Dan101

Hey guys I havent posted anything on here in a long while, but just this morning I brought up the urge to write a little somthing new for myself. I know Im a bit late for NaNoWriMo 2007, but I was thinking that maybe I would just expand upon this story for NaNoWriMo. I probably wont get finished with it, as Im starting 11 days late -_- But it shall be fun anway
So anway, I was hoping you guys could let me know what you think so far of my new blossoming story: Eloise. I hope you enjoy!

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Her name was Eloise, at least that was name I gathered in the short time we were acquainted. She stood so elegantly with a drooped figure, clinging onto the vertical pole in the subway train. Rocking back and forth with the motion of the train, Eloise held one hand out clutching a small parchment of paper. I never was sure of what it said; it seemed almost like another language I wasn’t familiar with.

A couple of men bumped into her on their way to find seats, and didn’t even stop to apologize. That’s the deep city for you; all for one and none for all.

I was considering making my way over towards her to greet her and possibly make small talk, however I choked as the subway train jerked violently to the right, seemingly derailing for a moment’s time. The passengers gasped in unison, with the exception of my brave Eloise; she simply fell back, catching herself on the pole. The already dimming lights flickered and finally burned out. Darkness is a dish best served above ground. Needless to say, everyone gasped again.

I eyeballed the smoggy windows of the train, scanning the outside walls for anything of danger. Once again I turned to Eloise, who was calmly attempting to comfort a pair of children sitting in seats to her left.

I will never forget the sound that came next.

The tearing of metal, the crushing of the train’s infrastructure and the deep guttural bellows of whatever monster just removed a good portion of the subway’s roof from above our very heads.

Diving forward and pushing several panicking civilians out of the way, I made my way towards Eloise. I didn’t know her, but for some reason I felt I needed to protect her with my life. Who was she? It didn’t matter. By the moment I placed my hand on that woman’s shoulder I had sealed my fate, and made up mind.

I threw her behind me, using my own body as a shield for her. Eloise simply looked up at me, clutched the two children in her arms, and clenched her eyes shut. What else could I do now? I removed two revolvers from within my jacket, aimed the barrels right down what I assumed was the monster’s throat and, without further hesitation, let loose a barrage of metal and gunpowder into its skull.

Of course the gun shots didn’t help to comfort any of the already panicking people, desperately searching for an exit from this speeding coffin. They ran past me repeatedly, getting in my line of fire and pushing off my aim. Reloading as quickly as I could, I shouted and told everyone around me to keep calm.

Yea right; keep calm? Keep calm with a flailing injured creature of hell just overhead? Quite honestly I have no idea what I was thinking when I said that. However Eloise, relieving the children from her grasp but keeping them close to her still, managed to calm them down with the simple raising of her hand and shaky words of comfort.

The monster leapt from its perch and landed upon the opposite end of the subway train, meanwhile crushing a handful of people. It was out of Eloise’s hands at this point.

Throwing my guns to the ground with a metallic clanking of sounds, I dashed towards the grotesque being. Honestly, I have to learn to start thinking things through before I do them; this little stunt nearly cost me my right arm. I climbed up the side of the beast, dodging its sharp talons and snapping of its jaw. Clinging finally to the back of its head, I threw my jacket off and removed two daggers from a strap on my back.

You see, the plan was to drive them deep down into the skull of the
monster, but it didn’t quite work out that way at all. Eloise charged towards the monster, screaming at it and pleading me to get off of it lest I become its meal. The screaming only helped to anger it further, as expected.

It jerked around like a bull at one of those rodeo shows my grandfather used to tell me about when I was younger. Looking back at those stories, and looking at where I was on that beast, made me question why anybody would ever choose to do something like that for fun… But then again I never really understood the ways of the ancient humans.

Knocked out of my little reminiscing, the demon threw me to the side of the train which obviously wasn’t that large to begin with. The monster bellowed and opened its wounded mouth, preparing to feast upon my most certainly delectable body. Being naturally lazy, or at least that is how I like to imagine myself, it was to my disdain that I then had to think fast, and then act upon whatever I was thinking about…rather quickly.

So I threw my feet in the air and lodged open the monster’s jaw, with one foot on the top of its mouth and the other foot at the bottom. It was a cliché move for a moment such as this, but in a matter of life and death you hardly ever pass up a something so simple. Besides, if its cliché then by all means it must be effective.

I locked my legs, a very bad idea by the way; unless of course you are looking for the quickest way to become immobile from the waste down. Once again grasping my two blades, I tore into the beast’s jaws; removing fangs and just being an all around jackass about it.

It tossed me aside and whimpered in pain, blowing apart the left side of the subway, or right side depending on your personal perspective, and leapt out into the dark tunnel. I didn’t bother getting up after that, seeing as how a moment’s rest looked pretty good at this point.

Then she came over to me; not crying, not screaming, not panicking for her own life like the rest of the people I just risked my sorry ass for. She came to me with a smile on her face.

When the subway train came to an emergency stop at the nearest station, the people from our train cheered as I stepped out, with Eloise walking directly behind me. The other people, who weren’t in our train, just stared at the wreckage and injured people. Could they even imagine what had just happened? It’s not like something like this happens everyday, to people other than myself that is…

Eloise grabbed my arm and pulled me aside to look her square in the eye. Regrettably, I only just realized now that the expression upon my face was an odd mixture of puzzlement and nervousness. The two don’t go together… Not well anyway.

She expressed her gratitude with a light kiss on the cheek, and she told me her name.

Her name was Eloise, at least that was the name I gathered in the short time we were acquainted.

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Dan101

el bumpo

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Jade M

I really did love reading this. It flows nicely.

It this all or are you writing more?

lostincyberspace

While I was skimming through this I was reminded of the song "Eloise and I" by men without hats, I'm sure there is correlation but though I might mention it.

Dan101

Thanks! This is currently all I have for "Eloise", but I do plan on writing more soon. I am submitting this (and the rest of it) to my college's literary magazine (so it will be about 5000words once completed, though I do plan on continuing it afterwards). 5000words just happens to be the limit on short stories for the magazine lol


Lets just say there was a little inspiration lol Thanks for reading!

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