Aranor

This is a piece I have been working on for some time now. I almost forgot about this segment. Figured I would post it and see if my writing has any merit. To clear things up the main character Rich/Drake was Drake at first, a battle tore his soul out aeons ago. It found its way back to life by means of a womans womb. Reborn as Rich his powers were waned seeping into him slowly until he found his former self and both joined.
Here goes.
Hmmm, seems my fonts changed hald way down. Sorry about that.

Rich sits in an open field amongst those he calls friends pondering his next move. Lately no one has been moving. The world seems to be tearing itself apart peacefully.
Out over the hill they can see the ruined city of Candon. A few buildings still standing. Whatever vehicles were not shorted out had long run out of gas. Rich reaches into his pocket opening the shadows within and pulls out the seven orbs. "Not very big but these things could return this place to what it was. Hmph." He stares at them. Jered, Shelly and Amber move closer. Nera pays no attention. "So, can you give them to just anyone?" Jered asked. "No. They have chosen the ones to inherit the powers. And are supposed to be leading me to them. So far they have led me no wher" A flash of light emits from them. Jered and Shelly pull their hands back to cover their faces. Amber drops to the ground. Even Nera falls back.
The orbs rise from his hands forming a circle around him. Beams of their respective colors came from them touching the ground. They begin to take form. The form of those they once were. Aranor, Oran, Coraan,
Kurin, Aria, Songia, and Lauren.
A tear nearly makes its way out as Drake is reunited with his old brethren. He notices Jered, Shelly and Amber are not moving. "What has hapened?" "Time has stopped for those it does not touch." Aranor answers "For them all of this will have happened in the flash they witnessed." Nera stands, her mouth wide in awe. She runs to wrap her arms around Lauren. She falls forward as she passes through the spectre. A look of disappointment comes to Lauren. She steps forward placing her hand as close to Drakes cheek as possible. He closes his eyes. He remembers how her hand felt. Always soft and smooth, and so gentle. "What am I to do?" He asks softly. "The times ahead will be filled with great distraught. You must not lose hope." Her voice as soft as his memory of her hand. "I have failed us all Drake." Rich turns his head to the right. Aranor speaks pronouncing every sylable of every word perfectly "It was my lust for power which found me my madness. It was that madness that only you were able to stand against. You are lost. Memories of the past joined with the life of the present jumbled around inside of you." "Each of us has chosen our predecessor." Aria says. Her voice rugged for a woman. "Yes. And it is time for the predesessor to take their claim." Songia continues. Her voice soft yet loud. A young woman coming of age. "We had to each choose someone who has knowledge of our gifts." Kurin says. A young man with desire. "Yes." Coraan says in a deep powerful voice "A person capable of both using our gifts, and their selves. A man who will conquer the power rather than the power conquering him." Coraan glares to Aranor. "A man who has already kept those with power in control." Oran responds with a cold remark filled with content. "Wh....Wait a minute. NO! Absolutely not! I can barely control myself!" "You are the only one." Coraan says. Lauren stares to Nera now standing wiping the dust off herself. "Nera, my beloved adopted daughter. The first of our children. Drake will need your assistance now more than ever. The times ahead and not certain. There will be much destruction and blood shed. Become his right hand. This world depends on it." Lauren looks to the people frozen in time behind them then returns her gaze to Rich. "I felt your heart yearning for me when you tore my avatar to pieces. Our time has come. Now it is gone. It is time for you to release me. Let her into your heart. I do not regret the time we had. But now it is time for me to go. I will always love you Drake. Regardless of where I go from here."
The seven step back fading away until the orbs are left. Aranor stands alone. "For my penance I offer you clarity." He places his hands on both sides of Rich's head. Brilliant white light emits from Aranors hands. For the first time Rich and Drakes memories seem to file into order in his head. The age of Drake, the battle with Aranor, his spirit finding the body which became Rich, and the joining into one. "A small payment for the turmoil I have released." Aranor bows his head as he too fades until the white orb is left. All seven begin to swirl around him. White, Blue, Red, Grey, Brown, Purple, and distored clear. The spin faster. Fast enough so one ring of multi colors forms around him "I can't do this by myself!" "You must." The ring disperses into a single line as the orbs fly behind him into the air arc flying to his right in front of him. They arc again coming down at him. White orb hits his chest. The polar opposite of everything he has always been. THe light that chases the shadows. That which allows this world to see. That which allows this world the be kind to itself. Blue orb. His body as cold as the deepest chunk of ice in the artic. A body of mist floating through the air causing pressure to change allowing for wind. The fluid which makes life possible. Red orb. Burning flame. As hot as the sun that warms the planet. That which offers the comfort of warmth and that which destroys without cause. Brown orb. His body as hard as the strongest stone. That which gives life the place to live. Purple orb. His body an electric field stronger than any power plant. That which allows the smallest of cells to communicate with one another. That which allows modern day technology to function. That which makes the connection between spirit and body possible. Grey orb. His body as light as the air. That which allows life to perpetuate itself by breathe. That which gently pushes the hair from your face. That which rolls from the ocean destroying whatever lay in its path. Distored orb. His body a single vibration. That which allows life to communicate. That which can penetrate the strongest of stone with simple focus. That which can lull a baby to sleep with a gently humm.
He falls to the ground, his entire body burning, freezing, more dense and lighter, filled with energy and releasing it, the shadows that have always been finding balance with the invading light. Amber finishes falling to the ground. Jered falls on his back and Shelly braces herself before falling back. Rich is panting on his back. "What was that?!" Amber screamed as she gets up and runs to Rich's side.
Inside Rich can feel knowledge being poured into him. "Claim your throne." Echoes in his mind. Visions of a place he has never been before fill his head.
Rich stands using Ambers shoulder to help himself up. He looks around. Everything around, everything in the world made from the energies he now wields. He looks into ambers eyes and sees the flows of lightning and water joining with earth and song to make her pupil. It will take time to get used to. Jered is standing looking over Shelly making sure she is alright. Nera stands glaring at Rich. "What now?" She asks quietly. "Nera. I am sorry. Their time was short. They are gone." "They could not even say good bye." "And you will have to forgive them for that."
Rich forms a field of air around the other four as their surroundings change. They are now in the crater of mountains near the ruined temple. Children are working trying to pull stones out of the ground larger than most cars. The elders were standing in front of the path made to reach their sacred circle. Rich begins walking. "You all stay here." He say as the elders notice them. Elsa, the eldest stands between the other two. "You are not welcome here. You will leave immediately." He lifts his hand and the woman rises into the air. The other two rise beside her. Rich looks up at them. Bound by air, Light and shade holding the air in place. He walks beneath them as he rotates them to see him. Some of the children notice. he can see them readying themselves to fight. He walks past a couple who glare at him not knowing who he is or how he can overpower the elders. He stops in the middle of the sacred circle standing atop the cracked center. What used to be the top of the ancient tower. "You have forsaken me for reasons of your own creation. That ignorance is what has brought this world to what it is. Now watch and see who I truly am." He glares at the elders. Looks to Nera, the lightest of smiles forms.
He closes his eyes. The ground begins to shake. The sacred circle starts to rock back and forth. Rich's hands ball into fists. His knuckles turning white from clenching. The shaking stops. His eyes open and his arms rise above his head. The circle lunges into the air bringing water and stone with it. The ancient tower begins erecting itself. Large stones being lifted by two or three children are taken from their hold rising into the air to rejoin the tower. Even small stones at buried within the craters grounds rise to do the same. What the children have been trying to do for months is now being done in minutes. Shelly, Amber and Jered look on in awe. Amber looks back to see Nera doing the same. All of the children are awe strucken. The tower stops rising, stones are still fitting themselves in place. It looks as though a whirwind of dust and water is encircling it growing less dense as pieces are bound to the tower for the first time in five thousand years.
As the whirlwind ceases more water begins rushing up from the bog covering the tower. The stone behind the tower turns to a clear state. It looks like glass. The trees on the other side are visible if a little blurry. The hole where the tower had been lying fills up with dirt and surrounding stone. All of it begins to turn into a single
stone then arches into a bridge over the surrounding water. It too turns clear.
Atop the tower four arms stretch in the cardinal directions until they reach the round mountains top. They now broaden into a walkway. A small balcony forms along the circle. A stair case is on the edge of the circle. The
floor below is a large single room. A bed forms filling with water. In the center of the room is a set of stairs going to the floor below.
Nera steps forward and put an arm around Amber and rises into the air. Jered takes the hint, his wings burst from his back, he picks up Shelly and starts to fly. All of the children begin to rise one at a time. The Elders slowly drift to the ground before they are released. They too take flight. Nera and Amber set foot down first. Jered and Shelly are behind them. Nera rushes to put Drakes arm over her shoulder to hold him up. Amber hurries and grabs the other arm. The children wait for the Elders to land before they do. The three Elders walk up a few paces before Drake. "Now do you believe I am who I say I am?" The eldest of the three stares at him. She lowers her head and bends to one knee. The two others followed. "My Lord. Forgive us." "Know this. This place is a sacred place to you all. It is where you were born and it is where you are welcome. This, is home. Let all who are in need be welcome here. Let any who wish to disturb its tranquility be removed. There was a law among you when you were born. Any who abuses their power for the benefit of gaining more shall be stripped not only of power but of life. That law stands again here today. I will need you in the coming times to help me rebuild what has been destroyed. Gather any and all children. You are all welcome here but this place will need to be cleaned. I am too tired to do so. Once that is done, feel free to begin inhabiting the tower. Take me downstairs."
The girls walk with him down the stairs to the bed. He removes his coat and lay in the water. It comes up past his ears. His eyes close and he sleeps.

uninico

It's a little confusing for me, i think you need a more in-depth description of the area they're in and the characters appearance, i think the storyline sounds very intriguing and want to re-read it, is this in the start of your novel or is it further in to it? If it is the start maybe need to put some history behind it and describe who the characters are and their significance.
But otherwise very nice.

Aranor

It is quite a ways into the story. Each of the characters represents the living embodiment of the elements of creation. Rather than the usual earth, fire, water, wind, spirit I have used earth, water, wind, fire, lightning, sound, light and dark for a total of eight. A different take on the normal five. I am trying to write the story both during the time the eight are learning of their gifts and Aranor's greed dooms them all and the time when Drakes spirit is reborn and reunites with his former body. (There is a reason the others can not do this) In time I will post other parts to clear things up.

Mystery

Space it out, no offense but wall of text is strenuous to read through.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Aranor

When I posted it all of the paragraphs seems to bundle together. Here is the introduction of Drake. I will space the paragraphs as it did it again.



Midway up mount Pouren of the Makima mountains Drake rides aback Quiran. A bear he had rescued as a cub. Now as big and strong as any Grizzly. Quiran returns the favor by acting as both pet and friend to the man. The sun is setting. The time of day Drake most enjoys. The animals of the day going to sleep. Those of the night not yet awake. So peaceful. Except for the mosquitos.

Not many dare wonder these mountains after dark for they harbor beasts of all sorts. Monsters as some would say. Horrid deformations of the life that strives around the land. The tainted forest lie on the other side of the range. So called after the mist appeared twenty years ago. Those that enter return no longer of the living. Rather a twisted image of their former selves with a thirst for life’s fluid. Blood.

Drake has often wondered what it was like in there but knew better than to go in. He had seen the bravest of men go in, when they come out their mind as blank as a dog. As his home rests at the base of the mountain he has become a self proclaimed watcher of the mist. Often those who entered ended what was left of their life at his hands.

The trail he rides this evening ends at the base of a cliff. At the top a great place to sit and watch the sun set had it not already begun. Slung around his shoulder he carries a rolled bundle of rope. "You stay here Quiran. I will be back soon." Quiran sits holding himself up with his front legs. He steps forward as he lays himself down. He tries to smell a flower just out of reach. Drake grabs the cliff and begins to climb. Something he has done many times. The cliff is not high by any means. As tall as two houses stacked atop one another. Within a few paces from being to the top he hears a faint whimpering. It sounds human. He finishes his climb to see cowering in the hollow of an old tree a little girl. "Well, what are you doing here?" She looks at him still whimpering. Tears had run down her cheeks leaving lines in the dirt on her face. She is filthy. Drake recognizes her, Fedowin, Damon and Les's daughter. Damon did not deserve a daughter. Nor a wife. Not the way he was always coming home drunk, always complaining about everything. Rumor once reached Drakes ears he hit Les. Maybe having his daughter lost in the woods will give him something to think on. "Fedowin? What are you doing up here by yourself?" She is plenty old enough to answer. Maybe ten. Between sniffles she manages to say she got lost from her friends. They came up to play on the cliffs in the day.

Drake un-slings the rope from his shoulder. One end has a steel bar tied to it. He places the bar behind the top of the ledge sliding the rope in a crack. The rest of it he lets fall to the bottom. The rope lands in front of Quiran. Again tried to sniff but was too far away. "I want you to grab on to me and hold on tight." He holds his arms out. "My daddy said I shouldn't trust you." He rolls his eyes. "Fedowin, your father and I do not like each other. But I promise I will bring you to him. If we stay up here Golans might come." She gasps and runs to him wrapping her arms around his neck, squeazing as hard as her little arms can. He picks her up, she wraps her legs around his waist. She turns her head to look back. Nothing to see. Drake holds the rope tight in both hands as he takes back step over the edge. Fedowin looks to the bottom of the cliff. She gasped and hides her face in his shoulder. Slowly he climbs down.

Nearly to the bottom he feels the rope move. He looks up. Nothing there. Another step, the rope moves again. He looks again this time he sees the face of a Golan. Once a human who ventured into the tainted forest. Its features similar. The flesh so tight it had ripped revealing the muscle behind its right cheek. Its hair and eyes white. For some reason four of a golan’s teeth grow into fangs while the rest rot. Their fingernails grow into sharp claws. Within their fangs is a venom that infects those it bites slowly turning the victim into a Golan.

Two more come to the edge. The one playing with the rope swings and slices the rope. Drake kicks off the wall. He lands falling back onto Quirans stomach. Quiran gets up quickly, startled. Drake nearly had to pull Fedowin off of him. He sat her down in front of him. She heard Quiran snort in back of her and froze. His cold nose touching her sleeveless arm. She jumps holding in a deep breath. "Don't worry, he won't hurt you. But they will. Stand against the cliff." Drake reaches for his sword strapped to a belt wrapping around Quirans chest and neck. The sword was forged using a technique his grandfather had learned many years ago on a trip to Ferhaan. The steel heated folded nearly five hundred times to make it stronger. "Watch her Quiran." Quiran sits in front of her. One of the Golan jumps off the ledge. Drake looks up to watch it impale itself on a broken tree branch. It screams and begins flailing about. The thing still knew pain and death. Another jumps. Bones brake as it hits the ground. The third seems to be pushed. Maybe they all had. It lands on the second braking more of its bones. The third one stands hissing at the humans. It seemes no longer capable of making words. Its teeth rotten and broken save for four fangs. Its fingers began twitching. Its hungry. Behind him Drake reaches for and grabs a leather handle. He pulls swinging hard snapping his arm back. The bull whip gashes the Golans chest. The thing hisses again and jumps for Drake. He steps forward bringing his sword down over his head cutting the Golan in two. He follows through rolling slicing off the head of the second Golan. It could not have moved but he wanted to be sure. The first was still twitching on the branch.

Drake is certain that last one had been thrown off. The intelligence these men once held may be gone but they know their limits. They wouldn't jump that far if not provoked. He focused his gaze on the top of the cliff. He can hear something stepping closer to the edge. Three large fingers reach over the stone. In the fading light Drake can make out a large green face with pointed ears and yellow eyes peering over the edge. "Krollen." A massive beast that walks either on all fours or its hind legs. Humanoid with green skin and large ears. Their eyes seemingly glow yellow. They are strong enough to throw a horse. Their intelligence is little more than a Golan however when combined with its strength makes them excellent killers. They too have venom within their fangs which infects those they bite turning their victims into Golan however there is usually little left to be turned. Where they come from Drake has not discovered only they came when the mist came. He believes, should a subject survive the process of turning into Golan then eventually they change into the giant Krollen. Similar to a maggot turning into a fly.

The Krollen thrust itself into the air letting itself fall to the bottom. The ground Drake felt the ground shake. The Krollen stands erect puffing its chest showing its massive size. Drake’s eyes even with its waist. Its arms long enough to reach its knees and thick as most trees. It drops forward putting its weight on its arms. Drake raises his sword with his right arm, the handle behind his head and the blunt of the blade running over his head. The tip coming down eye level. His other arm still holding the whip. The Krollen takes a deep breath and roars, the air coming from its chest as strong enough to move Drake’ss hair. Drake stands his ground and cracks the whip on the corner of its lips. The Krollen’s howl stops as its head turns to the side. It puts a hand to its mouth. The whip actually cut its skin. It looks at him, its upper lip curling "Eerrraaagghh!" It lunges forward. Drake rolls sideways as its fist comes down where he had been. It sweeps the ground with its other arm. Drake jumps letting his sword point down. The Krollen pulls its arm back quickly. Drake cracks the whip again hitting its ear. Its bleeding hand reaches for the ear. It runs for him punching. As Drake moves it hits the tree behind him, an oak as thick as Drake’s chest. Its fist tore deep enough into the timber to make it give way under its leaning weight as acorn rain on the woodlands floor. The opening let in more light now coming from the moon. Drake cracks the whip again hitting it in the neck, again in the wrist, again in one of its feet. One more time. The Krollen now stepping back catches the whip and yanks it from Drakes hand. It knows not what to do with it and throws it down. It steps forward, slowly smiling. It reaches for him. He rolls forward between its legs, stops his roll and jumps behind it bringing the sword down into its back with all his weight. It stands erect letting out a scream of agony that shakes the surrounding area. It turns to face him. Something cracks. Again it scream and it cut short as it chokes on blood. It tries to reach for him as it falls to the ground. Its eyes still wide open staring at him.
Drake walks over to its outstretched hand and kicks it. The beast does not move. Another kick and it still does not move. He sees the moonlight reflecting in liquid near its mouth. It is dead. He walks to its side stepping on its back and pulls his sword. The blade is now no longer than his hand. The rest of it rests inside the Krollen. It was his sword that cracked when the Krollen stood erect. He kicked its side. "You know how long it takes to make one of these?" With what was left of the sword he began cutting off the Krollen and Golan’s claws. He places them in two separate pouches to his pants. He walks over and grabs his whip. Quiran is still sitting in front of Fedowin. He walks over and sits Fedowin on Quiran’s back. He climbs up sitting behind her. "It is dark Quiran, get us to town. However you can."
At the Maarssh inn Damon, a middle aged man with short cut brown hair and a clean shaven face hosts a gathering. He is looking for people to go and help him look for his daughter. The kids Fedowin had gone to play with had recently returned and told their parents they looked for her but come sunset they didn't dare stay. Many of the men volunteered, Abrum O'coor, Dalson Ruhl and his sons, Cabrim Maahl and his brother Kubrim. "The sun has long set. We must hurry if we are to find her Damon." Abrum, a short man with broad shoulders said. "And by Arouros life giving breath you better hope no Golan find her first." Mayor Ulon says as he comes out of the kitchen doorway. Everyone looks at him, and older man with a round belly. The most trusted man in town. Most caring. And a man with a knack for bringing out the worse in any situation. "If you're gonna go" Les said with her back to the men as she sits knitting something "You better get goin. And Damon. Don't you come home without her." She is a small woman but those words hit hard with everyone.

The double doors to the inn suddenly open, all heads turn to see who it is. The orange glow of the fire and lamps show a tall man with the build of a hardened soldier. His long black hair hanging down onto his Vest covered chest. "And what do you want?!" Damon sneers. "What I want is to beat you with that unlit torch in your hand. Your daughter has been all alone this night and you have yet to even light your torch! What kind of man are you? Have you any idea what hides among those trees at night? While you sit here squabbling about what you will do, your daughter sits atop a cliff crying in the hollow of a tree." Les looks up at him. "You've seen her?!" "I have." "Where is she?! Did you bring her home?!" Drake shoots a cold stare to Damon. He looked to Les and ever so lightly smiles "The people of this town hate and fear me. Most would say I am out to kill you all. And as much as I am degraded here every time I come, I am not that much of an arrogant ass to leave a child sitting atop a cliff. She is here. He turns to look outside reaching a hand out. The sound of quick steps running across the paving stones gets louder until Fedowin comes in the door standing by Drakes side. "Go see your mother." Fedowin runs to her mother wrapping her arms around the small woman. Les holds her daughter tight. Damon walks over standing in front of Drake "How do we know you didn't take her out there?" Drake looks down at the man "I just brought your daughter back to you after being lost in the woods most of the day and all you can do is accuse me of kid-napping?! I just saved her life. All you did was stand here and talk about it!" Damon tsk’s as he turns to walk away "Saved her life. Ha. I'd wager all there was up there was a few ring eyed coons!" A few others chuckled. Ulon stands there watching and waiting. Drake reaches for one of the bags on his belt. He opens it dumping its contents onto a small table. The claws of Golans. Everyone gasps. "They're old!" Damon protests. "Look at em." Drake tossed one to Ulon. "Yes, look at em." A bit of blood almost dried to the side where Drake cut it out of its jaw. "They're fresh no doubt." Damon grabs one showing it to the crowd "Then they're fake! Either that or a Krollen got to em and you scavenged from its kill." Drake reaches for the other bag on his belt. From this one he pulls a larger claw. Everyone’s jaw drops open. No one in the inn had anything to say. "You should have seen him mommy." Fedowin brakes the silence "He was just like the hero's in a story." Her little voice the only sound other than the fire. "He helped me down the cliff. And then the ugly men came down. He killed em. Then that giant one jumped down. Drake killed him too." Everyone stands silent. Les raises her gaze from Fedowin to Damon "Will you call your daughter a liar then Damon?" Les asks. Damon did not answer. "I think you have said enough tonight Damon. Go home. I will come home when I feel I am ready to see you again."

Damon walks out of the room with his head lowered. His own wife shaming him in front of everyone. Outside the doors Damon throws his torch against the fence.

Drake walks over by the fire and sits down in the chair made of tree branches. Mayor Ulon sits in the chair next to him.

The other men make their way out to go home. The little girl is safe now. "Is there something bothering you?" Mayor Ulon asks Drake. "There is. I have to leave for a while." "So. I can send Darak over to check on your place for you until you return. No different from any other time." "I don't know if I will be coming back this time." He looks at the rounding old man. "Where will you go?" "I don't know. I have taken care of all that is mine. Should I return I will take up residence in my home again but until then let the vines overgrow it and hide its presence from this town. I will be leaving in the morning." He stands up to leave "If you need anything. Let me know."Ulon says. Drake nods. He runs his hand through Fedowins hair as he walks by. She lets go of her mom and runs to him hugging his waist tight. "Thank you." He kneels down to look her in the eyes. "Those mountains are a very dangerous place. I will not be there if you go up there again. Take care of yourself. And take care of your mother." Les stops knitting. Drake walks out. "I'm gonna learn to use a sword just like you Drake!" Fedowin yells.