WIP - Essence [ First Segment ] - WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers

KaishaH · 01-25-2008, 07:57 AM

Open to comments and critique.

Lani's eyes wandered across the deep greens of the canopy as she lay back, waiting for her inspiration to come, just as it had so many times before. She inhaled deeply, smiling. The woods were living up now, and the scent of spring was strong in the air. Wild roses and Indian flowers bloomed in patches, the breeze carried their sensual fragrance through the maze of ancient trees. Cars zoomed past on the nearby high-way.
This was her favorite time of the year, if she had to choose between the seasons. She pushed herself up, her eyes opening to the green-tinted light.
From her left, Lani pulled up the tote which contained her small poetry journal and her art supplies. Long tendrils of green grass whisped along the inner part of her arm, tickling the sensitive skin there. The book she pulled from the tote was embellished and special to her, for her grandmother had given it to her " for secrets". Inside, Lani kept a multitude of pictures or excerpts which inspired her, as well as her own written thoughts and lengthening poems. The current writings were those of her dreams, which had become oddly suppressive, though they seemed pleasant enough. Lani continued on one she had started to write down that morning, a depiction of an odd home, whose beauty was awe-inspiring and unshakable.

' A dark rose upon the windows sill the color of blood,
its ravishing beauty deepens.
White smears of bright clouds hover above and across the house,
its color the shade of pretty death.
Grass green with luxury sprawled in sun,
saturation of happiness on an already bright horror.'

Lani stopped, for her thoughts had turned murky as she wrote these lines. They seemed darker and more mysterious than the house had seemed in her mind. She tried to pull the image of the masion back to her, but what came was not the same vision. It was to dark, the colors turned to grey. She erased the lines slowly and thought about her dream. It was all she had been able to concentrate upon for the last few days, and even now it's underlying current seemed to darken.
For a few long minutes Lani sat, taking inventory of her thoughts. Around her the air seemed to fall into a lull. The sounds were drawn back, farther away than she had remembered. Lani shook her head, clearing away her thoughts and placed the book away in her bag. She pulled her skirts down, the gauzy lilac dress having crept up her leg from the position she sat in. She stood, brushing her hair back away from her face, it's auburn tint shining as she raised into a patch of sunlight. She smiled and turned her head toward the pleasant warmth.
With a sigh, she picked up her brown suede shoes from the ground and sauntered slowly forward, cherishing her short time alone in the woods. She knew she would have to turn back soon, classes were going to be starting and her mother seemed always to worry about her little wanderings. Lani stepped down into a sponge-like patch of moss, warming water seeping up through her toes, making her squirm. Water flowed from nearby, and Lani carefully picked her way toward the sound. It was the start of the small stream that ran from here to the roadside and farther on through town, though the water here was clear unlike it's dirty brown. It pooled up from an underwater spring, bubbling. The sound soothed and Lani slipped her feet down into the warm water and stepped lightly along on the pebbles, following the waters flow. The pebbles slid across her toes, their cool sides touching her delicately.
Lani stole a glance back up from the waters warm shine as she felt the water slowing, and her eyes hovered above a form that blocked the flow. It was far to large to be an animal, yet Lani could not get a good look. Slow realization crept over her and she quickened to a jog, water splashing up her legs and onto her thin dress.
The boy's jeans were tattered and soaked through, mud staining the bottoms. Deep scratches covered his muscular back, one still bleeding into the slow stream. The boy didn't move as Lani approached and her heart quickened as thoughts of dread raced through her mind. She reached out tenderly toward his shoulder, hesitating before placing it there to turn him over.
Lani's heart stopped. Her mind had been forced open, and her thoughts flashed across her mind freely. When they came to a stop, Lani was in front of the house from her dreams, and the vision was a cruel one. The house was a dark menacing figure, it's dead grass cracked as Lani was carried forward by force. She stopped before the door. The place changed and Lani was now standing in a dark garden, the moon full and the night bright. A figure flashed from behind bushes as she watched it from afar. Trees came into veiw as she stepped from behind a statue. Again, the veiw changed, and Lani was in the woods, but they seemed strange and foreign to her. The figure was ahead. Her pace quicken to catch it. Ubruptly, the figure ahead disappeared. She ran about through the dark trees for many minutes, looking for something, then swore in a voice not her own.
The world came back to veiw, and Lani gasped, sweat pouring down from her forhead. She felt movement beneath her hand and looked down. It was the boy, his bright green eyes open and hatred plain in them. She moved her hand quickly, and the boy was up in a flash. He looked down at Lani and stepped forward, ready to kill. Behind him, a twig cracked and he jumped around, head and eyes searching. With a last look back at Lani he gave a low animalistic growl and crouched, racing away from her at in-human speed. Lani was left, her hand still hovering in the air. She watched as the boy ran farther into the woods, then looked about and swallowed hard through the lump in her throat. She breathed deeply, willing her head to stop spinning. The woods looked the same as before, but now they felt strange and different. She stood shakily, looking back for her dropped tote, now in a hurry to be out of the woods for fear of the hatred those eyes had bore into her. Lani looked around once more before setting off at a sprint toward the high-way and her parked car.
She reached the tiny blue car breathless, and sat in the front, her head resting on the wheel and her hair matted between the two. She could not overcome the feeling of fear, though it was not only fear for herself. She could still feel the rush of blood and adrenaline she had felt from the vision, and she feared that perhaps more than the boy. He had run away from something; he had been scared, and that much was enough to frighten her. Lani calmed her breathing once more and sat back, the picture of the boys face stuck in her mind.

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Garrick touched his side lightly, pain shooting out from a new wound caused by his mad dash through the forest. He kneaded the new wound carefully, muttering beneath his breath. In moments the wound was considerably smaller and the blood flow had stopped. He kneeled, the use of magic outside of the mansion was exhausting. Garrick continued to forget how much luxury had been there, though the cruelty would never leave his mind, nor his body which bore the signs of every struggle he had came to. Gingerly, garrick wrapped his hand around the nearly non-existing scare on the left side of his throat. It was a painful memory, one that had been his first in this new life, one that made him who he was.
Garrick rose, running a worn and calloused hand through greasy, dirty hair. The night was clear and bright stars wove between the cover of trees above. Ahead was the roar of the road, a thing garrick had nearly forgotten. he stepped heavily toward it, knowing he could not stay here long, the hunters would be on his scent soon, and even sooner they would find his blood. 'That will urge them on', Garrick thought with a sigh and took a path back to the creek. He sat on the hard ground and lay back, the smells of night overcoming him, soothing him. He closed his eyes and listened with a smile. The joys of this world were long forgotten and all his senses felt alive now, unlike the stiffeling hot heat and smell of sulphur of the mansion. Garrick rolled, pushed himself up and gathered his things. The feel of the old mansion was still in him, and though he knew that the girls scent the hunters would be led to would cause a slight delay, they would find him.
From the rough bag he carried, Garrick brought out a shirt, throwing it onto his cut shoulders to sheild them from the rub of straps. The way ahead seemed to darken with each step, and the thought of night was as equally a joy as it were a horror. the hunters would take no time to tear through the trees under the cover of dark, but Garrick was not thinking of this. His thoughts were filled with swift air pushing on his ears and tossing his hair, as well as the thirst Garrick harbored after meeting with the girl. Contact with her had brought on a wholly new and different want in him. Garrick tossed his head in fury, knowing that his thoughts were forbidden to him, that the girl could not be involved. He only pray the hunters would leave her be and stay at the stop only to cherish the scent of real human blood and fear. He not only pray, he begged.
Garrick stomped ahead through the trees, forcing his mind to think of other things. He began to note in his head everything he saw relavent. A bent tree there. A hollow of rabbits there. His thoughts would not go back to the girl, would not go back to thinking of her face, her startled eyes. He would not think of her vision. Garrick had struggled with the girl in his mind for hours after he left her at the creek, losing time to even follow her back to her home and watch as she sat in her room. He couldnt allow her to be in this. Not with this danger. Not now. Garricks attempts became weaker and weaker as he reasoned with himself over the girl. ' A few months and it will be fine to go back to her. Wait around, throw off the hunters and I can go back.' Though Garrick knew that she would be terrified, the look he had given her. Her eyes had been round and filled with a heart wrenching fear. Instead of comforting her, he had run away. it was need to be done anyway. She already had seen to much.
Ubruptly Garricks mind fell still. He hid behind a huge tree, thankful for it's cover. Ahead was a deer. Garrick could smell it. Slowly he shed his back of the bag and shirt, and stepped out carefully, lightly. he sniffed the air, and wild fire swept into his eyes. He growled in excitement and headed offf toward his dinner. The doe was in a small clearing ahead, and though it was small and scrawy, the smell of her meat and blood was riveting. Garrick stalked around her slowly, the doe unaware. Then he jumped.

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Lani sat at the table and pulled her bowl of cereal toward her, yet only to play with the little colored circles floating there. After driving home yesterday, Lani had gone to lay down for the fifteen minutes she had before class, and hadn't awoke until nine or so at night. Now, she was even groggier from all the sleep and going to have double the homework tonight for her double blocked classes. She poked at a red circle and sighed, thinking back to the earlier event of yesterday. ' Who had that boy been?' Was the constant question on her mind. His dark black hair and chilling green eyes had played over and over in her head last night, the whole scene in constant replay. she couldnt shake off that unearthly growl either. There was something wrong with him, and Lani intended to find out...soon. She knew nothing about the boy, but she did know that there would doubtless be someone who could help her. The internet had millions of chat sites that were popular in the parts, and there was always the woods. Lani knew she would find the boy somehow.
The boy's face still floating about her head, Lani set her uneaten cereal on the floor and called to her dog, knowing the little pup would be rid of the sweet stuff in minutes. After making sure that he didnt make a complete mess, Lani ran her fingers over his floppy ears and set off toward her car. The dark blue exterior had been rained on and was slick with water when she reached to open the door. Inside, Lani sat, the windows opened to let the fresh fallen rain smell waft in. she leaned back and stared out toward the woods, willing the boy to come back. finally, after only the sl;ightest movement of wind among the trees, Lani set the car into drive and headed toward the large unniversity.

KaishaH · 01-25-2008, 10:40 PM

Bump for critique and comment.