Wryte

Jonas woke up with a side splitting headache that felt like a knife was ripping his head from his soft , wavy hair to his stubbled chin. His legs felt horrible as well , like a porcupine had crawled in through his head and stumbled into his leg. He felt like he was being squished down by a hammer , squished into the ground. Crammed into the laziness he never knew.

It was still late in the night... The unfarmilliar landscape was being torn up at the heavy winds. Frozen objects blew and stung the back of his neck when he finally sat up. He was cold , colder than the objects that he pulled out of his silky , unfarmilliar clothes from when they had bounced off his neck and into them.

Jonas needed a walk to ignore the blissful pain. He knew that he would,'t warm up , but that wasn't the case. He needed to ignore the knife in his hea or the rodent in his legs , the pain. The pain that he felt when he was alive.

Jonas was in Heaven. He did not know how or why he died , but he was a restless angel , made to stay in the misty clouds. He felt a sudden pain in his back. He put his hand over his back , but he only felt feathers. Feathers that tickled his hands when he rubbed them against them. Feathers... Wings?

Jonas was suprised , but he was an angel. He never paid attention to the fact that he wore a new , white , heavenly robe with a golden rope tied around his skinny waist. He put his hand over his head... A sharp ring hovered over him. A halo...

He walked against the clouds , which he thought was a street. He didn't notice the white fluff brushing against his bare feet. He walked and walked , it was an endless road , a road that he just walked and walked on. He didn't notice his pain anymore. He went up to touch the halo again , putting his hand , which he noticed that he had gloves now. His hand elevated , until he felt something strange. A plastic handle , he rubbed it towards his head. It became sharp , which left a nick in his white glove. A knife.

He still didn't know how or why he was dead. The knife narrowed the causes of his death down to a few possibilities. Suicide. Accident. Murder. Rape and murder... So many possibilities ran through his head , and he did not know which one was right , or if any of them were right.

__________________
Whatever you accuse me of , I didn't do it...

Especially the noodle incident , NO-ONE CAN PROVE I DID THAT!!

Hironimus

hmm.. I think you might want to use the word 'felt' a little less :

that felt like a knife was ripping his head

His legs felt horrible

He felt like he was being squished down

The pain that he felt when he was alive.

He felt a sudden pain in his back.

but he only felt feathers.

he felt something strange.

I think it's such a lazy word to use in a novel. There are so many other variations you could use to describe what the character is experiencing. For example :

Jonas woke up with a side splitting headache that felt like a knife was ripping his head from his soft , wavy hair to his stubbled chin.

Jonas woke up. The pain in his head was excruciating, as if a knife was ripping his head from his soft, wavy hair, to his stubbled chin.

This doesn't make any sense? :

He was cold , colder than the objects that he pulled out of his silky , unfarmilliar clothes from when they had bounced off his neck and into them.

Nor does this :

Jonas needed a walk to ignore the blissful pain.

The word 'blissful' contadicts the word pain.

I can see what you are trying to write, and it has some potential. But in my opinion, you need to look at your descriptions, and vary them. Use a bit more emphasis.

rosenthalpiano

The first paragraph has way too many metaphors. Try to cut back.

Nitpicks:

side-splitting
Don't put a space BEFORE a comma, only after. This applies throughout your writing.

This can be put so much simpler: He felt like he was being squished into the ground by a hammer, crammed into the laziness he never knew.
It's better that way anyways, because as it is, the second sentence is a fragment.

No need for a suspension point. Just end it with a period.

unfarmilliar = unfamiliar
at = by

You might try reverseing the chain of events: When he finally sat up, frozen objects...

again, unfarmilliar = unfamiliar
Remove everything after the word 'clothes'; it only reiterates what was already said in the previous sentence.

Pain is blissful? News to me... (Hironimus already covered this)

would,'t = wouldn't
The case? I don't get it...

Again, you have a sentence fragment. Besides that, this bit doesn't make much sense. If he's no longer alive, how does he still feel the pain? If he can't feel the pain anymore, why does he need to ignore it?

against = through (amongst, maybe?)

I'm going to stop here. You don't have enough variety in your sentences. Too many begin with the word 'he'. You also tend to fragment sentences much too often. Once in a blue moon is ok, for dramatic effect, but doing it's sloppy writing.

killned3

You should practice a little more on your own, read a lot, and look over your pieces before you start putting them in here, in my opinion. This would fit in the Critique forum, until the point where it's grammatically and sensibly correct. At that point, you could put it in this forum and expect a much more positive response. I respect your desire to write, but it doesn't seem like you're ready for this exact spot yet.

__________________
Spice it up.