Willis

Aaron Brooks walked into the “Pad” as they called the room in the back of Arrington’s bar. He was nervous, and he wasn’t even attempting to put on a poker face to hide it. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, while he pushed all of the beads out of the way that hung in the doorway. He sheepishly looked around the room, waiting for someone to jump out and finish him right then and there.

“Hello?” He whispered listening to his voice echo throughout the empty room, which was quite unnerving. He sharply inhaled as a door in the corner of the “Pad” opened with a creak. He hadn’t been aware of door, and hearing it suddenly open was enough for him to wet his pants.

“Get over here Brooks.” A young black man said who’s eye’s were hidden. Probably bloodshot considering how the Pepper Hill Gang rolls, Aaron thought as he trudged over to where the man was waiting for him. He took to long however, considering how the man grabbed him and took him across the room when he was going to slow.

“Sit the hell down, and wait for Peppermint Joe, Mints, and Fresh. You’ll be lucky if Mints doesn’t come.” He threw Aaron into the couch in the dimly lit room and then slammed the door closed.

Aaron took a quick and unsure glance around the room, and could just barely make out three cushioned chairs sitting a few feet in front of him. He wiped the bead of sweat falling down his face, and started to tap his foot against the aluminum floor, just as another door opened. This time, he was somewhat prepared for it, since he’d heard the footsteps.

The huge menacing figure stood at the doorway for a moment, possibly fumbling for the light switch. When the lights came on, Aaron immediately wished they hadn’t. He was sitting there, helplessly, with a huge piss stain on his crotch; while Peppermint Joe was standing in his midst. Looking just as evil as everyone said he did.

“Aaron. Long time no see.” P. Joe said as he walked over to the cushioned chair in the middle and slowly sat down. I’ve just got one thing to do before I have to do before I can speak to you. Do you mind?”

It was a foolish question yes, Peppermint Joe knew it was. But Aaron answered it either way. “Of course not.” He somehow managed to get the words out, although he was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

“Good, good. Mints, bring in Bush.”

Soon after the words came out of his mouth, a young black teenager, who seemed to have some white blood in him also. He came in dragging a bruised and bloodied man, holding him by his shirt collar.

“Hey, how’s it going Bush?”

The man incoherently mumbled something that Aaron couldn’t make out; yet it seemed Peppermint Joe had heard this type of incoherent speech a lot, as he laughed and mocked him.

P. Joe slowly stood up, his heavy weight making the chair breathe a sigh of relief being relieved from the pressure of his body.

“I heard you’ve been stealing money. Forty grand. Tsk..tsk..bad move.” P. Joe grabbed Bush’s chin forcefully and slapped him across the face. “No one steals money from me, let alone with bad breath like yours.”

There was a long silence as P. Joe gave the man a defying hook to the chin. It was then that Aaron noticed the gun that Mints was holding. It looked like a Shepard, but Aaron didn’t really know guns. “Before you finish the little problem Mints, let me give him his last rites so to speak.”

“First, one firm handshake.” He murmured taking the now unconscious Bush’s hand, and placing it within his. Then a sickening crack echoed through the room. It sounded as though every bone in his hand had been broken. Aaron wasn’t to surprised to see a evil all knowing grin growing across P. Joe’s face.

“Second, a parting gift of a peppermint.” He laughed forcing Bush’s jaw open, and placing a still wrapped peppermint in his mouth. As Bush began to choke, P. Joe erupted in a crazed laugh. He calmly walked back to his cushioned seat and sat, just as Mints cocked his pistol. “Stay fresh playa,” He remarked as the trigger was pulled, and Aaron was splattered with blood.

Aaron sat there unsure of how to react. He knew if he began to yell, they’d forcefully shut him up. But the sight before him, it was just…sickening. Aaron vomited a little in his mouth, and knew better than to let it come out of his mouth. He forced the mixture of food and stomach acids back down his throat. Would the same thing happen to him?

Peppermint Joe repositioned his tie as he sat down on the cushioned chair. Calmly he placed a red peppermint in his mouth, and while placing the wrapper on the arm of the chair and apologized, “Sorry for the delay Mr. Brooks. Where were we?”

This time, Aaron not only pissed himself again, but shit himself as well.

Azmakna

you need to tighten your style a lot. think carefully about what the sentences that follow a sentence should be, and consider what it is that you want the paragraph to accomplish. then write it. i get the impression that you put things in as an afterthough.

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Willis

I'll try to tighten this up a bit. Note this is just the intro for the atongonist, the three protagnonist haven't been introduced yet.

blackthorn

Pretty good story. Some sentences could use some work here and there, but it's still really good! Keep writing, I'm interested into seeing where it goes!

Willis

By tonight Part of Chap. One should be up. Thanks. Please remember to review the next one.