MiloDaePesdan

Or in just another year, granted he finds good critique and ideas...

I'm not telling you my age. Nyah! *raspberries*



Milo
who is waiting for Heather, of course--that's why we're talking about this, right? We're waiting.

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Azmakna

yeh, i'm going to appologise to her when she gets here. i could have handled things better... like your stuff there kidda

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don't count me a blank page
waiting to be written on,
see me as a written page
waiting to be photocopied.

http://www.writersbeat.com

mashowasho

Maybe she isn't coming back.

But if she does:


Heather, I've read through this entire thread and I must agree that you don't seem to be taking critiscism entirely appropriately. Whether it's true or not that things could have been handled better, the whole point of submitting posts/sections here is to take feedback. You said it yourself. If you decide not to do anything with the feedback then that is entirely up to you. I don't always.

However, throughout this thread you have been viciously defending your work and acting as if you're refusing to change it. I understand that you're a little upset that you haven't had more positive feedback, but it's not as if you've simply had people going "OMG YUOR STORY IZ TEH SUX00R!" or "That was a load of rubbish!". You've been given suggestions on how to change it.

Personally, I really enjoyed reading this short piece. On the whole, I thought it was very well written and constructed, keeping the reader's attention until the end. I also seemed to misinterpret the fact that the husband wasn't dead - but I actually thought that worked well, as in making the readers think the husband is dead, only for him to come back in the end. I don't know if that's what you intended!

The only thing that caught me, like the others who have posted on this thread, was that metaphor near the beginning. Sorry. I couldn't even figure out what it was meant to be describing as such... I kept getting an image of an old dog in a tutu. I think the problem with it is you've taken what is two separate metaphors and tried to combine them. You need to come up with a new one that conveys the overall image. (Personally, I don't think you can be graceful and lethargic, but that's just my own experience.)



Waow, that's the longest non-passage post I've submitted for a long time.
masho

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We can only learn so much and live.

Heather_18

Okay SORRY guys. I don't have internet at home yet (Yeah, it was supposed to happen Thursday, but, well...whatever.) I'm working off the computer at work, which is why I've not been here..

There have been so many new posts, and I'm happy more people chimed in. There are things that I am, and from first mention, going to change. The the very first part where it says "with each other". That is redundant. As well as some other things a long those lines.

As for the metaphor, I don't know. Maybe it's just been through my life experiences that make me see the ability to be graceful and lethargic possible. So, I don't know. Having the feedback is great, and it's definitely something I will keep in the back of my mind. We'll see. But what's funny is, I remember the night I wrote this story, I actually woke up in my sleep and just jotted it down and then cleaned everything up later, and the line that has caused so much conversastion was one that I just wrote, and when I was awake I really liked it, and was shocked I wrote it half asleep, and never did much to it. So it really wasn't a line I tried really hard to perfect or make into a "fancy brillant" line...Maybe subconciously...Who knows.

As for the man being dead or alive. This is really interesting! I mean, I wrote the story and never did that idea pop into my head, but it's kinda nice. I mean, I don't think I need to put anything in the story earlier to know that he is alive because like someone mentioned above, it works that way, as a suspense twist. Is, isn't he...As for if you believe he is a ghost or not, I'd rather leave it to the imagination. That's one thing I dislike reading, stories that tell you EVERYTHING. I like being able to think and ponder on a story. It's what I find fun about it. It was never intended, but I'm glad it's become a point.

I know editors and such aren't going to be all nice and sugar coat things, but the way I see it is, I'm not asking for an editors take. I'm just asking for feedback from my peers. I'm not looking to send things off to an editor yet, and when I'm ready for that, I'll be sure to ask for brutal honesty. I was just wanting to show a piece, get some conversastion going, etc. I felt attacked, and I guess maybe I had this awful recollection of freshman year. New kid. Never posted something before. SHOVE HER IN A LOCKER! Ah, whatever. I'm just one that always gives something good with a bad, even if it's simply saying "Your spelling is awesome". Haha.

As for being defensive, I apolgize. Really. I didn't mean to start that way, but I did mean to end that way. At first I just wanted to talk about it, explain what I was saying (because this story might not pertain to all readers, and sometimes when reading anything, great or awful, things and ideas don't click).

As for what Wordweaver said. I have learned rules of writing, not all of them no, and God, that might take forever. But rules and grey areas aren't always the same, and when I speak of them, I don't mean them to be. In writing, and art, and in a lot of areas of life, not everything has to be right and wrong. That's all I meant. I felt like I was being told "wrong wrong wrong" when, it doesn't necessarily have to be either.

I've been writing for 7 years. To some that's nothing, to some that's a lot. I'm not ignorant, and I know about writing and I know what I'm doing, but I'm no expert. Never said I was, I don't know if I ever want to consider myself one. That just might cause trouble, haha. No story is perfect to everyone. But, it doesn't have to be either.

I'm glad I've gotten some people to comment that it was a good story overall. Thank you. I'm sorry for all the fuss and BS. I don't want to put off the wrong impression, and hopefully if I did, I can redeem myself.

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Heather!

DavidGil

Only one comment to make Heather. When I said about working in something about the guy still being alive. I actually meant for you to take it as:

Fix it only if you don't want readers to be guessing.

So aye, if you're not too bothered about that fact, leave it. It does work.

Edit: glad to see you're responding well also. It's how we improve partly.

MiloDaePesdan

There are no lockers here.

Only dragons. FOOM. (sfx of flames)

I'm one of those who want to know how the puzzle is put together by the story's end. I guess I'm of the other sort--feed me adventure, not food for thought. Well, if you can do both...

I also dislike extreme cliffhanger endings.



Milo

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Azmakna

best of luck

__________________
don't count me a blank page
waiting to be written on,
see me as a written page
waiting to be photocopied.

http://www.writersbeat.com