Sherwood:The begining - Page 3 - Writers Forum

amprinov · 02-26-2007, 11:40 PM

This is the rest of Chapter 2 of Sherwood: The begining.
--------------------------------

Fawn awoke from a deep sleep, she’d been having some sort of nightmare about a dragon and an evil witch named Gullveig. She had been sweating so profusely that the sheets were soaking wet. “This is just great, Felix!” She said to her cat who was sitting on a chair next to the bed. “I’m going to have to sleep on the floor now,” Fawn got up off of the bed and set up a blanket and a pillow on the floor. Felix meowed and jumped down from the chair. He took his place on the bed where Fawn had been laying.

Fawn rolled her eyes as Felix meowed at her, his yellow eyes seemed to be glowing. It wasn’t as dark as it was when she got there at 10pm the night before; Fawn looked at the clock it was 6:17am. “Whoops, Felix we better start getting ready to leave. We still have to make it past Cape Girardeau before sunset, and we have to be in Springfield, Missouri before tomorrow afternoon… I better get some energy drinks at the gas station,” Fawn said to her cat.

Felix rolled around on the bed and hopped off, he trotted over to the door and sat down, waiting for Fawn to pick him up and put him in the car. Fawn went to the bathroom to shower and brush her teeth. She wondered how Angie and Greg had reacted to the letter for the first time since she actually wrote it. She hoped that they weren’t angry with her… but soon she realized that they probably were and seriously contemplated going back.

After deciding that finding where she came from was more important then Angie and Greg right now, Fawn finished getting ready. “Time to go Felix,” She said picking up her meowing cat. She made her way towards the small parking lot, looking around she noticed that there were only 2 cars besides her own. “Hmm, this must not be a popular place to stay… maybe I should keep it that way… you know, keep a low profile,” She said opening her car door tossing her bags inside. “Meow,” Felix yawned and jumped out of Fawn’s hands, making himself a bed on her bags.

Fawn went around to the driver’s side of the car and jumped in. As she started the car she thought of her dream. Soon she shoved the nasty thought from her mind, and all she thought about now was finding where her birth parents lived. An overwhelming feeling came over Fawn; she sank down into the seat. She wished that she was with her parents, her biological parents. She had never wished so hard in her life about anything before. Felix jumped into Fawn’s lap, and she became dizzy. “Maybe, we should stay… Felix.” Fawn yawned and rubbed the cat’s ears. “No,” he said, “it’s time to go.” Fawn blacked out and when she awoke she wasn’t in her car anymore.

mashowasho · 02-28-2007, 09:47 AM

I think the main thing you could do here is to expand on your ideas. For example, you only had one line about her dream!

Also, maybe you could say a bit more about things like how Angie and Greg felt and whether that made Fawn feel guilty, and also the last line is a bit sudden. Maybe you describe her as she wakes up and her thoughts as she realises she isn't in her car anymore. Stuff like that.

Don't give up!

Mid-evil Fanatic · 02-28-2007, 03:06 PM

Yeah, I agree with her^ And just little stuff that's not really worth pointing out, stuff like, I've never had a dream so realistic that people had names that I had never heard before, and even if they did I'd never remember them. But I guess I could just be ignorant, could be a thing that comes up later, another clue

haha. So am I right to assume that this is a rough draft and you mean to meat it up later? Or is this pretty much the fininshed product?

Mid-evil Fanatic · 02-28-2007, 03:06 PM

Yeah, I agree with her^ And just little stuff that's not really worth pointing out, stuff like, I've never had a dream so realistic that people had names that I had never heard before, and even if they did I'd never remember them. But I guess I could just be ignorant, could be a thing that comes up later, another clue

haha. So am I right to assume that this is a rough draft and you mean to meat it up later? Or is this pretty much the fininshed product?

Mid-evil Fanatic · 02-28-2007, 03:07 PM

(')_(') oops double post

Mid-evil Fanatic · 02-28-2007, 03:07 PM

(')_(') oops double post

Aterin™ · 03-04-2007, 08:32 PM

Hey hey amp. Other than needing to be alittle more descriptive your doing a great job. Look forward to seeing more.

amprinov · 03-11-2007, 01:48 AM

Sorry guys! I really am tring to write as much as I can. I've just been really busy lately. Also this is just a rough draft and I'm not going to be putting the finished product up until later. I just needed some tips on how I can make it better for the finished draft. Like a peer edit in English class. Lol

amprinov · 04-07-2007, 03:35 PM

I'm still working on Chapter 3.. its so hard to work on the book and homework at the same time.. I'm gonna get it done though.

Vee · 04-08-2007, 10:58 PM

1. The Sherwood title did draw me in thinking of Robin Hood
2. I read the first chapter and liked it. I will come back and read the second later
3. If the title was Fawn's Journey or something similar, there is a chance I would not have read it. Simply put, I like the title 'Sherwood'.

Mid-evil Fanatic · 04-18-2007, 12:58 PM

Well, it's been a while. But I don't see anything new! Ah! Sad!

amprinov · 05-10-2007, 09:35 AM

This is just part 1 of chapter 3 since you guys really were waiting for it, I just decided to give you a little taste. I expect to get a lot written today because I stayed home sick from school and I don't have any homework for once! But here it is!
************

“FELIX?” Fawn cried out as she looked around the world she had suddenly popped up in. She heard a soft pitter patter and whirled her head around to see what was making it. Felix was crouched over; he looked like he had been spun around several times. His fur was messy, his eyes seemed to dull, and he seemed to be morphing into some unknown creature. “Felix? Is that you?” Fawn asked. Felix stood on his hind legs; a yellowish light surrounded him, “Yes Fawn, it is me”.

Fawn stared at him with a surprised look on her face, He can talk? My cat can talk? This can NOT be happening! And where the heck am I? I was in my car 2 minutes ago! WHERE AM I? She thought to herself. Felix rolled his eyes at her, he hadn’t expected her to take it well but not like this. She couldn’t even talk; she was just sitting there. Maybe I should explain this all to her so she can understand it, he thought.

“Fawn? Do you feel any different now that you’re here?” He asked her nervously. He had never had to explain anything so serious before. He wasn’t sure if he could do it right. “Yeah, I’m kind of dizzy if that counts.” She stood up as she spoke, “H-h-how can you talk? Where am I? Where is my car? How did I get here?” Fawn looked around as if she suspected someone watching from the forest they stood next to. “Relax; let me explain this all to you. You’ll never get anywhere if I don’t” Felix said more calmly now.

“Okay, it all started about 17 years ago… the year before you were born. It was here in this land, Sherwood.” He turned and sat on a large rock facing Fawn. “Now, I know you’re a little more then surprised about this whole thing, and the reason why I can talk is because… well I’m not a cat. I’m actually a fairy… as hard as that is to believe… here I’ll show you!” Felix or whatever this fairies name was stood up from the rock that he… she… or it was sitting on. It spun around three times and then a pinkish mist surrounded it. When the mist subsided a small green and gold fairy stood there panting as if transforming into its natural form was taking a great deal of energy out of its little body. The fairy collapsed onto the rock, it had obviously been lacking in energy since the moment they entered Sherwood. “Felix,” Fawn said sounding a little more cautious then worried, “Maybe you should rest.” The fairy looked up at Fawn with a small grin, “It’s alright Fawn. By the way you should probably start calling me by my real name, Nixie.”

Fawn giggled, this whole time she had felt more at home then she ever had before in her entire life. She felt like she belonged here, but she also felt increasingly curious about what Nixie had been trying to explain to her before she completely morphed into her true form. “So, why are we here?” Fawn asked Nixie. Nixie looked pleased; she had wanted Fawn to show a little interest and while her interest now was pure curiosity she was sure that Fawn would come around and see that this is where she was meant to be. “Well… you wanted to meet your birth parents right?” Nixie said. Fawn just nodded, she had told her that a few times but didn’t think that Nixie had actually understood that. “They live here, but first I must explain a few things to you.”

“Like I said it all started about 17 years ago,” Nixie said, “Gullveig and her evil minions stole the crown from your father and mother the year of your birth. Faylinn didn’t want you growing up in this land because of that, Gullveig is evil and she would have devoured you like she is this land. This whole world will be destroyed in a few years if we don’t do something about it! Fawn, your mother and father still live in the Castle because Gullveig had all the towns creatures build her one of her own!” Nixie pointed to a tall mountain about 300 miles from where they stood, Fawn saw what looked like a castle. “Oh,” Fawn said, she looked around… where had she heard the word Gullveig before? But she wasn’t curious enough to ask about it just yet she first wanted to know whose choice it was to send her to earth. “Who is Faylinn?” Nixie sighed, “It’s your mothers name.”

This is all so weird, Fawn thought to herself. She never realized that her parents lived in a whole different world then she did, until now at least. What was pure curiosity now turned into pure interest. “So… if you’re a fairy, what does that make me?” Fawn asked impatiently. Nixie took a deep breath, she had forgotten that she didn’t know yet that she wasn’t human. “You’re… you… you’re an elf Fawn”. Fawn swallowed hard she had expected her to say, ‘Your human what else would you be?’ but the reality was, she was happy about it. She finally knew why she felt like she never belonged all her life.
*************
I'll get the next part out as soon as I can, which will probably be later today... sit tight!