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Old 08-27-2007, 01:42 PM   #1
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The kiss


The disease: Death

It was only a kiss of pure jealousy. It’s how it all started. That’s how he died the kiss of immortality. He was always a big ass acted as if I didn’t existed. All his cash for what? For woman. So one night I invited him to a bar. We got drunk that night. I only came out at night; I was a bit frightened of burning in the sun as I told him. He said it was a load of hogwash. Ok let me continue from where I started. Well, after getting into a haze of drunk dancing people. We went back to my apartment things got out of hand. We broke the glass on the tables and hit over the kitchen table. Laughing as we did so.

Next thing I knew it was midnight and we were asleep in the bed. On his neck was two puncture marks. I hurried over to the nearest toilet throwing up the alcohol I drank. Man it was easy manipulating him. I grabbed his cash out his purse. I left that night as quick as I can. Leaving the curtains of my apartment open. When he wakes up he’ll turn to ash. He needed it.

I know I was cruel, but his life was useless to me, for now

***

I woke when it was nighttime. I stretched my arms and stood up. I moved away from my bed and the black curtains close to the windows. This new home of mine was a lovely place to stay. Let alone last time it was a house for a whore that probably carried a disease. I could still smell the stench of dirty clothes. That whore died after being bitten by a werewolf in her backyard. The police thought it was the pitchfork that left the deep wounds in her right arm. Stupid cops they’re not the detective type.

I went over to the bathroom and wished so much in front of the mirror that I could see my features. I hated myself my curse was a nightmare. It was never-ending nightmare. I could well remember how I became this thing. I slowly moved my hand over the mirror. “It was such a long time ago”

Turning away from the mirror I thought back at what happened to me that dreadful night and how I became this beast. It was only a party and only one guy. I knew he was strange type of guy. He was nervous wreck I could see it in his eyes. Bloody hell I was a sucker, those eyes drew me in. Drinking blood is the only thing I can do now. I had no teacher, no place to stay. It was the same as my old life. There was no place to stay for me at the age of twenty-one. My friends had long forgotten about me. They weren’t real friends.

Once one of my friends found me lying on the floor and they walked right past me. She probably didn’t recognize my thin figure. Or she was ashamed to stand close to me. Anyway I took a deep breath and got over it, pulling myself together.

SO I went into the kitchen taking a blood pack out the fridge. Peaking for a moment out the window I saw that someone this night was down below at the door with a light shining next him/her. What was it? Better yet what was this person doing?
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Old 08-27-2007, 02:19 PM   #2
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Mods, this was posted twice...can someone delete one of them?
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I'm Gonna Be A Modern Day Drifter...

"Life is Like a Novel With the End Ripped Out."
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"Broken Promises and Endless Lies, Mindless Guesses and Darkened Skies..." -Thanks Tham~
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Old 08-29-2007, 03:12 AM   #3
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Many typos, which are distracting. It's hard to follow, and seems drawn on so many things that have come before. The werewolf bit thrown in seems a little out of place.

But it is still confusing, with sentences like "We broke the glass on the tables and hit over the kitchen table." - hit what? Each other? The glass?

"That’s how he died the kiss of immortality. " - needs punctuation to make sense, and be as ironic as I think you are going for ...

" All his cash for what? For woman." One woman? All womankind? For womEn, perhaps?

My two cents.

And why is the last bit in smaller type? Any reason?
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