Seth Dracovitch

So this is my fantasy novel in the works. I suppose I'll give a little background info, makes things easy to handle.
1. This is not a kids novel, has strong language, violence, and the occasional sex scene through out the novel, yeah I spare no expense when writing.

2. This is the new version (if anyone I know is here, don't think it's the old one)
3. All the characters are based off real people, so I really have no problem answering character related questions.
4. Suggestions, questions, critiques are more then welcome. PM me if you wish to do a private session about the novel with me.
5. The format might be kinda weird, please ignore it, I simply copy/pasted it from my computer and edited the format slightly to fit this.
6. This is also on my dA (my "homepage") if you wish to critique it there.
7. I now introduce you to Chapter 1.
'
The Multiverse Chronicles
By Seth Dracovitch

Chapter 1
Awakening

The day was like any other for Seth. He woke up at five in the morning, hitting the button on the alarm clock, accidentally breaking the plastic piece from the force. He sat and brushed the long black hair from his face.

“God damn it, not again.” He mumbled as he reached up to click the light on. With the room illuminated he hopped out of bed and walked feebly to the closet and slid into a black pair of jeans and a red shirt then walked into the bathroom to brush his hair and teeth as well as the other various things he did in the morning. Once ready Seth hauled his backpack over his shoulder and walked out to his small blue car. He threw the backpack into the back seat and drove off to Renai’s to pick her up for school.

Pulling into her driveway he beeped the horn twice and waited a few seconds, he popped his head out the window and yelled,

“Come on babe, we’re running late!” Suddenly the door flew open and Renai came rushing out smiling. Seth smiled back and opened the passenger door for her. Renai smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She had long brown hair and a nice body and was wearing blue jeans and a black shirt. Seth kissed her back and pulled out of the driveway and they were off to high school.

Seth parked in the student section and got their stuff out of the back and handed Renai's stuff to her,

“So how’re you hun?” he said in a waking voice,

“Fine, tired still.” She replied with a yawn. Seth smiled and interlaced their fingers,

“So am I hun, it’ll be fine.” She smiled and they kissed, walking to the main doors of the school. Seth opened the door for her and they were greeted by various friends that were walking through the halls. They talked all the way to the lunchroom, which was their normal hang out in the mornings. The two set their books and backpacks down and spread around talking to their friends the bell rang to go to class and a chill went down Seth’s spine. Mid way through the bell the power went out and some of the more cowardly people screamed. Usually Seth would enjoy the darkness. It meant that something went wrong with the school’s power canceling pretty much everything until it came back on, plus the darkness was comforting to him. Not this time, this time something very wrong was happing.

“Renai,” he said loudly, “to me… now.” Sensing the seriousness in his voice, she rushed over to his voice and he held her tight. For some reason the room was getting colder, as if winter was seeping in at an alarmingly high rate. The light’s flickered on and several people screamed, Seth’s eyes went wide. Standing at the front of the room was a tall man that looked almost exactly like himself, except thirty or so years older. At the man’s feet were the school’s two resource officers, they looked to be dead, but he couldn’t be sure. He was dressed in what looked like black leather armored pants with a matching shirt and boots.

“Which one of you sniveling meat stains is Seth Verniay Dracovitch!” he screamed, his voice like thunder. Renai gripped Seth harder and Seth kissed her deeply.

“I’ll come back, I promise.” He said, as Renai tried to respond he put a finger over her lips and walked towards the man with all the confidence he could muster.

“That’d be me.” He said hopping on top of a table for all to see him. The man smiled revealing two pointed fangs that made Seth feel very uneasy, He’s a fucking vampire?! He thought to himself. The man closed his lips and spoke very calmly compared to his welcome,

“You are to come with me and embrace your ‘true destiny’ as you people call it.” Seth stifled a laugh and growled.

“Fuck. No.” The man looked slightly agitated and smirked,

“Come with me or they die.” Seth didn’t want to imagine if “they” meant the entire lunchroom full of people, or if he meant the cops at his feet. Seth didn’t like playing the hero but in this situation there wasn’t much of a choice.

“They? The officers? Do you honestly think I care about them? You really didn’t do your research before doing this.” The man laughed and shook his head sarcastically.

“Everyone in this room you so much as give a god damn about is who I speak
of.” Seth was off his feet before he even thought of the consequences. He leapt off the table onto the one closest to the vampire and lunged at him wheeling a kick in the air. He lurched to a stop to find his foot had been caught in mid kick by the man and he was now dangling pathetically in his grasp. With a swing of the vampire’s arm he was flying through the air. With a painful crack he hit a table and bounced off it and onto another table where he rolled off onto the tile.
Seth stood up and coughed harshly.

“Who… the hell…” Seth fell to one knee and struggled up.

“Who,” the vampire said, “I am Relic. I am the one who is to rule this world one day. I am your original father.” Seth burst out in painful laughter at what Relic had said.

“Do you honestly think that I’m going to believe that? God damn you are so fucking cheesy that it burns.” He stood up with his body relaxed and tilted to the left as well his head was titled the same direction. To his friends this posture was when Seth stopped playing nice and let loose. It was a trick he never understood. How he could simply become a killing machine through adrenaline and a goal.

Relic looked on slightly amazed at something as Seth let his body flow with itself and he launched off the ground. Using incredible speed and strength he leapt over the two tables and slammed his boot straight into Relic’s chest. Pushing off after the attack he landed on the ground and swung his leg up connecting to Relic’s chin sending him flying up and before the vampire could react, Seth jumped into the air and did a graceful spin kick sending Relic into the wall.

Seth landed on the ground back in the insanity posture, his eyes so relaxed it looked as if he were going to fall asleep.

“Never think you can beat me when I have something worth fighting for.” Relic stood up and roared,

“Fool! Do you have any idea what you just did?!” Seth purred and smiled evilly,

“I just handed your ass to you on a plate.” Relic roared again and shot his hand forward and a ball of fire the size of a watermelon erupted from it. Seth did a back flip over the table and lay prone on the ground as the hellfire went over his head. he jumped to his feet and stared. He had no idea what just happened, nor could he ever really understand the physics behind it. Relic smiled revealing his fangs,

“What’s the matter, can’t handle a little fire?” Seth was more concerned about what the fireball hit then he was about himself. If anyone died, somehow it would be blamed on him. Still trying to keep up the annoying overconfidence in his voice he coughed and spoke,

“Did you ever think of hosting cook outs? I’m sure that would come in handy.” Seth coughed again and Relic roared,

“ENOUGH! Your stupid little games are over!” He grabbed for the nearest person and to Seth’s horror it was Renai. She screamed and kicked but Relic’s iron grip did not falter.

“Put her down. Now.” Seth said, a low growl creeping into his voice.

“Or what?” Relic said smiling in the most gleeful way he could. The anger was boiling in Seth’s blood, he could barely see, let alone think,
“I SAID PUT HER DOWN BEFORE I PAINT THE FUCKING WALLS WITH YOU!” he screamed as loud as he could, his voice booming through the large room and echoing off the walls. He heard some girls scream in terror and noticed others cower. There was a fine line between his confident games and his uncontrollable anger, and that thread had been crossed. Relic was even a bit taken aback by the sound of it all.

“Or… what?” Relic said again, the smile leaving his lips. Without a second’s hesitation Seth lunged at Relic with all the speed and power of a feral animal. Both his feet connected to Relic’s chest and the vampire fell down with Seth barreling on top him. He dropped Renai, who yelped as she hit the ground, but Seth barely had time to notice. With a strong swing he slammed his fist into Relic’s jaw and there was a loud pop. He cocked his fist back again, but Relic reacted first, he grabbed Seth’s arm and bent it back, snapping it with a sickening crack. Seth screamed and Relic used all the force he could muster to hurl the crazed teen across the room. Seth collided with the opposite walls and winced as he hit the ground.

Relic snapped his jaw back into place and stood up. He looked at the collapsed body across the room,

“I must hand it to you, without knowing it you handle your power well, just as I thought you would. However it is apparent that I can’t convince you of anything. Therefore you must die.” Seth felt something in his hand, it felt warm and confident. He looked through his tear stained pupils at his palm. There was nothing there. The feeling was all he needed though. Something in him felt like it was right.

You know what you must do.

The elegant female voice startled Seth; it came from everywhere at once, but with a reassuring tone. Seth stood up and faced Relic. He squeezed the invisible solid in his hand and wasn’t surprised to find it had a feel to it.

Use what I have given you to save the woman you love.
Seth ignored the pain in his broken arm and concentrated on the ball of invisible energy in his opposite hand. Heeding the words of the voice he focused on it, putting all the love for Renai in his mind, putting all the confidence he had to bear. With a painful laugh he smiled weakly,

“Ready… set… go…” he hurled his arm forward letting go of the energy in his palm. Relic’s eyes went wide and Seth’s smile widened, from the center of his palm erupted a ball crackling with lightning and swirling with colors. The last thing he saw before losing all consciousness was the ball incinerating Relic, and his blood spraying over the wall behind him. With the last of his breath he coughed,

“Paint… the walls...” and he was out cold.

When Seth awoke he couldn’t see. All around him was darkness, utterly black and cold. Was he dead? No, he could feel his body. His limbs moved when he willed them, but he could not sit or stand. Or could he? Seth winced and realized he was floating in utter darkness.

“Ok,” he sputtered finding his voice to be startlingly strong again, “What the hell is going on? Vampires, fireballs, kick ass energy attacks… is this a dream, am I in some video game… a movie maybe? What is going on?” There was a short pause and to his amazement a voice responded, the same voice from before,

No Seth Dracovitch, this is no game, no dream, and certainly no movie. This is the beginning of your new life. A life where you hold the power to do great things, a life you have total control of. The life you’ve always wanted, and with it comes the power you’ve always desired. You may use this life and this power to be happy and protect those you love, or you may use it to conquer entire worlds and banish anyone who rises against you. While I cannot influence your path or your mind. I can teach you how to become what you desire.

Seth nodded,

“What… what must I do for you to teach me this… gift.” The voice smiled, Seth wasn’t exactly how, but he felt like it was smiling.

You need not do a thing, as I am going to teach you everything. Now then, what questions do you have?
Seth nodded and with a warm smile reached his broken arm up. It was no longer broken, and no pain shot through it. He could see it as if it was daylight and his whole body looked the same.

“Tell me where we are.”

We are in your mind Seth.

“Um… ok. I always thought my mind would be more… lively.”

This black void is only because you are unconscious. However for me to teach you, it is necessary.

“That makes sense. Who… are you?”

I am the embodiment of your power. Once you learn all that I have to offer to the fullest, I will cease to be a living entity as I am now, but fear not as I will be every spell you cast.

Seth was more then taken aback by what she had said. He let his thoughts gather for a moment, which seemed foolish since he was in his own head.

“Spells? As in magic spells... like the fireball Relic threw at me?” he again felt the ethereal voice react, this time with a nod.

Yes, but Relic knows the spells of a hundred different planes. You Seth shall learn your own. You have the power to create spells, to form your own magic that cannot be mimicked by anyone you do not bestow the power to.

Seth smiled and he felt the voice smile back. He was intrigued, excited, he even felt like kissing the voice if he could.

“Tell me, how… how much ‘customization’ can be done with my spells?” eagerly he waited her reply.

There is no limit with the exception of each spells power. You control the name, the way it is cast, and even the shape it takes when cast. Some spells you can cast straight away without a thought, but the more powerful spells require a casting time and such are short but can seem long in the midst of a fight. When casting a spell you do not need to say the words of power, but keep in mind that a spells power double when cast if the words of power are spoken.

Seth let the words sink in and nodded,

“Do you have a body, or something I can associate you with?” Again he felt the voice smile and suddenly standing before him was beautiful naked woman. She was tall and lean with gorgeous green eyes, short messy blonde hair, and full breasts. Seth smirked a little and laughed to himself.

“That works just fine.” He said trying not to stare.

Good, although this is a form and thus whether I speak with its lips or not my voice will always be in your head.

Seth nodded,

“Fine with me. What about this blackness, I know it’s gonna be like this, but is there and solidity to it? I mean, you’re standing straight up.”

You must merely imagine yourself lying on the ground, and then stand up.

Seth did as she said and with a small impact he landed on something. Or wait, did something rush up under him? He stood up not bothering to think about it. Looking down he saw his feet standing on nothing. This is starting to get cool, he thought.

There, you see? In your mind you can achieve almost anything. While unconscious you cannot control the scenery or objects, but merely yourself. And in the end, that is all we need for me to teach you.
Seth nodded

Now then there are a few steps that must be taken. First of which is a unique color combination to associate your spell set with. It needs to be at least two, at most three basic colors. I say basic because once those are chosen the spells will emanate with all shades and hybrids of the chosen colors. These colors need to represent you so choose wisely.

Seth thought long and hard for a few minutes and the whole time she stood smiling at him. He looked to her eyes and spoke,

“I choose three colors. Black, red, and white. White for the good in my heart, black for the power I now have, and red for the love I hold dear.” The girl nodded and her skin seemed to shift into those colors for a moment then wash back into the skin of her human body, every so often the colors would change shift like this, it only meant Seth was that much closer to his goal.

Now then, we must give your spell set a name. This name will be the first word of power in your spells. When you cast a spell using its words of power you will speak the name of the spell set followed by the name of the attack itself.

Without hesitation, Seth spoke,

“Shadowheart. I want my spells to be named Shadowheart.”

Very nice name, and now that is my name as well. You may address me by it until we part. Now for the final step. You and I must join as one and separate so that a piece of us resides in the other. One that is complete I can teach you all you need to know.

Seth chuckled softly and raised an eyebrow,

“And how do we go about ‘joining and separating’?”

Sex of course. What other way is there, after all without any power you
cannot do anything magical.

Seth blushed and suddenly his clothes were gone. He fully admitted to himself that he wondered what it’d be like, but he never thought it was required to unlock his power. She walked over and embraced him pushing him gently down until he was on his back again. She spread her legs and slid onto him and they both moaned. Whether she was real or not, it felt real and to Seth that was all that mattered.

>>>>I hope you enjoyed Chapter 1. Chapter 2 will be up tomorrow.<<<<<

__________________

Kaykobina

Hi Seth,

I really enjoyed this, thanks for sharing. I think you have some great imagery, the character is sympathetic, and I loved the action.

I tend to get too wordy in my writing - I think you write tightly, but...in general, sometimes the analogies and words you choose, don't give you the impact you might be looking for. Also I can tell the parts that bored you to write, and you seem to have simply wrote in because you thought you had to.
I only did a part of it, a. it's too bloody long for me to do the whole thing, b. it'll probably be a thread throughout your writing, so if I show you what I mean, you can probably follow it for yourself.
Before I dissect the below, good job, and I liked the story.
Without much further ado(see my wordiness?,

First line ok, and then my problems begin. Did the alarm even go off? Can I hear it too? Drag me in, don't beat me up. The only thing I felt/sensed was his blow. The last sentence..blunt clean, straightforward and direct. A bit too much.
How about:
Day dawned (Dawn broke?) like any other for Seth. The beep of the five o'clock alarm had him thrashing up out of sleep, shattering the plastic piece under his clumsy attempt to smash it in to silence. Sitting up (cursing?), he raked strands of long black hair out of his (sleep crumpled?)face.

ok, your boredom begins...it's like you want to cut to the action, so this and following scenes don't get your full attention...=)

That is one mofo of a run on sentence. I couldn't do that, and trust me, I have run-ons. Damn. Talk about rushing your hero. How about cutting it out entirely? You didn't want to write it, so don't. Find other ways. You don't have to tell us about his morning dump - we know, he'll come out of his bathroom slicked down and ready to go. How about, we see him heading into the bathroom. Then we meet him again grabbing his car keys and pack sprinting out the door, late picking Renai up for school.

Cute. Like a bubblegum commercial. How about she's already sitting on the front steps, a little irritated because of the wait, but then relieved and happy to finally see him? Leave the yelling. He's a crude dude, fits his character. She can handle him. Let him describe what he sees in her though, and how her clothes on her body affect him. If this is all too boring to flesh out, just cut it, and have them meet at school. But if you get bored, so do I.

stuff-stuff (got bored?) Dialogue: Maybe they would've moved on now to talking about some crappy class ahead, a teacher good or bad(to help with mood, make it bad). Watch your run-ons.

The Renai thing, although realistic.. is a bit tacky to read. Cut it or rewrite it. I don't think Seth would know what he would look like in thirty years, and it's not something he would notice right away in a situation like that... describe differently...

Leave the kiss out, unless you want unintentional humour. See this as a scene in the movies, what would the audience do? That's right ...."Gaaawwwwd." Have her do something else, if you want her in there, think angie jolie, get her in on the action. Or leave her out.

I can tell you started having fun, here... good action. Except how can he lurch to a stop in mid-air? Try to find something else. Too early in the story to reveal a revelation that heavy. We need to know more about how that knowledge/lack thereof/ lack of a biological father would affect him...


love the action, the anger, the exaggerations - but once again, analogies/words.
Ball of fire the size of a watermelon....the watermelon quenched that ball.

Anyhow, I hope I made some sense, and hope it helps you a little.