts.” Which was true, he didn’t look like many of the other humans that called the Northern Metropolis home. He was too tall for one and too heavily built. While many of the human population in the north were tall, they were extremely slight in build but graceful like a cat.

Even though the young man leading him seemed to be of amiable nature he still didn’t want to give away too much information, at least not until he became fully situated.
“I am from very far away, and who I am is entirely irrelevant.” That stopped the questions cold. They walked in silence for the rest of the way.

He led Bane towards a huge golden hued building with towering towers roofed with spires. The design was of a type that Bane had never seen before completely original as everything else that he’d seen so far. The young man led him through the huge double doors and into down a huge hallway. Bane was completely swept away.

Along the walls pictures danced and moved, along with the many other works of art. He watched as a gargoyle flew by him, holding a large portrait of a fat man who swayed uncomfortably in his frame as he was whisked about. Along the ceiling there were chandeliers made of what seemed to Bane as frozen fire. They gave of an array of light from bluish –white to reddish-orange. Beneath him the designs in the rug spun and swirled their colors so vibrant and beautiful they appeared unnatural, as did everything in the hall.

His guide led him up a flight of stairs to their left, leaving behind the amazing entrance hall. The stairs however were no less grand. The stained glass when peered through allowed him vision greater then what he knew he was capable of. The pair continued up the stairs for a while longer before stopping at a pair of double doors. The robed student knocked on the grand doors. The young man jumped suddenly as if he’d been struck and then recovering he told Bane to wait, and went inside the doors opening them only enough so that he could slip in without affording any vision of the room to Bane.


Bane sat outside what could only be the headmaster’s office for a time. Being at the school made him think of all the other universities within the Metropolis and how he had pursued revenge in exchange for his complete education. But he could always go back. Everyone in the Metropolis was educated freely. After what seemed a decade the doors finally swung open and the student ushered him in quickly.

Bane swept into the headmaster’s office just as the doors were being closed briskly behind him. The room was decorated plainly with a dark wood desk near the window, a rug, a wall dedicated to books and a few pictures here and there. But it was all put together so well one couldn’t help but admire its simplicity and its glamour. At the desk sat the headmaster. His austere appearance took Bane aback. He did not seem pleased at all.


Bane stepped towards his desk and the stern looking man motioned him to sit. A comfortable chair stood before the desk. Bane sat down. The two men stared at each other for a time as if sizing the other up. Bane didn’t know what it was about him but he felt almost tiny in his presence. As if this hardened looking older man were more than what he seemed to be. But Bane was no coward and did not back down.

The showdown lasted for a while longer as the headmaster glared at Bane piercing him with dark eyes. Bane remained calm, but he stared back his cold eyes reading the dark and commanding ones of the man across from him. Neither of them took notice of the young student who stood off to the side waiting to be dismissed, or at least acknowledged.

This battle of wills seemed to last for hours, as neither would allow himself to back down. The room became charged with a pervasive energy. Then as if he had just seen him, the headmaster stuck out a big hand. Bane reached across the desk with his own to grasp the headmaster’s. They shook.

“Vizure that is what you may call me.”

“And I am called Bane.” The hard looking man smiled, revealing perfect white teeth. They stopped shaking hands and the headmaster looked him, but this time almost jovially.

“So you’ve come to learn of your art eh?”

Bane forced himself to speak. “Yes, I’ve come a long, long way.”
The man laughed a deep and powerful sound like thunder in the distance.

“That’s good very good, you see we rarely get to see students your age come here of their own accord.”

Bane pondered this. “What do you mean?” The headmaster leaned forward as if to tell him a secret.

“Usually many with the Art come here to learn how to master or at least cope with it at a young age. Those that don’t however tend to grow up with it sporadically, it comes out in bursts and at times it can be damaging or just downright disturbing. In some cases instead of a jail cell they are allowed in my institute.”

“Ah, that is not the case with me. I have come for different reasons.”

“Yes, replied the headmaster, “but I wonder why?” The old man looked at him levelly. Bane did not like his gaze but he didn’t look away.

“I have come to learn, and also for a place to reside while I am in this part of the city.”
The headmaster nodded his head.

“I see, so you have come here to learn how to master your gift?” Bane nodded.

“Well that is all I needed to know, but before I can have Rahl here show you to your rooms, I have to have you demonstrate just what type of gift you were given.” Rahl at being mentioned perked up. Bane had dreaded this moment would come.

“I really don’t wish to, I can assure you that it is far from what you might expect.” The headmaster laughed.

“Believe me Bane, when I say that I have seen all manners of the art, I mean what I say.” This time it was Bane’s turn to laugh.

“I don’t think you have seen anything even similar to my own.”

“Well go for it, I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”

“You don’t understand, headmaster Vizure. It is dangerous, extremely dangerous.”

Headmaster Vizure looked at Bane like he was a foolish child.
“Well how do you expect to learn here Bane? You cannot possibly hope to learn, to master the Art without a strenuous amount of practice.” Bane was forced to acknowledge this but refused to give up his argument.

“Can I not have an instructor merely tell me how to and I can practice it own on my own?” The headmaster shook his head in a stern no. Bane sighed, shaking his head in resignation. “Fine, said Bane, “have you anything living in your office?” The headmaster looked around confused, and shook his head. “No? Well then I’m afraid that I cannot practice it without something living within the vicinity besides you two.” The headmaster nodded. He looked to Rahl in the corner who quickly answered.

“The garden, it is full of plants.”

The headmaster nodded in ascent. “Come I will take you to my private garden.”
He stood form his chair and went out a door to his left that Bane hadn’t noticed before. Bane stood and followed through the door and Rahl behind him. They walked down a simple hallway with comfortable carpeting beneath their feet.

At the end of the hallway stood a glass door, and through it Bane could see a startling garden. The headmaster reached it first and it opened for the rest of them. A white path led through the magnificent garden and into a group of trees beyond. Headmaster Vizure took a seat on one the white marble benches that lined the walkway. He looked over at Bane.

“Well we are here, show me.”

Bane shook his head sadly. “It is a beautiful garden, headmaster I would hate to see such a marvelous thing gone.”He looked at the headmaster, who nodded, once more for confirmation. Bane shook his head again. “If you will, but I will tell you again that you will regret this.”

But before the headmaster could reply, Bane closed his eyes. His hands hung limply to his sides and he let his shoulders droop. He opened himself to it, and he could feel the surge of life around him. The birds chirping, their new hatchlets crying for food, the butterflies and bees flying from flower to flower, the crickets chirping, the spiders dangling from webs, snakes that slithered in the grass, even the worms sliding through the dirt beneath his feet. The flowers and bushes, the shrubs and grass, and the long lived life of the trees that stood across the huge garden, all of this he could feel. With remorse deeper then perhaps it should be Bane let himself go, and his power swept over the garden like a foul wind.

He opened his eyes slowly. The presence of life around him had been diminished. He looked around. Dead birds lay fallen from the skies and bushes, flowers and plants were wilted and a dark shade of brown, even the grass had lost its vitality.
Flower petals and leaves littered the ground. A cloud had moved in to cover the sun, as if to swathe the once beautiful garden in darkness. Nothing moved, nothing sang, nothing flew, nothing. He looked at the headmaster and Rahl, holding them with his gaze. For a long moment no one spoke.
The headmaster broke the silence.

“I’ll be damned.”



His rooms were plain. He had a bed to himself and a small bathroom with shower included. He also had a small closet were he could store his old belongings. He went into the bathroom first and took a long shower. His trip had taken its toll on him, and he was in need of the comfort that only a soft bed and clean body could provide.

Still not completely dry from his shower he donned a beige robe and lay down. Not long after his head touched the pillow Bane fell asleep. It was an odd feeling that ran through him, for he knew that he was in a dream but, he couldn’t pull himself away. It was as if his mind held him there, refusing to release him from its grasp.

He was trapped within the confines of his sleeping mind, prisoner to the nightmares that frequently visited him. Bane knew that this was indeed a nightmare. He as falling, falling in vast emptiness, he did not scream and he did not shout. Somehow he knew that his cries wouldn’t be heard here, that sound didn’t exist, that it was just a figment of his imagination. The nothingness that surrounded him was colorless, devoid of anything and everything, nothing lived, and he was falling deeper and deeper into the void.

Oddly though he was at peace, his fear of death had long ago dimished into curiousity. Then suddenly he felt as if he were nearing something, something warm full of energy, and vitality. Through the depths of the void he could feel it reaching out to him, and then there was a distrurbance. His falling ceased, the void around him shattered, and so did whatever had been reachin for him. His dream had ended.

He awoke to the sound of someone knocking on his door. He laid there for a bit before getting up to answer. Opening the door he greeted Rahl who stepped in. “What is it?” Rahl took a seat on Bane’s unkempt bed before answering.

“I am to direct you to your classes for a while until you understand fully what it is you need.”
Bane snorted. “I am not as young as I look Rahl I don’t need your assistance, believe me I can take care of myself.” He took notice of how Rahl averted his eyes when he said this.

“Do all students need a guide when they first come here?” Bane asked in an attempt to lighten up the mood. Rahl looked up at him. His eyes though, remained wary of Bane’s.

“Usually yes, but in your case I guess not.” He stood to leave. Bane opened the door for him but as he passed over the threshold said.

“If I need your help I’ll ask for it.” Rahl didn’t even meet his eyes but nodded and walked down the long corridor.

Bane closed the door and sat down on the edge of the bed. He sighed deeply. He was in an institute surrounded, and inhabited by adolescent children. And the headmaster didn’t even trust him. Not that he should, thought Bane. Any man with common sense could tell that his power was unnatural even in an institute such as this.

For the first time he wondered of how he would fair. He hadn’t been to school in years and practicing his Art in an educational setting just didn’t fit him very well. He sighed deeply, and that wasn’t his only problem. Whoever had found him was, and still remained an enigma and he was forced to believe that they would find him again. Lying back in his bed, he looked up at the ceiling. His times of peace were over; he had been thrown back into an ugly world where he was surrounded by enemies on all sides. But he no longer cared anymore; death was not new to him. He shut his eyes and told his body to rest.

Jade M

Alrighty, I've gone through the prologue with some criticisms and suggestions. I hope it helps

A-L

Thanks for the critique, its obvious i've got some work to do, oh and venue is an old term for a group of vultures. And again thanks.

salmon the creative

I am always up for reading anything that has sci-fi elements mixed with fantasy elements - hence why i am writing something of the same nature lol. I do agree that sentence structure needs a little upgrade but overall, and i will be honest here, you have hit on something good and with a little fine tuning and careful editing, it will become even better. =]

And to conclude, could you please leave a comment on my thread named "Helix spire". Ive written a general plot idea and want some feedback. Thanks

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MY CURRENT PROJECTS:

Well, writing, what do you think?!

A-L

thanks, and yeah i'll definitely do some editing.

pabs

It's interesting. When I get enough time, I'll make nit-picky corrections on it. However, sometimes you seem to be trying to be to 'writerly.' What I mean is, you try to use big words sometimes when it would be better just to use a casual word. Though much of the audience here will understand the words, there are those who don't. Sure, Edgar Allen Poe was a great writer, but he was ignorant of his audience using such enormous words and complex structure.

A-L

I see what you mean, thanks for the comment. But most of the words are in an attempt to try and use different words but with the same meaning, it helps me to expand on my vocab as a writer.

lin

I hope Metropolis isn't the title. You can use it, but the resonance not only of the classic film, but SUPERMAN, for crissakes is going to make it tough for it to be taken seriously.

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