WritingForums.com - Writing Forums, Writing Challenges, Critiques and Help for Writers Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Hello Unregistered,
It looks you have never posted to our site before! Why not make your first post today by saying hello to our community in our Introduce Yourself forum. Why not start with your first post today and become an active part of our growing community of writers!
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writing Forums > Creativity > Fiction
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Fiction Horror, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Adventure, Thrillers etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-09-2008, 03:33 AM   #1
Scribe
 
TevenB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Washington
Gender: Male
Posts: 99
TevenB is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to TevenB
Faerytale

Hey, this is a story i just started writing yesterday. I hope everyone who reads it likes it, but please critique my work when needed.


Faerytale
Chapter 1: The Beginning

Once upon a time, in a land of great turmoil. There was a warrior named Zilis who fought off the armies of the evil goblins. Zilis had amazing strength and determination. While he was fighting them, it sounded like thunder and lightning: "Crack, Pow, Bam!"
The armies of goblins fell at his feet and he was proclaimed champion of the kingdom of Trill. The king gave him an audience and he knighted him. "Oh brave and powerful warrior, you have saved us from the clutches of the Sigil." , "We thank you".


"Aiden.......Aiden!", "What!?" I said. "Quit writing for a few minutes and come help me with cleaning up." My mom said. "Oh mom, i was really close in having Zilis run into a huge ogre!" i said with grief, "Well, you will have to continue some other time, right now we have to get ready to move." Me and my family were getting ready to move away from my home in Sacramento, California. We are going to Ireland to visit my grandmother and take care of her because she's ill. And with my grandfather already
passed there's no one to do it for us. In part i was really excited, i have never been to Ireland, but at the same time i was sad to leave my best friends behind.

"Aiden, you have a call from Ian" my mother said with a sigh. "Awesome, cool!" "Just remember, you dont get off the hook that easy, you still have to help!", "Fine". "Hey Ian!" i jolted, "Hey Aiden, im really going to miss you when you go to Ireland." he said in a sad tone. "So will i" "Aiden, what part of Ireland are you going to?" "Hmm, i dont know, i'll ask!" "MOM, WHAT PART OF IRELAND ARE WE MOVING TO!!?" , "OW,
not so loud!". "Uuh, were going to Belfast!" she said back. "Were going to Belfast, Ireland". "Why do you ask?". "I was just curious" he answered. "Well Ian, i will be able to see you tomorrow before we leave," "So i will have to go," "Why?" he asked, "Because my mom wants me to help her pack...and clean," i said in a monotone voice. "Ok, see you dude", "see ya!".

After i hung up the phone i helped my mother clean the house and pack. As i was doing it, i was getting more sad by the moment. We weren't moving away forever though, i will be able to see them again someday. But to be away from my best friend in the whole wide world was like torture.

At dinner time...

"So Aiden, how is your story coming?" my dad asked, "Oh, its doing great," "I just had Zilis beat the Sigil and he was knighted by the king!". "Oh, that sounds great son" my dad added. "Im going to have him fight an ogre next!" i finished. "Im sure that's going to be exciting!" my dad said. "Mmmm, Cathleen, this meatloaf is really good," my dad said. "Thanks Brian, i used a special recipe this time" my mom said with a smile. "Mom, Dad, can i be excused?" i asked, "Why do you want to be excused Aiden?" My mom asked. "Because i really want to get back to my story," "Ooh fine," she said. "But you have to be in bed by eleven!".


While the warrior Zilis was being knighted a soldier for the king told them that a huge ogre had come up to the castle. "King Thabias, i will vanquish that nasty ogre for you!" Zilis said with a loud cry. "Hurry Zilis, go!" The king cried.

Zilis started marching up to the ogre with his chest puffed out and head held high. When he came to the ogre he told him: "Listen you beast, you better leave this place before you get a taste of something you'll regret!" Zilis shouted. "Hahaha, you puny little human, your no match for me!!" the ogre shouted back. "Very well then" Zilis started, "I guess your going to regret it then!": Crack, Pow, Bam!

The ogre fell to his defeat as he yelled in anguish: "NOOOOO, you beat me!"
"That will teach you not to pick fights with us ever again" Zilis said in triumph.

Zilis had saved the land and the kingdom on it, and he was forever hailed as hero and legend of the kingdom of Trill.


"The End!" i said as i collapsed on my bed. Damn, i am so glad i am done with that story. As i was laying on the bed i started thinking on how Ireland would be. I was so excited, because i have never been anywhere outside of California, besides maybe Nevada. That doesnt count though, because we were just visiting relatives there. I then started thinking about another story i should write. I was getting tired of writing about heroes and kingdoms. I want to write about something scary this time. But i have no idea of what to write about to make my story scary.

"Hmmm, i better clean up my room a little bit." i said to myself. Looking around i noticed my dragon posters werent taken down yet. I still had a lot of my books in my room too. Most of my books were about mythical creatures, like the jersey devil or the abominable snowman. As i was picking up my things i stopped at my mirror.

"I never really liked my dirty blonde hair" i said. "I like my blue eyes though, and my somewhat pale skin." As a 16 year old boy i looked 13 years. I didnt look old at all. "Well, anyway, its time for me to go to sleep."

Last edited by TevenB : 01-09-2008 at 04:03 AM.
TevenB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:06 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password




Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers