wizdem

The title isn't for the story, just for the post.

I've re-written something I've already posted before and just wondered if anyone would like to comment on how things are developing. I'm having a hard time keeping everything paced. I feel like I have to describe thoughts, feelings, surroundings etc and still keep things moving in a certain way so it doesn't feel rushed or dragged on. If anyone would like some background info for the story, I'd be happy to share but for the time, this is all I've written.

######

Chapter 1

Scarla awoke to the sound of screaming, seconds later she realised it were her own cries. Tangled sheets and damp clothing clung to her body restricting her movements. She shrugged off the sheets and sat up in bed. Moonlight filtered through the window giving her room an unworldly quality. Scarla hadn’t been awake long but already she was forgetting the nightmare that called her from slumber. She was frustrated through lack of sleep, through not being able to remember; to being so close and yet the details simply drifting away as if her mind were a river and her dream nothing more than debris being carried off to sea, until no trace remained.

There would be no precious repose for Scarla now. Her mind was too awake from snatching at the last threads of her dream, her nightmare. It had been plaguing her these past few nights without fail. She cursed between uneven breaths that filled the stillness of the room. Deciding that trying to sleep now would be futile; she swung her legs out of bed and let her feet touch the cool bare boards of the floor.

Scarla stood tall in her room and stretched; her muscles groaned in protest from the troubled nights sleep. For most people, dreaming was a rather ordinary thing that could happen to them. But for Scarla, her dreams were anything but ordinary. And the sense of loss she felt afterwards always remained.

She felt constricted; the need to be free at that moment was overwhelming. Trapped in nightmares often made her feel the need to escape, run free, to not look back. Scarla disrobed quickly pulling on a pair of trousers and shirt that hung over the back of an old worn chair. She grabbed her boots and decided not to put them on until she was outside. She didn’t want to wake anyone with her heavy booted footfalls.

After a few minutes of quietly finding her way through the house, she had made it outside. The cool night air buffeted her hair and face as she walked; already she was starting to feel better. The surrounding trees silhouetted black against the inky blue of the night sky; the moon hidden out of sight for a time. Every so often when the leaves would sway slightly and Scarla looked up, she could just make out the scatter of stars above for the briefest of seconds. Darkness blanketed everything. What once was life in light was now lifeless in dark. The clouding of sleep marred her thoughts. All she needed was some light of understanding to illuminate her and then everything would start to make sense. But how could you make sense of something you didn’t understand? Scarla was so deep in thought going over past events, trying to piece together anything she could remember, she didn’t notice the person approaching ahead of her.

A wall. Solid. Real. But not real. Scarla turned around but again encountered a solid barrier. She was trapped, but from no tangible consequence. Panic stricken, she started beating her fists against the invisible wall. To a passer by it’d look like nothing more than a girl punching the air in spirited triumph. Eventually her futile efforts stilled and she noticed the one who approached. They walked over to her but didn’t say anything. She looked them over taking in their appearance. She couldn’t see their face; shrouded by the dark hood of the cloak they wore and in the cover of night, they were featureless. Nothing about them stood out. The cloak in which they wore stopped mid calf. Only their boots made any impact on the greyness of their being. An embellishment of sorts was visible on each boot and shone noticeably. Lack of moonlight made it noticeable even more.

All previous thoughts vanished from Scarla’s mind; all she wanted now was to escape. Before she had a chance to consider the how of her escape, the person in front of her reached up and pulled back their hood. She didn’t think they’d harm her if they were willing to reveal their face. Or maybe they planned to kill her afterwards. She didn’t look at the person. She cast her eyes down, shut them tight and braced her body in the fear of something happening. Nothing did. She looked up slowly. Her eyes adjusted again to the darkness. What she saw astounded her. A man gazed upon her. His eyes the colour of gold emanated so much life it took her breath away. Her eyes locked on to his; she couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. He looked right at her, into her. She felt like he could see into her, not merely at her. Time stood still, an eternity might have passed but that wouldn’t have mattered. Blinking, she finally looked away and found refuge from his eyes. A sudden overwhelming feeling of sadness came over Scarla and she wouldn’t realise why for some time to come.

He spoke. She would not look at him again, she couldn’t. It didn’t matter. She’d remember those eyes for the rest of her life.

“Scarla?”

He spoke again. This time she realised he had said her name. Instinctively, like a master calling its dog, she looked straight up at him. He knew her name, how was that possible? Her name was –

“I can’t believe it.”

The surprise showed in his eyes. Scarla thought he could say more with his eyes than anything that would ever come from his lips but he continued speaking anyway.

“I’m sorry I had to trap you, I’ll release you now.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and when they reopened, he looked expectantly at her. She didn’t know what was supposed to happen or what she was supposed to say; so she said the first thing that came to mind.

“Oh.”

He took a step closer. She took a step back. No longer held by the invisible barriers, she was free to run. Earlier tonight when she was in her room, she wanted to do nothing but run, to escape her nightmare and now, she couldn’t. Or wouldn’t.

The thought of escape was ever present but was being overruled by the barrage of questions she wanted answering. She wouldn’t get them if she ran away.

“Who are you?” She didn’t expect an answer.

“Nix.” He answered quickly. If she was surprised, she didn’t show it.

“How do you know who I am?”

“That’s difficult to answer.”

She didn’t know what he meant by that and before she could question further, he continued.

“It’s like asking how someone cries. It’s something that we’ve always known. We don’t question it, we just know. It doesn’t matter why they cry, or even how, they just do.”

The answer wasn’t very clear. It didn’t tell her how, just seemed to confuse her more. She decided on a different approach, the direct approach.

“What do you want?”

“You of course.” He said it with complete ease, as if the answer was obvious to anyone but her.

Nervous laughter escaped Scarla’s throat. She thought if she laughed he would turn around and say, “Ha, joke – got you”, but he didn’t. He just stood there looking at her again with that golden-eyed gaze of his.

She turned her back to him so she could think. Nix was a stranger. He had been looking for her. He had found her. That in itself was worrying, if nothing else. Despite all of that though, there was something about him; something made her want to stay something in his eyes, it was…

“Scarla?”

“Yes?” She couldn’t turn around. Not yet.

“Are you waiting for something?”

“Excuse me?” She didn’t know what he meant by that.

“I said - are you waiting for something?”

She turned around to look at him. Her head cocked to one side, just staring at him as if he were talking in another language she didn’t understand.

“Apart from waiting for you to explain what you want with me? I was just minding my own business. You’re the one who stopped me. Aren’t you the one waiting for something?”

“No, I meant are you waiting for something to happen, in your life? Aren’t you bored waiting? Don’t you have any dreams Scarla?”

Dreams. Oh, she had dreams. Plenty. Nightmares really. Lots of them. Who was he to ask her questions like that? He didn’t know her, just her name. He had no right.

“I’m not waiting for anything actually.”

“Oh? Then why are you still here?”

“Becau—Good point.”

Scarla didn’t even look back. She hadn’t made it very far before being thrown backwards. Her head smacked against the floor with such ferocity, it left her unable to move for a short time. She couldn’t tell if her eyes were closed or open, darkness consumed that notion. The air crackled with an invisible energy, so perceptible to the senses it made flesh tingle all over. Still unable to move, she heard, or rather felt Nix somewhere behind, close by. Light erupted overhead, golden in colour, completely illuminating the surrounding trees and Scarla’s heart. It was frightening and beautiful, all at once. She could see.

An awful sound came from the direction Scarla was headed before she was thrown backward. It tortured her ears and tormented her soul. The sound of a life being ripped from a body, so close to Scarla, she felt a little of her life being taken, too. Closing her ears would do no good; this kind of pain could be felt all the way through to the core of a person and beyond. She could hear.

Darkness regained its power over the temporary burst of light. The audible pain settled into an aching silence; pain of a different sort. She could feel.

RebelliousFantasyLover

I was so hooked!! I really enjoyed it!! Keep it up!!

P.S I have nothing bad about this!!


RFL

__________________
Revenge is coming closer..... RUN

wizdem

Thank you for your comments RFL. Now I just need to keep things paced with scene changes.

I'll be writing some more today and tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to post more so that you guys can offer me some criticisms.

The next scene is that Scarla has to convince herself to go with Nix, a complete stranger.

Do I reveal more about Scarla's past at this stage or wait til later? Decisions, decisions.

RebelliousFantasyLover

I'd put Scarla's past in at a little bit at a time, so more people will get interested. I hope to see more soon.

RFL

__________________
Revenge is coming closer..... RUN

wizdem

Hello again. I've decided to put Scarla's past in drips and drabs throughout the story. I'm not going to focus on her past too much too quickly, what's important is the present. What she is going through now. I have managed to finish the end of the scene I posted before but haven't had time to tooth comb it yet. I'm posting it anyway for those who are interested. I'd appreciate any comments/criticisms about the style of writing, as I'm still trying to find my narrative voice.

######

A figure loomed over head blocking Scarla’s view of the stars. It was Nix. He held out a hand in the gesture of help, Scarla didn’t take it. She found balance on her elbows and pushed herself up with her hands. Her head throbbed and her eyes ached from the sudden contrast of dark to light to dark again. She thought she might be sick but managed to keep her breathing even to still the queasiness. Finally, she was standing; it didn’t matter if her legs felt like lead, she was vertical.

“What the hell was that?” She wished she hadn’t said it so loud, but it was too late, her head had already suffered.

“That was me saving your life. Obviously.”

“What happened to the good old, hey Scarla, look out?”

“Nothing. You’d just be dead right now if I had. I’ll remember that for next time though, if you wish.”

“Next time? NEXT TIME? You think there is going to be a next time?” She hoped not. He sounded deadly serious.

“Of course there is. I’m not the only one who is looking for you.”

“Oh, oh? This is just too good to be true!” It was at that precise moment Scarla decided she’d much prefer to be in bed with her nightmares then outside with some strange man, living a nightmare. Although the screaming had stopped a short while ago, Scarla still heard the anguish inside her head. Whatever had made that horrific noise earlier was only a few feet away. She daren’t look.

“I know what you’re thinking. And I will explain it to you in good time, just not now. We really must be leaving.”

“We?” Was he serious?

“Must you repeat everything I say?”

If she were in any other situation, she would have repeated what he just said. As it was, she had just experienced the destruction of a life and didn’t even know how it had happened, or wished to. Not wanting to waste any more time, she walked with as much composure as she could muster and headed straight past Nix; back towards her unrealised nightmares, her dreams. She was going home.

For the second time that night, Scarla didn’t make it very far. Light engulfed her. This time though, there was no screaming, no fear, no pain. Only light, sweet freedom and the complete realisation of awareness. It lasted for less than a second and then, she passed out.

RebelliousFantasyLover

That sounds a lot better and I think that if you keep putting the past in at bits at a time it'll be a great story. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, as the saying goes

__________________
Revenge is coming closer..... RUN