Mystery

So I head from a lot of friends that read literature that they wanted a story where "the main character doesn't power up, his at full strength since the beggining, so instead of being focused on his physical progress the story will be more about his choices in using power and his mental progress".

So I'll give it a shot.
Update: Changed the stuff Rahvin recommended, fixed some errors but not all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The inn rustled with noise. All manner of man and creature were there, and all manner of brew and food was being served. There where scum, as they always are no matter where you avert your gaze. Large men brandishing battle worn weaponry and flexing about scars and injury, swinging mugs in a half drunken state and spewing out the wildest stories that reminisced more of bile than the days of adventure one would hear about in the city streets.

Then there were the more dangerous type, for no matter how battle worthy you are, it's not hard to escape a lumbering drunken man who's only thought is of what sin he can indulge in next. The ones who sat in the places where your eye would not stray consciously, they waited and waited, eating in silence, never drinking. These men sell their pride for weaker prey, but make a much better living, and are a much more dangerous mercenary than any, and much more common. Thugs, bandits, rogues, thieves, cut purses, whatever you called them it didn't really make much difference nowadays, bottom feeding wasn't a rarity.

And then there are the normal ones, thank whatever God you believe in for them, the 'normal' ones. It's hard to think of a normal human, with all the culture and subculture and diversity in each and every ones nature. The ones who sit as friends clinging large glasses of brew and laughing in stupor, others huddled quietly among their acquaintances frowning on all those they do not "accept" while in reality, the acceptance has not been given to them. Those that only talk and drink to avoid the crooked eyes that stalked the tavern, and then those that sat alone, tired, some farmhands getting a good drink after a long day, others city guards who after a day of prancing about in steel armor were finally off duty.

And among all of this commotion, all this intertwining kaleidoscope of diversity sat one little girl. She was perched in the center table, round and small in diameter..

Perched upon a chair, she swung her legs back and forth, but not only. Fastening herself to her chair by clasping onto the sides with her arms, she swung all that was left of her body side to side. Her tinted, bleached hair swung along with her metronome motion and a large smile embroidered her face that pulsates radiant, beautiful, innocent almost angel like beauty.

Her eyes were to fire as the moon is to water. The fire that burned within them was twice as beautiful as the real, and just as unreachable as the moon’s reflection. The lips that formed her smile were puffy and yet somehow elegant, giving her a look of aristocracy at first sight, and her nose stayed true to the girls structure, petite but perfectly aligned with all of her other features.

Evil thoughts abundant, no inn or tavern was a place for this girl, even her clothes spoke of a rich background. The strong and the cunning would steal her away for ransom, the peasants would try to approach her and help her find her family in hope of reward, the city guard had no intention of being a protector of the innocent anymore than needed, the whisperers whispered and those who hid their intention at every turn, slavers and black market traders saw in this young little morsel far more than a reward or a single profit. In reality, they possessed not the courage to kidnap for ransom.

Boots clashing against the stairs, a tall slender man walked down the stairs off the inn, he wore a long overcoat and on each of his wrists hung two beaded bracelets, each with a small religious simple dangling in place of a bead. His overcoat was a blackened red, worn from time and travel. His face however betrayed him for who he was, his features were elegant, just like the girl he had smooth skin and large opal eyes, his hair was pulled back in a ponytail fit for at least a dozen horses, and under his sharp nose lay a wicked scowl fixated onto his face.

"Common Lilia, let's get going" he called out to the little girl, but to no avail, she simple stopped her persistent ticking and looked at the man kindly.

"I'm having fun" She almost demanded at him, and he let out a sigh of disbelief , "the music’s nice, and I like watching all the little people play"

"Oi, you bet'a watch dat kids mouth aye, lit'le people, I ain' partial to dat kinda chattah in me favourite drinking parlour" A drunkard directly behind Lilia spoke up, his friends laughing at his half drunken attempts at defending his pride.

"Oh, you little people are so funny" Lilia said, smiling to herself. Children had that tendency, to say things that they shouldn't, not out of hate or spite but out of innocence and ignorance. And any man who's pride is broken by a child will first seek out whatever appears as her parent to stir up a storm with.

"Oi, I 'ough I 'old ya, tae control dat bra's mouth" The drunkard called out to the man again, who by this stage had his palm on his face in annoyance.

"Look, I'm really quite sorry about Lilia’s attitude, she's a bit straight forward and insensitive, I'll have her looked at by a sorcerer and she if he can give her grace fitting her outfit" The man spoke and for a minute the drunkard paused. Not being able to truly reply to an apology he simply settled down and returned to his drink.

Frustrated a bit by having to conceit to defeat so easily, being in a tavern full of men on the edge just waiting for an opportunity, he walked over to Lilia and sat in front of her, not breaking eye contact with her as he did so.

"I thought I told you, keep you opinion to yourself when there’s so many people about" He told her under his voice

"It's not like you can't take them" She said with a cocky tone rising in her voice

"You're like mosquito's to a lantern, and yet I'm the one who's bitten" He sighed at the little girl and turned around motioning for the barkeep to come to the table.

"What will it be then for ya sir?" The cheery bloke said.

"Uh well this is kind of embarrassing, but you wouldn't happen to have any milk or water or juice for little miss Arrogant here would you?" He asked shyly.

"I'm a married man sir, that I am, I keep that kind of stuff around for when me own daughters visit in the morning, I'll be happy to get ya some" He said, and started to walk off before realizing he had left the man without an order.

"I'll just take whatever is drinkable" He said to the barkeep, who strolled away merrily, returning with two wooden mugs, one was filled with milk brimming to the top and overflowing slightly as he skipped across the tavern hall, the other had some other substance in it that he wasn't familiar with, but then again it was his fault for being overly dismissive.

"Here ya go!" The man said cheerily to Lilia as he handed her a large mug, hardly befitting the little lady, "here's your drink, I hope you don't mind drinking the same as the missy, there wasn't enough left to fill ya mug completely though"

"It's okay, I'm not too picky" He said and handed the barkeep a few coins.. He had said he wasn't picky, but as he drank he realized just how dry his throat had been, and how much it was begging for refreshment. As he finished and put down his mug he let out a sigh of relief and smiled lightly. Lilia mimicked the quirk as fast as she could.

"Hey now don't mock me like that" He told her, "it's not very nice"

She looked at him shyly and continued to drink her milk quietly, being a first for the night that she had nothing to answer back with, being the obstinate little princess she was.

"Oi look at dis, ees drinkin' milk" One man called from close behind Lilia's company rudely, and a laugh roared throughout the tavern.

"Here we go" He said to himself under his breath.

"Is you some kind of a sissy man?" One man, not drunk enough to be called common thug just yet, and sober enough to identify as a farmhand spoke out to him. One of the larger burlier men that had been sitting at the front of the bar got up and walked up to him, standing right behind his chair and breathing down his neck.

"If you're gonna waste your copper on that stuff, give it to me, I'll spend it like a man" He spoke in a voice that reminisced of a bear mating.

"I'm sorry, but even if I had a lot of money to give, I need it" He said, but apparently kindness wasn't something valued around that place, obviously. The large man threw him off his seat, pulling sharply at the pouch that hanged outside of his garment and snapping if off his belt. Golden coins jingled from it onto the floor and both laughter and awe broke out across the room.

"I don't like liar’s" The man growled at him.

"Well you'll have to forgive me for not liking thieves either, so can I please have my money back" He said to the man.

Despite his height, Lilia’s companion was nothing in size compared to the bulk that lay before him. Standing a clear head higher than him, fur adorning his shoulders and waist, while mail jingled off his chest and legs, the man had the words 'seasoned warrior' written across him. When the last words left his mouth he didn't need to close his lips, they were shut for him by the impact of the mans hammer-esque fist against his jaw.

He flew across the room crashing into the bar with a loud snap. Faces across the cavern cringed as he stood up with a crackling noise coming from his back.

"Hey, don't cause trouble, he's one of the expedition recruits, even if I wanted to help ya I can't" The guard whispered to him as he got up, not once turning or moving his eyes from the ale before him.

"It's alright" He said in a relaxed tone.

"How about mocking me now, tough guy?" The large man said, pushing Lilia’s escort around the tavern, occasionally giving him a stray jab or kick into a wall. The barkeep was frustrated but no one was about to stand up to the muscular bulk that was terrorizing Lilia’s friend.

"All right, I'm really sorry Mister..."

"Darius"

"Mister Darius, could you please forgive me and let me go without anymore beating?" He asked in a tone that only a priest could muster after such injustice.

"Kiss my feet"

"Uhh... could you run that by me again?"

"Kiss my feet"

Surely enough, not wanting to continue getting beaten by whatever Golem had been fitted into that body, he bowed down before the man and kissed on of his boots. In an attitude befitting, he spat on his bullying victim and proceeded to kick him sharply off his boot and onto the wall.

"Oh common, he said he was sorry" Lilia finally butted in, no longer amused with the situation.

"If you want a piece of me missy I'd be glad to give you one as well" He roared out

"She's just a child!" A man cried out from the far end of the room

"Come closer an' say that!" He roared again

"His right, she's just a child, if you want someone to beat, I'm still here" Lilia's companion said once more, pulling himself up. At this stage he looked wretched; he had bruises on his face as well as scratches, blood and dirt. His overcoat had been torn, but luckily the four bead chains were still in tact.

Despite his condition the man saw no reason to be logical or merciful, and beat upon him for a few good minutes until getting bored. He then walked over to the tavern door and threw him out.

"Don't you come in here again, I don't want to have to ruff up the patrol as well as you" The burly giant said as he slammed the door.

The rain fell sharply against his beaten bloodied face, but it was soothing to him, for a moment he let himself relax and doze off. The door opened abruptly and he turned around.

"Ah, Lilia, let's get going" He turned to say, but he was not met by the image of Lilia, rather the off duty guard walking out and up to him.

"That was a pretty bad beating, you okay?" He asked

"I'm fine, is the girl I was with still inside?"

"Yeah, you better go fetch her"

But before another word could be uttered, just as silent wolves do, a few men crept out from the sides of the tavern maliciously, sporting clubs and knives.

"What are you..."

"It's okay, you go wherever you need to go home to, I'll be fine" He stood up, as beaten as he apparently was, and strode past the guard with a pat on the shoulder.

"I may be off duty but I still..."

"Just go, I'm just another face, and I can guarantee you I'll be fine"

He really didn't want to help someone who didn't want to, he had a wife and kids to go home to, so he walked off casually as the thugs approached the ill fated man.

"I've already been robbed, I can give you my backup pouch of money if you want" He told them

"Aye, that'd be good, but we want that fancy cloak o' yers as well" One of the thugs said, presumably the leader.

"And them boots" Another called.

"Heck, give us those beads as well"

"I can give you my leftover money, my boots and my garment, but I cannot give you the beads, I'll give you this however if you just let me go after taking these things" He told them, pulling out a small ornate blade that was fastened with jewels and gold.

"Aye, that works" the leader figure said, and he took the objects from the mans hands.

"Ah, you never get used to the lovely attitudes of people when they've got prey that doesn't fight back" he mocked himself, "I'll never get used to this run down feeling. Ahh, it just doesn't feel fair" He said to himself with a smile as he looked up at the night sky, rain still dropping onto him.

In the midst of his self-meditated mockery, he heard a scream, a shriek emanating from the tavern.

"Lilia..."

Inside the tavern, the large brutish man has sat down to being a feat anew, using the stolen money, and Lilia being her innocent yet arrogant self had to open her mouth again. In a fit of annoyance he handed her to a bunch of slave traders that he knew well from previous business, and received another pouch of gold with which to extend his feast and he also got rid of Lilia, the little pest that had disrupted it. Her childish fear reaction was triggered almost immediately.

"Stop fighting you little wench, It's not like you can get away" One man, fat and rounded but sporting a sword on his belt was trying to stop Lilia from thrashing about. Another thinner more stereotypical slaver walked up and slammed his palm in the back of her neck, causing her almost lose consciousness, but stunning her enough to silence her.

"That's right, go to sleep, even if you scream the patrol is far away from here and that guy you got with you is pretty much not worth dirt" the sinister one picked at her.

The tavern door creaked open and with a sloshing sound at every footstep, the devil they spoke off entered with his hair ruffed and thrown all around his shoulders, his garment missing, only now wearing some torn pants and a shift, with no shoes on his feet, bloody and dirty.

"I thought I told ya to stay out boy" The large man said, getting up from his seat quickly in anger.

He was ignored, and the man walked up to the slavers holding Lilia and looked them in the eye. Silence befell the room as the man locked eyes with Lilias captives, and an unspeakable urgency overtook the air.

"Give me the girl. Now." He spoke abruptly, the humor and sarcastic undertones in his voice a long gone memory now.

"Or what?" The fat one said, "gonna bleed on us?"

"I'm just asking you to give me back my young companion, I have no desire to do anything bad" He said, and firmly repeated "Giver me the girl. Now"

"I'm sorry, but we already paid Darius over there for her, so if you want her back you'll have to get our money back" The slaver laughed, and the tavern joined in. After all only moments ago Darius had thrashed the man all across the room.

Lilia looked up in slight desperation at her companion, but he only smiled at her and then moved towards Darius, who was smirking, standing straight up with arms crossed.

"Could I please..."

"No" He said arrogantly, confidence overwhelming his better judgment.

"You cannot sell what is not yours Sir Darius, so please return the money to those kind men so that I may take back my friend"

"Or what?" His voice became less and less angry and more and more hysterical with each comment.

"I can't do anything against a man as strong as you, so all I can do is beg of you" He admitted pitifully and the tavern laughed at him unanimously, save for the barkeep who was looking in helplessness.

"Well, I like my money here, so I ain't giving any back"

"You already have mine, you can feast for three years straight with it, why do you want more" He pleaded

"Because I can" Darius spat at him, sitting down and returning to his feast.

At this point all hope was drained from Lilia’s friend, he looked at her and apologetically bowed to her, a pitiful "sorry" coming from him. He walked over to the barkeep and got a glass of water. The entire tavern, save for Darius watched him as he unexplainably began to drink. And when he finished he let out a refreshed "ahh".

He walked over to Darius once more, who at this point was fed up with bothering, and didn't even turn around.

"Darius" he said, urging the large man to turn in anger. But this time all the anger and lack of common sense couldn't betray what he saw. As they locked eyes fear gripped Darius, "my money" he spoke once and to everyone surprise Darius handed over a pouch of gold.

He walked to the slavers and dropped the hefty sack of pure gold coins, and took Lilia from the one mans arms. The other would have none of it.

"And what if we want both the girl and the loot?" he said, trying to intimidate the man. But he too locked eyes with him and only a few words were exchanged.

"Are you sure you want to push me any further?" He spoke, and the slaver cowered before him.

He cradled Lilia and walked out of the Tavern slowly, a dumbstruck audience watching his every step.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Rahvin

The same stuff applies all through. There's some confusion with tenses at the start, as well as what I've noted.

Overall, though, good story. I actually liked it.

If you want, I'll go through the rest in detail later (no time now).

__________________

Mystery

I just realized a part of it was cut off, so I'm going to rewrite it properly to the end, it cut out the part where he lays down the law dammit.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"At least the rains stopped" He murmured to himself. He accepted this slightest of fortunes and began making his way beyond the gate of the study wall that encased the unfriendly place.

As his footsteps splattered against the drenched cobblestone pathway, he heard shifting and voice of complaint coming from the tavern, he turned around to see the large bulk of Darius as well two minuscule, in comparison, ones to each of his sides.

"Do you think we're gonna let you make fools out of us like that? Little man" Darius roared with all of his might. Lilias companion, now guardian, had allowed the overpowering fear he had placed over them release his grip, and they had somehow regained their confidence.

He turned, and slowly began to walk towards Darius who readied his weapon, the other two men where the slaves, looks of anger across their faces as well as fear still holding them, preventing them from saying anything.

The slow pace at which he approached them made Darius uneasy, and he mounted the courage to charge the man, yelling as he did as if to empower himself somehow, drawing his weapon and raising it high above his head.

But before he had even had the chance to bring it down onto the mans frail figure, there was a loud slap as his fist connected solidly with Darius' left side. Horror spread quickly once more along the faces of the commoners of the tavern as a gruesome sound of bones cracking and shifting, piercing and cutting through flesh cut through the night breeze. And then, as the impact of his hit carried over a spot on Darius back exploded with force, sending blood drenched flesh and tissue splattering into the mud water, soon turning the brown and blue to deep dark red.

"If any of you think you're stronger than Darius" he hissed at the slaver, pointing at them with the hand which had hit Darius, knuckled bloodstained, "feel free to give me a free chance to murder you".

Without waiting for any replies, he turned around and began walking away from the tavern again. He looking at Lilia, who he had managed to cradle and protect with his loose hand, she was looking up at him, barely at the verge of consciousness.

"I'll find us a nice warm place to stay, okay?" He whispered to her, smiling with a fatherly love attached to his voice.

As they watched his back slowly get farther and farther away, no one dared move, nor say a word to him. Chasing or fighting him was a wishful illusion at best, and even those who looked at Darius with concern dared not make even a single effort to aid him until that mans figure was completely out of sight.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's different from the original, but oh well. I also edited the first part again.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Rahvin

Post up the edits and I'll see what I can do.

[shameless plug]And if you wouldn't mind taking a look at the rest of my own humble work and telling me what you thought of it...[/shameless plug]

Ahem. Sorry about that. I'll take a detailed look after the edit is posted. Or is it already posted?

__________________

Mystery

Already did, didn't fix much but what word helped me find, mostly apostrophes, fragmentation and names, like I said, I'm HORRBILE with grammar since I was really lazy in class and when I'm not writing at 2 am it usually comes out naturaly >.>

I'll take a look at your new stuff in a bit, need to get some food first.

Gonna use this post to write another chapter
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a blacksmith does his apron after a hard days work, he threw his body onto his newly acquired bed.

Bones aching from a days travel, mind worn and body fatigued he flipped himself over and looked at the wooden room, it was a dull shade of graying brown, with big black splotches here and there, typical. Throwing his bag onto the floor and his belt onto the drawer by the bed, he stretched to the rhythm of his creaking bones and slowly picked himself up to a sitting position.

"You still haven't come inside?" He scoffed at Lilia

"Do you expect a lady to carry her own luggage?" She replied pompously

"Of course not, you highness" He said, standing up and bowing to her, then pulling in 'her' bag. It was really his own, but Lilia had an amazing ability to remove his money from it and place her possessions in it. It was a trait expected of any noble lady, but Lilia was only a child and no noble at that, only a pretentious little brat. Unfortunately for him, he has a spot in his heart reserved for the little brat.

His mind was still racing with thought however, despite the fatigue and ill treatment, I guess they'll be here within the hour asking for a new favor, he thought irritably.

"I still don't understand why you took that beating, you could have just given him the gold to start with" Lilia questioned him

"I thought he'd be as stupid as he looked, but he was a little brighter" He wasn't really in the mood to talk, but he couldn't ignore her either.

"Well why didn't you fight back, you got quite a thrashing there" She pointed on his face which was covered in dirt and mud water.

"Eh, that's from falling face first into the ground, he wasn't as strong as he looked either, he would have done better with some basic punching knowledge" He commented, sounding as analytical and technical as he always did when someone spoke to him of fights.

"You had to in the end anyway" She pointed out to his displeasure.

"You got caught, what did you want me to do? Leave you there to become someones-" Lilia looked at him angrily and he cut of his speech in surprise.

"How dare you let those men touch me as well, next time at least use that footwork of yours if you're going to save me" Lilia was scolding him, but in reality she knew as well as he did that making a scene wasn't too good of an idea.

"You know I don't like drawing attention, it's bad enough as it is that I had to stop in that shoddy place to find us a room that they didn't have, but I had to fight, now Mister Military will be showing up anytime to conveniently pin the blame on me and ask me of another favour... again" He said angrily.

"And that's my fault?"

"Well maybe if you had kept your mouth shut from the start!" He yelled at her

"Hey, it's your fault for being a little sissy man" Lilia blurted out with an ogreish voice, trying to mimic Darius.

They both quickly went from arguing to laughing.

"I swear, one of these day's I'll just leave you there so you learn your lesson" He told her meanly.

"I love you too" She mocked him.

Getting up and discarding his now torn and dirtied overcoat, he walked into the bathroom, "I hope there's some warm water for this thing" he said, looking towards the bath. He walked over to it and turned one of the levers and ice cold water began streaming out. "Oh joy, I'm going to have to heat it" he thought to himself, miffed partially at the owner of the inn and partially at the inanimate marble tub. When it had filled up he placed his hand in the water and soon it was hot and steaming with a gentle hiss.

He walked back into the room where Lilia was, once again, sitting callously and swinging her legs and body in the same fashion. She always persisted on that strange motion when she had to wait for something.

"Go take a bath, the waters warm" He told her, picking up his discarded clothes and belt and sorting it into one corner, his bag sitting above it.

"You smell, shouldn't you take a bath first?" She said in all honesty.

"I can stand smelling a bit more, so go bath while the water is clean and warm" he told her again, he didn't feel like warming another bath full of water after he had finished, since the dirt on his body would turn the water from crystalline to coal.

Lilia got up merrily and trudged off into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

He slammed his body back onto the bed in frustration. "I wonder what it's gonna be this time" he thought, "maybe I can get away with it if I blame the brute, but it's not like they care, they'll probably pay them all off to confess that it was me that wrecked everything and caused a ruckus".

Even before he had found Lilia, he didn't really enjoy working for them, the hours were constant, and there was no pay. However back in those days, fighting for something, anything, even your ideals was a glorious thing. Painting battlefields with the blood of men and your name with the pristine awards of the kingdom were normal, and very graced matters. To him it was all the same back then, killing was killing, he wasn't delusional about it, he wasn't in denial about enjoying those days either.

The bathroom door clicked open and Lilia came out fully dressed, a towel over her head since for some strange reason she didn't like drying her own hair.

"Come one" She urged him, pointing at the towel on her head. HE took it and as usual, dried her hair for her slowly, since if he moved too fast or too hard she'd let him know with the heel of her shoes.

"There, happy princess?" He said impatiently at her, she looked at herself in her mirror and nodded happily, "well go to sleep then, we might have to travel a bit longer than usual tomorrow"

"How come?" Usually Lilia wasn't the one to be curious, but neither was he one to be forewarning.

"I really don't want to do them any favors" He said. She jumped into the bed and pulled the blanket over her, it was a thick brown dyed blanket, tufts of fur sticking out of the edges. She mumbled a soft toned goodnight to him and he returned the favor in kind, then went into the bath.

She had made a bit of a mess, spilling water out, but luckily it was still steaming warm. He got in impatiently, his entire body seemed to relax as the hot water rushed over.

"I might as well enjoy the next few moments of peace, it's gonna be one of those days again tomorrow" He mumbled to himself and slowly entered a semi-asleep trance in the water.

When he walked out of the door, dried and clean he was welcomed by two men sitting at the leg of the bed, both of them carrying hefty smiles across their faces. Lilia was, miraculously, still asleep.

"What are you here for?" He spat out rudely to both men.

"I think you know, Seventh?" the one man said confidently, only getting more so as Encedan's scowl quickly turned into an expression of discomfort.

And so here it begins... he thought irritably.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Rahvin

I'll have a look in a minute. Eat first, critique later.

And cheers for looking at my story, by the way.

__________________

Rahvin

Good, just some grammar errors now and then. I'll do the next part later on today.

__________________

Mystery

You critique me, I'll critique you

Check out my other story as well, I could use your help with that.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Rahvin

far fewer grammar errors in this part. One thing to watch for is to always end speech with punctuation, be it a comma, full stop, or something else, and if you're telling us that they said it ("blahblahblah," he said) don't use a capital for "he", or its equivalent.

__________________

Mystery

I'm not too sure about the next part, it feels a bit awkward but I thought I'd go with it for now, I have 2-3 different ways in which I wanted/could have presented the next part so I'm probably going to post different versions later, I also fixed some of the things in the previous chapter but I'll do all the stuff like capitalization and punctuation a bit later when I'm more awake. I'll also do some tweaking and rewriting .

A few things to note

Kaballah -is one of the various spellings of Kabbalah, it's something I'm using to continue on the these of mystery(You don't know his real name, he has the number 7 attached to him etc.). Kaballah in this story is a war that happened not too long ago, and not only the nickname but the place is also linked to Lilia, more of that as story goes on.

Loklear - I had this name stuck in my mind for the title of 'white wind of' but I'm not too sure of it, it sounds a bit too feminine, but in any case I'm going to keep it for now, Loklear is a key place, as well as an order, more information on it as story goes on.

Seventh - Referring to his number in an order of 13(not loklear) people, it has nothing to do with power or anything like that, I'll reveal the link as story continues.

Couriers - I didn't really know how to phrase them, but their basically messenger's who act between the 'figures' or authority and the 'instruments' of authority.

Goverment - I don't know exactly how I have this planned yet, but the Goverment is referring to the core of an empire right now, I'll find a suitable title for it later, but I was tired while writing so I'm finding easy ways out.

Also, when tweaking starts I'm going to also improve the quality of the writing, right now my vocabulary is stale and I'm repetitive and don't use any metaphors or similes, the character speech is also a bit inconsistent and stale, so I'm going to be fixing most of that as well.

I'd like to know a few things in specific now such as :

-- How well the story flows from one chapter to another, is too much or too little happening, is it easy to follow or does it skip too much, are things too sudden or awkward in their revelation or not?
-- I'm moving towards a less medieval setting a more made up past setting since I'm not really into the medieval thing unless the character is a certain way, and the way I envision the Seventh, his not that kind of character.

Anyway, that's all for now, I'll make a second post for the actual story continuity so it's less hard on the eyes.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Mystery

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The younger of the pair of men was wallowing in the distress he had brought on the Seventh, but he was quick to wizen to the situation as his frown turned into an expression of boredom, or annoyance.

I guess theres no pretending out of it the Seventh thought to himself.

"I guess there's no point in idle conversation, tell me what it is you want" at first the words he spoke seemed shrill, not cold but definently not warm. His voice seemed to slip through the room and then echo back, as if daring you to ignore it.

"Oh? The Beast of Kaballah is so easily tamed?" The younger man continued to press his luck, if one of his old names had brought him to his knees, he was going to be quick to try another.

"Stop playing around Demetri" The older man said, he was one of the usual couriers to the Seventh, he knew what intimidation would bring on.

"Say, Livil, did they send this kid here to tempt me into killing him so they'd have something else to pile onto my conscience? Is what you are asking for really that boring?" the disruptance in his voice that had made it seem cold before had disappeared, it was passive, stuck in between yin and yang, not edging to either side, not betraying the slightest emotion or thought.

"Hey Beastie, you're pretty rude mannered for someone who was once called the white wind of Loklear, you'd think you'd be more formal, more presentable" Demetri continued to taunt him, it was no longer a matter taunting the Beast of Kaballah out of hiding, it was now a matter of personal pride.

"I thought I told you to stop it, Demetri" Livil addressed him strictly, slamming his hand down on Demetri's shoulder to remind him of who was in charge, "Listen, isn't there anywhere we can go that would be more private?" he spoke much kinder, much tamer to the Seventh while he nodded his head toward Lilia, who was still sleeping soundly.

"Oh, the Beast of Kaballah has some exotic tastes" Demetri said looking at Lilia, "isn't she a bit too young for you beastie?"

"She's about a thousand years older than me" He said in the same passive tone.

"Really, I could tell from you temperament your a child but I'd have never guessed you were so much of a brat" Demetri pressed on.

"Demetri! you -" the Seventh cut off Livil before he could silence Demetri.

"Say what you want to say, although I must warn you; if you're desire is to anger me or taunt me into submission, I've already seen in and throughout of you, you not worth any emotion I can give, let alone fighting or killing" His tone was still passive, and even thought Demetri had worked up more gaul that he ever had before, words wouldn't come to him as he looked up into the Sevenths eyes.

A moment of silence passed as the two men stared each other down, and Livil stood watching them, unable to act against the Sevenths will.

"Who are these guys?" Lilia's groggy, innocent voice broke their confrontation.

"Eh, their old friends of mine" The Seventh spoke, adorning a smile and a warm, tender voice, "we were just talking about old times"

Livil took the opportunity to seize Demetri from his shoulder and drag him off of the leg of the bed, and walked him towards the door.

"Sorry to have woken you up little lady, but we're going to need to borrow your guardian for a few minutes" He told her as he pushed Demetri out who wanted to complain, but knew better than to upset Livil any more.

The Seventh walked to Lilias side and slowly guided her back down onto the bed's surface, and pulled the ruffled blanked back over her.

"Go back to sleep for now Lilia, I'm going to go talk, I promise I'll be back soon" he whispered to her, walking towards the door and escorting Livil out.

Lilia turned to her side uneasily, "I wish you'd just tell me what the truth is..." she mumbled to herself as the door clicked closed. Lilia could never truly ask him of such a thing, she imposed on his life as it was, the least she could do was trust him as he trusted her not so many years ago.

******

As he locked the door, his expression changed back to what it had been before Lilia awoke, and he stared down both Demetri and Livil. Demetri was paralyzed with fear, but did his best not to be intimidated in the eyes of the beast. Livil was completely unaffected.

"Stop giving us that scary look, you know as good as I that you can't do anything to us" Livil commanded him

"You're mistaken" The Seventh spat back at him

"Oh? You never deny work even though you know that what's usually pinned onto you isn't really our fault, and you never harm couriers because you'd have the rest of the ranks chasing after you" Livil mocked him slightly. If he didn't he'd soon be overpowered by the Seventh.

"Like I said, you're mistaken. The rest of the ranks can come after me, the entire army can, I would enjoy getting to eradicate your power again." He said menacingly and a grin wavered on and off his expression as he spoke.

"Then why haven't you?" Demetri blurted out, finally managing to break out of the initial fear of being stared down by the beast of Kaballah.

"That little girl" Livil said, "don't tell me you're trying to protect her"

"Unfortunately"

"Haha! Hear that, the might Beast of Kaballah is protecting a little girl" Demetri laughed, and Livil couldn't help but chuckle.

"You've really fallen out since you days with us" Livil laughed at him.

"Have you two forgotten your jobs?" A female voice protruded through the darkness of the inn corridor. A matured woman, around her mid thirties or forties walked out of the darkness, adorning the same courier dress as the other two. The long cape that was used for stealth covered all of her body, but her long hair laid on the cloak matching it's dark color perfectly. As he locked eyes with her he noticed no fear in her blackened eyes, no doubt at all, unlike the others.

"Oh? They sent three this time?" the Seventh spoke out to her.

"They thought these two might get a bit lax this time around, with all thats going on" She said.

"All thats going on?" He questioned her, he knew in his mind that the answer was irrelevant, if something was bothering the Couriers and it hadn't been resolved there could be no other reason for him to be summoned.

"I'm sure you of all people has heard about the incidents in the north" She started to detail to him about event's that had taken place not too far to the north, near the Goverment headquarters. She explained briefly that people, not just important people of goverment employed people had turned up dead, in fact, throngs of people had turned up massacred. She continued to tell him how they had all died from either cuts that weren't recognizable from any weapon, or beating by fists to the point where bone had been turned to mush.

"I see, so I'm not just guessing here, but that incident back there, that Mercenary and those 'slavers' were payed to rile me up weren't they?"

"I'm afraid so" she had no intention of lying to him, "we had to get you in our debt somehow, so we caused you some trouble, but they can still use it as an excuse to persecute you so even if you know, I'm afraid that you can't get out of this mess&quo