Jericho's Downfall

ok last time i tried this it didn't work cause i posted too much at once and then i tried to cover it up with a million posts of a period

well...here it is again

Jericho’s Downfall: Wars of Jericho
“Good morning Mr. Jericho.”
“Hi Bill.” Michael turned to look at the only person in the room who seemed to notice him walk in. He knew Bill was still jealous of his promotion.
“Nice day today, huh?”
“Yeah…sure.” Michael was not in the mood for mindless small talk. He briskly walked to his office and slammed the door. He had been jarred from his sleep the night before by a sustaining crash emanating from his kitchen. His dog had knocked over the entire cabinet containing his plates. The dog was fine. The kitchen would never recover.
As the chair was pulled in and hands met desk, the door opened and a tall man with a fake smile entered.
“Hey pal. I need those Charleston reports today, ya know.”
“Sure, reports…okay.”
“I don’t think you are okay with it…I need a better answer than that, chief.”
Michael blinked an exasperated blink with his mouth wide open.
“Why today,” he thought.
“Michael?”
“Yes Mr. Tompkins?”
“The reports?”
“Up yours.”
“Michael?”
“Yes sir?”
“I need the reports in 20 minutes.”
“Fine.”
“What?”
“I will get you those reports to you in 20 minutes.”
“Good answer. In the meantime, I will be in a meeting with Extec.”
Michael was instantly alone. His mediocre world pressing in on him as if he were about to be engulfed in this disease he calls boredom.
Michael booted up his computer and began to hurriedly create decoy Charleston reports to save his own ass. Printed papers in hand, Michael opened his office door and instantly slammed it shut breathing heavy. He looked out a second time and came to a horrible realization. He walked to Bill and lightly shoved him in his seat…nothing. He did the same to several other colleagues. In the four walls of the office Michael noticed his clock had stopped. He checked the batteries.
"Could time have stopped?"
"No...that would be ridiculous."
"This is weird...I need to test the idea of time stopping."
"Well now it seems that Michael Jericho is having a meltdown."
He looked at the digital clock on his computer for what would have been several minutes but it never changed from 8:05.
Michael still didn't believe it. His computer always had bugs in it. Maybe it froze. Jericho rebooted it. At last, he began to become anxious and started to pace his office.
“What is going on?” Michael thought out loud.

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Mystery

Interesting, but the way you phrased it made it seem like jericho already knew time had stopped as opposed to finding out and being shocked, rework that a bit.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Jericho's Downfall

yea i can never get that right...but then the clock had stopped and Jericho is very paranoid and fearful of a lot of things...you'll see if i post more

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Jericho's Downfall

“I don’t want to explain it yet but you must come with me.”
Michael was instantly shaken and turned to see a man in a camouflage jacket and sunglasses leaning against a wall.
“Who are you?”
“No time…follow me.”
“Do you seriously think I am going to follow you?”
The man pulled a .45 caliber handgun and set it on Michael.
“Ok, I will follow you.”
“Good.”
The man ran to the elevator and Michael followed close behind.
“Take this Jericho.” The man handed Michael an identical gun to the one he held. Michael knew that asking a question would prove useless so he said nothing.
In the lobby, as the duo approached the door, the man suddenly stopped. Michael stopped about two feet behind.
“Before you go outside I will answer three of your questions and I will explain everything when we are safe?”
“Safe?”
“So you wasted question one. Safe, as in, out of peril or no longer in danger.”
“…are you serious?” Michael whispered.
“Question two…yes I am quite serious.”
“Ok now you’re pissing me off.”
“Questio-…No, nevermind. I was anticipating another question but I guess you can’t be that predictable…or cliché.”
“What is wrong with you? Wait, don’t answer. I wouldn’t wanna waste another precious question. Do you just kidnap people on a regular basis? How did you create replicas of all those people? The only thing that perplexes me is how the HELL you evacuated 45 people that quickly.” Michael was red in the face and breathing heavy. The man just stood calmly.
“Finished Michael?”
“Yes.”
“May we continue?”
“Why should I follow you?”
“Because I can shoot you right now.”
“I have a gun also genius.” Michael had a triumphant look.
“Fire it.” The man looked smugly at Michael.
Michael took the gun and fired at the man’s head. Nothing happened.
“You gave me an empty gun? And you said I was not as predictable as I seemed.”
“Yes but you didn’t foresee me giving you an unloaded gun.”
“Shut up!”
“Do you always resort to petty insults when flustered or having your feeling of triumph crushed?”
A pause. Then a longer pause. Then a sigh.
“Alright Jericho…we will continue.”
The sun beat harshly on the gray sidewalk and gray stone walls of the buildings surrounding. No one was on the sidewalk. Nor was there a car driving by. Michael followed the man to a diner and they sat down.
“Ask me anything you would like Michael.”
“Why is no one moving?”
“Simple. No one is moving because I am not from this time period. Not being in my own time has set off a glitch in the timeline and frozen all time and space.”
“But I always thought that time travel could only screw with the timeline if the traveler were to kill an important figure or something along those lines.”
“And you believe the lies of Hollywood? They have neither empirical nor a priori knowledge of time travel.”
“Why am I still able to move?”
“I won’t tell you that. Next question.”
Michael was annoyed but he didn’t argue.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Richardson.”
“Do you have a first name?”
“There is no need for a first name when it is much easier to identify people by surnames in times of peril. If a first name slips it can also make that person into a potential target for the enemy.”
“What?”

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Svalbard

It has a bit of a Matrix feel to it but I am intrigued. Like the dialogue, it provides a good grounding for the formation of the characters.

Jericho's Downfall

...it actually isn't as much of the matrix as you'd think...there is a reason that it is Wars of Jericho

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

snorrie

A pretty clean read. Right now I don't concentrate on the content so much as the technical aspect of writing, so that's what I base me critiques on. it needs a little cleaning--not much. You use ly words a lot, more than I'm comfortable with. Try your best to ax those and use stronger adverbs or adjectives. You could also ax some words and still have this piece make perfect sense. I'll give you a quick example.


Chop the highlighted and it will still make sense. These are just little things but when you start adding them together in a longer piece, it tends to wear on the reader and doesn't keep them focused. Again, it was pretty clean so you don't have much work to edit. Good luck. Keep writing.

Jericho's Downfall

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Svalbard

There is too much information here and you are moving a long too quickly. Try to hold some information back. Introduce it gradually, allow the reader to get a feel for the world and the information will have more impact.

Apart from that I think you have got a cracking idea and Michael looks like a good central character.

Jericho's Downfall

Richardson gave a questioning look to Michael, as if prodding him for the truth but he did not interrogate further. Soundlessly, Jericho was handed a clip for his .45, which he quickly loaded. Richardson took out a remote with a single button.

“Wait; are you a fucking suicide bomber?”

Richardson laughed good-naturedly and shook his head.

“This is the button I used to travel to this time period. If this broke we would be trapped in this frozen world…May I continue?”

“Go ahead.”

The button was engaged and Jericho blinked. Instantly they were on an empty savanna-looking area with no trees or any life. For miles, all Jericho could see was an empty stretch of sun-baked dirt. The sky was a darker blue and the clouds were not present. Instead there was a stench of burning and the sky had clouds of smoke.

“This can’t be New York.”

“Don’t worry, New York is in ruins. This is the only place where there is no fighting. This is Jericho’s Door. It is a small island in the center of the intersection of the Walls.”

“Why are we here?”

“We are here to get you ready.”

“Ready?”

“Well, you need weapons, don’t you?”

“I don’t know how to use future weapons.”

“This isn’t a sci-fi world, this is reality. We use the same guns that have been used for years. They are upgraded, but the same.”

“This is all a psychotic delusion.”

“Think what you want. Before we go, are there any more questions?”

“Yes…why was no one frozen if I was not from the past?”

“Children do not disrupt time for some reason, it could be that they are too insignificant and innocent that they do not severely affect time, and because you were brought to the past as a child, you grew up normally.”

“That makes no sense, just don’t answer next time.”

“Don’t ask the question next time.”

Richardson crouched down and began to brush dried dirt off of the ground. A large manhole-sized hatch was revealed. A code was put in and the hatch was removed. Two men in an empty stretch of land began to descend into the hole.

“Where does this lead?”

“The safehouse.”

At the bottom of a ladder there was an empty room, except for three people: a large bald man with a scar on his face and an unkempt tangled beard, a young woman with dark hair and grey eyes, and a scrawny man clad in lab apparel. The large bald man stepped forward to meet Richardson.

“Is he briefed?”

“I explained everything.”

“Good, now get him some gear. It’s gunna be a long day.”

“Yes sir.”

Richardson strode to the end of the room with Jericho close behind. Richardson unlocked a large steel door and the two stepped into the room. The walls were lined with guns, grenades, and other weaponry. Jericho looked around, bewildered.

This is insane…This can’t be real.

“Richardson?”

“What is it Jericho?”

“You are an absolute psycho!”

“I’m sorry you feel that way…I guess I’ll just kill you.”

On second thought maybe it’s best not to talk to Richardson.

“Before you take a weapon, you’ll need this.” Richardson handed Jericho what looked like football shoulder pads. Closer examination revealed that it was armor, steel-plated. Jericho put it over his head and it closed around his torso, tightening to his body.

“What the hell is this?”

“Auto-armor. It attaches to your body, and can repair minor wounds, the more severe the wound, the less effective the healing. Wounds on the arm can’t be repaired though, arm armor would make you too sluggish. Don’t worry though, steel is still strong enough to deflect bullets in this time period. Put these on as well.”

Jericho removed his suit pants and replaced them with cargo pants that Richardson had handed him.

“How are cargo pants going to protect me?”

“They are laced with steel and have the same self-repairing ability. The pockets on each thigh are holsters, and the regular pockets…are regular pockets. These pants don’t tighten because then they would be inconvenient in a situation where running is necessary.”

“Ok…Can I take a weapon?”

“Fine. You can fit one weapon on the clamp on your back at a time, and you can fit two handguns, one for each side holster.”

“Ok so basically I can have two large weapons and two small firearms, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok and why don’t you have armor?”

“I’ve gotten so good at this that I don’t need armor…” Richardson laughed. “I’m just fucking with you, my armor is right here.” Richardson picked up his auto-armor.

Jericho pulled an assault rifle from the wall. It looked like the assault rifles he saw the soldiers on the news carrying from his time period but this gun had a large and small barrel.

“Jericho, if you were wondering, that is an AAAW: Anti-Armor Assault Weapon. The first barrel holds twice as many bullets as an assault rifle from your time and fires at the rate of a chain gun and the second, larger barrel fires 5 grenades.”

“Sounds good.” Jericho then pulled a sniper rifle with three barrels of differing lengths. The topmost barrel was the longest, the next shorter, and the last was inches longer than a regular rifle barrel. The scope was a camera lens, and a screen could be opened on the side of the gun.

“That is the Marksman KIA: Marksman Killed in Action. The first barrel is a sniper barrel. The second one fires pellets with micro-cameras and remote control mines that latch onto the enemy, and the last barrel fires shotgun buckshot so you don’t have to waste time taking out your rifle when an enemy is close. The switch on the side triggers the different barrels.”

Jericho took a .45 handgun and a revolver that apparently fires grenades and put them in the holsters.

“I have never used a gun before.”

“If you are anything like your grandson, you should be able to use weaponry.”

Jericho and Richardson walked from the room, fully armed. The bald man put an outstretched hand towards Michael.

“I am Lieutenant Raven, welcome to the squad. This is the 1st regiment of Toxin. You are familiar with Richardson, but you do not know these two.” Lt. Raven pointed to the woman and the scrawny man. “Please step forward Bosworth.” The scrawny man stepped forward. “Professor Bosworth is a computer expert, and he was once a renowned professor. The New CIA eliminated all of his colleagues in a raid, but he escaped. The last person in the room is our stealth agent. Each Toxin squad consists of a leader, a field soldier, a data analyst, a stealth and tactics agent, and a heavy strike personnel, which, by the look of your maximum amount of weaponry, you are the heavy attack soldier.”

“Does no one else have the maximum amount of weapons?”

“We all have the maximum amount, except for Bosworth who only has a .45 and an SMG, but you have the most explosive and powerful weapons.” He paused. “I have gone too far off topic, I wouldn’t want to forget Sarah…I mean, Special Ops Jamison.”

Jericho noticed that Raven seemed to purposely let S.O. Jamison’s first name slip. Tension seemed to fill the room when he spoke of her. Going off topic may not just be a bad habit of Raven’s. The silence was broken by a high-pitched whistling and then an explosion.

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Jericho's Downfall

“What the hell was that?” Jericho’s face was pale.

“That was a missile. They found us.” Raven was already at the ladder. He had a radio in his hand. “Toxin Regiment 2, Regiment 3, and Regiment 4, report!”

Only crackling.

“Report dammit!”

Nothing.

“Toxin 2, 3, and 4 report…NOW!”

“Sss..ir…itt…s…Lo…pezz.” The signal was breaking up badly.

“Lopez, I can barely hear you. What is your status.”

“Taking…heavyyy fiiirre.”

“Where are you?”

“Southhwesttt…Seccctor…”

“Lopez!”

Nothing.

“Ok team, you heard’m. We need to mobilize now!”

The team climbed the ladder and Bosworth stayed behind.

“Why isn’t he coming?” Jericho seemed irritated, as if Bosworth was more important than the grandfather and fraternal twin of the former ruler.

“He controls our missiles and hacks into locked doors. Basically he is our human key.” Richardson never got tired of explaining things to Jericho.

“Ok, thanks for clarifying.”

The squad reached the surface; Raven was running and beckoned the others to follow. Jericho was reluctant but he pressed forward.

“Where are we going?” Sarah Jamison spoke for her first time since Jericho had been there.

“The North Entrance to the Base in the Southwest Sector.” Raven was yelling over the whistling bombs.

“That must be 30 miles away,” interjected Richardson.

“Then we’d better run faster.” Raven was not putting up with any complaints. He was locked in.

Jericho had been silent but when he saw them on the horizon, he nearly turned and ran. A group of about 20 soldiers in black and grey were charging on the squad. All of them had their faces obscured by black helmets with two large white eye-holes and a screen over where the mouth and nose would be.

“Who is that?”

“That, Jericho, is the New CIA.”

“What do we do?”

“We have no cover, so we have to try to get by.”

A grenade exploded several yards ahead, spewing dust and dirt everywhere. Jericho couldn’t see and began to cough in the dust. The soldiers from the New CIA broke through. Raven fired his shotgun, which he had been clutching for dear life. A CIA soldier instantly fell. His blood poured on the ground and Jericho was disgusted to see his arm detached and splintered on the ground. Jericho looked away and fired his .45. He did not want to see any gruesome deaths that break people in war, so he chose the least gruesome weapon he had. He was only putting off the inevitable.

“Jericho, are you insane?” Richardson was truly angry at Jericho.

“I just can’t take all the gore.”

“Then turn away when you shoot!”

“But then I won’t be accurate enough.”

“This is war Jericho. We’re not here to babysit. How bout you grow up and learn to run with the big dogs now. If you don’t, I assure you, this war will be the last time you can breathe.”

“Well Lieutenant Raven…sir, how about you shut the hell up and realize that this is the first day I have ever been in a war.”

“We all had a first day Jericho; you have no excuse.”

“I’m not from this time period.”

“Who the hell gives a damn? Guns kill, that is the universal law since they invented the bullet. Any more complaints…ma’am”

“No sir.”

Jericho couldn’t think of any possible excuse, so he closed his eyes and pulled out his Marksman KIA. Only black surrounded the lone figure who voluntary fought blindly. Then he was shot.

Jericho felt a stinging sensation in his left arm. Eventually, that sting grew into a piercing pain. Somehow he was on the ground. The lone soldier. He played dead as if a bear had been searching for him. There were no bears, only the monster that was the New CIA. In a minute a CIA soldier would realize Jericho was alive. In a second he would fire a bullet. In a microsecond, Jericho would see his life flash before his eyes. Then, when all time was stopped, Jericho’s body would be another statistic. He would not be identified; he would be covered in his own blood and the blood of his squad. This is the true end for all of Toxin. Die as unknown rebels. Not heroes.

Jericho pondered this. After several long minutes of him not dying, he scrambled to his feet and looked at his arm. He had been grazed; it was a deep graze. A large gash was in his left upper arm, near his shoulder. Blood was running down his arm and he was angry that the armor didn’t cover his arms. This was irrational and he knew that the armor would make his arms heavier and sluggish. Nonetheless, he did not enjoy the scene of blood and bone on his left arm. He could not move the shoulder, but his elbow was working fine. Through blinding waves of searing pain, Jericho placed his left hand on the hand grip below the third barrel of his AAAW and his right hand was wrapped around the gunstock and his right pointer finger held the trigger.

“Come and get me you bastards!” Jericho found himself yelling. He was yelling anything he had ever heard in an action movie.

Jericho fired a wave of bullets into the enemy lines and took out four soldiers. Two of the four had their torsos torn from their legs. Another had his chest burst open and the fourth had nearly 30 holes in him, all of these holes went through to the other side and spilled blood on the dirt. This new Jericho felt no remorse or guilt. He felt nothing was wrong with the violence. This was war. There is no reason to feel guilt when an enemy is killed. Then Jericho had a realization.

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors