Her - Writers Forum

TheNextOne · 05-04-2007, 06:09 PM

This is based on actual events but has been fictionalized because it fits nowhere else. There are two posts for easier reading.
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The darkened room felt like a movie set. This was impossibly cruel, what I was being exposed to. I wondered why I allowed it. I rolled over and saw her laying there, breathing shallowly, her posterior sticking out towards me. I remembered why I allowed this again. The smell of her was a weak spot for me, her fragile state was another.

We denied ourselves the act of love making. We were already two years separated after all and this was the most intimate contact we’d had in that amount of time with one another. No, we were never married but we were probably as close as two people get to that lifestyle two years ago.

Some couples, even after separation, somehow maintain contact. How did it end initially? As I lay in my own apartment room, on my own bed, next to this woman whom I was certain I once loved, I realized it ended because of her, she cheated and I never did. So why give myself to this stupendously big error in judgment? Why had I said ‘fuck it’ and go through with letting her stay the night.

I rationalized it, sure. She lived more than sixty miles away, it was late. We had awful Chinese food which I think she got mild food poisoning from. I didn’t want to hear on the news the next morning she had gotten in a car accident. I went over this again and again ad nauseam. She rolled over, interrupting the flow of my thoughts. I thought for sure this time she would acquiesce and we would begin the act that sated our carnal desires. She looked at me with her green eyes, which now looked black in the dim light of the room. She said nothing and neither did I. My heart raced.

She had been my first and last. And though at my age you would say that is unlikely it’s only the truth I speak. She murmured something and I grunted what probably sounded like a question mark.

“I’m sorry I’m all in your space,” she said. She cuddled up next to me. I couldn’t help myself for getting aroused but she seemed not to notice so I didn’t do anything to change how I felt. What the hell was this extraordinarily stupid thing we were doing with each other? Didn’t I at least realize how vicious and dangerous this territory was? Once a cheating woman, always a cheating woman, this is my understanding and it hasn’t changed even up to now.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I said. How chivalrous of me. How fucking stupid of me. It was like being in a nightmare filled with pleasure. Like being in hell with a prize you could hold and admire for a little while before it was snatched away from you for eternity again.

“I like cuddling with you,” she said. Of course she did, she gets what she wants without the hassle of my labored attempts to have my way with her. Though I must admit it was nice to know deeply within the cells of my own being that someone wanted to be touching me. Something about that was very comforting. Had I been craving this? I didn’t think men were this deep. I don’t think we normally are. Then again I don’t know very many men, and the ones I do know don’t say anything about it. If they do we crack jokes about how gay they are for it. I think it’s better to be gay, personally. Sometimes I wished I was born that way…the conveniences…the inconveniences…actually never mind, it seems to turn out the same no matter what your sexual preferences are.

TheNextOne · 05-04-2007, 06:10 PM

Part two of the post: Her
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“I like cuddling with you too,” I said. I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t do it more often, with further benefits though. I couldn’t say that to her just now. I risked having her flee into the night. It was already three in the morning and I didn’t want her to get in an accident and have that on my conscience. Not that she would, adrenaline usually has a way of protecting a person from less favorable situations.

She dug her face into my belly and rubbed it from belly to face and back again a few times. I admired the heat from her breath as she did this. It reminded me of that distant other sensation of sex we used to have. I simultaneously despised the fact that this wasn’t going anywhere.

“Did I tell you they’re monitoring my HSV for cervical cancer?” I hadn’t heard about this from her before. I’ve seen the commercial ads and wondered…no, I realized I knew how she found out. She went to a gynecologist often since she was on the pill or the injection…yeah it was the injection thing, better than the pill or more effective or whatever the hell.

“No, you didn’t tell me,” I said.

“I keep thinking I’m going to die and leave my son behind,” she said. I wondered when she would bring that up. People are often surprised that I was selfless enough at the time to be with her even though she had a four year old son, who is probably now six or seven. Holy God it had been so long!

“Your aura is too strong,” I said. I scanned her energetic field and it was still true. “You’re not going anywhere for quite some time,” I finished.

“I know,” she said.

“Go to sleep,” I said. She moved her hand which fluttered across my crotch. I let it go and did some deep breathing. Someone with my talents could easily overcome the deeper base urges in favor of keeping peace. We both fell asleep.

The next morning she was up and in the bathroom before me. When she was fixed she came and sat beside me on the bed as I got up. She put her arm around me pulling me close a little and said, “Thanks for the rest.” She meant the rest she was able to get here, with me. I told her she was welcome.

She got up and left. I was numb, and exhausted from not sleeping. I had a concert to go to that night, hopefully to forget her for good. I knew I couldn’t leave her memory forever, but hopefully long enough to get through the day.

killned3 · 05-04-2007, 09:09 PM

I'd recommend not posting second or third or fourth or fifth or whatever parts of a story until someone's responded to the first. It looks more appealing, I assure you. Also, you might not want to start so many sentences with pronouns. "I went to the store.... she was walking down the aisle... he wanted to buy some milk... they all looked cheerful... we decided to grab some candy..." Etc. Very much lacking in flavor if you do this... but it's easy to fix.

Best wishes and best of luck.

Colt

Elipsis · 05-04-2007, 10:18 PM

I love this style of writing. Reminds of of Sideways without the constant use of big, useless words. Its so conversational and exactly how I would think to myself in a situation like this. Keep it up.

surreal_girl · 05-04-2007, 10:28 PM

Once again Im really digging ur work. Kudos on it.