Sekaya

I'm aware that there are things that need fixing yet in this piece, but I wanted to post this up for any thoughts on how the story unfolds. is it too slow? Is it boring? does it catch you?



Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it. any comments you leave are much appreciated and I'll try to return them to your stories
I have to split this into two posts also... haha...-twitch-



Merry belated Christmas guys!=D>





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Chapter 1



“The future has a way of arriving unannounced.”

-George Will.






“Sekaya—”

The images flashed wildly through her sleeping mind, so fast that they blurred together into one stream of light. She tried to grasp at one in the stream, but found it impossible. To grasp it was to grasp every thought—and it was currently beyond her strained mind.

“Always remember that time flows far faster than mortals may think—”
She managed to glimpse in the muddled mess of images the clips of beauty and peace in a land so much different from hers. She watched as time passed and it became a ruined nation, a great being rising above them all, a shadow of the light once cast upon the world.

“—its current strong, its moments deep…”
She lost her grasp on the pictures that flowed through her head. She felt on the verge of tears at all the emotions and scenes running through her head of times long forgotten and best forgotten, fears and loss and love and hope.

“And though our time together was short—”
She saw a fleeting pair of eyes both green and blue, a mix of the two colours, both separate and yet blended into a odd swirl. They blinked and vanished, ripped back into the tornado of the foreign images.

“—you were loved.”
And tears, idle tears, flowed from the girl’s eyes as she slept, the constant dream that had visited her nightly for months as close to a nightmare as she had ever come. It was a dream that tore at her heart so much that it scared her more than any nightmare.
It felt real, in a way she had never known in waking life.
And she knew it was real
.


She woke to the shrill shriek of the alarm with a gasp, blinking her water filled eyes. For a moment she was confused as to why her vision was so blurred, until the pooled tears streamed from her eyes and down her cheeks in one huge torrent. Frowning, she wiped at them with her long shirtsleeve and turned her attentions towards the alarm clock that had saved her from that restless, disturbing dream.

“Six a.m.,” she said wearily, slamming her hand down on the clock, silencing it. Her black hair stuck out at all angles, its length matted thickly from her night spent tossing and turning. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to be rid of the headache from the after effects of the vivid nightmare.
Every night, she saw more of those images. Every night she woke up with a pulsing migraine from seeing them all. It felt as if someone was trying to cram all the knowledge they had learned over thousands of years into her sixteen year old mind, and she was tired.
So tired…

Stop it, she chided herself internally, rubbing her forehead briefly as she turned, swinging her long legs over the edge of the bed. You’ll get plenty of sleep in the car soon, after all. Why complain if you’re only awake for a half hour…or two?

She had slept in her clothes from the previous day, a long sleeved black top and a pair of blue capris. Though they were fresh into summer holidays, the weather hadn’t been very warm. Cloudy and dull, she found it more comfortable to be fairly covered up instead of open for all the elements of surprise to catch her.
Her purple eyes scanned the room, finding the suitcase packed where she’d left it last night, by the door. She smiled shakily; this was good. She was still in her room. She wasn’t somewhere else.
Getting to her feet, she wobbled over to the wheeled suitcase and used it to help her walk. She felt weak and un-rested, her mouth as dry as shredded paper. And she didn’t like it one bit.
These dreams had never seemed normal, but for Sekaya, normal was but a dream. Normal had been denied her from the first memory she could recall. She had never had a normal relationship with an adult. Her aunt was anything but the caring, understanding stand in for a mother. And her eyes had earned her teasing as well as unremitting curiosity since she had begun school. Or they outright scared everyone, after she said they ‘weren’t contacts’ but her natural eye colour.
And don’t get her started on her parents; apparently it was a secret Laura would keep to her grave. Stubbornly calm and collected, her aunt simply would stare at her with that blank look that scared Sekaya like nothing else could, except for that dream. It was so foreign and…inhumane, the look in her eyes.
No, normal was something Sekaya had never known, and probably never would, unless she could conform to society’s views. And the odds were definitely not in her favour there.
Dragging the black, waist high suitcase out of the room, she walked down the hall as confidently as her awkward stride would allow. She felt like she would trip over her legs at any second, and it definitely wouldn’t surprise her if she face planted into the polished kitchen floor. She would actually be more surprised if she cared about it at the moment.
Yet somehow, she made it safely into the kitchen, her stride slowly lengthening and then flowing in the smooth movements that came to her naturally. She seemed to float over the floor at a speed most her age didn’t know, and gracefully. It didn’t mean, however, that she saw it that way; she felt like her legs might give way any minute under a pressure she still couldn’t understand.

Laura looked up from making breakfast, her light green eyes watching Sekaya with an evident frown as Sekaya seated herself at the table. Her auburn hair was tied back into a short ponytail, most of it not even long enough to stay in it. Instead it fell around her impassive face framing it with dull strands. She was much shorter and more fragile than her niece; a head and a half shorter, to be exact. But this fact didn’t deter the woman one bit. She was as immobile as a boulder. Sekaya knew this well, from her many various attempts to find out about her parents, among other things. Sighing, the young girl leaned back into her chair, black bags starting to show under her haunted eyes. Laura returned her empty gaze to the soup after her subject had exhausted her interest.
Silence reigned supreme in the room for the next while, cold and familiar. It was as normal as life could be for the quiet pair; it was what Sekaya had grown up with, and what Laura wanted to die with.
The soup finished, her aunt turned the dial on the stove to ‘off’ and went to the dish cupboard, removing two bowls from its depths. Closing it, she returned to the stove, grabbed a soup addle from a nearby utensil can, and began to dish the meal out. The noise of sloshing soup slithering into the bowls filled the air, the smell of salty chicken soup drifting into Sekaya’s small white nose. Her cheek twitched as it registered, but she continued to stare ahead, seemingly oblivious. No matter how hard she tried, the dream continued to flash in front of her eyes.
Laura set the addle down neatly onto the stove top and lifted a bowl, picking up a spoon on the countertop. She made her way around the L shaped counter to the table, placing the steaming bowl in front of the brooding girl.

“Thanks.”

Laura regarded the girl for a moment before turning, returning to the kitchen to fetch her own bowl. Sekaya watched her leave, and then picked the spoon up and stared at it for a second. She looked at herself in the reflection of the silver surface, smiling at the distorted image that she saw within it. So distorted, she wondered for a moment if she really was what she thought she was.
Hunger won out in the end, however, and soon she turned her attention away from her thoughts to focus on the light food before her.
Of course, it was only a temporary fix.
Only time could cure it completely.




Oh, the car trip was all it had been cracked up to be; spruce and pine trees passed in a blur on the roadside as she stared out the window, forehead touching the cool glass. She felt the edges of carsickness begin to rise up as she continued to stubbornly watch the greenery flash by. She would eventually be forced to look away from them and find another occupation.
Laura sat in the front seat, seeming blissfully unaware of having a teenager in her backseat. Her foot hit the brakes slowly as she saw the turnoff to the cabin approaching; she switched her indicator on and, with a look to the rear-view mirror, turned onto the gravel road.
Sekaya jerked her head quickly away from the glass as the first impact with the uneven road was made. She bit back the swears on her tongue as she felt the dull ache in her forehead from the sudden attack from the window. Rolling her eyes instead, she turned to face forward, jiggling in her seat with every bump the car seemed to roll over. The sound of stones crunching under the car’s massive weight filled the air, only irritating Sekaya’s bad mood already. She hadn’t managed any sleep, nor would she; they were nearly there, and they had to settle in to the small cabin for another long and endless summer together.
Rolling up the hill, they reached the top only to start down a gradual decline into a small clearing below. The log cabin sat at the bottom, waiting as always for the pair to arrive and use it, to clear away the dust from the un-used furniture, to change the moth ridden curtains and to sweep its dirt ridden floors.
And of course, they’d do that, if only to make it liveable for humans.
A small smile snuck onto Sekaya’s delicate, snowy features as she rolled down the window. It had been raining most of the trip, but it had slowed to a light drizzle. She closed her eyes as the sounds of the creek roared into her ears, making her heart pound. She thought of how soon she could swim in some of the large pools of still water in its depths and even push the kayak out onto the faster water on a nicer day. Days of excitement and adventure would be hers soon—and she wouldn’t be near Laura for most of them, except at night, and even that might be fairly pleasant.
A few light flecks of rain hit her nose through the crack in the window as she opened her eyes. The car rolled to a stop in front of the cabin, the engine sputtering into unwilling silence. Sekaya all but leapt out the car door into the light rain, so intent of leaving the old car for the larger area. Running around to the trunk, she waited for Laura to emerge and unlock it and then let her steal the keys. She held her hands to keep from fidgeting, biting her lip. Soon she’d be free of the pressures of school and her few friends, to enjoy nature in all its glory.
She felt like a hippy just thinking it, but at least she was a very happy one at the moment.
Laura opened her car door and stretched slowly, dawdling. Sekaya tapped a foot impatiently as she peered back up front to see what was keeping her. This only made the woman take longer to appear completely as she fiddled with the seat belt, untangling its twisted form as if to specifically pass the time and annoy her niece. She then stood, let out a yawn, and slammed the old door shut. It banged into its frame with a rattling thud before going still. Still taking her precious time, she weaved her ponderous way back to the trunk, keys swaying from a loose finger, as she observed the scenery with uninterested eyes. It always seemed to bore her, for some reason, Sekaya noted, but refused to let the frown come to her face after her mood had perked up. She would enjoy what little enjoyment had been provided her today. Not even Laura’s attitude would change that.
Stopping, she bent over the trunk and shoved the key home, twisting it in the lock. The trunk popped open, and the girl lunged to push it the rest of the way into the air. Laura just managed to retrieve the keys before Sekaya did so, frowning slightly as she gave her a strange look.

“My,” she said, eyeing Sekaya as she yanked her suitcase out and dropped it on the ground. “Aren’t we in a hurry for once.”
Snapping the handle out of the top of the suitcase to be able to drag it, the girl looked up and gave her a warning look. Laura watched with her empty stare, a crooked smile lighting her face as her niece turned and jogged off, suitcase in tow.

“So it’s time, huh, Aerilyn?” she whispered to her self, her voice reminiscent of soft steel. Her green eyed gaze never once left Sekaya’s back as she fumbled with the keys to unlock the door.
“Good riddance.”



The rest of the day was spent unpacking and cleaning the house. Sekaya was glad to be able to do the work, if only to distract her mind from the dream and the ugly farewell between her and her friends. There had been a lot of drama this past year, and it had built to the breaking point. Everyone involved had been pushed over the edge, and she could only hope that they felt half as remorseful as she did over it.

“Tea?” Laura called innocently from the kitchen. Sekaya looked up from dusting the coffee table to stare at the wall separating her from her aunt. She blinked for a moment before rising to her feet, rubbing her hands together.

“Sure,” she said, and then grimaced as she regarded her sticky hands. She’d have to wash up before even considering sipping at tea. Starting out of the now decently clean living room, she made her way down the hall and into the bathroom. The hardwood floors were finally dry after the mopping they had down an hour or two earlier, to her relief. It was no fun walking around in wet socks.
Stopping in front of the sink in the squished bathroom, she turned the water on and dampened her hands, grabbing the soap to scrub the cleaning solution off.
She was dreading sleeping tonight; it had taken several hours before the horrible headache had worn off, and she wasn’t looking forward to repeating the experience the next day. Even though she seemed to be coming closer and closer to resolving the dream, it came with a price, and that price had caused her to lash out at the only friends she had just as school was coming to a close for the summer.
Sighing, she rinsed off her soapy hands and turned the running water off, towelling her hands dry before exiting the bathroom. Lightly running, she braced her feet and skidded the rest of the way down the slick hardwood hall. When she slid to a stop near the end she trotted around the corner into the kitchen. The water had just begun to boil, she noticed absently as Laura stood hunched over the sink. The U shaped counter provided little room for movement for more than one person.
Laura looked up from peeling the potatoes and raised an eyebrow in a silent question. Sekaya didn’t hesitate, walking in further to stop at the mouth of the cooking area.

“Peppermint tea.”

Her aunt nodded wordlessly and set the box out before returning to the potatoes, letting Sekaya select the tea bag she wanted. She did so, and then shoved the box back across the counter to where it had previously rested. She set the tea bag down in her green mug and then turned the water off. Grasping the rubber coated handle, she walked back over to her section of counter and poured the steaming liquid into first her’s, and then her aunt’s blue one. When finished, she returned it to its place on the stove, where it continued to bubble, the water hitting the interior of the kettle like packaged thunder. Sekaya grabbed her mug and walked around to the tiny dining room, sitting at her side of the round wood table. The log walls weren’t decorated with any photos or memorabilia, only the scars from when they had been alive. A lone window showed the last bit of light fading from the sky, the sun having already set. Sekaya stared out the window for a moment before turning to face forward once more. Peppermint infused the stale air, lifting some of the pressure that seemed to remain in her head, though the headache was long gone.

“Have you gone down to the creek yet today, Kaya?”

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Sekaya

Sekaya turned, looking through the empty space between the cupboards and the countertop below them. Laura continued peeling her potatoes, starting on a fifth.

“Not yet,” she said, cautious. “Why?”

Laura shrugged, her face hidden to Sekaya’s searching sight. “Just curious; usually you do when we first arrive.”

“Maybe I didn’t feel like it today.”

“Maybe.”

The steady rhythmic pulse of the knife skinning the potato filled the air as a remote silence drifted once more between the two, the blade crunching audibly into the smooth surface. A bead of juice ran down Laura’s thumb to rest in its curve as she continued her brisk job. Sekaya removed the tea bag after another few minutes and set it on a napkin on the table, ignoring the other woman just as she was seeming to ignore her.

“I imagine the creek will have shifted its course over the last year.”

Sekaya was silent, not bothering to answer the empty statement. Laura was fishing for something, she knew, but she wasn’t interested in finding out what it might be as of yet. She knew it would be revealed in time. Instead, she lifted her tea and blew on it, before taking a tentative sip. She made a face and set it back down; it was still too hot yet.

“You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if something was showing now down there.”

Sekaya sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Like what?”

“Ohhh… I don’t know.”

Sekaya briefly narrowed her eyes as she looked up at the ceiling. She tried to let her sudden curiosity at the new line drop, knowing it was all a ploy to regain her interest, but it was a near impossible feat; she’d been hooked.

“Spit it out.”

Laura looked over at Sekaya, cocking her head over to the side to look under the divide.

“Oh, so now you’re interested.” She sighed, returning to the potatoes. The sound of water rose into the air as Laura washed the peeled potatoes, dropping them into the pot to boil. “The way you were talking, I’d think you weren’t interested, despite all the questions you ask about the topic.”

“What topic?” Sekaya sat upright, looking under the barrier as Laura finished depositing the naked potatoes into the bubbling water.

“Only the one you keep pestering me about.” Wiping her hands on a kitchen towel hanging from a cupboard, she turned to face her niece. She stretched her arms out across the counter, peering across at Sekaya through the gap with a smug look on her face. Sekaya raised a curved eyebrow, finding it odd to see such an expression on the usually impassive face.

“I don’t see what my parents have to do with something at the bottom of the creek.”

“Oh, of course not,” Laura said, nearly purring. “It was at the bottom of the creek for most of your life, after all.”

“What?” Sekaya was beginning to get impatient, and it was showing. Her voice was rough with the strain of biting back some choice words she had already picked out.
Laura rose in a smooth motion from her state half sprawled on the counter, turning away to attend to the fridge to hide her discreet smile. She waved a hand from side to side as she opened the door of the undecorated fridge, looking around for something she had suddenly come to need.

“Oh, well, I couldn’t say that. Its something you’d have to find for yourself.”

“This is getting older by the second, Laura.”

Laura turned to peer over her shoulder, not so secretly amused at her charge’s impatience.

“You have no idea.” She carted the milk carton from its depths and shut the fridge door with a bare foot, depositing it on the counter near the plates. “Nearly 17 years too old.”

A light flush decorated Sekaya’s cheeks at the reminding words. She looked away from the activities a few feet away and at the plain, undecorated wall. Only one more year, Sekaya, she reminded herself in her head. One more year till you’re free. One more year till you can run off into the sunset to some other place where Laura has no control over you.
One year. Just one year.

“But besides that,” Laura continued, turning the tap on once more as she put a rubber stopper in the drain, “I guess you’ll have to see for yourself if it’s been revealed tonight.” A smile rose into being on her face as she watched the water plummet into the stainless steel sink. “Whatever it may be.”

Sekaya continued to look at her strange aunt for a moment, as if the act of staring at her back would cause her to divulge the contents of her brain. After it became clear that the conversation was over, however, she let it drop, sinking further down into her chair.
She would go down to the creek after supper and see what was tickling her aunt so.
Even if it was all just a prank Laura was pulling to try and stop her from asking her what happened to her parents.



And that she did; slipping on her Velcro sandals, she exited the small cabin and left, flashlight in hand. She stopped for a moment, darting the beam of light around at the surrounding trees, until she found the rough trail breaking the impenetrable line. Starting towards the opening, she felt the wet beads from the sparse grass start to coat her toes. By the time she reached the path, the backs of her feet were itching from the touch of the soaked grass, and she was resisting the urge to bend and scratch them.
Going down the gentle incline, she rounded a corner and kept her flashlight pointed ahead, watching for the next bend that would direct her to the small beach below. A light breeze picked up and rustled the pines and leaves of the different trees lining the narrow path. Sekaya flicked her eyes to look around, cautious. The wildlife would be starting to become more active about now; it was almost nine o’ clock at night now, and it was quite dark. Though she doubted she would meet a bear passing through, she had run into a deer and the meeting had surprised both individuals more than they would have liked. She didn’t want to have a repeat of that particular occurrence unless it was unavoidable.

Rounding the last corner, she heard the sound of the moving water intensify as the stony shore came into view. She began to walk faster, more sure of her step, and only slowed down as she started to walk over the uneven rocks. Each one of them varied in size enough that if she didn’t pay attention she risked twisting an ankle badly.
Soon she found herself beside the black surface of the mountain-fed creek, walking along beside it for any sign of anything out of the normal. She noticed that the creek had, indeed, shifted its route over the last winter, the ice jams crumbling a shelf of sand near the point of the opposite shore. The water now passed through there, and the pool across from it, sheltered by the shore she stood on, was larger than before. She narrowed her eyes at the pool as she approached it, and then looked into it. It was a bit deeper than previous visits; the water probably would hit her chest if she tried to jump into it.
Of course, she’d do no such thing tonight; even though it might be summer, the water was cool, and it would be icy at this time of night. It may be pleasantly cold on a warm day, but it all changed with just a few hours and no sunlight.
Sighing, she continued to look around, scanning the opposite shore before looking further upstream, eyes passing over the miniature rapids she would kayak on later in her stay.
She honestly couldn’t see anything that could hold any connection whatsoever to her parents, unless they had carved something into a tree. And then why would it only show now? Its not like a tree could secretly have been growing under the surface of the water and, with the change of the water’s passage, suddenly pop up and say hi to the world for the first time in 17 years.
No, she thought, letting out a sigh as she felt the disappoint hit her like a freight train. She had been just pulling her leg for her own amusement.
Well, it wouldn’t stop her from continuing to ask her questions; it was a topic shrouded in mystery for her, and it was also a huge bother to her. she felt, if she knew what had happened to her parents and what they were like that she’d be finally able to move on and not constantly wonder what happened.
Heck, if she was told that they were mafia gang members, she’d be able to move on. She just wanted to know something other than, “They’re gone”.

Turning around and letting out a large yawn, she started back towards the path, knowing that another long night awaited. She winced to think of how bad the dream might become tonight.
Her foot slipped as she lost her focus on walking properly across the rocky shore. She just managed to catch herself before it could result in anymore than a stumble, spreading her legs out further than originally planned to regain her balance. Turning, she looked back over her shoulder to see what had distracted her so much.
In the large pool of water light seemed to be gathering in its depths, lighting it an eerie blue green in the night. Fiery white droplets of lighted water rose into the air, defying gravity as Sekaya knew it, and hovered, waiting. More rose with each passing second, and seemed to be forming something, but Sekaya couldn’t make it out. Frozen, she continued to watch, jaw falling open in a little o.
Slowly, it pieced together in a human shape outline, with each droplet that joined the floating mass causing the light to shine even brighter than the last. Soon she found she couldn’t look at it, the form becoming a permanent addition to her eyelids as she closed them against the blinding sight. She stayed still, waiting for it to ease a little, before she reopened them.
It took her eyes a few seconds to refocus, but when they did, the first thing they settled on was the softly glowing feminine form floating over the lighted water. Light dressed her slender form in a simple gown as it was tugged by an otherworldly wind. All the visible skin was lightly coloured a faint beige, but the first thing Sekaya noticed about her was the fact she could see the tumbling water going further downstream behind her.
The second thing she noticed was her eyes.
The same blue and green eyes that had haunted her dreams for several months watched her with an uncanny intelligence as pink lips parted in a gentle smile. Chocolate brown hair, also see through, cascaded down her small shoulders to her shoulder blades.
The being continued to smile where she floated, a bare foot just barely touching the turquoise water she hovered above. Sekaya continued to watch, purple eyes wide, as she wonder whether she should run or approach the ghostly figure.
In the end, her very feet decided for her; she began to walk towards the small pool, her eyes unblinking as she stared into those impossible eyes. Blue swirled to catch green in a never ending chase around the dark abyss in the centre, and if the rest of the lady’s form was see through, her eyes were the one thing Sekaya was certain were solid.
Unlike in her dream, they didn’t blink or look away, and Sekaya could sense some hidden command in their depths. Her mind, however, was too fogged over for her to figure out what that command might be. She simply continued her approach to the figure of light and water, oblivious to that fact that she was being watched by more than the mirage before her.
She came to a stop before the strange being, looking up into it’s eyes with a blank stare. she felt all the thoughts and emotions and questions being wiped clear from her mind as the woman smiled down at her in her comforting way. A translucent hand moved to brush her cheek. It was warm on the girl’s light coloured skin, like the rays of the sun were.

“Don’t be afraid, Sekaya Ayres,” a soothing voice said in the vast emptiness of Sekaya’s mind. “I am here only to guide you to where you were meant to be. Nothing will come to harm you while I am with you.”

Sekaya felt her tensed muscles relax against her own volition as she continued to stare into the being’s gaze, transfixed. Even if she had wanted to be afraid, she couldn’t have, and movement was impossible without the thought to move.
The creature spread her transparent arms out wide, as if to accept a hug, the small smile encouraging the girl at her feet. Sekaya watched, enchanted by the serene expression in both her eyes and face.

“Come,” the lady said, “Let us travel to your final destination, and mine. There is much you must learn while we do so.”


Sekaya struggled to break the fog that flooded her mind as her legs walked her into the water, the cold hitting her like a tidal wave. No noise exited her mouth, however, at the sudden chill; she was no longer in control of her body, let alone her mind.

“What have you done?” She managed to gasp through the wool gathering in her thoughts, inhibiting her from feeling fear as well as commanding her body. The small slip of thought was a struggle in itself to think.

“I have always done what is necessary, dear one.” The being bent forward and gathered her in its arms, the lightened water breaking the image to flood the space around her. Sekaya inhaled water as she fell into the depths of the pool with the vari-coloured droplets that were the woman, finally regaining control of her mind and body as she disappeared below the surface. “I should hope you only do as little as you can.”

Struggling, she tried to break the surface of the stream only inches above her head, to no avail. No matter how much she kicked and swam and beat at the water to part, it only seemed to fold its wintry arms around her in a tighter embrace than before. Light danced before her eyes and formed the swirling blue and green eyes of moments before as bubbles danced from her lips. She knew with fatal accuracy that she was drowning, and there was not one wit she could do about it.

“Live, Sekaya,” the voice in her mind said, the words ringing with a power unknown to Sekaya as she sank into the silt below. “Live and dream of a better day in which to exist, and know you will be loved.”

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>KârK<

I like the dry, slightly tongue-in-cheek way you write; there are some good analogies and interesting use of personification. I can identify with the style, maybe because it is reminiscent of some of my own more "modern" pieces, and I like the way it carries the reader along through what would otherewise be "boring" descriptive or explicative passages.

Having said that, I still think that the descriptive and explicative parts go into so much "unnecessary" detail that they bog the piece down and offer little incentive to keep reading. You could probably cut this piece in half and still retain the same feeling, while accelerating the flow and getting to the "juicy" bits before potential readers give up. It's something that I too am guilty of in some pieces, and I am not the one to offer advice on the issue, but from an objective point of view, I would probably not have got past the 3rd page of the "novel". Maybe if you whittle the "scene setting" down a bit, in order to keep the "dry humour" parts closer together, it would motivate the reader to keep turning pages until something interesting happens.

True, you need to go over it and sort out some punctuation issues and certain repetitive sentences, but you've obviously worked hard at this. That deserves commendment, and I await future installments

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>Kârk<

Sekaya

I was definitely worried about it doing exactly what you said. I was trying not to get a rushed feeling I tend to have when I shorten it, but what I had been worrying about was overloading it. My strong point currently is dialogue, but I'm not quite sure where to draw the line yet in description without leaving it rushed and unfufilled or draggy. I know its a common problem, but when i first started several years ago, i was that rushing writer, and so I started to push to the opposite end of it all.

I'll definitely remember what you say, and try to figure out a way to condense the description so it isn't draggy.

On the dry writing style... I'm glad that appeared. The story actually has a lot of humor when the "impossible four" come together, and it really does add to it. Since they are teens (Sekaya is almost 17, Tyrael is about the same age, Drandez is 19*, and Anya is several thousand years old...but hey, she acts like a 17 year old half the time). I want them to retain some normality, and the fact that they are very similar to teens on earth, except that they are being faced with different situations equally hard on them.
tbh, I thought sekaya came across a bit stiff in this chapter, but I've been fixing that in the second chapter and the start of the third.

I'll post a continuation of it soon while I fix the first up. I'll take this to mind while i go back and edit through the second chapter. One of my favourite characters (Drandez) is introduced in it, as well as Tyrael.

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