Destroyer2000

There will always be people who don't believe in the truth of Christianity; ignore their comments. What one might call 'religious propaganda' is simply facts they don't want to face. Write what you want; you aren't trying to make this complicated or give the characters depth; it's a CHILDREN'S story.

Theotherguy

"Leave me alone."

I was going to go on some tirade, but I'll leave that to the debate forums. That was the only grammatical issue I can find.

But as for the story: the characters are rather cardboard. Most of them are highly stereotypical and none of them seems to have anything other than unilateral motivation. But I don't see what more you could want out of a children's piece.

Eli Cash

Maybe he's possessed? That would definitely add some depth of character.

Try to develop this angle, TS.

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howowiginal

Quite a paraphrasing echo in this here thread.

As for this:
Nonsense. Many children's stories are written to be enjoyed on different levels. Roald Dahl wrote children's stories and his characters definitely had more than a spoonful of personality (ok, not much more). It's patronizing to think that children will accept anything just because they're children. I think just as much effort, if not more, should be put into writing for them as for adults.

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Nobody is suddenly an author. They do not wake up and say, "Today I will auth and auth!" -- Anne Fine

Gabriel Gray

Am i honestly the only one who found that story completely rubbish? Bar the whole religion issue, it seemed immensely lame in general. Not only was the events occuring boring, but the entire thing seemingly created by a twelve year old, brainwashed by their parents.

(Only if the author in question IS actually twelve, will i apologise)

This is a writing forum, it honestly reminds me of a childs work, yeah its meant for a kids magazine (or church magazine, w.e) but i'm sure children would appreciate some character in their characters.

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Something i've been working on for a while now, it has a slow start but please read it and comment - It would mean a lot to me

http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ml#post1211308