Chinchilla

Here's the first two chapters of a story I'm working on, personally one of my favorites that I've been working on. My friends have read it and they say it's pretty good, and now I'd like to know what you guys think

Lucifer Bane
Chpt. 1
It was an experiment meant, by all means, to help mankind. To further help man understand the human mind, and how it worked. To help understand the many different personalities there were out there. The help of some of the country's greatest doctors was enlisted. They all thought nothing but good could come out of it. They counted on success.
The one thing they didn't count on, though, was trouble. Little did they know, they were in for more trouble then they ever bargained for. Little did they know, one person would make them all worry for their protection, their safety, and the safety of the entire city. One person held enough power to help, or destroy, everyone.

Who, you may ask, would this person be?
This person was Lucifer Bane.
Lucifer Bane was, upon a first quick glance, a seemingly normal young man. But a longer glance would make you think twice about that assumption. There was a sort of supernatural air to Lucifer, one that made you just wonder just what kind of thoughts went through his head. Made you wonder, what was he plotting?

His looks may have also been considered a bit 'out of the ordinary', as well. His hair was a dark mahogany, a bit on the long side, a bit messy, but not too much. Pale skin, he didn't get much sun after all. He wasn't one to be outdoors too much. Tall, lean, but with a slight musculature. But perhaps, the most peculiar thing about him, what made him seem 'out of the ordinary' the most, were his eyes. They were a golden-yellow, like a wolf's eyes. Oftentimes they even seemed to glow.
He appeared young; in his late twenties or so. He was probably wealthy, he was always well-dressed, and he seemed to stand out in whatever crowd he was in, whether a mob or just one or two people.
But, inside of him, there lay a power, a power so strong, that he didn't even know its full extent. A power he could use for good, or evil.
A power that he couldn't even control fully. A power he kept a secret from everyone. After all, Lucifer wasn't sure if he was good or evil.
The question of whether he was good or evil had been surging through his mind for years, ever since he was very young. Being good, certainly did have its benefits, but being evil was just so, well...fun.
But, little did Lucifer or anyone else know, he was going to find out how good-or evil-he really was.
.................................................. ................................
Dr. Eric Andrews looked down at the stack of papers on his desk. These were the applications of all the people that'd signed up to be part of the experiment. The first day was simple, Have the people fill out a few forms, ask them a few questions, like where they grew up, what they liked, stuff like that.
He shuffled through the papers, looking at all the names as the papers shuffled. He stopped at a random one. Curious, he looked at it. Bane, Lucifer E. Date of Birth: 2/13/79. Hair: Dark reddish-brown. Height: 6 feet, 5 inches. Eyes: Yellow.

"Huh. Yellow eyes. I bet you don't see a lot of those," the doctor said to himself. "Nor do you see a name like that...Lucifer Bane...first name, the name of Satan. Last name, a deadly poison. Strange." The doctor shook his head. It was just a coincidence. He looked where the name of the doctor Lucifer would be seeing, only to see his own name.
Leaning back in his chair, Dr. Andrews sighed. He had a long day ahead of him. A long day, but, he had a feeling Lucifer would make it very interesting.

The doctor yawned. He'd hardly gotten any sleep the previous night. "Perhaps if I just rest my eyes..." he mumbled, closing his eyes. He soon fell into a deep sleep.
"Doctor Andrews? Wake up, sir..." This was the voice of one of the assistants.
"Huh? Oh, I must've dozed off," Dr. Andrews said with a laugh.
"Your patient's here to see you," the assistant said. "His name is Lucifer. Lucifer Bane..."
"Oh, yes yes. Send him in," Dr. Andrews said.

"Already here," the voice of a young British man said from behind the assistant. "I say, what kind of doctor are you, falling asleep at your post? You should be ashamed, Dr. Andrews," the young man scolded.

"You must be Lucifer," the doctor said. "Come in, take a seat," he gestured toward the chair across from his desk as the assistant left the room.

Lucifer complied, sitting down in the seat. The doctor took a better look at him. He was, he had to admit, a bit more unusual looking than he had imagined. Lucifer had to be about the tallest person he'd seen in a while, and his eyes were a bit...scary.

"What are you staring at?" Lucifer demanded.
"Oh! Sorry, Lucifer. It's just that, your eyes..."
"-Are very unusual. Yes, I know. I get that a lot," Lucifer interrupted. "It's the way I was born. Can I help that? No. Case closed."
Dr. Andrews raised an eyebrow. This person was very snippy, he had to say. "Uh...okay. Moving on. Since this is the first day of the experiments, we're going to start off simply, with just some questions."
"Joy," Lucifer muttered sarcastically.
"All right then, first question...where did you grow up?"
"A small town, just outside of Brighton, England," Lucifer said. "It was quite a big house. My family was very wealthy, after all."
"Any brothers or sisters?"
"Well," Lucifer said, scratching his chin. "There was my oldest brother, Alexander. Quite an arrogant thing, if you ask me. Then my older sister, Felicity, who was the nicest to me. I was the third oldest, then I was followed by Juliana. Then, there were my step-siblings..."

"Were your parents divorced?" Dr. Andrews asked curiously.
"Divorced, no. My mother died when I was fifteen. A very tragic event I must say, me and her were very close. My father remarried, and his new wife had four children, from a previous marriage. Suzanna, she was the oldest of them, and my age. She was a dreadful little thing. She hated me and I hated her. The last three were Eric, Sarah and Joseph. They never did me any harm, they were just...there, most of the time."

"I see," the doctor said, taking notes.
"Excuse me," Lucifer said. "Can you make these questions a little less...boring?"
"I get that a lot," Dr. Andrews replied. "I know they're boring. Can I help that? No. Case closed."
Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "You stole that from me."
"Great minds think alike, Lucifer," the doctor replied with a grin.
Lucifer smirked. "I suppose," he said. And you're about to find out how great mine is sooner than you think.

Lucifer Bane
Chapter 2
Lucifer walked up the steps of the old apartment building. That first day at the lab had been boring, nothing but a bunch of questions. He pulled the key to his apartment out of his pocket and opened the door, walking into the dark room. His apartment was gloomy-looking, just the way he liked it. He lit a cigarette and flopped down on the couch and sighed, taking a long drag off the cancer stick. He looked lazily at the swirly puffs of smoke that drifted through the air.

Suddenly, the young man sat up a bit, his eyes glowing an even brighter yellow than they were, the color spreading to the whites of his eyes. He moved his hand slightly, and the smoke formed into a swirling vortex, flying around the room. He smirked, and lowered his hand. The smoke went back to its natural state and quickly disappeared into the surrounding air.
Lucifer's eyes went back to normal and he relaxed himself once again. He did like to use his powers for silly little things like that, for amusement. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. It got so boring being all alone sometimes.
Yes, it is quite boring around here, isn't it? Well, you could make your own amusement, couldn't you, Lucifer? I mean, you have such power...why not use it to say, knock down a few buildings? We both know you have the power to do so. Why don't you?
The voice taunted Lucifer in his mind. He knew it as the voice of an evil spirit, wanting him to use his power to do wrong, to kill, to destroy. The side of evil wants me...as does the side of good...for my power. I could help mankind, or destroy it completely. It all depends on what I use this power for...and if I am good or evil. The thought raced through his mind. Whose side was he on, exactly? "Whose side am I on?!" He woundered aloud. He kicked a pillow before going to his 'thinking place', the balcony of his apartment. He stood on the balcony, looking down at the city. New York was a busy city, and today was no exception. He watched the people and cars bustle about. He knew he could destroy them if he just thought about doing so. Or help them...
He rested his arms on the guardrail and buried his face into them, looking down at the city some more. He could just jump from this height right now, and end this life...No, he couldn't. That would be selfish, and he knew it. But sometimes it was just too much to handle.
He brought his foot up onto the rail, as if he were going to swing over and free-fall, but stopped himself. No, you are NOT going to end your life, he scolded himself. Not that he'd be able to. This power gave him an extraordinary, un-human life force. It would take an army to kill him, at least. He sighed. Why was it him that this power was given to? Why not a ruler of a country, or a politician? Well, a king would abuse the power, and politicians were dishonest enough the way it was, in his book anyway.
He sighed again. "WHY ME?!" He yelled into the sky suddenly, throwing his arms into the air. His scream sent some birds flying. He kicked at the floor of the balcony before heading back inside. He took a bottle of beer out of the fridge and leaped onto the couch, turning on the TV as he did so. Alchohol and pointless televison always seemed to cheer him up. He flipped throught the channels until he finally stopped on a news coverage of a hobo suing a rabbit in Indiana. This was pointless enough, Lucifer decided. Personally he was rooting for the rabbit.
As the channel went to a commercial, Lucifer got to thinking again. Should he tell the doctor about his power? The guy was looking for an interesting mind, after all. Should he tell about his entire life, the truth, that is? He yawned, feeling very tired all of a sudden. He'd have to decide on what to do tomorrow, he needed some rest. Besides, the hobo and the rabbit weren't that interesting.
He walked into his bedroom. He kicked off his shoes and, his eyes glowing and his hand rising ever so slightly, the covers drifted down the bed just enough so that he could get in. He drifted the covers back onto himself before lying down on the pillow. He closed his eyes but couldn't sleep. There were a billion thoughts racing through his mind, both his own and the thoughts of other entities within him, talking to him, persuading him to use his power...It was getting to be too much.
Lucifer grabbed at his throbbing head. "Shut up...shut up, damnit!" he pleaded to the voices in his head. Beads of sweat formed on his brow and he tossed and turned in his bed.
I won't use my powers for evil...I can't, I just can't...
Why not, Lucifer? the entity inquired.
Because...that's not the way I am...it's not me. I won't give in to you.
The voice laughed. Oh, Lucifer. Silly, silly Lucifer. You're wasting your potential. You could have so much more. You could have such power...
No, I won't do it! Lucifer declared in a thought.
This made the voice laugh louder. Oh, maybe YOU won't, but the other side of you may...
Lucifer's entire body went into twitches and convultions as his eyes began to glow. Sweat poured down his face as he felt his control over his body begin to fade. "What...what are you..." Lucifer gasped, he could hardly breathe. His head throbbed and felt like it was about to explode. Slowly, he lost control of himself as the evil inside of him began to take over. He rose, an evil smirk playing upon his features. This was the evil side of Lucifer, the one he hardly ever showed. This Lucifer was pure evil, and ready to wreck some havoc on an unsuspecting city.

Well, that's all I have so far. I'm working on Chapter 3 now.

Sickles

That was very good, I'm looking forward to chapter 3! Your writing kind of reminds me of Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, my two favorite authors. Lucifer is a very well developed character, very interesting.