Please read + comment! (summary) - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Stabering · 08-02-2007, 12:28 AM

I am most definatly not taking magic out of it, otherwise its a pretty sucky fantasy.

sanctuary · 08-02-2007, 12:33 AM

your plotline sounds really similar to mine. except my story is about the Fey, not dwarves or elves.

captain_ipa · 08-04-2007, 05:22 PM

I think really that the fantasy genre has been done to death. There are only a small few outstanding books and it seems like everyone always tries to copy those few.

Stabering · 08-04-2007, 09:56 PM

im not trying to copy anyone.

wrdsmth · 08-07-2007, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stabering

Okay I took my story and changed it in hope it will be more original. Here I go, tell me what you think:

Night after night, the same dream plauges <sp> Kristen. She awakes from the nightmare yet again, and goes for another boring day of school. An earthquake rips the ground open and Kristen and a boy named Mike fall into the crack and into the depths of earth. When they awake the find themselves in the midst of a revolution between the dwarves and their overlords. Using power found in stones which are mined by the dwarves, they <"they" who? Unclear>help free them from slavery.
Kristen suffers as the dreams get worse, the nightmares becoming <tense> more real. When visions of a lost crown are shown in her nightmares, Kristen knows she must find it. They venture to the second world, where more slaves of the empire are forced to gather pearls. To find this lost crown, the two must venture down to the bottom of the ocean and face deadly perils.
After freeing two nations from the evil grip of the empire, the resistance plans to attack the empire directly. Yadda yadda yadda... battle battle... king dies. Mike becomes king.
Ever since the change of kingship, strange dissappearances <sp> have been occuriong <sp>. Groups of people going missing everyday, with just scorch marks left behind. With these disturbances only one thing is sure, the demon gate is breaking. Kristens <missing apostrophe> dreams get more and more violent until they are forced to find this gate, which has been hidden for over a million years. Yadda yadda, find gate, yadda yadda, close gate, yadda yadda, everyones happy.

This, apparently, is not intended as a synopsis of the work but just as a rough outline of where you intend to go with it but, when you get so bored with it that you end your "summary" with yadda yadda, that should tell you something about the summary overall. HOW do they find the gate? HOW do they close the gate. These things are vital to the story. Don't sell them short.

Stabering, I wouldn't worry too much about the dwarves (though I do wonder why they are always depicted as being slaves to some "overlord". Why can they not just be at war with some other society or beings?) There have been stories about spies and dogs and sports and kids and on and on... Someone once said there are only seven basic stories, everything is just a variation on one of those themes. So it's not so much whether the basic concept is original but whether your treatment of it is. Hence my query about the overlords. THAT is cliche especially since there are so many other ways to deal with the issue of the crown and the downtrodden masses. Consider the Tutsis in Africa. They have been at war with other tribal nations (particularly the Gatumba who have been trying to exterminate them) for ages.

You might also want to know that, when you do get around to writing your synopsis for submitting your work to agents, it should always be written in present tense; your summary jumps back and forth from present tense to past tense. This is something you might want to be aware of in the future.

Quote:

Ravens Hope: "I'm more interested in the plot and the storyline than those minor details which are not important."

I'm not sure what part of the manuscript is not important since, sort of like baking a pie, all parts are important to the whole.

Stabering · 08-07-2007, 05:17 PM

well first off ill say, mmmmmm pie. Next I'll say your right, it was written at 11:00 at night and was really just for the story idea, not a good written synopsis. I use overlord in teh synopsis, but i dont really ever talk about one in the story, there just is one. But ill see what i can change. Dwarves stay slaves though, because they are short.

wrdsmth · 08-07-2007, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stabering

well first off ill say, mmmmmm pie. Next I'll say your right, it was written at 11:00 at night and was really just for the story idea, not a good written synopsis. I use overlord in teh synopsis, but i dont really ever talk about one in the story, there just is one. But ill see what i can change. Dwarves stay slaves though, because they are short.

While I can't contest your characterization of dwarves as slaves (solely for the purpose of your storyline), be careful about typecasting. Just because the dwarves are short doesn't necessarily make them subservient in character or mentality. Remember, Goliath was much larger than David but was downed by a small pebble.

Also, if you don't really talk about an overlord in the story "there just is one." It sounds like you might want to think a bit more on the guts of the story.

Just who is it that is enslaving these dwarves? And for what reason? For power or for man(dwarf)power? Never be afraid to question yourself, argue with yourself (or your characters). If you can do that and come back with solid answers to your questions and your arguments, you will be able to build a solid backbone for your story.

You also want to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. Don't count on the second book until you have the first one finished, edited, re-re-re-written, and polished to perfection. If you have the ideas that you believe will make a solid second and/or third book, be careful you're not padding the first one simply because Tolkien did a multiple book concept and that looks like the way to go. (Tolkien, btw, did not initially envision a trilogy when he started writing LOTR. It just got too big to be encompassed in one book.) Focus on the book you have in hand. Make it absolutely the best it can be. Then, if the concepts present themselves somewhere down the road for another and another volume, excellent! But now is not the time to be thinking about a double book or a trilogy or a series. Agents, too, will not be interested in your pitching a multiple book story. You are an unknown writer. It will be difficult enough to sell one book, much less two or three.

Most fantasies are formulaic, so you want to be careful not to unwittingly fall into tried and true storylines as you progress. I'd like to see some of it. Do you have any of it posted here?

Good luck.

Stabering · 08-07-2007, 06:56 PM

I have the prologue posted somewhere, you can click on my name. I also have the first two chapters, but they are outdated now that I've imporved them. I just finished the second to last chapter in my first book, and I'm going to go back and fix everything and add stuff.

I was thinking instead of an overlord (help me out here) there is an advisor to the evil king (who rules everything, not just the slaves) who pays dwarfs (barons?) to keep order in their community. So they are filthy rich and have too much power and influence to be easily overthrown. (as far as i know there arent many dwarven baron familys.)

wrdsmth · 08-07-2007, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stabering

(I was thinking instead of an overlord (help me out here) there is an advisor to the evil king (who rules everything, not just the slaves) who pays dwarfs (barons?) to keep order in their community. So they are filthy rich and have too much power and influence to be easily overthrown. as far as i know there arent many dwarven baron familys.)

As far as I know, I think you're right! I'll look at your story and get back with comments later. Thanks.

Stabering · 08-07-2007, 07:19 PM

ARGO AMENTIA! Someone thinks I'm right! As the americans say it "hot diggity dog"