asylum of the red giant - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Akroma · 03-12-2007, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead bunny

Who said he was halucinating?
Its remembering. ;]

also it is the begining, kinda, but w/ flashbacks to his past in the war.

I knew that!!! Yay I was right lol. Sorry, I know we're not allowed to insert random three-word exclamations...uses up space. Bad Akroma!

dead bunny · 03-12-2007, 12:14 PM

But three word sentances are fun. like...
the dog ran. An exelant use of storytelling method and skill!

By the way, which Akroma is your favorite and what do you think of phage?
{just curious}

dead bunny · 03-15-2007, 12:27 PM

Boom!
A log barricade exploded in a brilliant flash of fire. It flew up into the air and began to fall in Adam's general direction. He looked up just in time to see the sharpened, flaming skewers hurl towards him just as a force pushed him out of the path of the oncoming weapons. Adam's face was to the ground and with a groan of pain, he lifted himself up to se his saviors face.
There stood Joey, his platoon sergent, smiling as if what had just happened was an everyday event. He put out a hand to help his private up, which was graciously taken and Adam was pulled to his feet.
"You okay?" Joey asked, still grinning from the adrenaline rush, but reality and concern now shone on his face.
"Yeah" Adam replied, dusting off his cameoflauge jeans and then wiping the soot out of his eyes.
"C'mon" Joey said, his vision turned to the watchtower post then to the woods which would provide stealth and cover for anyone, friend or foe. The smile was gone now, he opened his mouth, "We're not out of the fight yet" and then the two, along with the remnants of the scattered platoon moved towards the metal watchtower.

dead bunny · 03-15-2007, 12:27 PM

Boom!
A log barricade exploded in a brilliant flash of fire. It flew up into the air and began to fall in Adam's general direction. He looked up just in time to see the sharpened, flaming skewers hurl towards him just as a force pushed him out of the path of the oncoming weapons. Adam's face was to the ground and with a groan of pain, he lifted himself up to se his saviors face.
There stood Joey, his platoon sergent, smiling as if what had just happened was an everyday event. He put out a hand to help his private up, which was graciously taken and Adam was pulled to his feet.
"You okay?" Joey asked, still grinning from the adrenaline rush, but reality and concern now shone on his face.
"Yeah" Adam replied, dusting off his cameoflauge jeans and then wiping the soot out of his eyes.
"C'mon" Joey said, his vision turned to the watchtower post then to the woods which would provide stealth and cover for anyone, friend or foe. The smile was gone now, he opened his mouth, "We're not out of the fight yet" and then the two, along with the remnants of the scattered platoon moved towards the metal watchtower.

dead bunny · 03-16-2007, 08:17 AM

The iron foundatioins of the watchtower were covered in shadow by the time the soldiers got to the structure. Adam was the first up the ladder and scurried noisily up the steel rungs. At the top of the ladder, he pulled himself up through the hatch in the floor and ran to the nearest window to watch the forest, as his sergent had instructed. Black shapes moved from out of the treee line at an alarming rate which sped up until the shapes ran full speed from behind the cover of the foliage. The forms took on more describable shapes, men of the enemy forces, their odd scratch-like writing decorated their armor like honors and they sped towards the ground level soldiers.

Akroma · 03-16-2007, 08:40 AM

Cool. Exciting yet frightening at the same time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead bunny

By the way, which Akroma is your favorite and what do you think of phage?
{just curious}

Phage? She's hot, man lol. And kind of broken. Mind you she does cost...what...eight to play for a 4/4? But come on! Any creature she touches dies and any player she touches loses the game! It's obscene! I want one lol.

White Akroma will always be the best. But in terms of artwork I like the red one better. She's got kick ass wings and she looks stunning on the Planar Chaos fat pack boxes! Fighting random Demons with her spear...

dead bunny · 03-16-2007, 04:40 PM

Indeed, but they haven printed any new demons lately other than Liege of the pit & that other thing that came out in timespiral. Its a bit depressing but hey, what can gamers do.
If you've seen the new Akroma than you have gotta see that new Mirri, that thing kicks ass. Its beaten my Dimir, so thats a good enough reason to want one.

Quillpen · 03-16-2007, 06:16 PM

Are you tlaking about Magic? the game? Why, this is a thread about a story? Stay focused people.

cadaver · 03-16-2007, 08:30 PM

this sucks

dead bunny · 03-19-2007, 12:24 PM

what ever... lets just get on witht the tale at hand, shall we?

Adam paniced. The enemy charged hittting the entryway into the bottem of the tower. Joey's head poked up through the hatch and Adam leapt, shutting the metal door on his sergents skull. There was a thud, a crunch and a dozen cries of dismay as the body of their beloved leader crashed through the men on the ladder. A dam quickly locked the hatch and scanned the room for something heavy to put on the portal, a office desk fit the bill and soon, his comraddes began to pound on the door as if their lives depended on it.
They ponded and then there were gunshots, gurgles as his friends and rivals were slain by the heartless foes which attacked the tower with unforseen ferocity, and then the pounding resumed, yewt the pounding was not the same, for it was sounded by enemy hands.
The lone american soldier in the tower knelt and began to cry.

Jericho's Downfall · 03-19-2007, 07:45 PM

not something to be read at night

Crazy_dude6662 · 03-19-2007, 07:57 PM

it was okay, i didnt read all of it as the posts wernt connected and i got bored trying to find the next bit. some bits were confusing and didnt make sense (like him grabbing the club, the way it was worded was confusing, somthing about three heads) and there were alot of spelling mistakes (but then again, i make alot of spelling mistakes lol)

also isnt all writing "100% improv"?

dead bunny · 03-22-2007, 05:22 PM

sorry about the delay... long week.
I want to thank you guys for your compliments and comments, its a pleasure to have your imput on this tale and I would like to respond to the question asked by crazy dude6662. In saying that the story is improv, I meant it as I wrote as I typed the story, so all of this was made up right on the spot, with little editing save for adding more to piece the "spread out" story together.

I plan to add much more to this tale of suspense and horror... so tune in relativly soon for more of the asylum

Crazy_dude6662 · 03-22-2007, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dead bunny

sorry about the delay... long week.
I want to thank you guys for your compliments and comments, its a pleasure to have your imput on this tale and I would like to respond to the question asked by crazy dude6662. In saying that the story is improv, I meant it as I wrote as I typed the story, so all of this was made up right on the spot, with little editing save for adding more to piece the "spread out" story together.

I plan to add much more to this tale of suspense and horror... so tune in relativly soon for more of the asylum

isnt most writing made up right on the spot?

thats generally what i do... i thought most people did it...(maybe im wrong, i hope i am cos if i am it makes it more interesting

)

dead bunny · 03-26-2007, 08:08 AM

sorry again,
anyway, I don't know how many people just jot their ideas down and leave 'em as is. I suppose that its what makes the writing styles authors use unique.