kaytea111

Ok, I have started a novel. It suppose to be about my an average girl who comes across obstacles in life and finally reach adult hood. Now, the story is so far describing my life. But, I dont really want it to be about my life, It was just easier ti describe a teen like me rather than make one up. But I'm wondering where I can go from here. I also want an important character to die..not to sound mean, but I want there to be sad, happy, mean, funny, parts. I want to have every emotion in this book.

I am just a normal teen, dispising her normal parents, trying to get through her normal school and trying not to get sucked into the normal peer pressure. Life is hard, trust me, I have experiance. And it isn't the prettiest either. Speaking of pretty, I am not.
I am not as fat as the other girls, but I'm not skinny. I have blonde hair which is to brassy for my pale skin and blue eyes. I have glasses ( they don't look half bad, but would still rather not have them), but my mom says I might be able to get contacts soon. It's pretty cool.
I am not overally energetic; neither am I athletic, hell, I am no where near athletic. I can't even run for my life. Pretty good at school, if you call an 86% average good. Well, most people thinks it's pretty good, but I don't. I have a strong feeling this last term won't be as good as my previous. Grades mean everything to me; kinda sad, I know.
Well, as most of you can already figure out, I'm not that pleased with my life. Why would I be? I have a friend that is super abusive ( I will tell you about that later), my parents are over-protective and there is a guy in my class who keeps sending me mixed messages.
As for my abusive friend, she gets when she wants when she wants. She isn't spoiled, but she acts it. She yells at the teacher (even tho my teacher is super cool), damn, she yells at everyone everywhere. When it's time for lunch, she tells us ( my friends) where to sit, so she can be next to all the guys. And if we don't sit there, well you don't want to know. She expects me to follow her around and when I don't, she gets super mad at me. Also, I like this one guy, she likes another guy. If I even talk to him for more than a minute- I might get my assed kicked, If she talks to the guy I like- And I say something, it's a flat out Fuck you! And yet, she likes the guy I like, and he doesn't like her back! Yea, and the best part, I cringe at the sound of her name- Mia.

sixlivesdown

I think firstly you need to work on grammar and spelling, because there's some pretty obvious mistakes in a short space of writing. I think I saw in another thread that you're pretty young, and so it's nothing that can't be worked on and fixed.

kaytea111

bump, like I really need help. I love this intro, but I dont know what to do with it.

sixlivesdown

It's a pretty average intro, IMO. You jump around all over the place in a very short span of time, and there's nothing to make me want to keep reading. We were all teenagers at one point (or going to be, granted), and frankly, the last thing I want to read at this point in my life (just having got out of the teenage years) is to read a re-hash of those years, written poorly.

You could keep the story, but I think a new intro is called for, where it's not so random.

kaytea111

bmp

Knocking

Frankly, the swearing makes it seem like you are trying to add a lot emotion and aren't willing to work with words to achieve that strong emotion. Don't give up!

Perhaps if you want it to be about someone else, keep the same personality or story line for a base and then completely change the other from yourself.

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~*Occulence*~

I suggest putting it into 3rd person perspective, rather than first. That gives you more leeway on describing what characters do, and allows you to use a perspective other than your own.

Also, like you are trying to do, don't make it a complete script of your life. Throw in some stuff that you can relate to, and maybe some choices that you may have made, but didn't.



~From one High School drama writer to another~

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liv_ashe

It's not bad, just adding in more details and such would make it better, along with like some more "fancy"words, but hey not bad, it gets easier and better (no offence) the more you go, so keep on going!

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http://www.writingforums.com/showthread.php?t=79717

kaytea111

well, i want it to be 1st person perspective so that people will know whats truly going on in her mind

Foreman1984

you can achieve third person perspective and also intergrate mind set by wording things such as 'looking at the boy etc etc, ' Hes a handsome looking chappy but a bit smelly' she thought, then once you get further into the book you can get rid of the thought part all together. Have you read anything by Alice Seabold? She does this perspective switching perfectly

Ellen-the-great

It's okay, for a first try I guess, but I do have some issues I would like to address.


-First of all, like occulence said, I probably stop reading this quick smart if it was in first person. Third person always almost works better.

-Figure out who this is aimed at. It kind of sounds like you are trying to reach out to people your own age, yet I would probably be more inclined to read this if I was a seven year old dreaming of being a teenager. there is nothing wrong with that, however if you plan to take that path I would suggest losing the swearing.

- "I am just a normal teen, despising her normal parents, trying to get through her normal school..." I hate to take a judgemental tone here but it sounds a whole lot like major whinging about your minor, almost non exsistent problem. However, I don't know you. If there are REAL promlems in your life you should probably elaborate.

- "Life is hard, trust me, I have experinence." Then tell us! I am sorry if this offends you and please note that was not my aim. Being non-athletic and having a 'super abusive friend' do not count as being life experience.

-"I am not as fat as the other girls..." Excuse me while a push my jaw up. Your not doing well gathering sympathy here! How about something along the lines of 'My frame is less than perfect. Not one to be despised and definetly not to be admired.'

-I am not quite sure I am understanding this. You hate your life because your friend is a show off, your parents want you to be safe, you have to wear glasses or because you are not sure if a guy in your class like you or not? I'm sorry if I am being bitchy, because I am really tired, but its kind of offensive to read when you have a really pathetic life full of heartach and... well, you get the message.

-Okay...I thought I might throw a little advice. You keep refering to this
girl-mia-as your friend yet you constantly go on about how much you dislike her and how rude she is. Just stop talking to her for christ sakes!


Okay...I think thats about it. I'm sorry if I was harsh, but it is only because I
can tell you have potential. I know how much high school can suck
-I'm fourteen- but you have to keep going, especialy someone with talent. So, thats about it. I'm sorry about all the spelling errors...as i said before i'm really tired.

good bye and good luck.

skyler

Ellen, maybe that's the point? Remember, we can't judge a work based on how much we agree with the character's point of view.

kaytea, I think you're doing cool to capture the over dramaticizing that goes on in the average teenage life. What I think would be cool would be the character coming to a sense of enlightenment--where she breaks free from the mundane, escaping the trivialities she was once drowning in, coming up out of the water into newness of life--a deeper realization of life. Maybe you could work on this as a gradual realization--until she comes to a place of inner freedom. It would give you some aim in the story, and I think it would be a really cool thing to capture.

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Lance

I doubt people care about how "normal" you are, get to the actuall writeing, get to the high school stories, or else, this is heading for doom. And you should be entirely truthful, if you were as normal as you say you are you wouldn't be writeing this story.