A-L

Hmm I like it.

The Cloaked Stranger

I got back to my residence in a daze. I dumped my bag and coat in my room and marched down to Dan’s room. I found his door open, so I leaned against the doorframe.

“Ethan!” He exclaimed.

“Let’s get drunk.” I said.


*******************************************


It was a party. Dan rounded up as many of our friends as he could, as a last holiday bash before classes started in the new semester. A crew of us headed down to the school pub, and Dan taught me about alcohol.

“This is vodka.” He said, handing me a shooter glass filled with clear liquid. I sucked it back, trying to ignore the flavour.

“This is tequila.” He said after a few vodka shots. It was amber, and tasted nasty by comparison. I drank a few of those.

“This is gin.” He said, handing me a glass. It was like drinking liquid pinesap, and I coughed afterwards. I preferred the tequila.

I let some of the girls pull me to the dance floor in between drinks. I cavorted. I celebrated. I rollicked. It was fun to be around people, at least while I was drunk. I talked to everyone, laughing and smiling. This was a lot better than sitting around depressed.

I would retreat to the bathroom. I had myself convinced that frequent urination would keep my somewhat sober, so I drank water. I would stare into the mirror, trying to focus. To help, I’d perform math problems or think about things from science class. Lately, I’d been fascinated by relativity with Einstein, quantum mechanics and the Big Bang theory.

Sometime in the proceedings Jon and some of the other guys from the dorm joined us, having heard from Dan about the party. Jon offered some sage drinking advice.

“You need to eat sometimes, so your stomach isn’t empty. Take it slow, especially your first time. Pace yourself. And don’t follow liquor with beer, it’s a bad scene.” He said.

I don’t think he realized I’d been drinking for an hour already, and Dan had made sure I’d had a lot. I was profuse with thanks, however.

“You’re the best, Jonny! That is great advice. I mean, really great! You are a great friend!”

Considering that I didn’t really like Jon all that much, this was an odd speech. I tried to clear my blurry mind. I remember finishing a beer someone bought for me and putting it down on the table. As the bottom of the glass bottle clunked on the wood tabletop, everything went blank.

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check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.

A-L

Little short but really good.

Metropolis (science fiction, fantasy) please read and comment anything would be appreciated.

animator

it's ok, I guess
no...it's really good!!

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life is cruel, why should the after-life be any better

writeforfun

Well, I read the first chapter and part of the second. Not bad. Some superflous stuff to be sure, and kind of had a JD Salinger feel to it, a la Catcher in the Rye. The attitude of the protag struck me as a little trite -- dark, brooding, arrogant, know-it-all, brilliant, peevish -- and one line almost stopped me in my tracks and made me want to quit:

"I was a ghost in the shipwreck that was my life"

This is NOT a good line. It is quite prosaic teen angst and full of bathos and cliche. Get rid of it!
Other than that, I'll be reading more and I think this is a worthy effort that has some place to go.

Keep on!

The Cloaked Stranger

It's actually a really important line, that connects to a different chapter in the book -- as a child, he died and was resuscitated, and that event colours his perceptions. He feels like a ghost.

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check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.

The Cloaked Stranger

I came to groggily. My window was open, letting in cold air. My room was dark. I wondered if I had been dreaming. I sat up and noticed a paper bracelet on my wrist. What the hell? Had I been to the hospital? For a moment I panicked, wondering what had happened. My heart pounded as my head swirled.

In the darkness I struggled to read it by starlight. It said “age of majority” on it. I realized someone had checked my ID to see if I could continue drinking. That was funny. I didn’t remember that. I didn’t even remember coming back to the dorm. I checked the clock. It read 4:17. I had lost about five hours.

I got off the bed and noticed my garbage can beside it, with a little puke at the bottom. I wrinkled my nose. My stomach churned and I ran to the bathroom. I got to a toilet just in time. I felt my stomach lurch and only a little came out, but the dry heaves lasted a long, painful time. I guessed my stomach must have been pretty empty by then.

I drank a lot of water from the fountain, feeling wrung out. I looked at my face, haggard in the mirror, and washed vomit out of my beard. I then went back to my room. I got out of my clothes and put on some clean track pants and a sweatshirt. I wandered down the hallway, keeping my ears open for signs of life. Occasionally I had to touch the wall for support, as I found myself weaving and wobbly.

I found it in the common room. Several people from the bar were still up and watching a movie. I entered to applause, and blushed.

“Not bad for a first time,” Mandy said. “You only made a complete ass of yourself, which is normal.” She giggled.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You don’t remember?” Jon asked.

“Not after you told me to remember to eat,” I said sheepishly.

Jon laughed. “You drank seven beers after that, with vodka shooters in between.”

“And then you flirted with every girl in the bar. And knocked over a table.” Mandy said.

“And you quoted the Wedding Singer when you threw up: ‘Alcohol equals puke, equals smelly mess, equals nobody likes you.’ It was pretty classic.” Jon laughed.

I blushed and ran a hand through my hair. “That’s embarrassing.”

“Yeah, well, the best was saying that, according to Einstein, ‘after the Big Bang the constant light made separate realities. I’m still sober in one of them, so it’s okay to be drunk here.’ That was funny.”

I blushed, running my hand over my face. That fit some of the things I’d thought about when sober, but it was all mixed up. “I’m an idiot!”

“It’s no big deal. Everyone there was your friend, and we don’t care. Dan made sure you were royally drunk, so no one expected polite behaviour.” Mandy said kindly.

“How do you feel?” Jon asked.

“Like crap.” I said

“I’m surprised you’re awake. Drink a lot of water, it will help with the hangover.” Mandy suggested.

“Thanks for the advice.” I huddled on the couch and sat through the remainder of the movie before heading off to return to my room.

I checked on my coat before returning to bed. Thankfully, I found my wallet in my pocket. I also found a folded piece of paper that hadn’t been there when I left. I unfolded the scrap.

Someone had drawn a heart, and inside it placed their phone number and the words “Call me!” I put it on my desk, unable to remember where it came from.

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check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.

The Cloaked Stranger

The first week of school after the holiday was a blurry struggle. I felt wrung out, hollow. It hurt to walk up a staircase. The doctor had said that I shouldn’t exert myself for a month or more, but I hadn’t realized he meant because I’d be as weak as an octogenarian. I had already informed work that I’d be missing the next few weekends. I had felt bad when I made the arrangements, but by the end of the week I was glad I’d called. I’d have died on my feet trying to do my job, the way I felt.

When Dan found out that I’d actually be free that weekend, he campaigned for another drinking party.

“No. It was a onetime thing.” I told him as we power-bombed Triple H through a table. I punched buttons on my video-game controller, pinning our opponent.

Dan watched the screen as we sat on the common room couch, playing Nintendo.

“Come on! It was fun. Admit that you had a good time.”

“I can’t.” I laughed. “I don’t remember half of it.”

“If you’re there I won’t do anything stupid. You’ve been helping me behave.”

“Don’t go and get drunk. That’s a great way to prevent new stupidity.” I teased.

“You don’t have to drink as much as last time. That was like an initiation. Just enough to get dancing and talking. You had fun!”

I shrugged, grinning.

“I’ll think about it.”

It was a dumb idea. Chemically induced sociability. But otherwise I hated people and simultaneously loathed my sense of isolation. I didn’t fit with everyone else, but didn’t want to become a hermit. Eventually Dan had to catch up with Teri for dinner, so I wandered over to my room. I stared at the piece of paper on my desk, wondering if I should call the mystery number. I’d been wondering all week. I hated not knowing.

I was curious, but I didn’t know what to say.

“Hi, this is Ethan. Remember me? Because I sure don’t remember you…”

It seemed silly. Dumb, even. Childish. But I kept looking at the piece of paper, like an archaeologist trying to reconstruct events from the shards of broken pottery.

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check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.