The human brain consists of a force of reality, a field of certainty that holds us and in some sense, binds us. Meaning you are no different from him and he is no different from her. I wont believe that. I cant...

I'm not telling you this as a warning, or am I? I really couldn't tell you, but for now we shall just say I am lining the unstable mind of you, the reader.

My time spent in this so called 'field' seems everlasting now that I have left, yet the fact I was there only became apparent to me a year ago in September when my life was at the bottom of its slippery slope. Living in and out of motels for months on end, drinking in different bars that all looked the same. It had become a routine. An escape from life.

That wasn't the start. In actual fact, its quite far from it.




June 16th 2006

05:12AM

The phone rang twice before I answered. Its the old traditional ringer. I refused to give in to that commercial crap of paying for songs that I'd end up hating.
“Hello?”
“Stevens, they've found another body” he paused. “A girl.”

I had prayed it was over. I begged it to stop, but T.E.F.A wouldn't stop haunting me. My dreams were being haunted by the bodies of innocent victims. I could still smell the stale stench of blood that flooded my dreams. It was like their faces had been branded in my memory.

T.E.F.A was an unsolved case that had closed in the spring of 2002. I worked it till the very end. That's when I gave in and began my routine, handing in my badge the very day it closed.

“Stevens?”
“Your sure it was him?” i asked, waiting in silence.
“Were sure.” I sighed and bit my lip, considering my options, as though I had any. There was no choice in the matter. I had to do it. I had to go back.

I sat up in bed, noticing the gun i had once promised I would never fire as it sat gathering dust on the bedside table. I broke that promise a week later, and again every week after that.