eyezero

This is the beginning of a later chapter in my book. I'm just posting it because I like it in it's own right and works outside of the book as almost poetry!

Deionise your blood. Drink your milk, sleep.
Dream wet.
On your temple, deep thud.
Eat yourself inside out. I do when I see you!

__________________
Paul

Million mile an hour Ghost - work in progress
http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...ers-1-3-a.html

Cefor

Er that's kinda strange...
Dream wet... not sure why yad want to.

Cefor

__________________
Knowledge is Power

Sniper McGee

Hmm, that’s interesting. The deionise your blood and drink your milk bit is nice, but in not too sure about the next two lines.

Dream wet- No no no, this is a bit out of line with the rest and makes me think of some very odd things

On your temple, deep thud- This is a bit more poetic, but a bit of rewriting here could help this

Eat yourself inside out. I do when i see you! - Haha, I love this bit. It’s fantastic!


Well, be sure to post the rest whenever you get it up, I’m interested now.

-Bryce out

__________________