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Old 11-12-2007, 04:35 PM   #1
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Gods Among Men

Here's the prologue to a novella I am currently working on.

[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']Prologue [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']Gods Among Men[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “That’s it, we’re both screwed. I lost the necklace… again.” The black and red checkered masked man replied. He was nearly eight feet tall, thin as a toothpick, and as gaunt as a four hundred year old living human. Skin sagged down from his arms, and great ripples of skin from a man that had once been overly obese, hung down the back and sides of his legs. To say that he had lost weight would be the understatement of the year.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “Are you sure it’s lost, and it’s not stuck under one of your jelly rolls like last time?” Another masked figure asked. He stood the same height as the man in the red and black checkered mask, only his shoulders were as wide as an oxen’s; when he walked, he looked like a giant of a barrel, only he didn’t have rings of iron to keep his overzealous belly tucked away.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “I’m positive. If I had lost it in one of these things, I’m pretty sure that I would have noticed by now; I would have felt it poking me.” [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']A large hand, that resembled more of a paw than anything else, forced its way underneath a thick roll of fat. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']“Ah, your right. I feel nothing.” The big man replied. He reached his other hand around to the gaunt figures left side, delving into a crevice of skin. “Look!” The big fellow said, pulling a flap of skin up and over his friends head. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']His arms came out wide, revealing a wide spread film of skin that stretched out as far as his arms could reach. The bright moon that hung lazily over the flame scorched meadow, sent slivers of moonshine reflecting off the layer of blood that seemed to have become absorbed by the parched meadow. The moon pierced through the film of wrinkly skin, outlining a map of blue veins that twisted and winded their way through the sagging mans skin.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']“I bet you a thousand years worth of mortal gold, that if I were to toss you off of the highest mountain peak in all of Grey Haven, you would soar across the skies, thousands of miles before you plummeted to the blood slick soil.” The large god replied. He laughed, in his deep growl of a voice, shaking the ground that they stood on.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']He let go of the large flaps of skin, which snapped back to the gaunt body of its owner, slowly constricting its way up the god’s thin frame, until it came to a stop. It took what seemed like hours, but in truth only a mere quarter of a second compared to the lifespan of the two gods. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']“Well then, I guess we are fucked. Were did you have it last?” The large god asked. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “In the mortal realm…” The sagging god replied, bringing his arms up in front of his face as if to protect himself from being hit; it was more out of reflexes that anything else. If you hit a man enough times, he will soon learn to protect himself the best he can.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']“Harlequin! What have I told you? How many times must I drill it into your thick skull that you do not take things of such importance into a mortal realm? You know the consequences… Do you know what will happen to you if finds out? He’ll have you as his sex slave for the next millennia! Remember when you were his bitch last time? If I remember correctly, you cried for the next two millennia. Do you want that to happen again?!” The gods growling voice boomed across the blood soaked meadow. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']He shook the ground with his voice. At the peak of his screams a large crevasse ripped across the field two hundred yards away. Blood spewed forth into the air, forming a fountain of life blood from thousands of forgotten deities.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']“I’m sorry Masq.” Harlequin cried out, falling to his knees. His flabby arms wrapped around Masquerade’s tree-trunk shaped legs.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] The god known as Masquerade boomed out a deep laugh then pulled Harlequin back up to his feet. His knees and shins were already tinged blood red.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “Don’t worry about it friend, it will be your ass he has every night if we don’t find it. I guess we’ll just have to take human form once more and walk amongst the mortals. If we hurry, we can have it back here in Gray Haven before Gargalax returns.” Masquerade explained. He ran a hand through his short cropped pitch black hair, and let out a sigh.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “How long do you think we have before he gets back?” Harlequin asked, as he followed his friend’s long strides as they made their way towards the gloomy mountains. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] They rose above the horizon. Taller than any other landmark in Gray Haven, the Mountains were the key to all twelve mortal realms, including the one that would take the two gods to the realm called Ryuzon.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “Well, before Gargie left, he said something about it taking a couple of hundred mortal years before anything would be settled between the warring nations… so however long that is. But don’t worry friend, we shall have the necklace back here before he returns, I assure you. We’ll just have to make sure we stay far away from the war.” Masquerade replied.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']The two figures made their way up the large sloping hill that would take them to their final destination. They made it within moments, without breaking a sweat or having to stop for a breath.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “What happens if we somehow get involved in it though?” Harlequin asked. Worry could be heard deep in his voice.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “We won’t.” Masquerade simply replied.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “But if we somehow do.” Harlequin asked again. He followed Masq’s large form to the top of the mountain, and into a small hole that led deep into the belly of the mountain. His loose skin trailing behind him.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif'] “Well, I expect we shouldn’t have to worry about it to much. For one, Gargie has gotten it taken care of… I mean he is the supposed ‘God of War’. And two, if worst does come to worst; all we’ll have to do is tell them that we’re gods. They’ll have no choice but to believe us after we show them.” Masq replied, taking a wooden key out of the folds of his scarlet cloak. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']After hours of following scratches upon the walls of the labyrinth, the two gods found their way to what they had been after for quit some time.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']It was a giant stone arch that rose above the two gods a few thousand feet. Ornate wooden carvings adorned the arch. There were hundreds of them, all broken up into chronological order of the history of the world of Ryuzon. It showed times of war, famine, plague, peace and most importantly the times when the gods had walked among them, sending prophets and guardians to protect their lands during the War of the Realms. But that was nearly four thousand years ago, and many inhabitance of Ryuzon would not remember it. [/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']Masquerade walked forward, taking the wooden key and placing it gently within a small hole in the side of the arch. The hole glowed a bright green, and then in an instant, a green sparkling wall appeared inside the arch, covering the wall of stone that stood behind it.[/font]
[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']Masquerade smiled, as he held his hand out in front of him in a polite gesture. Harlequin took it, and walked forward into the green wall. With a loud pop he disappeared. Masquerade followed his friend into the wall, and he too disappeared with a loud pop.[/font]
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Old 11-12-2007, 09:40 PM   #2
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I would read and review this, but the "[FONT='Book Antiqua','serif']" really distracted me.
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:53 PM   #3
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Yeah, I don't know why it did this, but I'll repost it now, so that you can review it if you wish.

Prologue
Gods Among Men

"That’s it, we’re both screwed. I lost the necklace… again." The black and red checkered masked man replied. He was nearly eight feet tall, thin as a toothpick, and as gaunt as a four hundred year old living human. Skin sagged down from his arms, and great ripples of skin from a man that had once been overly obese, hung down the back and sides of his legs. To say that he had lost weight would be the understatement of the year.

"Are you sure it’s lost, and it’s not stuck under one of your jelly rolls like last time?" Another masked figure asked. He stood the same height as the man in the red and black checkered mask, only his shoulders were as wide as an oxen’s; when he walked, he looked like a giant of a barrel, only he didn’t have rings of iron to keep his overzealous belly tucked away.

"I’m positive. If I had lost it in one of these things, I’m pretty sure that I would have noticed by now; I would have felt it poking me."

A large hand, that resembled more of a paw than anything else, forced its way underneath a thick roll of fat.

"Ah, your right. I feel nothing." The big man replied. He reached his other hand around to the gaunt figures left side, delving into a crevice of skin.

"Look!" The big fellow said, pulling a flap of skin up and over his friends head.
His arms came out wide, revealing a wide spread film of skin that stretched out as far as his arms could reach. The bright moon that hung lazily over the flame scorched meadow, sent slivers of moonshine reflecting off the layer of blood that seemed to have become absorbed by the parched meadow. The moon pierced through the film of wrinkly skin, outlining a map of blue veins that twisted and winded their way through the sagging mans skin.

"I bet you a thousand years worth of mortal gold, that if I were to toss you off of the highest mountain peak in all of Grey Haven, you would soar across the skies, thousands of miles before you plummeted to the blood slick soil." The large god replied. He laughed, in his deep growl of a voice, shaking the ground that they stood on.

He let go of the large flaps of skin, which snapped back to the gaunt body of its owner, slowly constricting its way up the god’s thin frame, until it came to a stop. It took what seemed like hours, but in truth only a mere quarter of a second compared to the lifespan of the two gods.

"Well then, I guess we are fucked. Were did you have it last?" The large god asked.

"In the mortal realm…" The sagging god replied, bringing his arms up in front of his face as if to protect himself from being hit; it was more out of reflexes that anything else. If you hit a man enough times, he will soon learn to protect himself the best he can.

"Harlequin! What have I told you? How many times must I drill it into your thick skull that you do not take things of such importance into a mortal realm? You know the consequences… Do you know what will happen to you if finds out? He’ll have you as his sex slave for the next millennia! Remember when you were his bitch last time? If I remember correctly, you cried for the next two millennia. Do you want that to happen again?!" The gods growling voice boomed across the blood soaked meadow.

He shook the ground with his voice. At the peak of his screams a large crevasse ripped across the field two hundred yards away. Blood spewed forth into the air, forming a fountain of life blood from thousands of forgotten deities.

"I’m sorry Masq." Harlequin cried out, falling to his knees. His flabby arms wrapped around Masquerade’s tree-trunk shaped legs.
The god known as Masquerade boomed out a deep laugh then pulled Harlequin back up to his feet. His knees and shins were already tinged blood red.

"Don’t worry about it friend, it will be your ass he has every night if we don’t find it. I guess we’ll just have to take human form once more and walk amongst the mortals. If we hurry, we can have it back here in Gray Haven before Gargalax returns." Masquerade explained. He ran a hand through his short cropped pitch black hair, and let out a sigh.

"How long do you think we have before he gets back?" Harlequin asked, as he followed his friend’s long strides as they made their way towards the gloomy mountains.

They rose above the horizon. Taller than any other landmark in Gray Haven, the Mountains were the key to all twelve mortal realms, including the one that would take the two gods to the realm called Ryuzon.

"Well, before Gargie left, he said something about it taking a couple of hundred mortal years before anything would be settled between the warring nations… so however long that is. But don’t worry friend, we shall have the necklace back here before he returns, I assure you. We’ll just have to make sure we stay far away from the war." Masquerade replied.

The two figures made their way up the large sloping hill that would take them to their final destination. They made it within moments, without breaking a sweat or having to stop for a breath.

"What happens if we somehow get involved in it though?" Harlequin asked. Worry could be heard deep in his voice.

"We won’t." Masquerade simply replied.

"But if we somehow do." Harlequin asked again. He followed Masq’s large form to the top of the mountain, and into a small hole that led deep into the belly of the mountain. His loose skin trailing behind him.

"Well, I expect we shouldn’t have to worry about it to much. For one, Gargie has gotten it taken care of… I mean he is the supposed ‘God of War’. And two, if worst does come to worst; all we’ll have to do is tell them that we’re gods. They’ll have no choice but to believe us after we show them." Masq replied, taking a wooden key out of the folds of his scarlet cloak.

After hours of following scratches upon the walls of the labyrinth, the two gods found their way to what they had been after for quit some time.
It was a giant stone arch that rose above the two gods a few thousand feet.

Ornate wooden carvings adorned the arch. There were hundreds of them, all broken up into chronological order of the history of the world of Ryuzon. It showed times of war, famine, plague, peace and most importantly the times when the gods had walked among them, sending prophets and guardians to protect their lands during the War of the Realms. But that was nearly four thousand years ago, and many inhabitance of Ryuzon would not remember it.

Masquerade walked forward, taking the wooden key and placing it gently within a small hole in the side of the arch. The hole glowed a bright green, and then in an instant, a green sparkling wall appeared inside the arch, covering the wall of stone that stood behind it.

Masquerade smiled, as he held his hand out in front of him in a polite gesture. Harlequin took it, and walked forward into the green wall. With a loud pop he disappeared. Masquerade followed his friend into the wall, and he too disappeared with a loud pop.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:17 PM   #4
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I liked it. The speech between the gods made me smile as it's unusual yet somehow works for me.

The characters are strong.

I'd be interested in reading more.
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Old 11-13-2007, 03:42 PM   #5
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Talking Wow

I agree with Jade M.... I loved it. I look forward to reading more, and it really catches an audience!!!

RFL
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Old 11-13-2007, 08:18 PM   #6
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I disagree. Some parts are weird as if Gods would talk that way. They are like children. Also, when Harlequin is being chastised, the dude talks too much. His yelling is so thought out. It really loses the effect, I think.

You build them up to be so great and all that, but where's the examples? they aren't really believable because of the way they talk with each other.

I think of a God and I think an almighty being that cannot be stirred. But, that's just me. The other readers enjoyed it. So...whatever.
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Old 11-13-2007, 08:26 PM   #7
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Thanks everyone for your input.

Crash_Thomas: I know that some of the dialogue between Masquerade and Harlequin is thought out. I wanted to make them sound smarter than the normal god, because in truth they are. Also, if they seem childish to you, that's the way I wanted it. In that scene they are supposed to act like there isn't a care in the world for them... except for the fact that Harlequin losses the necklace. If you read further, you'll find out that they are supposed to be childish... they're sorta like the goof-balls of the gods.

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Old 11-13-2007, 09:00 PM   #8
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goof balls of gods...hmm...interesting.
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