Isonmeh

By request, here is The Maker, but a smaller part. I hope its short enough.

Prologue
It was the year G10317, and there was a world dominated by magic and technology. A world so old that no one knew how things originally began. No one knew a single time when there was complete peace in the universe. Instability was rampant, as of the present the universe was gradually being eaten away by the Crimson Fury. The organization of power hungry beings hid itself in an underground system, striking at the universal government with terrible potency. Strength in numbers did not apply in these times.
Struggling against the Crimson Fury was a single division; The Universal Protection Corps. This was a division of the military, the only thing standing between the Crimson Fury and its ultimate goal of dragging the entire universe under its complete and utter dominance. No one knew who controlled the syndicate, or it’s true size. Its ominous shadow hung over the galaxies, as if waiting for the precise moment to obliterate it’s adversaries.
Wind whipped long strands of golden-copper hair across the face of a young woman, Despere was her name. She stood straight and calm on a green hill, looking to the horizon of a bright blue sky. Then she turned, and disappeared.
Kurin woke panting and startled. Another one of those dreams, he thought. He looked around the dark room for some kind of comfort, but only found a small round window across from him high on a cold steel wall. Through the window a pale moon stared at him, making him feel cold and alone. He grumbled to himself and went back to sleep, fading away into the mysterious abyss of slumber.

“Kurin!” A strict voice filled Kurin’s ears, and he burrowed himself further in his sheets. “Kurin wake up!” Kurin mumbled lazily in protest, and grunted in pain as he felt a sharp punch on the back of his already sore head. Light flooded his eyes as he was pulled from under the sheets and on to the floor.
“I wanna sleep damn it!”
“Fifteen hours should be enough you sloth!” Kurin brushed his dark brown locks of hair to the side and squinted up at a lean girl dressed in a black uniform with her hands on her sides and legs standing firmly apart from each other, expressing an air of authority and military discipline. Her glaring eyes made him cringe.
“I couldn’t sleep, not with the weird dreams I’ve been having.”
“Get up, you’re late for the ceremony.”
He frowned and looked at the small clock that sat on his dusty nightstand. He gaped in frustration.
“But that isn’t going to start in another three hours!”
“You’re going to need the time to get ready. Now as an official commander of the B squad, I order you to get up and prepare,” she retorted. She sniffed the air disapprovingly. “You can start by taking a shower.” Turning her back she left the room briskly, leaving Kurin sitting on the tile floor. Clistis… He knew she meant him no harm, and only wanted the best for him. After all, they have known each other since childhood. She was only four months older than he was, yet so much more mature. She was always looking out for him, trying to the best substitute possible, since Kurin had no parents to take care of him. Now they were both sixteen, Kurin was a cadet while she was already a commander, despite her age.
He got up slowly and stomped heavily to the compact bathroom at the corner of the room and turned on the icy water. Just then, a deep rumble shook the ceiling. He glanced at the window and saw a gargantuan cargo freighter engulf the entire sky as it passed the brilliantly white clouds below it. He had grown sick of those freighters, for they passed every morning.
Kurin breathed heavily as piercing frigid water ran over his spent muscles. He rubbed his shoulder in pain as he dipped his head under the stream of water. He was training the previous day with the one person he hated the most: Eunelys, a Rinian from the planet Ri-Taj. His bloodline was filled with famous magicians, which made him difficult to spar with. He was able to conjure enough aura to penetrate Kurin’s well built barrier by using his signature “silver strike” attack. Kurin had to turn away from the blast, but wasn’t fast enough. The bolt of energy badly grazed his shoulder. Even though he was healed by magic, he still had a bad ache.
They were both cadets of UPC (Universal Protection Corps), a force assembled with all of the galaxies’ finest spell casters, spirtures, alchemists, magicians, and etc. The force was divided into squads of the alphabet, A, B, C, D, and E. Kurin and Eunelys were part of B squad, and Clistis was one of the many commanders, she was also the youngest commander in all of UPC. A small platoon of the B squad was currently stationed at Pontothor, a planet submersed in political chaos. Their purpose there was to restore balance between the Corthia and Teil nations. After five strenuous weeks of negotiating and compromising, the Corthian and the Teil came to an agreement, and a ceremony was to take place in celebration. Kurin did not feel the same enthusiasm everyone else had, he just wanted to leave. That was the only thing he allowed himself to concentrate on.
He was a spirit wielder, a being that uses a spirit’s aid in magical forces. They were extremely rare, since finding and convincing a spirit to join consciences was a process that took no ordinary person. Yet Kurin was different. His spirit, Graitus, was given to him when he was a child. The universal government said that his mother asked them to give it to him when he was ready. The government said she was caught in a battle with the Crimson Fury and died. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find anymore information on his parents. At the age of just one he was given to an orphanage on planet Shosa, where he lived with Clistis and to his resentment, Eunelys. By a strange coincidence, Clistis’ parents were killed by the Crimson Fury, and Eunelys’ parents were killed in a crash involving a malfunctioned machine of some sort.
Kurin was enlisted in UPC when somehow information from the orphanage leaked out about the strange effects Graitus had on him. Kurin was much more stronger than any of the children around him, and somehow knew where to be at the right time. For example, one day on his seventh birthday, he refused to celebrate it outside; complaining that Graitus was pushing him to have it indoors. Later that day, a ship of thieves crash-landed on the exact spot where the birthday was going to be celebrated. Such information brought the attention of the government. When they arrived at Shosa, they also noticed powerful auras from Clistis and Eunelys as well, and insisted on taking them to train in the UPC. Ever since then, no other life existed for the three of them except the life of a soldier in training.
Kurin turned off the water and stepped out. Graitus urged Kurin to hurry. I’m dressing and then I’m going, alright? Graitus’ persistent whining continued. Graitus was a form of a mortelus; a being close to an elf, but also had feathered wings, and ironically was frequently portrayed as a symbol of life among many cultures throughout the galaxies. Bound spirits hid mostly within their owners, and could appear in a physical form if needed. Kurin slipped on his gloves after sliding into straight, black dress pants. Then he buckled on his black jacket over a white shirt.
When he came out of his room, he saw that one of his fellow cadets was waiting. It was Eunelys. Eunelys was exactly his height; six feet. He had a head covered with wavy, silver hair; a trait that the Rinians all possessed. His eyes were silver and arrogant, as if they were illuminated by a moon.

Timeaisis

I read your longer version and I have to say this one is better at keeping your attention. Its easy to follow, and you did a good job at explaining some of the backstory early on so that its clear what is happening.
Great job so far, looking forward to reading more.

__________________
Current Stories:
Dreamer Easy
Comments are very welcome!

cat1010

Excellent story. I read the first Maker and I have to admit I spaced out halfway through. This one held my attention to the end and I'm eager to see more of it. Good job.

__________________
Please critique me and I'll return the favor!
http://www.writingforums.com/fiction...tml#post993618

Isonmeh

alright, then i guess its best to add little by little, huh? as long as there is some interest i will keep posting. this one isn't too long.

“What took so long?” He queried unpleasantly. Kurin scowled at the sight of his face.
“You didn’t need to come, I know were we need to-” Eunelys interrupted.
“Commander Xephula sent me. We’re needed somewhere before the ceremony.” Kurin looked at Eunelys quizzically.
“Where? For what?” Eunelys just rolled his eyes.
“Come on already.” He started walking down the corridor of the make-shift hostel used by the B squad. Kurin followed, and then they exited the corridor and entered a large intersection room that slanted gradually downward on all sides, making a cone shape. The B squad was grouped at the bottom. Five cadets stood around Commander Clistis Gaintz and Su Xephula. Xephula was a woman in her mid-twenties, with short blonde hair and a short temper. She looked up at the two of them as they descended towards the group.
“I know we didn’t actually give a specific time to wake up, but I think that it should be common sense for anyone to wake up early at such an occasion as this, Kurin.” she addressed him not angrily, but firmly.
“My apologies, Commander, it won’t happen again.”
“Alright then, now that we’re all here, let’s go over what this so called ceremony is really about. President Seinman is probably sincere about it, but not the council. They will most likely try to persuade us to help with the rebellion against them, but we’ve done what we came here to do. If any of them approach you, decline their offers. Although, it’s more likely they will come to either me or Commander Gaintz. Also, representatives of the Galactic Bureau of Interplanetary Affairs will be there to survey. Do not embarrass me in front of them.” Her eyes quickly darted toward Kurin. “Not only that,” she continued, “but guests from close orbiting planets will be there too. Try not to mingle with them, we don’t want a mess of things around here. Also, the officials in charge of security need your help. They’ll tell you what needs to be done, so I expect you all to do your job the way you‘ve been instructed. Commander Gaintz and I have gone over the
plans, and we have business to take care of elsewhere. You will go to the main hall officials’ station and meet them there. We’ll join you later at the ceremony.” She stood silent for a second in case there were questions. Then raising her chin, she said, ”Let’s move.” Saluting, the cadets went opposite of the commanders’ direction towards the main hall.
After passing through a series of chambers and corridors of the central building, the seven cadets arrived at the station. It was just a room underneath of an overhang. Inside were three men in uniform. Surrounding them were papers, monitors and on the walls were layouts of the central city. The tallest of the three officials, a bald man, walked towards them and saluted . He looked at each of the cadets carefully.
“UPC sure does recruit some pretty young lookin’ people, huh?” he asked. His tone made Kurin wary, but he didn’t know why. One of the cadets, Terry, stepped forward.
“We were sent to go over security.”
The bald man nodded his head.
“Yep, we’re suspectin’ something’s going to happen at such a gathering as this one.” He gestured them into a door at the end of the office. “Come.” Inside, a short man turned on a holographic projector of the blue print where the ceremony was going to take place. It was a large, spacious, and intricate assembly room. The bald man clasped his hands. “Alright, I want to let you know what to watch out for. We’ll have plenty of our men lookin’, but we need as many eyes as we van get.” He pointed across the table at the hologram. “There are three ways of getting in here. First, is the main entrance, second is this hall, right here.” He pointed east of the room. “It’s connected to the court outside, but I don’t think we’ll be having a problem there. Now the third way is the balcony. We’re basically screwed if anyone penetrates this post because it’s so close to the ceremonial stage. They’ll have a clear shot at any of the presidents or council members. WATCH this area.” He emphasized each word while stabbing his finger at the balcony. “Do this and we’ll be fine. I’ve heard about the great feats UPC has accomplished. This should be a piece of murtle, even for cadets.” He looked into each of their eyes. Kurin noticed his gaze lingered on him a little more than the others. One of the security officials hurried into the room with anxious eyes.

Isonmeh

oops. i posted twice, and ended up with a post box empty. sorry about the inconvenience.

Mystery

Just one thing so far, constant description get's boring, and blatant want for description stands out badly among an otherwise well written piece.
Describing someone as projecting an "air of authority" is bad, for one it stood out as tasteless and broke that small entry for me. For two, it's not something you say someone shows, but rather has. (i.E " There was an air of authority about her"), that is however, my opinion.

Secondly, try to give description off in varying thing's, you describe thing's in third person, make your character speak and give off tips.
(I.E instead of saying what his abilities were or how rare he is, you could make him say "A [definition]... sometimes I wish I was something a little more commonplace, maybe then the commander wouldn't expect so much from me and I could be lazy"). Basically vary your techniques of introducing description or character features, it adds color. It gets tedious to read "He is this and this and that, and has this and that" all the time. Try to give away description as if with reluctance, as opposed to fully portraying something from the get go.


My 2c, enjoying it so far.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Isonmeh

Yes, I knew someone was going to say something about this sooner or later. Its about time too because all this time I was waiting until someone noticed, and mystery hit the spot. He pinpointed my greatest fear, and my weakness. I can't seem to get out of the habit of over describing. My later posts might take slightly longer to finnish because i'll have to spend time revising.

Isonmeh

I don't know whether or not mystery said i was too descriptive of only people, so let me know if it would include description of the setting. also, when it came to actions of Kurin, i edited some things and cut back on some over descriptive and boring monotone descriptions.

“We should be done here sir. We’re needed at the front.” The bald man looked at him and straitened his posture.
“Oh. Well that was just about the shortest meeting I’ve ever had,” he chuckled idiotically. “Alright, let’s go. This wasn’t much of an overview, but you got the basics, which is all you really need. You cadets should go ahead to the assembly room; the ceremony should start in an hour.” He left the office with the other two officials behind him. One of the cadets, Selphia, let out a humored chortle.
“Commander Xephula made it sound as if we were going to go over whole battle plans. All we need to do is keep an eye on the friggin’ balcony.” Eunelys looked at her with hard eyes.
“And that’s exactly what we’re going to do.” the cadets followed him out into the sparkling sunlight. As they did, Kurin frowned at Eunelys’ attitude-which was a normal routine for him- then Graitus nudged his mind.
What is he, the leader?
Kurin grinned. Exactly.
More people filled the streets as the morning approached midday. All of them were too busy to notice the cadets as they made their way across the city. They passed busy market places, monumental buildings, and all kinds of streets and sunny pathways filled with playing children. Before long, the cadets were at the main entrance of the assembly room. A hundred feet away, past silver structures, and under the entrance’s giant arc, there stood Commander Gaintz and Xephula. When they saw the cadets they gestured them inside, and entered themselves. The group scattered as they passed under the wide arc, mixing in with the people inside. The room was embellished grandly and beautifully with ornate drapes on the walls, golden statues which stood next to the fifty foot tall windows, and all other kinds of Pontorian adornments. Next to the dining tables stood noble aristocrats dressed in their finest clothing while talking and sipping cold drinks. There were about a thousand people gathered, some from other planets as well as from the city. Not knowing where else to go, Kurin spotted close to the center of the room Clistis sitting with her legs crossed at one of the round dining tables. He crossed the marble floor, passing around guests. Clistis looked up at him when he approached. He gave her a familiar smile as he sat down next to her.
“It’s about time this ordeal is coming to a close.” He stated while looking at her and scrutinizing her mood. Clistis looked back and nodded.
“Yes, and maybe this will convince others to stop their civil war.” She sighed. “I only hope it was enough.”
“Yeah. I can’t wait to get out of here. Graitus says there’s something that’s… not right about this place.”
Clistis arched an eyebrow in interest.
“Hmm. Must be all the political squabbling that seems to never stop here in Acoscia city. Maybe even all of Pontothor for that matter.” For several minutes they watched more people stream in to the room, until after a time a young man in purple robes climbed up the ceremonial stage at the far end of the room and on to the podium. He called majestically over the voice projector.
“My honorable guests, if you’ll please be seated, the ceremony shall begin.” While everyone moved about to their tables, he clapped his hands twice and instantly small sprites fluttered quickly to every table and laid down the plates and poured drinks and then left as quickly as they came. “Please, enjoy the food, as I give to you President of Corthia, Manus Seinman!” He stepped aside and everyone applauded when the president crossed the stage to the podium, waving cheerfully. Kurin glanced cautiously at the balcony.

Timeaisis

I've enjoyed the story so far. The only suggestion I have is what Mystery said. Try to explain things less without just 'telling' the reader, instead try to 'show' it through dialogue, or even just description of what's going on. You did alot better with that in your last entry.

Besides that, your still holding my attention. Keep up the good work.

__________________
Current Stories:
Dreamer Easy
Comments are very welcome!

Isonmeh

Sorry,there might have been some delay for this post, I tried to improve in the description technique but the beggining intro of the ceremony and president is neccessary, and I couldn't find a way of making it more lively. also, it could be a tad bit longer than the rest of the posts.

The president was a man in his forties, with a straight posture and long, dark gray hair that was bound into a tail behind him. And so did a long and boring process of peace ceremony begin. He proclaimed his gratitude towards the UPC and rejoiced about the peace his country had with Teil. He spoke for about an hour, and after him came President Marcus Graham. He was in his mid thirties, and carried a cool and slightly condescending expression on his face and brown hair that was slid back. His speech was similar, and was just as long. Several times Kurin found himself staring off into space and getting scolded for not paying attention by Clistis. For hours several council members, bureaucrats, nation leaders, and other important figure heads made speeches, signed treaties, and by the time they were almost finished, it was getting late, and the sun had already set. Even though the food kept coming, Kurin had long since been full. Even Graitus announced his boredom. Taking the hundredth look at the balcony, Kurin noticed everything suddenly stirred with moving people as elegant waltz music seeped gently into the room‘s atmosphere. The stage was cleared as a native being with cat-like ears made the closing speech. Around Kurin people started to move forward to the spacious dance floor.
Next to him, Clistis stood up stiffly. She looked at him blankly and extended a hand gloved in white. Kurin stared back in confusion.
“A dance…,”
Kurin stared at the hand and laughed under his breath.
“Oh, I don’t dance commander, you know that.” Her straight expression did not change.
“It wasn’t an offer.” she replied bluntly. Kurin gulped at her words and got up. He awkwardly reached for her hand and together they made their way to the center of the dance floor. She knows I hate doing stuff like this…Clistis turned towards Kurin and placed their hands in the correct dancing stance.
“Don’t forget that you took lessons in case of a covert situation.” she told him quietly.
“A long time ago.” They quickly blended into the rhythm of the music. Kurin found it difficult to keep up with Clistis’ swift movement. When they neared one of the representatives of the GBIA, Clistis sidestepped and spun gracefully under Kurin’s arm and then snapped back into position. Kurin looked at her curiously.
Trying to impress the Bureau, huh? Kurin decided to play along and turned Clistis while striding with large steps. At the fifth step, he brought her towards the floor, holding her two feet above it with one arm. Kurin held her there, noticing that the representative looked with resentful awe. He grinned and brought Clistis back up. She looked at him closely.
“So you’ve caught on.” she smiled, revealing pearly white teeth.
“Yes.”
“Let’s see if you can handle this.” they continued in complicated steps and maneuvers with finely tuned perfection. She tried every move she knew, with Kurin always keeping the pace. The dancers all moved in a weaving motion that seemed to glide. People from all kinds of backgrounds intermixed under the soft glow of the chandeliers above. Then, the musical piece ended in a dramatic conclusion and went on to a more subtle melody. “Well done.”
She said contently.
“Same with you Commander.”
“You know, this reminds me of the days when we had to go to all those pointless balls that were supposed to recognize cadets for their progress. Do you remember when lieutenant Crosser tripped over his own shoe laces while telling us to look professional?” Kurin smiled.
“How could anyone forget? I can still hear him yelling at everyone to stop laughing. That was one of the stupidest and most funniest things I have ever seen. Such a hypocrite.”
“Yeah, back when I was a cadet…” Clistis trailed of wistfully. Although she tried to hide it, Kurin knew what troubled her. Ever since she was moved up from cadet to lieutenant, they were not able to enjoy the “good ol’ days” because she was always involved in the duties of her rank. The one thing she regretted about her constantly-moving status was not being able to spend more time with people her age, like Kurin and Eunelys. And now she felt guilty for abandoning the two. Kurin however, did not feel troubled by this. He felt that Clistis’ success was something that should be considered as positive rather than negative. After all, it was an incredible feat to become a commander at her age. It even caused anger among many in the UPC, they considered it an outrage and absolute lunacy to give such a young person such a rank. Although he had to admit that ever since she had moved on further his experiences at the military academy had been somewhat mechanical and empty.
Clistis looked lost in her own thoughts before looking up at Kurin.
“You know, that night at the garden of Bellchamane; I wasn’t actually able to tell you this then but-” She could not finish her sentence over the ear splitting explosion that rattled the floor with tremendous force. Screams ensued everywhere. Bodies scattered across the air from the east side, from the hall connected to the court outside. Rage filled Clistis’ eyes. She faced Kurin shouting above the cacophony.
“What did the officials tell you?!”
“Watch the balcony!” he shouted back. Clistis’ face paled.

Mystery

The only off part was describing the dance manuevre, otherwise all good.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Isonmeh

yeah, i should have done some research. well here's the first fight scene, and i might have made action seem slow motion with the way i wrote it, but that's up to you to decide. also, please excuse my poor latin(for the magic spells).

“We’ve been fooled!!” Another explosion erupted, cracking the ceiling and snapping the chandeliers’ bonds. The enormous crystals plummeted towards the running and panicking people. Clistis jerked her hands up and bellowed, “Consisto!” The chandeliers stopped in midair, floating as if they were in space. A few meters away cadet Terry yelled towards Kurin and Clistis.
“SHELLS!” As soon as he said this his body burst into thousands of little mangled bits and blood sprayed all over the surrounding area. Kurin jaw dropped for a moment.
“Damn it… Graitus!” he commanded fiercely. A silver mist flew around his body, enveloping it completely. It swirled like a tornado, and immediately swept away. Kurin stood changed with only one feature. His eyes were no longer brown but silver. He was in a temporary state of soul coalescence, which is when a spirit combines with the flesh of it’s wielder. As the remaining people cleared the room, a cruel, mocking laugh came from the demolished eastern entrance.
“Where ya going? You wanna make me lonely?” Commander Xephula along with Selphia and Eunelys ran towards Kurin’s and Clistis’ side.
“They’ve infiltrated the security office.” panted Xephula
“Look!” said Selphia pointing. Kicking aside debris a bald man approached from the eastern entrance. It was the bald man from the officials’ office. He gave the group a maniacal leer.
“Well I’ll be damned, most of you managed to survive.” he addressed them with a cold voice.
“Yes, but according to our numbers, you won’t.” Clistis flung her arm down at the shell. Like lightning he jumped nimbly aside from the chandeliers as a they crashed down near him. Crystal particles flew and showered like rain, none which struck the shell a single time.
“That’s it?” His question was answered with bolts of energy and funnels of fire, all missing their target. He somersaulted in the air like a spinning top and landed in between Eunelys and Xephula. Before they could react he landed a fist in Eunelys’ chest and crumbled his rib cage. As Eunelys flew back the shell spun and made a roundhouse kick, smashing his boot’s steel heal into Xephula’s temple, and so she too flew like a rag doll. Clistis prepared another attack when the shell viciously threw a chair that broke on impact across her head and torso. Kurin looked at Selphia, knowing already that she was thinking exactly what he was. The two of them nodded and Selphia knelt to the floor and hit it with both her palms. Using her shifting technique, she cast a spell.
“Morph per humus, subter supter mihi!” At once her arms melded into one with the floor. It wreathed and quivered, as if it was alive. The shell’s feet were suddenly encased to the floor, and couldn’t move. Kurin swiftly pounced with his enhanced agility. He soared towards the rear of the shell and drove his elbow into its back. It screeched as the elbow bore through the spine and burst out through the chest. Kurin exhaled in triumph when suddenly the shell’s head spun backward, facing him. It gave him a small smile before ramming him with the forehead. He then took hold of a nearby table and heaved it at Selphia.
With Selphia’s contact to the floor broken, the shell freed himself. Kurin was able to stand up quickly enough to draw the shell away from his fallen comrades. Normally Kurin would not have been able fend off the attacks of the shell because of the speed it had, but Graitus’ essence enabled his speed to closely match that of the shell’s. They exchanged blows that would’ve snapped the hardest metals like crackers. Kurin began to lose energy when Selphia stood up and melded with the air. This slowed the shell significantly and Kurin was able to sustain him even longer. In an enormous effort the shell deflected one of Kurin’s fireballs that shot straight up to the ceiling. The already weakened ceiling’s support had begun to fail and crumble, constantly sending large masses of debris crashing and narrowly missing Kurin and the shell. A few meters away Clistis recovered from the chair and refocused her attack. Just as Kurin’s strength failed,a beam of sharp light neatly sliced the shell in two. Clistis walked wearily to the two halves and kicked them angrily.
“Shells,” she muttered. “There’s probably more of them.”
“I’ve already got them,” Xephula rubbed her temple as she rose from the bloody floor. “They were in the form of two security officials, when I killed them I was too late to warn anyone.” She helped Kurin to his feet and searched around the room. “Where’s Eunelys?” A disgruntled reply came from Eunelys several meters away. Cracking could be heard as he repaired his ribs with standard healing techniques.
Together they quietly examined the extent of the damage. The eastern entrance was completely caved in with rubble, while the entire room was filled with debris that fell from the ceiling. Sprawled everywhere were dead corpses. Selphia sighed dolefully.
“Does this mean we’re going to have to stay here even longer?” she asked. Clistis checked a corpse before answering.
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
Kurin’s spirits dampened. How Long?

Mystery

This was well described, but what is a shell?

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Isonmeh

A shell is basically a term that i made up, but got kinda inspired by Ghost in the Shell. it is a lifleess vessel copied from a human and instead of the original soul there is a corrupt spirit that enhances the abilities of the vessel. a spirit can change shells (vessels) by a technique that will much later be explained in the story. well here is the beginning of chapter two. (by the way, a great big thankyou for you guys that are following along, I appreciate it)



“I’m sick of this. I don’t want to be here any more. Are you listening?” Selphia spoke to Kurin. They were both having a break in metal stools outside of a café next to the bustling main street. Kurin was thinking about how to best solve the problem at hand: the two nations suspected each other of setting up the attack, and were at each others’ throats. He had hoped with all of his might that they would leave ever since they came, and now it was uncertain if anything would be resolved. He turned his attention to the impatient girl.
“What?”
“I said I’m sick of this.”
“Well, I think that’s just about everything you’ve been saying these past thirty minutes.”
“But no, seriously. No joke. I want to just scream.”
“Go ahead, I think that’ll really get everyone to calm down.”
Selphia ignored him and sipped furiously at her sweet drink. Kurin thought about what the council was planning on doing to keep itself afloat. It had been just twelve hours after the attack had occurred and already people have begun waging war. The council had suffered twice the amount from the rebellions as it had before, and all this just made it worse for the B squad. On top of all of this, Kurin and Selphia were given the job of watching the main street for any outbreaks.
“What did you and…” said Selphia after a minute.
“What?”
“…Never mind.” Selphia looked at the sky distractedly.
“Are you thinking about Terry?” Kurin had always known that they were two inseparable buddies. He could only imagine the pain she was going through.
“No. I try not thinking about that.” Her eyes misted slightly. “It’s just that, all of this seems wrong. Don’t you get that that feeling?”
“Yeah, and I think that everyone else has that exact same feeling…. If the enemy was able to get past defenses so easily, what’s there to stop them from attacking anyone they want when they want?”
“We’re going to end up spending the rest our lives looking for whoever’s pulling the strings.”
“Don’t worry too much. You’re forgetting that we’ve got Commander Gaintz.” A disturbance made both of them look. A yell broke out somewhere amid the movement of the passing vehicles and people. Kurin and Selphia both stood instinctively from their seats to be ready.

Mystery

Its going good, you should try putting in a bit more about terry and selphia to add the human part to the story.

Im starting to get dissapointed that no one comments on my works t.t*hint hint*

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.