Alexx Chronicals - Writers Forum

Renos Babe · 06-03-2007, 12:01 AM

This is one of my eariler works, it's not finnished but i'm curious to know if anyone thinks i should continue writing it?

“Morning Miss Alexx, hows the General?” Alexx smiled as she put her basket on the bench, and moved her long black hair out of her eyes
“He’s not the best but he’s still holding strong.” The shopkeeper smiled,
“typical Seth, stubborn as a mule” Alexx laughed at this comment
“I know what you mean, so hows your boy, going strong I hope” The shopkeeper smiled more,
“He’s under going the same training you did, well up til the age of 7 anyway.” Alexx nodded,
“Well if he needs any pointers send him up to me and I’ll give him a hand alright” The shopkeeper nodded, as Alexx handed over a small amount of gold coins.
“Have a good day Alexx and don’t work to hard” Alexx waved as she headed out of the shop
“I won’t don’t worry”

She walked out onto the busy street and was greeted by a brownish wolf,
“Morning to you to boy, What do you say we have enough to last a week, let’s go home?” The wolf nudged her happily and Alexx walked off. As she neared the edge of town, the bustle died down, with the lack of noise she was able to notice the sound of footsteps running up towards her. She smiled and dropped her basket. As she did this, she withdrew her blade and blocked the on coming attack; she glanced at her attacker who appeared to be a youngish boy.
“Now, Now you’re a warrior apprentice you should know better to attack someone from behind,” with this comment, she flicked the boy’s sword away and kicked him. He dropped to his knees in front of her, “Another mistake never let your opponent think they are superior to you in anyway, so never go to your knees.” With this, she grabbed the boy and put him back onto his feet. She looked at him he was youngish about 12
“What on earth made you think you could be me, for starters I’m at least 7 years older than you…” The boy looked at the ground in shame, as Alexxs wolf walked up behind her holding her now empty basket. “I…don’t know…some of the boys….dared me….I’m sorry” Alexx smiled at him she new how hard it was
“Hey don’t worry about it just next time pick you opponent better okay” The boy nodded and ran back into town. As Alexx began to turn a magnificent brown eagle landed on her head.
“Morning Haywire” Alexx brought her arm up and the eagle moved onto it.
“Master I believe that this is yours” She turned around and smiled at the older man standing behind her
“Master Seth is it almost time already” Alexx looked down at her outfit, her long pants covered in mud from the sidewalks and her midriff top, split down one side.
“No I was just curious to see what was taking you so long” Alexx sighed as she looked down at her shopping now spread all over the sidewalk.
“I’m sorry Master I know we are supposed to go to dinner tonight, but I need to get this shopping done” Seth nodded in understanding,
“Ok Alexxandra, you go finish the shopping and I’ll bring your outfit down to the palace and you can get changed there then finish the rest of your errands in town.” She nodded and smiled,
“Thank you Master I’ll see you in an hour” Alexx turned and headed back into town with Wolf running eagerly behind her.

Alexx entered the palace gates, smiling at the guards, who glared at her
“You know I’m up for a rematch anytime boys,” She laughed as she entered the palace and met Seth.
“I’ll get changed and then I have a few more errands to run in town” Seth nodded
“If you don’t mind my asking Alexx, those errands would be?” Alexx smiled
“I’ve got to get Kay a Birthday Present, I’ve got to pick up a new set of clothes, along with your medicine and get some first aid supplies” Seth nodded contently,
“ok, just be back here soon and please try and keep clean” Alexx nodded as she quickly left the room and got changed.
“Okay Master, I’ll be back in two hours,” Alexx turned to leave and was confronted by six men roughly the same age as Seth
“Afternoon Sires, I shall see you later tonight” the all nodded as she disappeared out the door.

“Seth, you have trained her well, in being a fighter, an accepted member of the public and a housewife” Seth smiled,
“Arthur, she did that last one on her own, and sometimes I wish she would take the time to enjoy her life…”

“Penny you’ve outdone yourself this time” The young girl smiled as she moved away from Alexx,
“It’s so light, and easy to move in, it will be perfect” The young girl nodded
“Thank you miss Alexxandra, I really appreciate it” Alexx shook her head as she moved behind the curtain and changed back into her dress.
“Please Penny call me Alexx, I have no nobility status so don’t feel threatened by me” Penny nodded
“Yes Alexx, but aren’t you attending dinner at the palace tonight” Alexx nodded sadly as she looked out the door,
“Well I better get going I have to pick up Kay’s present and Seth’s medication, I’ll see you later” Penny nodded and waved to Alexx as she left the room.
“Oh yeah one last thing, Penny. Just ask Dan out already.” She smiled and waved then ran out onto the street.

Alexx noticed a large crowed gathering at the front gates, sighing she continued down the street trying hard to ignore the excited whispers of people running past her.

Eliana · 06-04-2007, 07:06 AM

I do, amazing RB all of your work seems to capture me, (i can't help it, its so good to read).

Anyway i think you should continue it on, but you probably want to get others answers.

cya

Knocking · 06-06-2007, 01:52 PM

Interesting! The interactions between the characters are good implications of their personality. You should write more. The only thing that needs improvement is the punctuation.

Renos Babe · 06-06-2007, 03:11 PM

Thank you both, i'll try and write some more.

Xtlk 1 · 06-06-2007, 06:16 PM

Ok, just the slightest amount of errors. There are some spelling mistakes here and there, some punctuation mistakes, but the only error worth taking notice of is a little repetitiveness.

Its good that you that direct whos talking with actions but you don't need to do it every time. It helps build up the characters of the story; I only suggest that you put a few saids in there. Oh and is Alexx always smiling? lol.

I agree with everyone else though, you should continue writing.
Good Job.

Renos Babe · 06-06-2007, 10:25 PM

hehe no, she's momentarily in a good mood.