Jericho's Downfall

i like the story but re-reading it, the dialogue is very uncomfortably cold and forced-sounding and as serenade said, very cliche and the description of Blaise is what i would have thought of in sixth grade though your new idea is better...and the storyline is really just he's captured, he fights, he wins with some special attack he has never unleashed before (can you say YuYu Hakasho?) it is very linear, very cliche, but very accessible. It is easy to understand, to read, and many people will enjoy it because it is something they have seen before...and who doesn't like energy attacks?

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Coltonskinner

DAM U DAVID HASSO HOFF!!!!!!!! The prolouge was actually eddited from the 6th grade V, but the chapter with Jant is still the 6th grade...are they BOTH cliche? or just the 2nd one? (I'm almost going to like completely change the 2 nd post because its a peice of crap lol

__________________
o GOD NO...its back The of unlitmante EVIL! o..U dont think a pen can be evil? well this was SHwuggernuff BEFORE the pen attacked.... HERE is what he looked like after the had its evil way's !!!!!! C IT ISSSSS EVIL!

Jericho's Downfall

well it is a completely original story but the magical aspects are cliche

__________________
if i learned one thing, it is that i learned nothing
<--- me writing
Wars of Jericho
The Spiraling: Power Wars
FullScale
Hardwood Floors

Coltonskinner

ooooh...me hates cliche's...I know for a fact the 2nd little part of the story was verrrrrry bad...I'm going to SEVERELY edit both of em's today i'm stuck at my school for 12 hours because I've missed so many days lol

__________________
o GOD NO...its back The of unlitmante EVIL! o..U dont think a pen can be evil? well this was SHwuggernuff BEFORE the pen attacked.... HERE is what he looked like after the had its evil way's !!!!!! C IT ISSSSS EVIL!