Renos Babe

Okay guy's i know it's long, i know i've posted it before, but i need some good crits on it, please. I swear i'll make time to crit everyone who crits this work cause they deserve it majorly. Thank you in advance.

Prologue

I remember the pain the most, how it flooded through my body dragging me from the comforting darkness. My body was stiff, I tried and failed to move my fingers, it seem as if I was frozen into this position. Metallic sounds reached my ears, I concentrated on it, and some form of relief ran threw me, I was on my way home, we’d made it, and Tsaeb was going to fix every thing, I was sure of it…until the sobs reached my ears, the were so hard, and full of sorrow, my heart sank, and one name ran through my head…Kiki. I clenched my eye’s shut tighter, my mind desperately trying to remember what had happened, what would reduce her to tears. The images began then, images of blood and bodies scattered across a rocky landscape, I could see my swords lying shattered around me, and my brothers’ voice was in my ear pleading with me to stay awake, trying to ensure me that everything would be okay. I forced my eyes open as a sharp pain ran up my right arm, I forced it out of my mind, not allowing myself to call out, knowing it would just show me as weak. Footsteps headed towards the weeping, and every inch of me wished I could be the one to try and comfort her. Tsaebs voice filled the room,
“I’m sorry. He’s gone, Kiki.” His voice was full of sorrow. Questions ran though my head, who was gone? What had happened? Confusion took me; unsure of what was happening I lay there, listening to the sounds around me. An unbearable pain ran through my body, a scream managed to escape my paralysed lips.
“Damn it, she’s awake” Tsaebs hands appeared on my shoulders, stoping me from thrashing around, over the pain I felt the needle go in, and then the instant bliss that is morphine.
“Relax Wolfkin you’ll be fine,” I stared at the ceiling nausea taking over me, the morphine messing with my senses. For the next couple of hours I slipped in and out of the consciousness, blissfully unaware of everything that was happening around me.

“Wolfkin…Wolfkin! Come on wake up girl” Tsaebs voice filled my mind dragging me back into the world of the living. The pain returned, although it was not as bad as it was the first time. My eyes eased open, and a small groan of pain escaped me as the all too familiar darkness of the Hierarchy's med lab surrounded me. As far as I could tell my right arm was numb, even so I pulled myself into a sitting position with my left and looked around,
“Where am I?” I asked as I brought my head up to hold my throbbing head, I heard a sigh from somewhere behind me, followed by a tinging sound, reassuring me I wasn’t alone. I turned my head slightly and stared into the darkness, the imposing figure of Tsaeb barely visible. I sighed in relief and looked around. My eyes falling on the table next to me, as my eyes adjusted I was able to make out the figure on the table next to mine. Tears welled in my eyes; I forced myself up, only to collapse almost immediately to the ground, slower this time I got into a standing position grabbing the figures hand. It was cold I let it go and fell to my knees, turning my head away sharply, refusing to believe what I’d seen and felt. Tsaeb moved to me and helped me back onto the table, with tears in my eye’s I began to beg.

“Tsaeb…my brother, he’s not, he can’t be, please tell me I was mistaken.” I pleaded, praying for it not to be true. Before Tsaeb got the chance to reply, every thing came flooding back. The look of pure horror on his face, the feel of his warm blood running, dripping onto my cheek, the thin steaks of crimson running down the sharpened edge of the blade stopped only millimetres away from my eye. I could feel Tsaeb picking me up and trying in vain to call me to my senses. I could hear the dull roar of the ship engines, the cool metal slab under my back, sending slight pain through me and the seemingly never-ending blackness that engulfed me. Tsaebs soft footsteps brought me back to reality.


“Wolfkin…I’m sorry, your arm was worse then I first thought.” I instinctively reached towards my right arm and felt the empty space where it should have been. I could feel the rough bandaging around it meeting the base of my neck, as well as a sticky substance that I assumed to be my blood. I let my hand drop back down onto the table.

I sat there quietly listening to Tsaebs footfalls, and the metallic slide of the storage room door. I could feel tears running down my cheeks, as the realization hit me… It was my fault, it was entirely my fault.

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Renos Babe

Chap 1

Sighing heavily, I began to slowly shift though the last pile of rubble, its gray mass taunting me. I could feel my pack rubbing against my back, but I could not feel its wait. Pausing for a moment I rubbed my right arm, I could feel the cold metal through my leather glove, cringing I went back to finding the alloys. As I pulled an unusually shiny piece out I caught a glimpse of myself. My long black hair, was styled so that it would constantly cover my gold eye, leaving my crimson one for the world to see. I brought my hand up gingerly touching the mask that covered most my face. I traced the edge of it starting just below my left temple, cutting close under my eye, entirely coving my left cheek, it then cuts across the edge of my mouth and down to the right edge of my bottom jaw, from there my entire neck is covered. I quickly shoved the alloy in my bag, growling in annoyance
“I can’t believe Tsaeb is making me do this” I muttered to myself, looking around... Crumbling skyscrapers surrounded me, making the streets like a labyrinth for those who did not know them. I’ve been told that it’s the ruins of the city Brisbane, once apparently a thriving sitting, in the Australian state of Queensland. I grinned as I looked around, how easily the humans had destroyed themselves. I glanced up as footsteps approached me from behind. I shrugged it off, but kept alert I couldn’t afford much conflict, not today, so I continued to search.
“What are you doing here ma’am?” A youngish voice said from behind me, I spun around coming face to face with two, by the looks of it, junior soldiers, I smiled sweetly at the one that had spoken, he seemed to soften, maybe I could just talk my way out of this one,
“Nothing, just looking around” I muttered kicking the alloys away from my feet. The second soldier glared at me sceptically, I saw his eyes drop down to the gun holster at my side, an evil grin spreading across his face.
“Ma’am you do know that carrying a weapon of that sort is illegal, I’m going to have to take you in” I gulped my options running thin, without thinking I grabbed the top of my mask and pulled to down to reveal the black and crimson heart shaped tattoo on my left cheek. Both soldiers were momentarily taken back, I smiled. Good they know the old ranking system.
“Not for us” I countered, my voice was calm and full of authority; my gaze however never dropped from the second soldier, who was eyeing the tattoo, The first however seemed to shrug it off,
“Sorry ma'am, what is someone of your rank doing down here anyway?" The first soldier inquired, bowing slightly placing his gun in its holster, I swallowed hard unsure of what to say next then I remembered something, something that he was always going on about,
"Tyen-shi was worried about his...grunts not doing their jobs properly," I began to laugh "Which they clearly are not; shouldn’t you all be looking for the traitor, not worrying about someone searching through the rubble?"
“Um, I suppose we should ma'am.” The first soldier muttered quietly as if ashamed of being caught out. I laughed to myself if only you knew. I could hardly believe that I was getting away with it this far.
”Wait a second!” the second soldier exclaimed suddenly raising his gun “that logo that was made obsolete a year before the current female came in... I know you.”
“Your, Tyen-shi’s old bitch” I cringed at the name drawing my gun,
“You shoulda just kept your mouth shut boy” I muttered and nailed the second soldier quickly before he had the chance to shoot. I swung my gun around to the other before he could get his out, pulling the trigger I watched him fall; I felt no remorse and all. I turned running; I knew the streets of this ‘town’ like the back of my hand. Gun fire sounded from behind me. I turned my head slightly to look behind,
“Oh shit!” I growled, shooting back taking out one or two of the soldiers that had appeared, and wounding another couple, I shook my head,
I should have known they’d have back up I thought as I glanced behind me and darted down the narrow side allies, trying desperately to avoid the rain of bullets assaulting me from all sides. As I rounded a corner I stopped coming to a dead end. As I looked down, MH was engraved into the cement in front of my foot; a small smile reached my lips,
“I owe you one Tsaeb” I muttered quietly and spun around coming face to face with at least a dozen armed soldiers. I took a step forward my left foot resting lightly on the symbol. Grinning I raised my arms in a false surrender,
“Okay boys you got me” the soldier in front of me smiled, and then laughed. I fought down the annoyance at his ignorance, any real soldier would have figured that I wouldn’t be this easy to catch, and then I recognized who it was.
“Well, well, if it isn’t my good old buddy Marcus, You should know better than to laugh at me” The soldier stopped laughing and smiled evilly,
“Tyen-shi has spent the past three years telling us how hard you would be to catch, but we chased you for five mins and have you surrounded” I returned the smile and muttered
“Typical Tyen-shi, still hiring incompetent morons.” He glared at me and raised his gun. Putting my weight down on the symbol I grinned. A trap door opening behind me, stepping back I jumped down into the sewers.

Water sprayed up around my ankles as I landed. Glancing around I recognised where I was, I had used this tunnel often when I was younger, which is why Tsaeb had built the entrance in the first place. I began to run, knowing it was only a matter of time before Marcus figured out how to open the trap door. Don’t worry so much Wolfkin, you said it yourself, there incompetent morons
“Maybe, but they are soldiers and the do have guns” I answered, running through the maze of tunnels that made up this part of the underground.
You have a gun too Zandra and you were a soldier
“You don’t have to remind me” I spat back, diving around a corner as a bullet hit the tunnel just above my head. Knowing I had to loose them I took a turn leading them straight into the most confusing part of the tunnels.

I made my way out of the maze leaving Marcus and his troops far behind, as I emerged back into the main tunnel system not really paying much attention, letting my feet take me to where I needed to be. Until “This way Ziadia, come on I want to show you something” I faltered at the voice, it was male shaking my head I looked around. I could here the splashing of a pair of feet, “Wait up Leo, your faster than me” this time the voice was female, I grabbed my gun and held it steady spinning around slowly checking all the tunnels. The splashing footsteps got closer, as if the people making them were right in front of me, then suddenly they stopped. Everything was silent again, sceptically I put my gun back in its holster and continued running, faster this time filled suddenly with the urgency to get back home.

Eventually I emerged in a large circular room; I began to walk towards the middle. You member when Wolfgang first showed you these tunnels, you used to like Tsaeb back then,
“Shut up, I never liked Tsaeb, I just tolerated him because Wolfgang got along with him” Sure you did I didn’t respond, the water that surrounded my feet was warm and steadily grew deeper the closer to the centre I moved. I could hear Marcus barking orders at his soldiers as they started to search the tunnels for me, laughing I pulled a small mouth peace out of my artillery belt and dived down, propelling myself thought the warm murky waters.

After a few moments of swimming, an old car came into view; it had rusted mostly on the outside, although the hot red colour it would have been was still evident. I swam up to the door which still came free easily, as if someone had been oiling it constantly. I swam into the drivers side of the old car and reach across and pulled the passenger seat free, reviling a well lit tunnel pausing for a just moment I swam inside.

I swam upwards until I eventually emerged in a large room, the white walls temporarily blinding me. I floated in the water for a moment longer, my muscles relaxing, knowing that the threat was far behind me. Slowly I made my way to the edge and quickly pulled myself out of the water, drying myself quickly. Glancing around I smiled Tsaeb had re-vamped this place pretty well, the walls used to be a dark gray and there was no lift, just stairs leading up to the med lab. As I entered the lift, I fell back onto the seat, dropping my back which amazingly I hadn’t lost on the way here. I let my head drop into my hands. Fighting back the tears, that were threatening to engulf me, this one had been far to close, if they had caught me… I shuddered, forcing myself to stand, just as the elevator doors opened to reveal a very calm looking Tsaeb; I nodded a greeting and walked past him.
"I'll take it from the extra week's work I'll have to do on you that you ran into some trouble." I stoped and nodded, trying not to get annoyed at the lack of emotion in his voice.
“Bite me Tsaeb” I said quietly, using my usual greeting, I lifted my head slightly to look at him and sighed inwardly.

Tsaeb is the current rather imposing owner of the Hierarchy after the death of my brother. He is also one of the two active assassins, the medic and the engineer; the two roles go hand in hand most of the time because of my arm. He has navy blue hair and eyes, which rarely show any form of emotion. He has no memory of his past, in which he lost both of his eyes, which have been replaced with their cybotic counter parts. Standing at 7ft, or 2.13m, Tsaeb is fairly well built. Strangely enough, I have only ever seen him wear one set of clothing, which consists solely of a dark teal shirt, navy blue coat and Prussian blue pants. I swear he dose his best to annoy me.
“Did you bring anything useful back?” I nodded and dropped my bag at his feet,
“Any of this good?” I said coldly, turning away from him. He picked up the bag and headed towards the med lab. I walked behind him staying quiet, glancing around the halls, waiting til we walked past a certain room. We were on MHBL 4 (Midas Hierarchy Basement Level 4)
The hierarchy is divided into 6 Levels. MHBL 1 was the meeting hall, training rooms, gym and Garage. MHBL 2 contains the mess hall, Bathrooms and more Training rooms. MHBL 3 is the weaponry (yes a whole floor devoted to weaponry) MHBL 4 the level we’re on contains the med lab, and sleeping quarters. MHBL 5 and 6 are our… detainment facilities.
I stoped outside one of the metal doors, Tsaeb continued on in front. The room belonged to Kiki. I knocked loudly only to get the answer,
“You can come in so long as your not Tsaeb” I almost laughed but stoped myself, bringing my hand up to eye level, as I swept it across in front of the door, it slid open, at the same pace as my hand. Kiki was sitting on her bed dismally staring at a hologram of my brother, I went and sat next to her, she smiled slightly but her eyes didn’t leave the hologram.
Kiki, what can I say about her. She was my brothers fiancée before he died, she’s a human has long blond hair and is nearly as bad as me when it comes to black clothing. She is our hacker, bright but not brilliant and a great friend.
“Still staring at that?” I asked quietly then added “How bout you come and spar me, its been awhile?” She looked over at me and sighed, her smile not disappearing. I wonder if she knows how fake that looks I thought as she sat up
“Maybe later Wolf, but what brings you to my humble room so soon after a mission?” I sighed; Kiki was a great friend, she could read me like a book,
“Tsaeb” I said finally nudging her a little. She just laughed, and grabbed something out of her draw throwing it at me. As I caught it her face became serious,
“Your brother asked me to give you that, when I thought you were ready, but he made me promise you wouldn’t watch it until your 21st, can you promise me that you won’t?” I nodded and placed the chip in my pocket and standing up. As I turned for the door the P.A system went off,
“Wolfkin, med lab, now” Kiki and I just gave each other a look, and I turned and left. As I walked into the med lab, I paused allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Tsaeb didn’t need light to work due to his eyes so the med lab was constantly in darkness. I slowly walked forwards, the path lined with heat senses, so that I didn’t stray off the path. Walking forward I sat down on the table, waiting quietly while he rummaged through the bag I had given him earlier.
“Well, looks like there could be some useful stuff” he stoped rummaging and walked over to me, examining my arm,
”Now let's get started in fixing you up. How the heck did you manage to damage your arm?” I looked down thousands of excuses running though my mind, each one I dismissed because it made me sound idiotic, sadistic or insane. Finally I chose the easiest as much as I hated to say it…the truth
“I got shot” I muttered quietly, I heard Tsaeb sigh,
“Tyen-shi’s minions” his voice grated on my nerves, I could never understand how he kept it so calm. I nodded and remained quiet as he began working on my arm.

When my brother died, I lost my original arm. Tsaeb says I was lucky not to bleed to death…lucky in whose opinion I wounder. Tsaeb made it his duty for the several weeks to fashion me a new arm, and he did so. Even I must admit its better then the old one. It’s not the best it could be, as he’s constantly upgrading, fixing or completely replacing it. But it allows me to get my job done affectively.

I’m a Midas Sinen, I was born and raised on the sun, on Sol Base 16 (they are huge colony sized building built on the surface of the sun) as a Midas Sinen radiation dose not effect me, this is because my body has the unique ability to heal perfectly, but it takes a while. Also due to this ability I cannot get Cancer under any circumstances. Tsaeb and Tyen-shi are the only two beings that have found a way to surpass this and permanently mark my body. Another trait of the Midas Sinen is our unique ability to stand extreme heats, but I cannot stand anything below 15 degrees Celsius, basically a normal winter’s day. Unless I’m on a mission, I wear a crimson long sleeved shirt, I tore the right arm off to allow for the black leather glove that covers my cybotic arm. On top of that I wear my edited version of the hierarchy uniform, which consist of a black shirt with a strip of blue on the right hand side, for the girls its three quarter length sleeves, and lastly over that I wear a black leather shirt which is tied together with bits of red leather.

The pain shot through me, as if to signal that he had started. I cringed slightly but fought back down the pain,
“Wolfkin, why did you provoke them?” Anger surged through me, but I fought it back down.
“Shut up Tsaeb, I didn’t provoke anyone” I said harshly ending the conversation for now, but I could tell by his sudden silence that this was to be picked back up later.

Tyen-shi is the current ruler of the solar system, and an egocentric bastard at that. Just under 3 years ago I was his second in command; not exactly the most glamorous job, but a job none the less. He has an unwavering hand and he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants, as most egocentric bastards do.

As the pain seeped away I looked up at Tsaeb, who just turned away,
“Your staying in here for tonight, I’m going to upgrade your arm again, I’m working on a new model when it’s made it won’t need so many upgrades” I nodded and lay down, closing my eyes I allowed myself to enter my nightmare.

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Renos Babe

Chap 2

The hollow sound of my foot connecting with the punching bag echoed through the deserted hall, it had been a while since I’d been in here, since I had trained at all actually. Before the incident I had always taken my skill for granted, and he had let me. It’s okay Wolfkin, you can’t help it they always babied you I smiled at the voice, and it was true. Tsaeb and my brother had always aloud me to get away with what I wanted, and now I was paying for it. I kicked the bag again more in frustration this time.
See, maybe you are really better off without him. Anger welled inside of me,
“Hell no, I need him” I responded, But when did he ever let you do anything you wanted? Let you take your bike out, or go shopping or socialise with people your own age? The voice had some good points but I just went back to focusing on the punching bag,
“Never but he had good reason, after what happened when we worked for Tyen-shi, it was better for me to be surrounded by people I knew” You didn’t know Tsaeb. I thought about this, as I kicked the bag again,
“But…I still need him no matter what you say” fine, by the way I’d duck if I were you Not questioning the voice I dropped to one knee, as I did Tsaebs foot appeared where my head used to be, I glared at him and he just smirk smugly, standing my eye’s didn’t leave his, I fought down the anger that was filling me, threatening to overwhelm me.
“You ready for some real training Wolfkin?” He said calmly taking a step back, and there it was that god damn calm voice that was always getting on my god damn nerves.
“What do you mean real training?” I growled back, a sarcastic smile reached his lips and suddenly, my anger was gone, replaced with worry. Tsaeb only ever smiled when he knew I was going to get hurt.
“Spar me” I didn’t need to be told twice, this wasn’t a request... it was an order. An evil grin spread across my face as the spar began, at first we just kept it at tit-for-tat, but as we went along the fight began to grow more intense. Spinning round I drew my blade only to have it blocked by Tsaeb, his mouth formed a sneer as his eyes ran up the sliver length that was my sword.
"What's that on your blade?" I paused for a moment and changed my balance sliding my blade up his and jumping backwards,
“Blood” I answered coolly, not taking my eyes off him for a second “what’s it to you Tsaeb?” My voice was cold, spurring on our fight. I could almost smell the tension in the air.
"Clean it off” he said quietly, I ignored him, my blade swinging for his head, only to have him grab it and pull it out of my grasp. His crimson blood ran down the newly sharpened edge giving it a demonic look. Anger flooded through me, it was my brothers old blade, my voice was more like a growl than anything, as I replied to his earlier demand, “no” he laughed at me and threw the blade across the room and lunged at me, I rolled to the side, resting close to the ground my left leg extend ready to push off again. Mocking laughter filled my ears, and anger began to well inside of me,
"I though I taught you blade etiquette at some stage." I pushed forwards lunging at him, my hand caught his wrist and I twisted it causing him to drop the blade, letting is wrist go I ducked under another blow and kicked the sword away.
“How the fuck would you know anything about sword etiquette. You can only remember the past three years of your life and I don’t remember you teaching me jack.” I growled back, knowing I’d hit some sort of nerve. Rule two of the hierarchy, the past is the past.
“I tried to teach you anyway. Maybe you could have paid attention.” I felt the mood in the room darken along with my temper. He was teasing me know and I knew why.
“It doesn’t matter Tsaeb, its dishonourable to clean your victims blood off your blade” I attacked him again and we got back into a rhythm, I wanted this to end now, for ever I wanted him to die here and now, I met his eyes which were focused on my face, he new what I was thinking and yet he laughed again. I got careless and he began to easily block my blows,
“No, Wolfkin. It’s and insult to your victims to leave blood on your blade. Even your past cannot excuse this.” Now he’d done, it. It was an unspoken law my past was never to be brought up EVER. My attacks became more and more careless as my anger and hatred for Tsaeb grew, and the more of my attacks he blocked, the worse my anger got. I growled in frustration.
“Don’t bring my past into this Tsaeb” I grinned as I landed a blow to his stomach. But the satisfaction was short lived as I received a blow to the face. I heard the horrible cracking sound of my nose breaking, and then the warm feel of my blood as it ran down my face. He just smirked and I ignored the pain.
"Why not, it is the excuse you love so much?" His voice was getting on my nerves now,
“My past makes no difference Tsaeb and you know it!” I shouted back unable to hide the anger in my voice. He just smiled
“It makes no difference to me, but do you believe what you have said?” I aimed a punch to his face, but he blocked it easily,
“You almost sound like your glad it happened” I replied my voice dripping with content. His smile didn’t vanish as he turned on the offensive,
“Fare from it Wolfkin. Finding out about it hurt me as much as anyone, as well as the combined effect of your brother’s death. Yet, it seems, that because I have not lost my mind that it can’t have hurt me.” This was the last straw I wanted to see him bleed, I wouldn’t be satisfied just seeing him die by my blade, he had to beg for mercy, and my rage blinded me
“So now you’re saying I’m crazy?” I said forcing him back on the defensive. Concern crossed his face for the briefest moment.
"You really are on the edge today. Yet, I fear, that your anger with far from improve your fighting. Maybe we should rest for the day?" I growled at him
“Hell no” this wasn’t ending until he was dead. I aimed a kick at his head only to have him grab my ankle. Shit this was it I knew now, I was done for. He twisted my ankle hard, causing my body to move with it. As soon as I lost my balance he pushed down hard, as I hit the ground another crack was heard and a screaming pain shot up through my body. My rib was broken. I rolled over onto my back clutching the rib only to come face to face with Tsaebs second blade, I just looked up at him, my face covered in blood from my broken nose,
“I win.” He paused for a moment and then continued “When you cool down come to the med lab, I’ll fix you up” I pushed myself into a sitting position and watched him leave. The anger I felt dissolved and was replaced with hollowness.

For the next couple of hours I just sat on the floor, images of the fight running through my mind. I knew exactly why I had lost without thinking I had let my anger and hatred for Tsaeb contro me. Pushing myself up I began to make my way towards the med lab, not wanting the lecture that was inevitably waiting for me when I entered.

The halls of the hierarchy had seemed darker since that day, as if all the life in them had been driven out. I reluctantly made my way towards the med lab. Dreading what was too come. Sobbing reached my ears as I began to walk through the girls sleeping quarters. As I moved closer to Kiki’s room the sobbing grew louder. I brought my arm up and swung it across the sensor opening the door. As I looked in I saw Kiki sitting on the floor her hand was bleeding severely and there was a picture frame laying face down on the floor surrounded by broken glass. I walked over to her couch and pulled out the basic med kit from behind it. Walking back over to Kiki I grabbed her hand, pulling out a pair of tweezers I began to pull out the small pieces of glass that had embedded themselves in her palm.
“Kiki, wh…what happened?” Kiki stopped sobbing and looked at me, tears still falling down her face. Anger flashed in her eyes,
“Why did you have to go Wolfkin, if you had stayed he would still be here….He would have come back!” Her words hit me hard, but I fought down the tears and concentrated on her hand. I stayed quiet, grabbing a bandage out of the med pack and wrapping her hand up. I stood up and offered her a hand but she just hit it away, climbing to her feet as well. She just stood there glaring at me; I knew what was coming and slid my left foot backwards, preparing myself. Not again. She attacked, her fists flying wildly, all I could do was block, I didn’t want to hurt her.
“It’s your fault he’s gone, you stupid bitch you should have just stayed here…I hate you…I hate you!” her voice tore holes through me, but I still didn’t let the tears flow. “You think I don’t realise that Kiki?” I said quietly grabbing her wrist and spinning her so it was pinned against her back, she struggled against my grip but she had no chance.
“I have to face that thought every moment. From the point where I wake up and force myself to get up out of bed, to the point when I have to speak to Tsaeb about what’s happening with my taking over of the hierarchy. Fighting down the urge every day to take my own life to make up for his. Your not the only one who misses him, I do too, and I’m the one who has to live with the guilt of his death not you” My voice was soft but I knew it got through to her, because she stopped struggling, I wasn’t mad at her, she had an excuse, she loved him.
“I’m…I’m sorry Wolfkin” I nodded and let her go, turning to leave,
“We will talk about this later okay Kiki,”
I walked down the hall to my room and slid the door open, walking over to the far door I curled my right fist into a ball and hit the brick wall causing it to collapse where I had hit it. Breathed in and out slowly, trying hard to quench the anger with myself that I was feeling, I collapsed onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. Angry with my self I sat up and just screamed
“WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO FUCKEN STUPID!!?”

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Renos Babe

Chap 3

The dulled wall lights illuminated the halls, it was cold unusually cold. Panicked people ran past me, there faces and voices just a blur. I spun around in confusion trying to get a glimpse of focus. Then through the crowd two faces came through focused,
“Ziadia come on we have to keep running” his voice echoed above the mass of mixed noise which surrounded me, as I looked at the little girl recognition flooded through me, my eyes moved back up to the boys face, as I stared at his young face, his mismatched eyes focused determined to protect the little girl next to him. His black hair was cropped short and he was still in his sleep wear. The little girl next to him stumbled, a small toy was being held in her hands. I watched them run past me getting pushed and bumped as the scrambled with the crowd. That’s when I saw the girl fall; fear ran though her face as her brother was pulled along by the crowd unable to get back to her. As I watched the poor girl another face came into focus, its dyed black hair and crystal blue eyes sent a wave of fear through me, I ran towards the girl and tried to pick her up and get her to run but my hands went straight through her. I started to yell at her to get her up and running away from him, away from the fate that awaited her if she stayed there. But she couldn’t hear me so I began to scream at him,
“Get the fuck away from her, Leave her alone, you basted!” I stood in his path but he simply walked through me, I didn’t exist in this realm now. I looked on helplessly as he knelt next to the girl a fake smile on his face, his voice soft, almost comforting,
“Come, I’ll get you out of here okay” Ziadia stared at him, recognition flashing in her young face,
“y-your Tyen-shi aren’t you?” he nodded and helped her up, she paused for a moment then asked quietly
“Can…Leo…come please?” Tyen-shi nodded picking her up swiftly, and forcing his way thought the crowd. He swiftly grabbed her brothers’ wrist and pulled him along. I ran after them, the people in the crowd not trying to stop me. I reached out to try and stop him but they disappeared and the world around me turned black. I blinked unsure of what was going on, as my eyes opened again I was staring out of a ship window, the little girl next to me, I wanted to help her get her out of here, away from the world that she was about to enter into. But I couldn’t draw my eyes away from the building in front of me. An explosion rocked the ship and the little girl next to me screamed almost in time with me
“No Father!”

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Renos Babe

I sat up my breathing heavy, as I looked around I sighed in relief, just another nightmare I thought to myself. As I swung my legs off the hierarchy table,
“Morning Wolfkin.” Tsaebs deep voice filled my ears, and anger welled inside of me,
“Tsaeb” I answered darkly standing, “When’s my next mission?” I watched him as he walked over to his work bench,
“Kioah pulling the details off the net now” I let a small smile reach my lips, I needed out of this place, for two months after the accident I was stuck here, not willing to work, nor was I fit to work. But over the last month I’d been taking small jobs to get myself back into the swing of things and now I needed something big,
“What’s the object?” I didn’t let the joy I felt inside me reach my voice, the last thing I wanted was for him to think he’d made me happy.
“Kill some dude who has been giving information to Tyen-shi about another business we’re allied with, you remember the guy you spoke to yesterday” I nodded this was one I couldn’t afford to screw up
“Where?” He smiled at my question, and doubt ran through me,
“You’ll love this Wolfkin,” his voice had a hint of mockery in it
“He’s hiding in the ruins of Sol Base 16” I cringed and a new wave of anger flooded me as I though of my old home. Shaking my head I dismissed the thoughts and looked at him
“When do I leave?” He smiled at this,
“Right now if you want” I nodded and headed up to the weaponry ‘room’.

I glanced around at the walls; Tsaeb got bored I thought looking at the newer weapons for a moment but chose to stick with my old favourites. I smiled as I hung them on my waist. A pair of footsteps entered the room I looked around and faced them,
“Kioah,” I said in greeting then turned to Tsaeb
“What is it?” I growled and walked towards the pair, making sure to stop two meters away from Kioah. I observed the girl a sight so familiar to me. Her violet hair cut to just above her shoulders, her reddish-brown eyes glowing with childish innocence. Kioah is a lunamite, a Midas Sinen’s worst nightmare. Her body is the exact opposite of mine; she can stand the lowest temperature but cannot stand heat about 18 degrees Celsius. The main problem is when a Midas Sinen comes too close to a Lunamite their body temperature drops dragging the temperature around her down, and a Midas Sinen’s will spike dragging the temp up, if the temperatures clash its whoever has the strongest pain threshold that survives.

“Your transports here, you sure you want to go?” I nodded not trusting myself to speak to him. I walked past the two and headed to the elevator, closing my eyes as the door slid shut and it began moving upwards.

The air outside was crisp and cold, it sent small shots of pain through my body. I ran to the transport waiting for me and smiled at the captain.
“Ahh, so your young Miss Cleao” I nodded, good Tsaeb used the old story
“Yeah,” I answered simply as he looked me up and down,
“If ya don’t mind me saying, ya look nothing like yer dad m’lady” I laughed quietly before answering, this was always the hardest part,
“He isn’t my biological father, he adopted me after the incident on Sol Base 16” the captain nodded sadly,
“I’m sorry to hear that, well climb aboard m’lady” I smiled and did as he bid, taking a seat and looking out the window, watching the hierarchy disappear underneath me.

The trip went without any sort of trouble, quiet boring if you ask me. I looked at the landing pad rushing up to the transport. As I walked down the ramp, my eyes strayed; the heat was welcoming and familiar. I glanced at the plate on the wall in front of me
“Sol Base 3” I muttered to myself and walked inside.

The Sol Bases are heat proof buildings on the surface of the sun built millions of years ago, but are upgraded every decade. Each used to be heated centrally keeping it at a nice temperature for the Midas Sinen, but after the war, there are only a few of us left, meaning that they have been altered for human habitation.

I smiled at the passing people; it was always hard coming here. Midas Sinen where now like a tourist attraction. Moving quickly I headed to the Rail way.
“Where to miss?” The cashier said quickly, I looked at him and smiled
“Dose the rail still run out to 16 or do I have to get off a 15?” The cashier looked at me darkly for a moment,
“You’ll have to get off at 15 miss,” I nodded
“Fine ticket to 15” I payed him and quickly boarded the departing transport, taking a seat up the back where no one would bother me I keyed my mic
“Tsaeb, I’ll be on a transport back by the end of the day” There was static for a while
“Okay Wolfkin, the sooner you get back the better, how do you deal with Kiki?” I laughed and turned the headset off. I looked outside, the red and orange blur that is the suns surface gliding past me, you used to play out there remember, with your brother a small girl’s voice whispered in my head, I looked down sadly
“That was a long time ago” I muttered quietly, fighting back the tears, the sooner I get out of here the better.

The transport slowed and the PA system keyed up
“Sol Base 15, end of the line” I got up and moved with the small flow of people heading off the transport. I slipped away from the small crowd and headed to the elevator, and down to a deserted passageway. You’re almost there now Ziadia. You’re almost home. The young voice sounded in my head again.
“Damn, now I’m going crazy” I said aloud to the deserted passage way. Suddenly a wave of eagerness surged through me; I wanted to get there as soon as possible. I started running. The light of the sun flashing past me in a blur of red, yellow and orange, filling me with a familiar excitement. I reached the door and opened it, walking out into the calming heat of the sun.

The ruins of my old home came into view; I walked through the crashed doorway and into a hallway,
“Come on Ziadia, going outside will make you better, get rid of that stupid cold” a young male voice said echoing through the empty halls. I looked around and saw no one,
“Hello,” I called out despite myself, pausing to see if I got an answer. My hollow voice just echoed through the hallways.
“No Leo, my head hurts and I want to sleep” this time it was a young females voice that sounded, I walked towards the voices,
“But Ziadia, mama said it would help, she’s a doctor member” I started to run towards the voices, confused now, no one lives here anymore I thought to myself and continued running
“Please Leo just let me sleep” the young girls voice was beginning to fade away it was soft and weak
“No, you’re coming outside” Said the males’ voice, I heard soft cries of protest as I stoped at a door familiar metal door. Bringing my hand up, I scratched away some charcoal on the rooms’ number. As it came away tears bean to well in my eyes,

The tears rolled down my face, evaporating as soon as they hit my cheeks. My fingers gripped the edge of the door and I tried to pry it open but it wouldn’t budge. The voice recognition pad next to the door caught my eye; I knelt down and let my fingers go to work trying to activate it. After five minutes the machine hummed into life,
“Password and name” The cybotic voice was familiar to me I smiled and pressed the button
“Ziadia Wrath, Password Loki Wolf” The old computer hummed for a moment as it processed the information
“Voice match 85% clearance granted” The door slid open and I walked swiftly inside. I looked around everything was just as I remembered it from that night. I ran my hand slowly across the wall, stopping to stare at an old family portrait. Tearing my eyes away from it, I walked down a small hallway and stoped outside a door. I tried again to pry this one open and thankfully it moved with relative ease. Smiling I walked into the room and looked around. Childish drawings hung on the wall as well as a couple of photos. In one corner was a small bed I ignored it and walked over to the dresser, sitting in the middle of it was a small stuffed Wolf,
“Loki” I muttered fondly picking it up, laughing quietly to myself. Voices floated into the room from outside, glancing out the window two figures caught my eye. One was in a heat proof suit
“My target” I whispered, and looked over to the other a wave of fear running through me. Why was he here? Panic took me,
“Damn, Damn, Damn” I got up and ran for the hall, I’d have to do this quickly and make sure that I make no mistakes otherwise it will be the end of me. I waited at the main door. I could just see the two figures out of the corner of my eye. I scanned the roof of the wreaked sol base and saw nothing, satisfied I walked slowly out behind the pair.
“Damn it Tyen-shi you have to get me out of here,” A small figure appeared behind me,
“Miss, there are weird people in our home” I looked down at the young face, and was shocked to meet the mismatched eyes of a Midas Sinen, What was she doing here?
I brought my finger to my mouth to silence the girl
“I’ll get rid of them okay” I said sweetly and continued to move forward
Tyen-shi saw me and grinned I raised my gun and began to squeeze the trigger
“Sorry Lyle, but its too late for that” I let the round off taking my target out quickly. As soon as he hit the ground I aimed the gun at Tyen-shi’s head, giving him a look of pure hatred
“Don’t even think of moving you fuck head” my voice was quiet and dark; he only smiled in response causing my anger to grow, almost causing me to be sick.
“Now, now my dearest Ziadia that’s no way to talk to your master” I glared dangerously at him. Looking him up and down.
He had changed in the past year, his once dyed black hair was now pink, he was leaner and by the looks of it stronger too, I shuddered and answered him,
“Long gone are the days I served you Tyen-shi,” I tightened my grip on the gun, for some reason actually wanting to here his response maybe he’ll apologise I shook my head, like hell he would. I should have taken him out there and then, it was a mistake that I lived to regret. An evil smile spread across his face,
“now my pet you don’t mean that do you,” I didn’t answer just moved forward and placed the gun right between his eyes,
“Like fuck I don’t you bastard” his eyes narrowed, but the smile didn’t disappear,
“You owe me Wolfkin, if I hadn’t helped you, you would have died here that night” I spun the gun around in my hand and hit him with the handle sending the pratt stumbling halfway across the room. Turning the gun back on him I growled
“We would have made it out fine, I owe you nothing” my finger twitched on the trigger, I began to tighten it, disbelief surging through me. I had won, he was going to die, right here right now by my gun. My nightmares would end, I wouldn’t be looking around every corner when I walked the streets, and I could stop killing and take up a real job. A smile of triumph spread across my face. But quickly disappeared when he started laughing
“You think this is over girl” He shook his head, as an unbearable pain shot through the back of my right knee. I looked down to see the entry wound of a bullet the outside rim of the wound had turned black. Damn an ice tipped bullet anger welled inside of me, I’d let him win. I dropped to one knee as another bullet ripped through my thigh. I screamed in pain and the area surrounding the wound immediately turned black. Shit frost bite I thought hating myself for my stupidity. I saw him stand and walked over to me a smile of victory on his face
“I believe I owe you this” the back of his hand collided with the side of my face. I slid across the floor stopping with my back to a pile of rubble. Tyen-shi began to walk forwards, drawing his sword and placing it at my throat.
“Well now, it’s a real shame it has to end like this my dear but you leave me no choice” I pushed myself into a sitting position and glared at him.
“Well do it already” I said quickly as he moved closer to me.
“She dies and you die” A deep voice warned from behind me somewhere. I heard a growl to my left and caught a glimpse of white fur. Tyen-shi laughed and moved away from me
“And what do you think you can do to stop me boy” I shut my eyes fighting down the pain and waiting for the strangers reply
“Well I could always get Dante here to rip your throat out,” his voice was full of mockery, I watched as Tyen-shi stared at the newcomer, he mock bowed,
“I’ll see you again my Ziadia” I laughed at him, I wounder if he knows how cliché he sounds.
“Come on girl open those eyes for me” I forced my eyes open, and met the eyes of a young man,
“Who are you?” I asked realising that my leg had gone numb. He smiled at me, his dark sapphire glinting.
“The names Horus,” he said quietly slipping an arm around my shoulders easily picking me up. As he held me there I managed to get a decent look at him. He stood easily at 6 foot, and had longish navy blue hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. He was well built and had a good strong grip.
“Your Wolfkin right” he continued speaking softly and I just nodded
“How do you know that?” he just smiled at me and began walking back towards the Sol Base,
“I’ll fill you in more when we get to my transport” He paused slightly as if trying to pick his words but before he could say anything I cut in
“And why should I trust you?” I didn’t want to be so cynical but I had no choice, but he just laughed, his genuine amusement lighting up his eyes,
“Because if I wanted you dead you would be already” I nodded and stayed quiet, he seemed to still be thinking about something, we were silent for a while when he asked,
“You wouldn’t know someone called Osiris would you?” I shook my head; a disappointed look crossed his face,
“No, but Tsaeb might” The look disappeared,
“There’s my transport can you see it?” he asked looking ahead. My head was beginning to throb, and I shook my head not wanting to speak. Suddenly I was cold, so cold. It hurt so much, my vision was beginning to blur. I felt his grip tighten around me, and his soft laughter
“You can sleep, I have a medic on board they’ll be able to help you at least until we get you home” I sighed quietly and instantly shut my eyes letting the sweet serenity of sleep take me away from my world of pain.

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Johnna

I only have time just now to critique the first post. If it helps, I'll do the rest tomorrow. Anyway, the critique:

I remember the pain the most, how it flooded through my body dragging me from the comforting darkness. My body was stiff, I tried and failed to move my fingers, it seem as if I was frozen into this position. Metallic sounds reached my ears, I concentrated on it, and some form of relief ran threw me, I was on my way home, we’d made it, and Tsaeb was going to fix every thing, I was sure of it…until the sobs reached my ears, the were so hard, and full of sorrow, my heart sank, and one name ran through my head…Kiki. I clenched my eye’s shut tighter, my mind desperately trying to remember what had happened, what would reduce her to tears. The images began then, images of blood and bodies scattered across a rocky landscape, I could see my swords lying shattered around me, and my brothers’ voice was in my ear pleading with me to stay awake, trying to ensure me that everything would be okay. I forced my eyes open as a sharp pain ran up my right arm, I forced it out of my mind, not allowing myself to call out, knowing it would just show me as weak. Footsteps headed towards the weeping, and every inch of me wished I could be the one to try and comfort her. Tsaebs voice filled the room,
“I’m sorry. He’s gone, Kiki.” His voice was full of sorrow. Questions ran though my head, who was gone? What had happened? Confusion took me; unsure of what was happening I lay there, listening to the sounds around me. An unbearable pain ran through my body, a scream managed to escape my paralysed lips.
“Damn it, she’s awake” Tsaebs hands appeared on my shoulders, stoping me from thrashing around, over the pain I felt the needle go in, and then the instant bliss that is morphine.

“Relax Wolfkin you’ll be fine,” I stared at the ceiling nausea taking over me, the morphine messing with my senses. For the next couple of hours I slipped in and out of the consciousness, blissfully unaware of everything that was happening around me.

“Wolfkin…Wolfkin! Come on wake up girl” Tsaebs voice filled my mind dragging me back into the world of the living. The pain returned, although it was not as bad as it was the first time. My eyes eased open, and a small groan of pain escaped me as the all too familiar darkness of the Hierarchy's med lab surrounded me. As far as I could tell my right arm was numb, even so I pulled myself into a sitting position with my left and looked around,
“Where am I?” I asked as I brought my head up to hold my throbbing head, I heard a sigh from somewhere behind me, followed by a tinging sound, reassuring me I wasn’t alone. I turned my head slightly and stared into the darkness, the imposing figure of Tsaeb (was) barely visible. I sighed in relief and looked around. My eyes falling on the table next to me, as my eyes adjusted I was able to make out the figure on the table next to mine. Tears welled in my eyes; I forced myself up, only to collapse almost immediately to the ground, slower this time I got into a standing position grabbing the figures hand. It was cold I let it go and fell to my knees, turning my head away sharply, refusing to believe what I’d seen and felt. Tsaeb moved to me and helped me back onto the table, with tears in my eye’s I began to beg.

“Tsaeb…my brother, he’s not, he can’t be, please tell me I was mistaken.” I pleaded, praying for it not to be true. Before Tsaeb got the chance to reply, every thing came flooding back. The look of pure horror on his face, the feel of his warm blood running, dripping onto my cheek, the thin steaks of crimson running down the sharpened edge of the blade stopped only millimetres away from my eye. I could feel Tsaeb picking me up and trying in vain to call me to my senses. I could hear the dull roar of the ship engines, the cool metal slab under my back, sending slight pain through me and the seemingly never-ending blackness that engulfed me. Tsaebs soft footsteps brought me back to reality.

“Wolfkin…I’m sorry, your arm was worse then I first thought.” I instinctively reached towards my right arm and felt the empty space where it should have been. I could feel the rough bandaging around it meeting the base of my neck, as well as a sticky substance that I assumed to be my blood. I let my hand drop back down onto the table.

I sat there quietly listening to Tsaebs footfalls, and the metallic slide of the storage room door. I could feel tears running down my cheeks, as the realization hit me… It was my fault, it was entirely my fault.

Everything in red is either or a run-on sentence or a sentence you need to rewrite for a better flow. Break the longer sentences up into two or even three shorter ones, or make use of semicolons. Blue highlights mean misspelled words (correct spellings, in order: through, eyes, Tsaeb's, stopping, Tsaeb's, hand(?), eyes, everything). Purple highlights mean that a comma needs to be in between the highlighted words. The sentence highlighted in green needs to be completely redone; it doesn't make very good sense. You could remove the first part of the sentence and it might work.

That's just what I saw. If this is helpful, let me now and I'll critique the rest of it. Anyway, from the first post, I'd say it's a good story so far.

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Rahvin

Let's see about part two...

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Rahvin